Bella muzzled her inner critical bitch and opted to celebrate her little triumphs. This wedding was the first time she’d been out of the condo since the attack. So far she hadn’t hidden in a locked bathroom or erupted into a fit of tears. She’d tamped down her rising panic every time a man she didn’t know moved within a few feet of her, which was a win, and she’d take it.
Baby steps.
She hated the weakness and the fear. Bella, the strong sister, did not cower in a corner or use a man for protection. Over the years, she’d gone blissfully about her business and been none the wiser, taking risks, being careless, and believing she was smarter than everyone else. Only she wasn’t.
She’d aged twenty years in that one night, and the coward she saw every time she looked in the mirror filled her with self-loathing. She taught victimized people to defend themselves, for God’s sake. She’d spouted all this bullshit about being strong and proactive, all the time feeling superior and without a clue as to what any of them had gone through.
Now she knew.
She could’ve lived her entire life without that knowledge.
Yet, many of her female students and a male or two had been violated far worse than she had, and from what she’d seen, they’d put on their big-girl or boy panties, given the finger to the world, and carried on. Bella, on the other hand, hid in Cedric’s condo and lived in denial.
She mentally slapped the critical bitch inside her. Stuff like this took time, and it hadn’t been that long.
“Bells.” Cedric nudged her, bringing her attention back to the present. His vivid blue eyes sliced through her defenses right down to the raw pain lurking in her darkest, hidden depths.
“Wanna dance?” he asked softly. When she didn’t respond, he took her elbow. She resisted, but he didn’t back down this time.
“Okay,” she conceded as he left her little choice in the matter.
Cedric pulled her in his arms, and she held him as if she were a teenaged girl stumbling through her first ballroom dancing lesson with a pimply-faced nerd for a partner. She tried to relax, but tension paralyzed her as people pressed close together on the crowded dance floor. She found herself scanning the crowd for those cold gray eyes, despite how unreasonable her fears. Her attacker would not be among these guests. She hadn’t known him before the attack. Of that she was certain. She’d never forget those eyes.
She gazed up at Cedric. “I’m sorry. I’m ruining your night.”
“A night with you in my arms is never a ruined night.” He winked at her and grinned, showing his perfect white teeth.
She managed a smile. “You’re such a charmer.”
“You’re not into dancing. How about a glass of wine?” His mouth tipped up in one of his trademark, sexy grins, and she was happy to see her problems hadn’t completely weighed him down.
“I’d love that.”
Bella took the hand he offered and pressed close to his side, grateful for the reprieve. She didn’t know what she’d do without Cedric right now, and she wondered how long he’d tolerate her behavior. If the tables were turned, would she be as understanding and kind? She honestly didn’t know.
Bella was floundering in a sea of uncertainty and fear instead of deciding on a course of action and swimming toward it. She couldn’t tread water forever, or she’d eventually sink to an icy grave.
Chapter 6—On Ice
Almost a week later, Cedric skated onto the ice, dressed in a hoodie and jeans and wearing rented skates, since his hockey skates were stored with the team equipment. The rented skates were crappy with dull blades, but they’d do. Not even substandard skates took away the joy of having the ice all to himself.
He’d generously paid the night manager at the closest ice rink to the team hotel for the opportunity to skate for an hour after they’d closed for the night. The bored kid in charge gladly took his money and retreated to the office to play video games.
Not another soul was around, and most of the lights were dimmed or turned off. Hands behind his back, Cedric leisurely skated around the rink, about eight feet inside the boards, keeping the exact same distance all the way around. He listened to the swish of his blades on the ice, music to his ears, and smiled. Deep down his soul was smiling too. Nowhere was Cedric more at home than on skates. It didn’t matter if it was a pond, an arena with twenty thousand screaming people, or a local skating rink with little kids slipping and sliding around him. The ice gave him peace like nothing else, and right now he needed that peace in order to get his game back.
Cedric had been born with an affinity for the ice. His bachelor uncle taught baby Cedric to skate as soon as he took his first steps. As a lonely, unloved child, Cedric embraced the rare attention from a family member, and as a result, fell in love with skating.
Even now, his chest ached when he thought of Uncle Stephen. His uncle been a national team player in Sweden, gotten in big trouble, and been banned from the sport for drug abuse. He’d spiraled downward after that until he put a gun in his mouth and ended it all. Later, Cedric found out his beloved uncle had been gay and hadn’t been able to come to terms with his attraction to men. Cedric didn’t care whom his uncle had feelings for, and he wished he’d had the chance to tell the man he loved him as he was.
His mother had been heartbroken over the loss of her brother, but his father didn’t give a shit. He banned any mention of Stephen’s name from the house. Cedric had only been ten, but it was the first time he saw his father as the rigid, mean bastard he really was, instead of a larger-than-life fabrication Cedric wanted him to be. At some point after that, he ceased to care about the man who’d contributed half of his DNA. Only the ice mattered and his teammates and his coaches. Cedric lived for them, immersed himself in all things hockey, and set a goal not just to play in the NHL but hoist the Cup one day. He’d used the Cup as a driving force back then, before he’d discovered fame, fortune, and nubile, willing women.
But he never lost sight of his goal. Before every game, he visualized lifting the Cup over his head and skating around a packed arena with his teammates. Originally, those teammates had been nameless and faceless. Since moving to Seattle, those images solidified into a celebration in the Seattle Arena with his Sockeye brethren.
The Sockeyes would get there. Winning a championship came down to luck and who wanted it the most. A team made its own luck by believing in themselves and each other. Just like he believed in Bella, believed she’d pull through her trauma, scarred but a better person. Now if only she believed.
Shaking off his worry, he skated a few more easy laps and kicked it up a notch. He heard the swoosh of skates behind him and realized he was no longer alone. Glancing over his shoulder, he saw Coop bearing down on him. Coop was the fastest skater in the NHL, and his buddy caught him in a few strides, not that Cedric was racing.
Cooper paced him stride for stride as they glided across the ice.
“These skates suck.” Cooper glared down at the blades as if his cutting glower would sharpen them.
“Ja, they do. Big-time.”
“You’re a tough guy to pin down,” Coop noted.
“You’re a tough guy to shake. You followed me here, you nosy bastard.” To punctuate his annoyed scowl, Cedric gave Coop the finger.
“Sure did.” The asshole grinned at him, way too fucking pleased with himself.
“I wanted some ice time. Just me and the ice.”
“I know that story.”
They skated a few laps in companionable silence until it became obvious Coop wasn’t going anywhere, and Cedric knew why. Coop wanted answers, and Cedric couldn’t give them.
“Why the hell don’t you harass Brick and Rush? Better yet, you’re a newlywed. You should be back in your room honing your phone-sex skills.”
Cooper’s rat-bastard grin kicked up a notch, and his eyes lit up. “Izzy has a party to crash tonight. She’s busy and can’t chat, let alone find a private place to have phone sex.”
“Doesn’t that bother y
ou?” Cedric wondered out loud as he considered the possible dangers Izzy faced as she did her job to make parties successful. The party crashing had never bothered Cedric before, but now he’d prefer Bella didn’t continue that particular profession though she hadn’t shown any interest in doing so lately. Actually she hadn’t shown interest in anything but staying home and nesting in his once pristine condo. He wasn’t exactly complaining. If Bella truly enjoyed cooking and decorating, he was all in, but he found it hard to believe she was being true to herself.
“No phone sex? Hell, yeah, it bothers me.” Coop wiggled his eyebrows.
“No, the party crashing.”
His buddy concentrated on the ice, as if he needed to. “Used to. Not so much anymore. I know she’d never screw around on me.”
“Yeah, but do you think it’s safe? I mean, she’s meeting a lot of men who are probably hot for her.”
“She’s careful, and she always comes and goes with her sisters and other employees. They’re never alone. Speaking of sisters, what the fuck is up with Bella? She quit party crashing, at least for now.”
Cedric didn’t comment. Coop didn’t know the half of it. She’d been avoiding doing all the things she once did, refusing to get professional help, and she’d turned into a not-so-talented Susie Homemaker.
Cooper shot a pointed look at Cedric. “And when Izzy went to the dojo where Bella teaches to talk to her since she refuses to call her back, they told her Bella was taking a leave of absence.”
Cedric skidded to a stop and almost fell on his ass. Embarrassed, he shot Cooper a wry smile. With a smirk, Coop slid to a graceful but abrupt stop.
Hands on his hips, he studied Cedric. “You didn’t know?”
“No, I didn’t.”
“Isn’t she living with you?”
Cedric nodded, wariness filling him. Cooper wouldn’t be satisfied with Cedric’s short answers.
Cedric started skating again, and Cooper stuck to him. “Spill it. We’ve been friends for years, and you’ve been hiding something about Bella ever since she moved in with you.” Cooper rubbed his chin in thought. “Oh, fuck,” he groaned. “She’s pregnant. I hope to hell you’re the father.”
Cedric fought back the knee-jerk reaction to slam his fist into Coop’s face. Bella slept around. It wasn’t a secret or something Bella had ever been ashamed of, yet Coop thinking she was pregnant by another man still pissed him off.
“She’s not pregnant.” Cedric almost wished she was. Having a child together would be the least of his problems. There was no greater torture than sleeping with Bella and not being able to fuck her. It drove him beyond crazy, but she was struggling with the attack, and he respected what she was going through even if he didn’t completely understand it. He’d spent too many agonizing months wanting her to himself. Poor sap that he was, he’d gladly take her any way he could get her, damaged baggage and all.
Cooper snapped his fingers in front of Cedric’s face, no easy feat without getting their skates tangled, but Coop was good enough to do it. “What the fuck is going on with Bella?”
“I can’t tell you. I promised her, and she trusts me.” His words were like a red flag in front of a bull.
Cooper whipped in front of him and skated backwards, executing the move so quickly Cedric didn’t have time to react. “Don’t fuck with me. This is me. Cooper. Your buddy. I’ve been with you since our rookie year. I know you. Now what the fuck is going on?”
“You can’t tell Izzy, and I can’t put you in a position not to tell her.”
Cooper ran a hand through his dark hair. “Holy crap, what is it?” The troubled concern in his eyes was obvious.
Cedric had backed himself into a corner with no visible way out. Cooper was the only family he had, and he couldn’t expect Coop to keep secrets from Izzy, yet Cedric had gone too far. He had to tell his buddy, or there’d be no peace until he did. Coop was relentless when he was on a mission.
Either way, one of them was screwed. Since Cedric had messed this up, it might as well be him. Bella’s sisters should know so they could support her. She’d be pissed as hell at him, but her anger would be a welcome relief to her cowering and clinging. Telling Coop was the right thing to do even if Bella wouldn’t see it that way.
Cedric slowed his skating and manned up. “Bella was attacked a few weeks ago.” Relief tinged with guilt flooded through him.
Cooper did exactly what Cedric expected. He ground to a halt in front of Cedric, and only Cedric’s lightning-quick reflexes kept them from colliding and crashing to the ice.
“Fuck,” Coop said, which pretty much summed up the entire crappy situation.
Cedric nodded, unable to speak around the lump in his throat.
“Let’s get out of here.” Cooper jerked his head toward the staff member watching them from the other end of the rink. “I saw an Irish pub a block from the hotel.”
Cedric followed Coop, resigned to his fate. Bella would consider his broken promise a betrayal, and by the most basic of standards, it was. Yet the more Cedric thought about it, the more he knew he had to do what was best for Bella, regardless of the personal repercussions. He almost hoped she’d rip him a new one. At least he’d get a glimpse of the old Bella, who’d been conspicuously absent these past few weeks.
An hour later Cedric had revealed every last tragic detail as he knew it. As the story unfolded, Coop’s face turned a deep, dark burgundy, indicating his friend was near detonation. Yet Coop listened without saying a word though he did shred every coaster and napkin in sight into tiny little pieces and guzzle two beers.
Cedric finished, sat back in his seat with a heartfelt sigh, and buried his face in his hands as relief flooded through him. He hadn’t realized what a burden he’d been carrying until he’d unloaded it.
Cooper cleared his throat, and Cedric looked up. Coop’s watchful gaze spoke volumes. His friend’s mind was racing a mile a minute, sorting out the facts and searching for solutions, along with a few fantasies involving brutal revenge. He knew this because he knew exactly how Coop’s mind worked.
Coop took a long gulp of his third beer. “I have to tell Izzy. You know that.”
“I won’t put you in the middle by expecting your silence.” Cedric lifted his beer to his lips and let the cold liquid run down his throat.
“The sisters need to know. She needs their support whether she’ll admit it or not.”
Cedric nodded. “I can’t stand the thought of her all alone in my condo, curled into a little ball, and scared shitless. It’s been eating me up inside.”
“I can only imagine. I want to kill someone, and I haven’t been living with this hell like you have.”
“I’m right there with you, buddy.” Cedric couldn’t think of anything more satisfying than throwing Bella’s attacker into Elliot Bay and watching him sink into the cold, dark water.
Cooper nodded solemnly. “Izzy will organize something. I’m sure they’ll take turns staying with her.” He scratched his chin. “What about you, Ced? How is this working out for you? It has to be cutting into your lifestyle.”
“Bella cut into my lifestyle months ago.” Cedric rubbed his eyes, feeling old and tired. He lifted his head and managed a wry smile. “I haven’t been with another woman since early in the summer. I don’t want anyone else. It’s fucked up, but that’s how it is.”
“Welcome to the club, my man.” The bastard grinned at him.
“What club would that be?” Cedric asked the stupid question, fully expecting the stupid answer.
“The one-woman man club.” Cooper kept grinning as if Cedric’s membership was a good thing.
Maybe it was.
* * * *
The idiocy of getting a dog didn’t hit Bella until the animal needed to be walked.
All she’d considered was protection and companionship when Cedric went on long road trips, which is why she nixed the cat idea. Now she wished she’d opted for a cat with a nice litter box.
Driven by her mi
ssion, she’d made the trip to the parking garage with the assistance of the guard who manned the building’s entrance. She drove to the nearest animal shelter with every intention of choosing the most intimidating big dog there. Her requirements consisted of no puppies, no chewers, no barkers, and must be housebroken.
The no-kill shelter must have seen her coming. Roberta, the rotund director with short-cropped hair and a harried manner, led her to a kennel where a very sad Rottweiler with a huge head lay in the corner All the other dogs leapt against the gates, wagging their tails and barking. This sad dog looked up at her with defeated, deep brown eyes. When she spoke to him, he wagged his stub of a tail once, growled, and laid his head back down with a sigh, as if he’d been disappointed one too many times.
“What’s his name?” she asked, fully intending to choose the German Shepherd next to him.
“This is Rumble. The growling means nothing. He’s talking. He’s also housebroken, has no vices, and is in desperate need of a loving home. No one wants to adopt a four-year-old dog, especially one as vocal as him.”
“How did he end up in here?” Bella couldn’t help asking, even if she had no intention of taking him home. Still, she was intrigued. Rumble’s talking displayed attitude, and Bella appreciated attitude.
“His owner was put in a nursing home, and his son brought him here. Tragic, if you ask me, since he promised his father he’d care for him. He’s been here almost six months and gets more depressed every day.” Roberta opened the kennel. “Go on in; he’s a big teddy bear.”
Bella didn’t want a teddy bear. She wanted dangerous and threatening. She wanted a guard dog. He did have the looks though, and those sad eyes drew her in. She was a sucker for animals with baggage.
“Hey, boy, come here,” Bella spoke softly and knelt down a few feet away from Rumble. She waited patiently for him to come to her. Never once did he stop his grumbling.
“Has he been abused?”
Bodychecking Page 7
