It was Sensei Lee from her dojo. Rumor had it he was distantly related to Bruce Lee, but he strenuously denied those rumors. Bella adored the older man and his quiet, calm confidence. He’d been an inspiration to her ever since she’d been a teenager looking for a place to belong. Over the years he’d shared his wisdom without lecturing, and never judged the poor choices she often made.
“You learn more from ten failures than one success” was one of his favorite sayings.
Bella answered the phone on the fifth ring. “Hello.”
“Bella, how are you feeling?”
Guilt slid through her and settled heavily in her stomach. She’d left a message on Sunday saying she’d be out with a severe case of the flu. She should’ve claimed a broken leg or something more long term, but she hadn’t exactly been thinking straight at the time.
“Awful.” She faked a hoarse voice and added a fit of coughing to drive her point home and adding several more pounds to the guilty weight in her stomach.
“We miss you. Your students are asking about you.”
“That’s very nice. I—I have several personal issues right now. I don’t know when I’ll be able to return, if at all.”
Her words were met with silence. Bella waited knowing no one hurried the sensei. Finally, he spoke. “You must do as you see fit, but problems are better faced head on than buried in the dirt where they can grow roots and large trunks with complicated branches.”
Didn’t she know it.
“Is there anything I can do?” he asked.
“No, I’m afraid not, but thank you.”
Not a damn, fucking thing. No way could she teach self-defense when she hadn’t been able to defend herself. From where she was standing, it didn’t matter if her attacker had had martial arts training himself. She’d failed at one of the few things she’d ever excelled in, and those students deserved better than a failure. They deserved someone who believed in herself and believed in her ability to improve their lives as a result. And Bella no longer believed.
After ending the call, Bella turned to the Internet, Cedric’s card in hand, and did the one thing in which she still had confidence in her abilities—shopping.
* * * *
Cedric sat across from Coop and Ice as they gorged on their postgame meal. The Sockeyes had beaten Calgary one to zero with no help from Cedric, but at least he hadn’t hindered them this time either.
He was in a slump and preoccupied, and he needed to pull his head out of his ass and do the job he was well-paid to do, regardless of his concern over Bella. He’d always separated personal and professional in the past. No matter how shitty his home life or how grave his personal issues, they’d stayed off the ice.
Coop’s perceptive gaze disassembled Cedric piece by piece, leaving him naked and exposed. Fearing he’d blurt out the truth, he ducked his head and concentrated on his burger, hoping Coop would take the hint. He didn’t. Not only did Coop have an obligation as the team captain, he had an obligation as Cedric’s friend, and Cedric knew how seriously his buddy took both those responsibilities.
“Gotta be a woman,” Ice noted from the seat next to Coop’s, and Coop actually laughed—the bastard. Ice was engaged to Bella’s younger sister Avery, and his brother, Tanner, was married to Emma, Avery’s twin. Yeah, it was a small fucking world.
Cedric looked up, not bothering to disguise his irritation. So much for ignoring them. He should’ve known that’d never work. He shot them both a warning glare.
“Yup, it’s a woman, and most likely our future sister-in-law.” Ice grinned. Ice and Coop tapped their beer glasses together and smirked knowingly.
Cedric wanted to wrap his fingers around each of their necks and squeeze hard. Not that it’d do a damn bit of good. The dumb shits wouldn’t let his crappy performance go, even if they were drawing their last breaths. Hell, they’d probably come back as ghosts and haunt him the rest of his life.
“Bella’s moved in.” He hoped one tidbit would be enough to keep them satisfied.
Two sets of brows crept upward. His admission had caught them off guard. Cedric patted himself on the back for getting one up on them. He’d take his small victories where he could.
“When did this happen?” Cooper asked.
“Sunday. It’s only temporary, I think, but her shit is everywhere.” Cedric attempted a light tone and hoped like hell they didn’t pick up on his worry and concern.
“She’s not known for neatness,” Ice laughed.
“Yeah, I know.” Cedric forced a smile, as if Bella’s messiness was the worst of his worries.
“Why is she living with you all of a sudden? Doesn’t living with a man clip her wings somewhat?” Ice scrutinized Cedric over the rim of his beer glass as he took a sip.
“She’s, uh, in between apartments.” Cedric shrugged as if it was nothing, but Coop wasn’t fooled.
“What aren’t you telling us, Ced?”
Cedric shrugged and signaled the waitress for another beer. Getting drunk seemed a viable option.
“Bullshit. There’s something else going on. Izzy said she’s not returning calls, and the one time she talked to her, she turned down a couple party-crasher gigs, which paid good money. That’s not like her.” Cooper chewed slowly as if chewing on the situation, not just his hamburger.
“Avery says she’s been behaving oddly ever since she turned twenty-six.” Isaac added this little tidbit as he stuffed fries in his mouth.
Cedric took a deep breath. Damn, he wanted to tell them the truth and get their advice, but he didn’t dare. They were both direct lines to Bella’s sisters, and she’d be all over his ass if her sisters got wind of the attack before she had a chance to tell them—if she told them.
Ice’s eyes narrowed. “What I don’t understand is why you aren’t having the games of your life? You should be getting more sex than even you’re used to.”
“That’s it. He’s exhausted.” Coop and Ice fist bumped.
Rolling his eyes, Cedric bit his tongue, refusing to admit he’d been celibate for way too long. “Yeah, I’m worn out.”
“This road trip will be good for you. You’ll get some rest,” Ice said.
“Damn, Ced, get in the gym and build up your stamina.” Coop grinned. The two bastards threw back their heads and laughed hysterically.
Usually more than willing to laugh at his own expense, Cedric set his jaw and scowled at them. “There’s nothing wrong with my stamina. I’m not sleeping well.”
Now tears rolled down their cheeks as they cackled like two crazed hyenas. This fucking wasn’t funny.
“No shit.” Coop fist bumped again with Ice.
“You’re not sleeping at all.” Ice snorted.
“Fuck off,” Cedric muttered. He wished they were right, and his problems were that simple. Sex was the furthest thing from his mind. Getting Bella healthy was priority one. Cedric and his dick could wait.
Bella’s vulnerable state brought out every protective, possessive instinct he never knew he had. He had to be careful, let her pick when she was ready for intimacy again, whenever that might be. He had no experience in this area and was way out of his element. All he could do was exercise extreme patience and understanding, even though being helpless sucked. Regardless, it sucked worse to see the haunted look in her once playful gaze.
He took another bite of his burger, glad Coop and Ice had gotten bored with harassing him and were now discussing the NHL season so far.
Ced snuck a glance at his phone. He texted Bella. What’s up?
Cooking dinner.
Cooking? He didn’t know how to interpret that. The Bella he knew didn’t cook unless heating up water for a hot buttered rum counted.
Sisters are coming over. Last-minute wedding plans.
I’m glad. You need them.
His text was met with silence for a long minute.
Bye.
He tapped out Good-bye, miss you, and shoved his phone in his pocket, feeling better that Bella wasn’t
alone. Leaning forward, he immersed himself in hockey talk, arguing with Coop about who the best goalie in the league was while Ice disagreed with both of them.
Things seemed almost back to normal, whatever normal was.
* * * *
Bella’s sisters showed up all at once. She opened the apartment door a crack to allow them to squeeze inside.
“Did you guys come together?” she asked, keeping it casual, ignoring their puzzlement at her odd behavior.
“Yes, and we’re glad we did. There’s a creepy guy hanging out on the sidewalk in front of the building.” Emma shuddered and glanced over her shoulder as if expecting the creep to have followed them.
Alarmed, Bella craned her neck to look too and slammed the door shut, coming within a hair of smashing Avery’s ass in the door. Bella flipped the deadbolt and set the alarm. Ignoring the meaningful glances her sisters gave each other, she grabbed their raincoats and hung them in the entry closet.
Avery shot her a quizzical look. Her sisters were suspicious, which signaled danger.
“We needed you with us, Bella,” Emma added. “He made rude remarks and grabbed his crotch. You’d have ripped him a new one and sent him scurrying back to the hole he crawled out of.”
Bella went pale. The old Bella would’ve done that. This Bella only felt fear and wondered if there was a chance the asshole from Saturday night had found out where she was staying. Maybe he’d been watching her apartment and followed her here after they’d made that trip to pick up stuff out of her old apartment.
“But we had Izz. God forbid anyone would be stupid enough to cross her right now. She’s in wedding-countdown-bridezilla mode.” Avery grinned while Izzy scowled and appeared to contemplate whether she could pull off the wedding with one fewer sister.
“What did he look like?” Bella asked, trying to sound casual, but her voice cracked at the end. She covered it up with a sneeze.
Izzy waved her hand like royalty dismissing her lesser subjects. “I don’t know. It was dark. Why do you ask? You know him?”
“Uh, no, it’s probably Ced’s neighbor’s brother. Bad news. He’s always hanging out trying to hit his brother up for money. They won’t let him in the building anymore,” she lied somewhat convincingly. At least her talent for fabrication hadn’t deserted her completely.
“What happened to your face?” Emma asked with concern as Bella moved from the dark entry to the brightly lit kitchen.
Bella stiffened and automatically touched her face. She’d piled on the makeup, hoping they wouldn’t notice. She wore makeup to take out the garbage so that alone wouldn’t be a red flag. Now all three were looking at her as if she were a new species of alien or something.
“I was sparring at the dojo, and my partner didn’t pull back as quickly as he should’ve.”
The sisters nodded in unison, accepting a perfectly plausible explanation as such accidents had happened before to their risk-taking sister.
Izzy started to say something and appeared to think better of it. Snapping her mouth shut, she glanced around the living room with a frown and shook her head. “Somehow I never thought country casual would be Cedric’s style, nor would he be so messy. He strikes me as a guy who’s anal about tidiness, no clutter, and ultra-modern with clean lines.”
“Uh, he is all that. I’ve, uh, been redecorating,” Bella admitted, “The mess is mine. I’ll clean up before he gets home.”
Despite her obvious distraction with the impending wedding, Izzy rubbed her chin and focused on her sister for a brief moment. “This is so not your style either. All this pastel. It’s more like Emma’s.”
“It looks great,” Emma defended Bella’s and her own tastes.
Izzy pointed at Emma while staring pointedly at Bella. “My point.”
Bella shrugged. Best not to piss Izzy off, considering the stress she was under. A bridezilla Izzy was a scary-ass thing. Yet, the twins didn’t seem to care if they treaded on volcanic ground, which was one more thing that’d changed in Bella’s world. All her life, she’d been the one with the guts to stand up to Izzy while marching to the beat of her own drum and doing her own thing. Now she was bowing down, and the twins were challenging their big sister.
“Does he know you redecorated?” Avery gaped open-mouthed at the pink and purple décor with abject horror in her eyes, not that she’d have a clue what constituted good design, especially if it wasn’t covered in horse hair.
Bella shrugged. “He didn’t tell me I couldn’t.”
“Redecorating by omission,” Avery quipped.
“It’s predominantly pastels,” Izzy noted, as if ready to gag.
“What’s wrong with that?” Compared to the coldness of Cedric’s modern décor, the country look seemed so soothing and homey in the pictures online—here, not so much, but Bella refused to admit to her mistake.
Izzy harrumphed. “You hate pastels. You like bright, bold colors. Nothing subtle.”
“I’m broadening my horizons.” Bella pulled a pizza out of the oven and poured Izzy a glass of wine to sooth the savage bride. Emma and Avery helped themselves to a glass, needing all the alcohol-fueled fortitude they could get. Starved, the sisters forgot about her decorating disaster and dug in.
Izzy finally stopped chewing, wiped her mouth with a napkin, and gave her one of those big-sister looks Bella knew all too well. She picked up a book on the counter. “Cooking for Dummies? What’s really going on, Bell?”
“Nothing,” Bella answered with mock innocence. “I’m just—just reevaluating my future.” She ended on a falsely bright note with a fake smile.
“By learning to cook?” Izzy’s eyebrows crept all the way to her hairline.
“Cedric likes home-cooked meals.” Another lie. She hadn’t a clue if he did or not.
“It’s about time you got serious with Cedric. You’ve been dancing around each other for too long.”
“So now we’re dancing with each other.” Bella smiled, hoping to lay her sisters’ unease to rest.
“I still think there’s more going on.” Izzy studied Bella so intently, Bella squirmed.
She should tell her sisters the truth, share her pain with them and lean on them for support, but they’d mother her with pity and sympathy. The horror of such a possibility was more than she could bear. Regardless, they knew something was wrong, as evidenced by the quick glances her way and the whispered conversation she interrupted when she came back from the bathroom. The guilty stares said it all. They were worried about her, and she didn’t blame them. If she’d been them, she’d be all over her, demanding to know what the fuck was wrong.
Thank God none of them were her, and they wouldn’t do that.
Not yet anyway. She suspected they’d discuss the situation in private and rally the troops. She’d be in deep shit when they mounted their coordinated attack.
Tonight she was safe. They were feeling their way around this new Bella. She’d been weird at her birthday party too so they probably assumed this behavior change had to do with her turning twenty-six, which gave her a little time to plan her own strategy.
You should tell them the truth, an exasperated voice echoed inside her head.
Not yet. She couldn’t talk about the attack. She needed more time, and their focus needed to be solely on the wedding right now. She would not screw this up for Izzy. Bella might be selfish, but she could never be that selfish.
Her sisters stayed for a few hours, helping control-freak Izzy with last-minute wedding details. Bella was actually sorry when Emma rose and stretched and Avery and Izzy did the same. Bella didn’t want them to leave, but she’d stalled as long as she could.
Bella followed them to the door and locked it after them. She ran to the window to watch as they walked from the building into the rainy evening, loaded into Izzy’s huge SUV, and disappeared down the street. Movement on the deserted sidewalk caught her attention. She pressed her face against the window trying to see the dark figure on the street below, but the person pul
led his hoodie low over his eyes and hurried down the street. He passed under a streetlight, giving Bella a better view of his build and size, even if his facial features weren’t visible.
The man wasn’t her attacker. He was too small, too thin. Instead of feeling relief, Bella shivered and hugged herself, trying to ward off the chill that overcame her body. She hated being paranoid. She was perfectly safe in Cedric’s building with a security guard at the door. She checked the locks again, called downstairs to security to let Ross, the night guard, know she wouldn’t be expecting any more guests and not to let anyone else upstairs.
Bella tuned to a smooth jazz station, left a few lights on, and crawled into the big, empty bed. She longed for Cedric’s warm body and gentle touch. He’d been so good to her, and she’d been a nutcase. He took it all in stride though she wasn’t sure how he’d take the personal touches she added to his formerly white and beige home.
She missed him.
These road trips would be the death of her. Loneliness wrapped its cold arms around her and wouldn’t let go. She sighed and hugged his pillow to her. Breathing in his scent gave her a measure of comfort. He gave her comfort, made her feel valued, and Bella rarely felt valued.
She sighed. Not a fan of self-pity or weakness, she’d find a way to take control of her situation. Bella would take a small step forward to demonstrate her life might have gone off the rails, but she was putting it back on the tracks wheel by wheel.
Chapter 4—Suiting Up
The Sockeyes played in Vancouver on New Year’s Eve. Coop skated like a demon, shot the puck like a sharpshooter, and won the game for them in the last ten seconds. The team hopped on their charter plane and landed in Seattle before midnight. It’d been a long road trip, too long, and Cedric was on a roll—a bad roll. His play sucked to the point he should’ve been occupying a spot on the fourth line or riding the pine.
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