Mom was silent. Muffled sniffles echoed in the tiny room we shared. She was crying. In true Tammy Lynn form, she managed to make us feel like shit for not giving her what she wanted. She’d done it all our lives.
“It would really,” she said between sniffles, “mean a lot if you could try.”
I groaned. Maybe if I was lucky, Wilder wouldn’t go. “I’ll try, Mom. When were you thinking?”
“Vince is still working out the details. We were thinking next month sometime. Would that give you girls enough time to plan?” Gone were the sniffles and woe-is-me act. She seemed happy again.
Maybe she really did want us to be a big, happy family. Maybe she really did love Vince. Maybe he really did make her happy. And maybe he was going to be the one person to bring out the best in her—the person Coco and I always dreamed she would be.
* * *
“Girls, this means so much to me,” Mom said as we left the spa later that morning. “You have no idea.” Her eyes began to water as her peppy façade faded. “I know I wasn’t the best mother, but I want to make it up to you. And I know you never knew your father, but Vince is willing to step in. It’s a little late in life, but he wants to be there for you. We both want to make this family work. And it means so much to me to have your support.”
Coco and I exchanged looks, practically reading each other’s thoughts. Was this another act? Did she mean it? Was she really turning over a new leaf?
“Love you, Mom,” Coco said, wrapping an arm around her before I followed suit.
“Vince and I will be in the city a few more days,” she said. “If you want to get together again, just let me know. He’s got a few sights he wants to show me, some special evenings planned. But I’d like to see you girls again before we leave. You never come home anymore.”
It was true. We avoided Darlington like the plague, especially Coco.
“Anyway, I’ll let you know about Florida,” she said, plastering a smile on her face. “I can’t wait.”
Mom hailed a cab as Coco and I walked off in the other direction, waiting until we were far enough away to start dissecting our morning with Tammy Lynn.
“So that was… fun,” Coco said as we briskly headed south from Midtown.
“She seems happy.”
“She always seems that way. Give it more time. As soon as the newness wears off, she’ll be airing all their dirty laundry and filing for divorce. You know the drill.”
“This one seems different though, Co.”
She shrugged. “Honestly, I don’t have the time nor the energy to give two shits about mom’s love life anymore. It’s exhausting, and we’re grown now. It’s no longer our concern.”
“Easy for you to say.” My phone buzzed in my pocket. I didn’t have to look at it to know who it was. He’d been messaging me all morning, begging me to come over so we could talk. I pulled my phone out to read his latest appeal.
“Oh, my God.” Coco glanced over my shoulder and read the text. “I thought you were going to end it with him.”
“I am. He’s just having a hard time accepting that we’re done,” I lied. I was having just as hard of a time as he was.
“End it, Addison.” Coco shoved her hands in the pockets of her skinny jeans as her stiletto boots clicked on the pitted cement. She could be cold and hard sometimes, like frozen concrete.
I wanted to tell her it wasn’t that simple. It wasn’t going to happen overnight. I almost told her I wasn’t sure I was strong enough to walk away from the best thing that had ever happened to me. Instead I gave her my best “I’m working on it” before saying goodbye and heading straight for Wilder’s apartment.
* * *
My first words when I saw him were, “This has to stop.”
My body wholeheartedly disagreed, though.
I wanted to throw myself onto him, wrap my legs around his body, and fall softly into the comfort of his soft bed sheets. I wanted to feel him deep inside me, taste him, smell him, lose myself in him.
But I didn’t do any of that.
I imagined there was an alternate universe somewhere where the two of us were laughing and playing like two carefree lovers. Addison and Wilder were living their happily-ever-after fairytale romance somewhere, just not in the here and now.
“Get your hot little ass in here, now,” he growled in the low, sexy voice that instantly made my panties melt.
He’s your stepbrother!
He led me inside as the elevator doors closed behind me and pushed me up against the wall of his foyer. He leaned down and took my bottom lip between his teeth. Wilder was never that aggressive, and I supposed the thought of losing me for good had done a number on him. Maybe it’d made him hungrier for me?
I teetered between giving myself to him one final time and standing my ground. “I mean it. We can’t do this.”
“No,” he seethed. His breath quickened, forcing itself in and out of his nostrils like a raging bull. “I love you, Addison. I fucking love you. I’m not letting you go. You’re mine.”
His hands flew to the sides of my face, holding it still as he forced another kiss on my lips.
“I don’t think of you as my stepsister. You’re not. You’re my girlfriend. You’re the only person in this whole fucked up world who gets me.”
I didn’t recognize the man standing before me, the man clinging so desperately to me like a shipwrecked sailor clinging to a sinking lifeboat. Wilder backed away from me, running a hand through his hair and tugging on the ends. His bloodshot eyes suggested maybe he hadn’t slept the night before, though I couldn’t blame him. I hadn’t, either.
I was better at hiding those kinds of things. I’d become a polished rock on the outside, able to hide the imperfections deep inside me so no one could see when I was broken. When all I wanted to do was crumble into pieces, the rest of the world saw a girl who appeared to have her shit together. I was a fraud.
“Look at me and tell me you feel nothing,” he demanded.
My bottom lip trembled. I said the words in my head first, as if I needed to practice them. They were a lie, and I knew that. “I feel nothing.”
His aqua eyes glassed over. “I don’t believe you. Two days ago, you were mine. Now you feel nothing. Fucking liar.”
My heart ached for him. For me. For us. “I don’t have a choice, Wilder. Being with you has certain implications. Not just for me, but for everyone. My mom. Your dad. My sister.”
“Oh, so now you’re a fucking martyr, Addison? What, you think you need to sacrifice your happiness, your life, so everyone else is happy?”
“I’m not a selfish person, Wilder.”
He rushed up, his body like a force field that backed me up against the wall once again without even touching me. With his mouth mere inches from mine, I wasn’t sure if he wanted to kiss me or bite me or both. “You’re a goddamn saint, Addison, and that’s your fucking problem. What do you want? Huh? What does Addison Andrews want?”
My mouth hung open, silently begging for him to quiet my thoughts with his lips. It worked before, it would work again. I knew it. If he kissed me, nothing else would matter, if only temporarily. Beneath my polished exterior, I was a weak woman. I couldn’t be an unbreakable diamond like my sister. “I want you.”
I stared at the marled pattern of the stained concrete floors and hung my head, as if declaring my true feeling sucked the life out of me. Wilder’s hand angled under my jaw, lifting my mouth to his and breathing life back into my exhausted soul one kiss at a time. Unapologetic love rained down on me as the heat of his body made the outside world fade away. He hoisted me up around his waist as he carried me back to his room, laying me gently on his bed.
My mind begged for him to stop, and it was only after we were both naked that I realized my body had won that war. His hands traced my naked flesh as his tongue tasted my arousal. I was his once again. The fight was stacked from the start.
I’d have to throw in the towel another day.
I couldn’t d
o it.
Not yet.
I pulled myself out of her and crawled beside her, laying my head on the pillow and widening my arms. She always slinked up next to me when we were finished, and while I wasn’t big on cuddling, I always secretly enjoyed the way she tucked herself against me.
Addison pulled away, rolling herself toward the edge of the bed.
She climbed out and fished around on the floor for her clothes, redressing as fast as she could.
“Where’re you going?” I sat up, watching her beautiful body disappear behind an armor of designer clothing.
“I shouldn’t have done that. I shouldn’t have given myself to you.” She turned to look at me, her face taut.
I slid off the bed and grabbed my jeans off the floor, stepping into them as she headed toward the door. “Addison, wait. Where are you going?”
“I’m really sorry. I sent the wrong message.”
She reached for the door, but I slammed my fist against it, holding it shut with the weight of my body. “Let’s talk, all right? We can figure this out. There’s got to be a solution.”
Her full lips formed a hard line across her pretty face. “Believe me, Wilder, if there was a way to make this work, I’d be all over it. I stayed up all night last night thinking about it. About you. Us. If anyone found out about us being together, now that you’re my stepbrother, it would destroy my career. My sister’s career. You can hide behind your corporation. You’re a nameless face behind a generic LLC. I am my own brand. So is Coco. We can’t throw away everything we’ve ever worked for to become known as a couple of backwoods Kentucky hicks who sleep with family members.”
“How would anyone know?” I scratched my head. “Who the fuck would know about our parents being married, and why would anyone care?”
“You’d be surprised what people can find if they dig hard enough. There are people out there who aren’t very happy that Coco is about to replace Susannah Jethro. And there are people who’d kill to have her spot and would love nothing more than a reason to take her down. And everyone in this city knows I’m her sister. She goes down, I do too.”
“So that’s it, then?”
“What choice do I have?” Her shoulders slumped, her blue eyes staring the ground as she blinked away tears. “You act like this is easy for me.”
My hand fell from the door. “Looks like you’ve made up your mind.”
Our eyes met as her lips parted, and I waited for her to speak, but nothing came out. There was only one possible thing she could say to make any of this better, and I knew deep down she didn’t have the guts.
“Go.” Pain settled in the base of my throat as I pulled the door open for her.
She drew in a deep breath and wiped the corner of her eye with the back of her hand. “I’ll send you some new agent referrals, if you’d like.”
“You fucking kidding me?” My hands flew to my temples, letting the door slam upon my release. “You’re breaking my fucking heart right now, and you want to talk business? God, I knew you were hot and cold when I met you, but this is really fucking pathetic, Addison. Guess it’s a good thing I found out now how frozen you are inside. Just flip a switch. It’s all about your fucking career.”
“I was trying to be polite.” Her voice was weak and thin and lacked her signature confidence. “Regardless of all of this, I know you still have a business to run.”
“Were you trying to be polite when you were riding my cock ten minutes ago?”
Addison’s lips trembled, making me realize I’d been yelling. I hated that I’d made her cry. I hated talking to her like that, but all I saw was red. I hadn’t felt this way since Nikki, and I sure as hell didn’t think Addison would remotely come close to the same category as that bitch.
“You know what? I’m going to keep you as my agent. You know why? Because I fucking give a damn about you. I don’t know why I do after all this, but I do. So I’m going to let you keep me on as a client so your dream of being the top agent in the city can come true.
“And when you reach the top, you’re going to realize it wasn’t half as great as you thought it was going to be. You’re going to show me every goddamn apartment in all of Manhattan. You’re going to have to see me every single week. And I’m going to serve as a constant reminder of what might have been. What you walked away from. The only guy who ever knew the real you and who loved you in spite of the fucked up flaws you try so damn hard to hide.”
Addison constantly projected an image to the outside world. The shoes she wore. The bags she carried. The way she held her head up high and flashed her million-dollar smile no matter how empty she felt inside. When she was with me, stripped and naked and vulnerable, I saw the real her. The one with insecurities and issues, just like everyone else. The one with a past she tried her hardest to escape. And I loved her in spite of it all.
Perfection bored me. Flawlessness was shallow. I loved the real Addison, the woman she was on the inside. The way she looked with no makeup and messy hair. The way she slinked around when she was relaxed. Her authentic self filled me with a newfound realization that maybe not everyone in this world was an asshole. Authenticity wasn’t dead, after all.
I hated texting because it made me feel so disconnected from the world. It was funny how such a simple technological advance could cause such intense feelings of loneliness, but I couldn’t help the way I felt. Addison restored the interpersonal human connection I’d been missing all those years, filling the gaping hole I once thought could be fixed by a stupid rule.
“What if I decide to release you as a client?” she asked.
“You won’t,” I sneered. “You won’t because you’re too driven. You want that top spot, and you’re going to do whatever it takes to get it, even if it means dying a little bit inside every time you see me.”
“So, you’re punishing me?” She wiped her tears once more. “That’s what you’re doing, isn’t it?”
The little life she’d worked so hard to perfect and keep in control was quickly burning to the ground. She wasn’t in control of a damn thing anymore. I almost felt sorry for her.
“Leave,” I seethed. “Now.”
* * *
A week passed, and then another, and while I may have calmed down a bit, the wound was still fresh and gaping, oozing with every step I took around the city that could only be described as ours.
The streets we’d walked together. The coffee shops and boutiques we’d stopped into on lazy Sundays. Central Park. Every square inch of my apartment her naked little ass had touched. The favorite sweater of mine she’d climb into when the nights got too cold. Her side of the bed. My skin. My hair. She was in everything I touched, making me lovesick with every breath I took.
I burned my sheets in a metal bucket on the roof of my building. It was a drastic move. I thought it’d make me feel better or it’d be symbolic, or some shit like that. It only fueled the fire raging deep in my soul.
I checked my phone on my walk home from the office. A missed call from Lainey McQuinn, a girl I used to casually date off and on the year before. My hurt ran deep, and I was only a man.
“Lainey,” I said as I returned her call, pleasantly surprised at the fact that she remembered my no texting rule. I forced pleasantness into my voice, shoving the dark thoughts and crippling pain into the back of my mind. “Haven’t heard from you in a while. What’s going on?”
“Hey, Wilder baby,” she cooed in her thick, Brooklyn accent. Lainey was a modern-day sexpot. Or at least she was last time I saw her with her shapely runner’s legs up to her eyeballs and fiery red hair that contrasted against flawless, milky white skin. She was always more than happy to be on standby during those lonely nights post-Nikki. “I went to a dinner party at Graze Central last night. Reminded me of that time, um, we went into the bathroom… and…”
“I remember,” I said, mentally replaying a bathroom quickie we’d had in the middle of a boring group dinner.
“Was just thinkin’ about you, w
as all,” she said. I knew damn well what she meant. “I think about you from time to time, you know. Usually when I’m bored… at night… in my bed…”
“You home?” I didn’t need to read between the lines any longer. She wanted to fuck, and I wanted to get Addison out of my system.
“Yeah, why?”
“I’m coming over.”
* * *
“Hey, stranger.” Lainey leaned against her open door, resting her head against the wood as a sultry grin spread across her lips. Her tongue traced her upper lip the second our eyes met. “Been a long time. Come in.”
She stepped aside, her low cut top revealing the subtle bounce of her cleavage with each movement. Tight jeans hugged her long legs and round ass, and blazing curls framed her face. Eyes like two vivid emeralds twinkled against the late afternoon sun as she failed to contain her excitement.
“Nice to see you,” she said, shutting the door behind me. “Hadn’t heard from you in a while. Didn’t know if you finally met a nice girl and settled down, or somethin’.”
I took a seat on her sofa, the one I’d fucked her on a few times years back. I thought seeing her would ignite the part of me who used sex as an escape, but all I saw was Addison.
Lainey sauntered over to the sofa, stepping between it and the coffee table until she was straddling my legs. Lowering herself into my lap, a fog of her signature Juicy Couture perfume enveloped us, and I found myself mourning the classic Chanel No. 5 Addison used to strategically dab behind her ears and in the crook of her elbows. It wasn’t much, but it was just enough for me to appreciate whenever I devoured her.
The warmth of Lainey’s lips as they pressed against my forehead sent my body into a state of rigor. My hands, which should’ve been halfway up her shirt by then, were paralyzed at my side. My cock hadn’t a single throb.
Fuck.
Even though I wasn’t with Addison anymore, my body and soul and all that I was still belonged to her and only her. Not even no-strings-attached sex with Lainey McQuinn could make me forget the pain.
NEVER KISS A STRANGER (A Stepbrother Romance) Page 10
