by Bellus, HJ
I shake my head side to side, letting him know I need more time. I’m always needing and wanting more and more of the man. Marvel sneaks a hand between us and begins to stroke me in just the right place, sending me right to the cusp of the edge and ready to fall over with him. It only takes a few more moments of him strumming perfectly before my head is tilted back and I’m crying out my pleasure with him.
We both crumple into a sweaty sticky mess, taking time to catch our breath. Moments of silence go by with his fear audible in the cab. I’m not sure what he’s running from or where the fear is coming from.
“I don’t want you at the rodeo tonight.”
“Why?”
“I want you safe at home on the ranch with Sterling.”
“What’s happening tonight at the rodeo?”
“I don’t know what will happen, and that scares the shit out of me.”
“Do you love me, Marvel?”
His head flies up with a wild look in his eyes. “You know the fucking answer, Clover.”
“Then let me stand by you always. There’s no need to hide or protect me. I told you a long time ago that I’d follow you anywhere. You’re all I have left in life, Marvel. Let me be with you.”
“I want you to go home tonight.”
Tilting my chin up and digging deep for courage, I shake my head side to side.
“Damn you.”
“This is what love is, Marvel.”
* * *
To nobody’s surprise, Merek won the round and is placed very high in the world, but all the small details and rules still escape me. Marvel has practically sat on my lap all night long, nervous as hell. His nerves are beginning to rattle my core. I try to focus in on Granddad. My co-pilot Ella isn’t here tonight. She hasn’t been out much since having the babies, and quite honestly, I may just want to be with her right now tending to them.
I typically spend the morning at her house, helping tidy up and tend to the little ones, letting her have time to shower and take a light nap. Maverik’s tried to pay me on several occasions. I take the money and promptly tuck it in lil’ Mav’s piggy bank in his room.
“Let’s go.” Marvel stands, dragging me up with him.
“But the bull riding. It’s your favorite. And didn’t you say an old classmate is riding tonight?”
“Time to go, Clover.”
I follow his stare, and when my vision lands on my uncle Saint, I internally cringe.
“I’m ready as well.” Granddad nudges me in the back.
I duck my head and follow Marvel, checking back every now and then to make sure Granddad is following us until we are behind the chutes and settled in at Merek’s tailgate.
Challis is on her phone texting someone, leaning back on Merek, who is settled on his tailgate enjoying his celebratory drink. He’s talking to Sterling and Maverik. All deep in conversation, barely acknowledging our arrival.
I lean into Marvel, who has his phone out and is dialing a number. I’ve given up on tonight, having no clue what in the hell is going on. When he starts talking to whoever is on the other line, it’s not pretty at all.
“It’s fucking over. He’s here at the fucking rodeo within limits of me, and you promised there was a restraining order and once he was spotted he’d be fucking cuffed.”
Recoiling back from the venom spewing from Marvel, I stumble into the back of another truck.
“I’ve put my whole family in danger for months now following your damn plan. You promised that with the restraining order issued last week, that this would be the last damn time.”
Merek and Maverik are on their feet and next to his side, and it seems all I can focus in on is the slamming sensation running through the back of my knee. When I look back to locate the place of pain, I see a slight tear in the back of my jeans. A light trail of blood runs down the back of my leg as the pain continues to hammer away.
Sterling catches my attention during the whole slow motion event as he talks to someone on the phone. When he notices me watching him, he places his hand over his mouth to disguise the words being spoken. The tiny hairs on the back of my neck stand up on end, and then I hear her voice.
“Clover, my dear.”
My gaze collides with my mother’s. It takes me a second to realize she’s only standing a few feet in front of me at the moment, in her slick black pencil skirt and glossy spiked heels. She looks like she always has day in and day out.
“Mom.” My voice is barely audible as the bells and all sorts of alarms fire off in my head.
“Clover, you wouldn’t pick up your phone, so I figured it was past due for a visit. Come give your mommy a hug.”
My nose naturally wrinkles up with her term mommy, considering I was only allowed to call her by her name growing up. I don’t respond to her, and that’s when it dawns on me that all of the Slatters and Sterling are watching us with their full attention.
“Care to introduce me to your friends? Which strapping young man is your fiancé?
“How do you know that I’m engaged?” It flies out of me. I will not let her come between Marvel and me. That’s the line.
“Why, your uncle is the only one with a clear enough mind to keep me updated.”
“I haven’t talked to him in months since he kicked me out.”
She closes in on me with her finger raised and aimed for my chest. She’s a snake in the courtroom and doesn’t know when to turn it off. She never has. With each word she taps the center of my chest, and I stand there like I always have…hopeless and helpless. “You chose to move out, Clover. Let’s not play the victim here.”
My knees knock together, my bottom lip quivers in fear, and I’m back in my nine-year-old self. I take a moment to summon up the courage I need to stand up to her. Closing my eyes shut and realizing that I now know how it feels to be loved, I finally stand up to her.
“I was doing my job and was being demanded to go home by him.”
“Which one of these scums did you save?”
“Mother.” My hand strikes her face, leaving behind a stinging sensation. Hands grab me from behind, pulling me away from her, but all I see is motherfucking red and rage. I’d do anything to get my hands wrapped around her throat and enjoy it.
“Go ahead and tell her, my sweet Clover.” I look up to see my uncle Saint, and whoever’s hands were holding me are gone, letting me stumble forward.
“You son of a bitch.”
Marvel flies past me, lunging for Saint, and they both tumble to the ground with a cloud of dust circling them. Everyone jumps for the two men on the ground, and somehow I’m knocked once again into the bumper of the truck, but this time with much more force.
FBI agents swarm in tearing the two men apart. Three of them hold Marvel back while my uncle simply stands up and dusts his shoulders off. Marvel doesn’t relent as he kicks, screams, and spits in Saint’s direction. My head whirls and twirls on my shoulders, trying to process the situation in front of me.
“You fucking killed Weston, you bastard.”
An evil laugh escapes Saint before he talks. “I tried killing you so many times those nights in the desert, but you’re a stubborn asshole. And as the tale goes, it seems you’re more stubborn than your great-grandfather.”
The remaining agents surrounding Saint are now forced to hold Merek and Maverik back as they try to attack Saint. I grow sicker with each word spoken, slowly realizing who left the scars upon my lover. My blood, my genetics, and my lineage is the sole person responsible for terrorizing Marvel.
“But you know what’s better than killing you or watching you die slowly?” Saint pauses for a moment, making eye contact with me. I feel a shove from behind, putting me in the middle of the damn circle. I try to back up but my mom doesn’t let me. “Watching you fall in love with my niece.”
My knees crash into the hard earth when I look over to Marvel. His face is full of disgust and despair. He shakes his head side to side, trying his best not to believe Saint. But when he makes eye contact with me
, I freeze.
“Is it true, Clover?” Marvel spits out.
I shake my head no but answer yes.
“She had no clue. We kept her in the dark the whole time. Protected her just like you’d want, Marvel.” Sterling steps up, now part of the inner circle. He pulls a shiny badge from the inside of his shirt. “I’m sorry, guys.”
“What in the fuck?” Maverik roars, coming into the inner circle, dragging the two agents with him.
“Maverik, calm down.” Sterling holds up both his hands showing surrender. “I was assigned this case. The agency knew I’d be able to come right back home and blend in while keeping an eye on you guys.”
“It was all a lie? Your dad isn’t even sick, is he?”
Sterling shakes his head side to side. “I was here to protect you guys. End of story.”
Maverik fires back, calling Sterling all the names in the book, causing the center of attention to battle back and forth between the two men and nobody else.
“Marvel.” I know he hears me but refuses to make eye contact. Saint’s chuckle fills the background. He’s the devil enjoying the hell fire scene he’s created around him. Everything falls in place as all the chaos ensues around me. The agents telling me to be quiet about who I’m related to and Sterling being beyond nosy.
I study Saint, wondering how in the hell someone could be so fucking evil, and as he laughs and enjoys the pain he’s created, I see my mother woven in him. It’s so painful I glare down at my palms facing me and then wonder how in the hell I came from such evil.
Saint hollers my name, and when I look silver flashes in my vision. He’s holding a pistol. I scream, but amongst all the noise it’s swallowed up. He slowly raises the gun in Marvel’s direction. Screaming again, no one turns to listen to me. My hands meet the cold dirt and spring up in action.
I throw my body toward Marvel and land short. Scrambling as fast as I can, I lunge once again, throwing my body in front of Marvel, who’s being held captive by the agents right when the pistol fires not once but three times. The pain in my knee forgotten as everything goes black.
* * *
I’m always surrounded in a hazy fog that I can’t quite explain. Voices, a hand squeezing mine, and the beeping monitors are the only constant. My throat clenches each time I try to speak the words I so desperately wanted to tell Marvel the night we were destroyed. His face ever pained and hurt swirls around in the darkness as I fight to speak. But every time I do a gagging sensation overcomes me followed by a ripping sensation deep in my throat.
“Clover, calm down. You can’t talk yet.” An unfamiliar voice surrounds me, only causing me to try to talk more until everything goes black again with all the stinging sensations fading away as well.
26
Marvel
The corner of this small room consumes me, growing smaller and smaller each day. I haven’t left the chair for days on end and also haven’t mustered up the courage needed to go to her side. Family comes and goes, force feeding me and trying to provide comfort. But it’s all too much to take in, and like a scab being torn from a fresh wound.
Her lifeless body lay where she jumped in front of me. Blood pooled around her limbs and dribbled out her nose. More shots rang that night, and when I finally looked up, Saint lay on the ground while Sterling’s smoking gun was still held up. The paramedics who are always at rodeos were invading us. My mind couldn’t comprehend why they worked on Clover and Saint.
Stunned beyond belief, I never knelt down to hold and cradle her like she did the night she found me on the dirt road. The flashing lights of the ambulance tore off leaving a cloud of dust in their trail, and when all the confusion and dust finally settled, a dead body was being covered up. Sterling aimed to kill.
It took countless days of Sterling and the rest of the agents retelling the whole tale. Not one of us Slatters knew Sterling was undercover until that dreadful night at the rodeo. Anger and betrayal strewn in all of us until common sense kicked in. Sterling was doing his job and a fine job at that. He’s the one who finally was able to put the devil out of our lives forever.
The picture was too blurry until Sterling had a heart to heart with me one night right here in Clover’s room. She genuinely had no idea that her uncle was the one who caused my family such pain. I had sheltered her from the whole fiasco, and the agents had warned her about telling anyone who she was related to. Her mother, who should’ve been prosecuted after everything, was turned back to California and asked never to return to Texas. To this date she’s never visited Clover.
I’m still angry beyond belief, but it’s directed at fate and the ways of the world. I should’ve covered Clover that night, bent down and cradled her, while whispering into her ear to hang on. But I let her lay in her own pool of blood while she fought for her life.
I’ve regretted those moments every single day of my life since it happened. She threw herself in front of me, took bullets with my name on them, sacrificing everything. I’ve never known a love so amazing and unselfish until her. And it’s just not Clover I have to worry about anymore either. She’s pregnant. Carrying my baby in her womb, and I’m the selfish fucker that let her take my bullets and accept my fate.
The monitors bleep out a rhythmic beat, piercing my ears. As of now the baby is healthy and thriving inside of her. Clover, on the other hand, isn’t doing so well. Too much blood lost and a bullet that struck her head have nearly taken her down, but somehow she continues to fight each day.
I yearn to touch her and hold her once again, but I don’t deserve it. I turned my back on her when she needed me. Her voice screaming my name that night, and I wouldn’t even look at her. In the heat of the moment, I second-guessed every single aspect about Clover, which was my biggest mistake ever.
“Marvel.”
I look up to Challis and Merek who just entered the room. A member or members of my family come and sit with me each day in the suffocating room.
“Here’s a roast beef sandwich.” Challis hands me a brown bag filled with food.
Over the last month, I’ve learned it’s better not to argue with them, because in the end, they’ll win the battle.
“How’s she doing?” Merek asks. He’s at her side with his hand in hers like he always does. They can all touch her so easily and without regret.
“Same,” I answer around a mouthful of bread and lunch meat.
Challis places her hand on the top of my thigh. “It’s time you forgive yourself, Marvel.”
They must have sent her since she’s the feistiest out of all of them.
“It’s time you go to her, hold her, and say goodbye.”
Tears well up in my eyes as I force myself just to eat the sandwich. The option has been put out there several times to pull the plug, but the fact she doesn’t have a living will and the baby makes everything much more complicated.
“She needs to know you’re here supporting her. When you give her that, she’ll be able to do what she needs.”
The tears pool over, and I cry for the first time in front of family. They don’t stop as they rush down my cheeks.
“She needs you, Marvel. We can’t help who we are related to, and you know beyond a doubt Clover had no idea. She loves you.”
“It’s not that.” I finally speak up through the tears. “I let her jump in front of me that night. Those bullets were meant for me and me only.”
“She loves you, and I know she’d save your damn life all over again.”
The sandwich tumbles to the cold tile of the hospital floor and I collapse over onto my knees. “I don’t deserve her.”
Hands pull me up and I know by the force they’re not Challis’. Maverik has joined us and is tugging me up into a standing position. Granddad stands behind him.
“It’s time, son. You need to go to her.”
Maverik takes one of my hands while my granddad clasps the other, and they lead me to the bed where a tube is coming out of Clover’s mouth. They guide me up to her, never let
ting go of either of my hands. It’s the closest I’ve been to her, and I find it difficult to stand up on my own two feet.
“Hold her hand and talk to her. She needs you, Marvel. Don’t let the past destroy everything for you.”
Granddad places my hand in hers with the comfort of his hand leaving mine. I sob uncontrollably when our palms connect. It destroys everything inside of me. I’d do anything to rewind time if I could. Take her pain away, stand up for when her mother and uncle came for her, and most of all love her with no reservation. It all rushes through me rapidly, but even more the reconnection of flesh with mine, it makes me feel our love all over again.
My family stands by my side, never leaving. I’m not sure how long I talk to Clover, but I never want it to end.
“I love you, Clover. Come back to me please. I love you and don’t care about the rest. Please.”
Epilogue
Her hand clutched in mine as we delicately make our way across the damp grass blanketing the gloomy cemetery. A light drizzle pours down on us in the humid Texas air. One of life’s greatest miracles captured in the safety of my hand, and I can’t help but smile how her little fingers barely wrap around my large hand, but she holds on tight anyways.
“Daddy.”
“Yes, baby.”
“Why do you always bring me here?”
Her brown hair swirls around in the humid air with her curious green eyes reflecting back up at me. Her crooked pig tails perched upon her head while her scuffed up hot pink cowboy boots and little skirt twirl as she walks.
“Because we can never forget where we come from.”
“Hank told me the other day something real dirty happens when babies are made.”
“He what?” I ask looking down at her.
“When you and uncles were branding, Hank, Hazel and I were playing on the loading chute and he said a dirty deed takes place.”
I pick her up in my arms, not ready for where this conversation is heading.
