“Not much of one,” he said in a hoarse whisper.
“I should have known you had to have had at least one good friend. It seems Jeanette has filled that place for you.”
“I met her soon after I arrived at the campground. She was at the diner and came over to introduce herself. She said she was alone and...lonely. I could relate.”
Carrie disregarded his explanation with a flippant wave of her hand. “You once told me you didn’t live here as a monk. This is no surprise really.”
“Will you let me finish?”
She shrugged. She already knew how this story would end, and she wanted to hear no part of it.
“When I came here I was tense, trying to unwind. I would have done anything. Jeanette said she could see the pressure building inside me. She said she could help.”
“How nice that she was able to,” Carrie said.
“Look, I’m not going to lie to you,” Keegan said. “The whole situation escalated. It just happened, and darn it, Carrie, it felt good to talk to a woman again. It felt good to be touched. Did I love her? No. Not even close, but for a time I needed her, and then, even when I didn’t need her so much anymore, I didn’t send her away.”
Carrie swallowed the lump in her throat. “The life of a hermit isn’t really so bad, is it, Keegan?”
“Carrie, please...” He reached for her hands, but she stepped back. “Jeanette didn’t change my life. Each time when she left, I was happy to see her go. I could go back to work, back to being the anonymous, quiet guy who lived in the campground.”
“So you used her?” Carrie said.
“We used each other. We never established claims one on the other. We never talked of a future. It was a sort of relationship, I guess you could say, but it never went beyond...”
Carrie held up her hand. “I get it, Keegan. It’s fine. I don’t need to hear any more details, and you certainly are not obligated to tell me any.”
As if noticing the tablet in her hand for the first time, he tried to take it. “Let me see what you’ve done.”
She clutched the papers to her chest. “Not now. I’m tired. If you don’t mind, I’m going into the bedroom to lie down for a few minutes.”
“Okay. Do that. I’ll call you when dinner is ready.”
“I’m not hungry. Fix it for yourself.”
She went into the bedroom intending to stay there until morning.
Four years earlier...
“I’m going to give you one solid piece of advice, Carrie.”
Carrie sat down next to the woman she’d come to admire since she’d arrived at the remote location. Virginia Marcos had been with the Forestry Service for twenty years. She had requested the locale in the dense forest of northern Minnesota and had stayed for years. Virginia was happy here. She was a true forest native. Now Carrie had been assigned to the place for a short period to complete her training.
Anxious to hear what her mentor would tell her, Carrie said, “What is it?”
“Don’t date any of the guys in the Service, at least not the ones who are stuck here in the wilderness.”
Carrie almost laughed out loud. “Why not? They’re all so nice.”
“No, they’re not, not all of them. And I’ve seen you at lunch with Jack Martin.”
“Are you telling me that Jack isn’t a nice guy?”
Virginia rested her chin in her hand. “I don’t like to speak ill of anyone in the Service, so let me just say that he has something of a reputation.”
“Oh, well, you mean he’s dated a lot? I don’t mind that. It’s understandable. He’s very good-looking, and women seem to like him.”
Virginia chuckled. “Oh, they do, honey. They do. Until...” She tapped her finger on the table. “Choose wisely, Carrie. I’ve warned you. That’s all I can do.”
Carrie hadn’t dated anyone seriously since Jeff, and she was ready to take a risk. She was lonely and fearful that she would never find the happiness her sisters had. She knew she had hang-ups about men. Maybe Jack was just the guy to help her through those. He was charming and rugged, and shared the same interests Carrie had.
She accepted the first few dates with him and couldn’t find any reason to heed Virginia’s warning. She and Jack went to movies and diners. They hiked along the local rivers. They fished for trout in clear streams. They kissed and held hands and sat long hours on the porch of Carrie’s temporary employee cabin while Jack played the guitar.
When he asked her to spend a weekend camping with him, she carefully considered the implications of that invitation. She explained to Jack that she didn’t know if they had gone together long enough for that kind of adventure.
“Hey, we’re both adults,” he’d teased. “I think we can spend a couple of nights in the wild.”
“As long as we don’t get too wild,” she’d said.
“I understand,” he’d assured her. “You bring your sleeping bag and I’ll bring mine.”
Carrie was only a few hours into the weekend trip when she started to regret accepting the invitation. Jack seemed to find the most isolated locations in the woods. He wasn’t satisfied to cozy up to a fire. Instead his hands roamed freely over her parka. Carrie had forestalled any advances with gentle warnings and stern reminders of her qualifications in accepting the weekend date.
When they returned to the training site, Carrie hurried to the door of her cabin.
“Look, Carrie, I’m sorry,” he said, stopping her from going in. “I should have known you weren’t ready for an intimate relationship. You told me often enough. But to be honest, all I could think of was getting closer to you. I hope you won’t let this weekend spoil what we have. You’re the girl I want, Carrie. I feel like I’ve waited my whole life for you, and I don’t mind waiting a little longer.”
And so she accepted another date. This time they went to a roadhouse where Jack seemed to know many of the patrons. When she went to the restroom, Carrie overheard several girls talking through the bathroom stalls.
“Jack’s got a new one.”
“She’ll learn soon enough.”
“Are you talking about me?” Carrie had asked when they came out. “What is it I’ll be learning?”
The girls faltered a moment, but then opened up. “We’re members of the Jack Martin has-been club,” one said.
“He’s only interested in sex,” another warned. “Don’t take Jack at his word.”
Carrie looked from one to the other of the group. “And you all know this firsthand?”
One of the girls laughed. “Yeah. We were all new to the camp like you are now. You seem like a nice kid, so of course you can do what you want, but you’re the catch of the day, and Jack’s likely to throw you back when the next recruit comes along.”
Carrie returned to her table and asked Jack to take her home.
“What’s going on?” he asked when he dropped her off.
She told him what she’d heard, being careful not to sound judgmental. After all, everyone was different as far as values and choices were concerned. Jack immediately became angry, calling the girls at the roadhouse unflattering names and accusing Carrie of childish behavior.
She never went out with Jack again, and when they ran into each other, as they often did, he would always ignore her. Within two weeks he had another girl on his arm...
Carrie pulled the throw at the end of Keegan’s bed to her shoulders and punched her pillow. She’d become so comfortable with Keegan. There had been no games, no dating disasters, no attempts to coerce one person into doing what the other wanted. Keegan had been sullen at times, but Carrie had never questioned his honesty. She’d begun to hope that maybe, finally, this man would be the one she could give herself to.
She was thirty years old, and she’d never... Maybe she never would. Maybe
her hang-ups about guys would keep her from ever having a happy ending in her life. Keegan didn’t owe her an explanation for his past, and yet still she was disappointed in him. They’d grown so close, and yet while she’d been in his yard, a few steps away, he’d had his arms around another woman. He’d admitted that their relationship went far beyond friendship.
Nothing was more important than trust. She trusted Keegan more than anyone she’d known outside her family. Maybe she shouldn’t have. Maybe she should never trust anyone. Maybe she should accept that she would never be ready to commit to a man.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
“YOU’RE DOING GREAT, CARRIE,” the physical therapist said the next morning. He stood beside her as she took a few tentative steps across the cabin floor. This was the first time she’d attempted to walk more than a foot or so without the boot.
She winced slightly as a pain shot up her calf.
“Too much?” the therapist asked. He grabbed her arm. “Don’t rush it.”
“No, Lou, I’m fine. Really.” She silently berated herself for showing weakness. She had to convince the therapist that she was ready to drive.
Lou led her back to the sofa and made sure she was safely seated. “Minor pain is normal,” he said. “You’ll see the doctor next week, and I’m guessing he’ll let you resume all your regular activities soon.”
“And I can throw this boot away?” she asked.
“If he okays it, sure.” He smiled. “Maybe you should keep it just in case you run into another snowdrift.”
“I’m never doing that again,” she said. “Trust me.”
Lou stuck out his hand. “It’s been great working with you, Carrie, but I’m going to send in my final report on you. Just keep doing the exercises I showed you, and you’ll be fine.”
Carrie shook his hand. “Thanks for everything, but before you go...”
“Yeah? What is it?”
“I really feel as good as new,” she said. “Honest opinion...what do you think would be the harm in rushing this recovery a bit?”
His brow furrowed. “What do you mean, ‘a bit?’”
“I’m ready to drive now. I know I can. I’ll be careful.”
“You mean today?”
She nodded.
“What’s the matter? Isn’t your husband taking you where you need to go?”
She bit her lip to keep from correcting the lie she’d told. “That’s not it,” she said. “I have work to finish up in Michigan. I have to go there, and I feel confident I will make it with no problem.”
Lou sat down beside her. “If you’re expecting a recommendation, Carrie, you can forget it. I saw the pain you experienced a few minutes ago. You’re not ready. You might not be ready in a week. A doctor has to advise you on that, not me.” He remained silent a moment. “What’s your hurry? Why do you want to get out of here so badly?”
“I told you. It’s my work.”
“Everything’s all right here at home?”
“Of course.” She hadn’t handled this well. She hadn’t intended to raise alarm bells. “Don’t worry about it, Lou. I’ll be patient.” For another few hours anyway while I pack up.
“Patient about what?” Keegan asked, coming in the back door. “How’d she do today, Lou?”
“She did well, but she’s talking about driving already.”
“Really?”
“Claims she’s got some pressing work in Michigan.” Lou stood, looked at Keegan. “It’s not a good idea for her to drive, Mr. Breen. We’ve come a long way in a few weeks, and she’d be putting our progress at risk if she tries too much too soon.”
“She’s likely got a case of cabin fever,” Keegan said. “Can’t blame her for that.”
Lou put on his jacket. “Nope. It’s lonely out here in the winter.” He opened the door. “You folks take care now. And Carrie, I expect you to do the right thing.”
Lou closed the door, and the room was filled with an awkward silence. Carrie looked around for something to read or fidget with or basically command her attention. And then Keegan spoke.
“When were you planning to leave, Carrie?”
She stared up at him. “Today. I’m quite able to. Lou is just being cautious. My car is fixed. I’m fixed. There’s nothing to keep me here any longer.”
“Nothing except a broken leg.”
“I told you. It’s fine. I can drive.”
He began pacing. “You might be able to, it’s true. You might start out fine, drive an hour or two and then stop because the pain has gotten so bad. Or you might have to brake suddenly, and your injured leg won’t cooperate with the stimulus from your brain, and you could end up rear-ending somebody at sixty miles an hour.”
“You paint a very negative picture,” she said.
He stood still, spread his legs. “Look, I know you’re upset with me. I don’t know what you think you saw through the back-door window, but...”
“It doesn’t matter,” she said.
“It does matter. You think I kissed her, and I didn’t. But I can’t blame Jeanette. She was just behaving as we have in the past. But that was then, this is now.”
He looked into her eyes, obviously waiting for a reaction. She maintained a stony indifference.
“This is nuts,” he said, pacing again. “I feel like a teenage boy who’s been caught behind the bleachers. I’ve had women before, Carrie. I’m forty-one years old. I’ve been around the block. I shouldn’t have to make excuses for the way I’ve lived.”
“No, you shouldn’t. And I shouldn’t make excuses for why I’m leaving tonight.”
“You’re not leaving. That’s ridiculous.”
“You can’t keep me here if I want to go. I appreciate all you’ve done for me. You have been a considerate and helpful friend...”
“Friend? I thought we’d determined that of all the things we are to each other, friend isn’t the only one.”
He seemed on the verge of anger, and she couldn’t help feeling a small victory inside. Maybe he wasn’t too stoic to feel emotional hurt. “I’m sorry, but that’s how I think of you.”
“Does a friend kiss you the way I do? Does a friend put his arm around you and hold you close? Does a friend make you feel how I make you feel?”
The answer to all those questions was no, but Carrie couldn’t admit to the emotions churning inside her. No one had ever kissed her or held her like Keegan had. Keegan, with his maturity and strength and experience. He could have been the serious partner she’d always wanted. But her eyes had been opened yesterday. Jeanette made her face the truth—that Keegan had lived too differently from her. He’d lived fast and recklessly, without ties and probably without conscience. Carrie had never lived that way. She couldn’t any more than Keegan could follow her path.
“Carrie, I told you once that you baffled me, and it’s true. Do you know how many times I’ve thought about the day you would leave here? And each time I wondered how I could go back to the way things were. I don’t know what’s going on between us, but something is. You’re not like any woman I’ve spent time with.
“The point is...being with a woman like you is like treading water in the middle of the ocean to someone like me. I know I want to live. I know I want to grab on and not let go, but I’m not sure which direction to take or where I’ll end up.”
He picked up her hand from her lap and rubbed the knuckles with his thumb. “You can’t blame me for not knowing how someone like you might fit into my life. And you can’t blame me for the women who have been in it before you showed up.”
She stared into his clear green eyes. “You keep saying ‘someone like me.’ What does that mean, Keegan? What is it about me that confuses you? I’m about as simple as any person could be. And you...you’ve done so much in your lifetime.”
&n
bsp; “That’s just it,” he said with sadness in his voice. “It scares me to think that maybe I’ve done too much. But I think we owe it to each other to see where this might go. First, though, you’ve got to forgive me for having a past.”
He chuckled softly. “Heck, you’ve pointed out to me often enough that you’re not a child. You’re thirty years old. I’m sure you’ve had your share of boyfriends and relationships. You’ve had experiences with men. A woman doesn’t get to be your age without leaving a few broken hearts in her wake. There must have been many men who’ve loved you and you loved back...”
He stopped talking. His gaze sharpened and fixated on her eyes. His jaw dropped just slightly as he drew in a long breath. She knew what he was thinking. Her features must have given her away.
“Carrie, you have been in relationships before, right? I mean, serious ones? You have... You’re not inexperienced in...”
He took his hand from hers, sat back and stared. “Help me out here, Carrie. Tell me you’re not a...”
She began frantically groping for the end table. “Get my inhaler. I’m having an asthma attack.”
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
WITHIN A FEW minutes Carrie had calmed enough to let Keegan lead her to the bedroom. But those first few minutes had frightened him almost as much as the most terrifying bombing activities in the Middle East. There was nothing he could do. In a situation like this, her lungs simply didn’t work, and he was helpless to alleviate her suffering. For the first time, he could see her father’s point in wanting to safeguard her. What father could stand by and watch this happen to his child?
Luckily, she knew what to do. She took steps to open her airways and didn’t argue when he said she should rest. Keegan took off her shoes and socks, loosened her blouse a few buttons and tucked her into bed.
“I’m going to get you some water,” he said when she seemed to be out of danger.
“That would be helpful. Thanks.”
Rescued by Mr. Wrong Page 16
