by Bellus, HJ
“Drink this.” Clover tenderly hands him a water bottle and sets it on the side of the bed, watching him. Her hand rests on his wrist, and I know she’s feeling his pulse. Every move the woman makes is filled with tender love and care. She’s a natural at her job.
I let my head slowly fall to the door jamb and continue to watch the interaction between the two of them.
“I think my boy is in love with you.”
Clover giggles and then shoots a quick glance over in my direction.
“How do you know?”
“I can see it in his eyes. Take care of my boy.”
“I will, but he’s tough enough to do that on his own.”
“Marvel deserves love and to be happy. That boy has done nothing but live in the shadows of his older brothers and work his ass off.”
“I know.” Clover glances over to me from her seat on the bed. Granddad’s face is blocked, leaving me only with hearing his voice.
“He loves you.”
She giggles lightly at Granddad’s insistence.
“I’m going to let you get some sleep and hang around for a bit to make sure you sober up, but I have a secret to tell you.”
“What?”
“I fell in love with Marvel from the day you started telling me stories about him, and then fell even harder the night I found him and was able to bring him home to you.”
Clover keeps her eyes on Granddad while she talks but knows damn well I heard each and every word. If even possible I just fell harder for her. She remains in the same spot for several minutes even though their conversation is over, and it’s not until I hear light snoring that she rises from the bed and tiptoes toward me.
I snag her by the waist, dragging her into me until she collides into my chest. The final wound of mine healing on my chest zings in pain, but it’s just a mere reminder of just how much she’s touched my life. She holds her finger up to her lips, hushing me.
I only smile and then try to pull her even closer into me until her scent assaults all of my senses. I don’t miss the bulge in my pants that grows, causing me slight pain.
“I love you too, Clover.”
19
Clover
“I used to think the hospital is where my heart was, but this ranch and this.” I ride next to Challis on her horse and they match each other stride for stride.
“It’s definitely a way of life I wouldn’t trade for anything.”
“I think I’m ready.” I glance over to her from the back of my horse. “I’m ready to ride with the big dogs.”
We both laugh at our inside joke. After weeks of riding with Challis, I’ve graduated from training wheels to my big girl pants and finally have enough confidence to ride with Marvel.
“And by big dogs, I only mean Marvel. It will take another twenty years before I have enough courage to ride with or around Merek.”
“Oh, that man.” She lets out a long breath and slumps her shoulders. “I don’t know what I’ll do with him. His spirit is too strong willed.”
“What do you mean?”
“He’s going crazy. Wants to go to more rodeos, hit the road again. He has a thirst for a gold buckle and nothing is quenching it.”
“I’m sorry, Challis.”
“I told him as soon as Ella’s babies are born, Granddad is healthy again, and the same with Marvel, that we’d be on the road.”
“Are you going to rodeo as well?”
“No.” She shakes her head again with her silhouette on horseback growing even sadder. “I might barrel race again someday.”
“Why not rope?”
She goes on to explain to me that there’s no roping in pro rodeos for women like what she does at the local rodeos. I know her reluctance to barrel race and her heartbreak with her horse. Teebaby was actually the first horse I grew comfortable around, being able to brush him and feed him snacks.
“Well, I’m ready to race again and even have a horse I want to run on, but I won’t be on any high powered horse for at least a good nine months.”
Instantly I tug back on the reins, bringing my horse to a dead stop. “You’re pregnant?”
She only nods as a single tear rolls down her cheek.
“Challis.”
She continues walking her horse toward the barn, and I kick mine into a slow trot. She’s off the horse and in the barn before I can get to her.
“Challis, are you okay?”
When she turns to me she’s in a full sob. I react and wrap my arms around her, letting my shoulder catch all of her tears.
“Do you not want a baby?”
She takes a few moments before she slows her breathing and begins to contain her sobs.
“I want a baby more than anything. It’s just that on days like this I miss my dad more than anything in this world and want him by my side.”
“Oh, I get that.” I fiddle with the hem of my shirt as I remember all the times I’ve missed mine and shed so many tears.
“I haven’t told Merek yet.”
I really have no words, so I just stay by her side and help her unsaddle her horse and then mine. I listen to her, because right now that’s what she needs in this moment.
“It’s like when everything in the world is right, something blows it all to shit. Kicking ass on Teebaby, and then, bam, our accident. We settle in here and I regain my confidence to race on a new a horse, and, bam, I’m pregnant. Merek will get to live out his dream, and I’m happy for that. This is just all so new.”
“You’re just overwhelmed, but know you can always talk to me, Challis.”
“I know.” She leans on me as we both walk out of the barn together, making our way to Granddad’s porch.
“When’s Marvel supposed to be back?” she asks.
“He said a couple of hours. He went to visit Weston at the cemetery. Well, I guess you know that since both of his brothers went with.”
“That’s huge for him.”
“I know.” And now this time it’s me shrugging and growing sad by each second that ticks by.
“Okay, your turn. What’s up?”
“He just won’t let me in and I want to help him.”
“They’ve kept me out too. I mean, I know some but not everything. It’s their way of protecting us girls.”
“I guess, but I just want to help him heal through some of the hurt and guilt. Some days he’s so bogged down by it.”
Challis’ face immediately turns frightened.
“It’s not bad, and there’s more good days than bad, but it still hurts, you know.”
My phone goes off in my pocket, and when I pull it out I see a goofy picture of Marvel covering the screen. He’s in my California sweater with one of my beanies on. When all the noise in the world turns off he’s quite the goofball, and that’s the Marvel I love.
“Were your ears burning?” I ask.
“Hey, good looking.”
“What’s up?”
“I ran into Hailey at the cemetery.”
“Hailey?” I rack my mind trying to recall a Hailey.
“She and Weston were a thing, and, well, she’s pregnant. Very pregnant.”
“Okay.”
Challis air waves to me, trying to get information, and I just shrug.
“The boys and I are going to take her out for dinner.”
“Is it Weston’s baby?”
“Yeah, she’s not doing too hot.”
“Okay, that’s fine, babe. How are you holding up?” I really don’t even have to ask the question because I can hear it in his voice.
“I’ll be fine.”
“I love you, cowboy.”
“Love you too.”
He ends the call with no more talking. My heart aches for him, and I yearn to be there for him but know he doesn’t want me there. I’ve never been so thankful for Merek and Maverik in this moment.
“Wow, you should consider that a huge accomplishment.”
“What?” I stop walking and turn to Challis, truly dum
bfounded.
“That you got a Slatter to say I love you. Now that’s a huge accomplishment.”
It definitely hasn’t been easy or something I ever want to go through again, but something I’ll take because this end prize is so amazing and sweet. I’ve never felt a part of something, and now I do.
“It’s a girls’ night.” I only shrug back to her.
I go on to explain to her about ailHaiHailey, and it’s evident Challis knows her.
“I’ll go grab Ella and lil’ Mav and be over,” she says.
“I’ll order pizza,” I add, not knowing what is common around here or what’s even typical for a girls’ night since this will be my first ever.
“Sounds good, but no pineapple. I hate that shit and it’s Merek’s favorite.”
“Okay.” I jog up to my front door and begin throwing shit everywhere tidying up and peering into my dismal fridge realizing water is the only choice of beverage. After catching the last dust bunny and plucking my final pair of socks from the floor, I plop down on the couch and realize that working so many shifts is way too much. And completely unnecessary since I cashed out my savings account in my father’s name before moving here and money is really not a factor.
My education and then nursing was always my life, only to fill the void of time and a half ass chance at feeling loved. The pages of a textbook were always my comfort blanket, and then the relentless hours at the hospital were the warm fuzzy feelings of love, but now feeling true love…it doesn’t even compare, and I know if it’s something I lose I’ll never be the same.
My small living area fills quickly with love and laughter as an epic girls’ night goes down. My phone is by my side but never goes off, and I never hear from Marvel. Not even an “I love you too” text after I texted him several times. Ella and Challis pick up on me practically dry humping my phone, so I finally set it down beside me. Lil’ Mav, who had no choice but to attend girls’ night, is completely engrossed in the movie.
Lil’ Mav is the first to pass out. Challis snags a blanket from the back of the couch, wrapping him up and then rubbing his back. She’s going to be a great mother.
“He’s exhausted from today,” Ella says as she admires Challis and Lil’ Mav.
“I’ve noticed he is all boy,” I add while fidgeting with the hem of my shirt and decide it’s a now or never type deal, and these two girls are the only two I have in my life to ask advice.
“I’m a virgin,” I blurt out.
The three words float around the living room, and when they land it feels like I’ve been run over by a dump truck going fifty miles per hour. And by the looks on their faces, they’re left speechless as well. What in the hell did I expect them to come back with?
“Sorry. Never mind.” I stand, waving them off, trying to make it appear like nothing at all.
“Do you love him, Clover?”
I can only nod in response to Ella’s question.
“This is something only you can decide on, but I’ll tell you this. I know Marvel’s in love with you, and once a Slatter has fallen for you it’s like no other power on this Earth, so just make sure you’re ready for it.”
“I agree,” Challis adds. “Speaking from experience too. I found Merek at a time I was so lost in life, and he did nothing but fight to repair me, love me, and keep me safe.”
“When are you due, Challis?” Ella’s question tops mine in shock factor, knocking the air out of me.
“I didn’t say a word.” I slap my hand over my mouth, now letting Ella know that I knew.
“She didn’t. It’s called pregar.”
“Pregar?”
“All pregnant women have pregar. I can detect another pregnant woman near me faster than a dozen glazed doughnuts.”
Challis remains frozen, staring back at Ella.
“So, when are you due?” She pushes again.
“I don’t know. Haven’t gone to the doctor yet.” Her voice is low and shaky.
“Well, congrats, little sissy. A baby will do Merek good. I can only hope and pray it’s a little girl we can all spoil the shit out of to drive her daddy nuts.”
“Thank you.”
Ella makes her way to Challis and wraps her up quickly. She doesn’t whisper in her ear but rather talks loudly so I’m able to hear her.
“And I can’t wait to see Merek’s face when I give his little girl her first pair of hot-pink high heels. It will be payback for getting lil’ Mav into bareback.”
We all laugh at that knowing it’s been quite the family dispute.
“No one said it’s a girl yet, and depending how far along she is, the sex may not even be detectable yet.”
“We know, Nurse Nancy,” both of them chime back again in unison.
“Assholes.” I chuck a pillow toward their heads and laugh when it misses them by a mile and nails lil’ Mav in the face. The boy is out and doesn’t flinch when the pillow collides squarely in his face, creating a smacking sound. We all cringe and wait for the sleeping beast to wake up, but he only grunts and rolls over.
Challis slaps her palm over her mouth to muffle her hysterical giggles, and Ella only shakes her head.
“Big girl movie time.” Ella waddles over to the old school VCR and plops in Footloose and then collapses back on the large couch. “C’mon, sisters.” She pats each side of her.
I follow Challis’ lead and take a seat. Ella leans forward, plucking her ice cold root beer can from the old beat up coffee table as Challis and I wrap our fingers around our longnecks.
“Don’t break his heart, Clover. As much as I love you, I’ll hunt you down and beat the living shit out of you.” Ella holds her can up, taking me by surprise. Her message is downright crude and mean and something more I’d expect from Challis.
“What she said.” Challis holds up her soda next to Ella’s can. “Are you in or not?”
“I’ve loved him since the night I met him. I waited until he opened up to me. And now nothing will stop us.” My bottle of beer gracefully is raised up to their drinks, and I mentally pat myself on the back for the confidence my voice held.
“Well then, to the Slatter girls.” Ella smiles brightly after her toast, and we all clink our drinks right as the movie begins.
Time passes and several slices of pizza disappear before my house is empty again. I know it’s no coincidence that a couple of employees of the Silver Star Ranch show up to escort all of them home. It’s just something I’ve never truly thought about since I’ve always felt loved and safe by every single Slatter, even though Merek still tends to make me want to piss myself from time to time.
I toss the empty pizza boxes, beer bottles, and miscellaneous soda cans away and then wipe down the counter while collecting the popcorn kernels from the throw rug in the living room. I’m pretty sure that the mares eat neater than lil’ Mav. Once everything is picked up and put back in place, I stare at the empty screen on my phone. It’s so unlike Marvel to do this. Typically we ravish each other every single second until we’re separated by the outside world.
My back slams roughly against the mattress. His scent is light but still lingers, only encouraging my need and want for the man. I text him one last time before I vow to myself and the dust bunnies that linger in every corner that it’s the last time for the night.
Me: I love you, cowboy.
Marvel: Sorry, rough night. Love you too
Me: Are you home?
Nothing but the gorgeous songs of the crickets fill the night air as I lie in bed with one certain cowboy on my mind and replaying just how much I’d give him. The cold truth is that I’d give him everything I have and more. He could hollow me out taking it all and I’d never surrender to him. A higher force brought us together, and that’s exactly what it’ll take to rip us apart.
Tossing and turning amongst my own bed sheets bore me. Several headlights have flashed in my window, alerting me to traffic out in the driveway, along with the slamming of several truck doors and muted conversation. Enoug
h is enough, as I just need to be in the arms of my cowboy.
Darkness has always been my enemy, and that’s why the well-lit hallways of the hospital have been so friendly to my soul. But not even the darkness can keep me away tonight. The normally warm Texas air is chilly, causing goose bumps to pop up all over my skin as I creep across to Granddad’s house. No lights are on, but I spy Maverik’s truck in their driveway and know Marvel has to be home since Maverik drove all of them.
The crunching of the gravel sounds like nails down a chalkboard with only a few horses whinnying in the background. I pick up the pace when I swear I hear other footsteps. I try to calm myself and convince myself that it’s only my wild imagination playing tricks on me. Once my feet hit Granddad’s front yard, I try to steady my rapidly beating heart and look around me.
Silver Star is dark and only lit up by the moon. Seconds tick by and silence once again is my friend, but only for a few more seconds until I hear crunching gravel, and instead of trying to be a brave cowgirl, I sprint for the window that I know is Marvel’s.
Even though Jake is Maverik’s dog, he stays the night at Granddad’s, sleeping right on the inside of his door. I’ve heard several funny stories about one of the boys sneaking back in only to be caught by Jake. He’s the funniest dog. He’ll be by Maverik’s side before the crack of dawn.
Several more footsteps fill the night air, and I know now it’s not my imagination. Using my knuckles, I lightly tap on Marvel’s window, not wanting to wake Granddad or upset Jake into a barking fit. After several attempts there’s no answer. Pulling my phone from my pocket, I text Marvel, and then immediately call him.
“Hello.”
His voice is off, but I’m not sure how to place it.
“Are you home?”
“Yeah.”
“Open your window.”
“Uh?”
“I’m outside your window.”
“Why?”
My patience has run out with a cold chill now attacking my body, and my scared cat nerves are on high alert.
