She high-fived herself for climbing over one more obstacle.
Cedric was the best natural medicine a girl had for what ailed her.
* * * *
Bella gripped the phone so tightly, it should’ve shattered as she listened to Sensei Lee. He spoke in his calm, lyrical manner, making logical arguments for a situation that had no logic.
“Bella, we need you. Your replacement broke his leg skiing. Everyone else is down with the flu. I cannot cancel another class. I have an obligation to our students, and we canceled last week’s classes already.”
Sensei Lee had called to ask her to come back to teach a self-defense class at her old dojo. The class was the same one she’d previously taught, with many of the same students. She hadn’t had any contact with them since the attack, even though a few of them had reached out to her, wondering when she’d return.
Cedric had left this morning for another road trip, and Bella sorely needed a distraction.
She tried to work on her novel featuring a sexy Swedish hockey star and a damaged, struggling former bad girl, but the words wouldn’t come. After her triumph at the game last night and some sexy times afterward with Cedric, she was restless, anxious to stretch her comfort zone and push herself to the next level of healing. Teaching this class would definitely fall into the next level.
Since she was all about recovery and building strength, she agreed to teach the Tuesday/Thursday night class—temporarily.
Loading Rumble in her little car, Bella drove to the dojo that evening. She arrived a couple minutes after start time to reduce small talk and avoid probing questions.
As soon as she walked into the large room, she was greeted warmly by students grateful to see her. Bored with the entire ordeal and missing his evening nap, Rumble found a mat in a corner of the room, claimed it as his, and proceeded to snore and grumble in his sleep.
Bella fended off their questions and started class immediately by asking about their progress since she’d last seen them, which was shockingly minimal. If anything, they’d backslid, which pissed her off. Even worse, two of her long-time regulars had dropped the class.
Miko, her replacement, was a condescending jerk of mega proportions. He didn’t understand why middle-aged women and not-so-athletic men struggled with katas he found ridiculously simple. Bella had once felt the same way though she’d hidden her disdain better than Miko.
He’d undone all the good work she’d done. He wasn’t a bad instructor, but he was better with experienced adults because he was hard on students with his abrasive behavior and critical training methods. These poor people had been through enough without dealing with that man.
They took a break halfway through, and Bella swigged down her water as the group gathered around her, talking all at once, while Bella deflected most of their questions with unrevealing answers.
Deanna, one of her meekest students, stepped forward raising her hand to ask a question. She never spoke in class, jumped at the slightest noise, and reminded Bella of a deer poised to bound away at the first sign of danger. Deanna went about her business and kept her mouth shut, always looking over her shoulder. Bella had heard Deanna had been brutally raped and left for dead by a former abusive boyfriend who’d never been caught. Yet, here she was, brave enough to get out of her comfort zone and attend these classes knowing her abuser lurked out there somewhere ready to finish the job he’d started. Bella felt like a coward and a failure compared to her.
“Yes, Deanna?” Bella asked, and the chattering ceased as every head turned toward the tiny woman.
Deanna fidgeted and cleared her throat. “Bella, uh, are you back for good?”
“No, I’m only filling in.” Bella softened the blow with a smile.
The group groaned collectively, but Deanna didn’t drop the subject, revealing surprising tenacity. “Why?”
“I’m—” Bella struggled for the words. She swung her gaze around the room, taking in the earnest expressions and concerned frowns. When her gaze settled once again on Deanna, something snapped inside her. The compassion in Deanna’s soft brown eyes humbled Bella. Every one of her students had been damaged in some manner either by someone they trusted or by a stranger. They deserved the truth. They deserved to know Bella had joined their exclusive club, a club in which the dues were high and membership was forced. No one understood what Bella was going through as well as this group.
“I’m not worthy of being your instructor,” Bella admitted, as she wiped her clammy hands on her sweats.
“Why would you say something like that?” Deanna pushed, not accepting Bella’s vague response.
Bella sighed and closed her eyes for a moment, calling forth courage to speak the truth as difficult as it might be. Finally, she looked up and met Deanna’s eyes. “I was attacked. I did everything wrong. I walked alone through an unlit area. I ignored the warning signs. By the time I realized I was in trouble, it was too late. This man overpowered me. He took me down and would’ve raped me, even killed me, but a homeless man scared him off.”
Murmurs of sympathy reverberated through the group.
“After all my training and my smug belief I could handle anything, I put myself in a situation I couldn’t handle. Afterward I cowered in a dark room for weeks, afraid to go outside. Only in the past few weeks have I pushed myself to venture out of my apartment.”
“We’re so sorry for what happened to you, Bella,” Deanna said. “But I don’t understand why you don’t want to teach us anymore.”
“Every one of you deserves better. I used to think I was so superior, that I’d never be in a situation to be abused or raped because I was too strong, too experienced, too smart. Until I wasn’t. Come to find out, that smug belief was my undoing. I’m not worthy of any of you.” Bella meant every word she said.
“Don’t ever say that,” Deanna said with such conviction, every stunned gaze landed on her.
Bella was speechless, along with the rest of her class.
Deanna perched her hands on her tiny hips, puffed out her chest, and stood as tall as someone could at five foot one. “You are my heroine. What happened to you makes you even more qualified to teach us, not less.” She flicked her gaze to the others, who vigorously nodded their agreement.
“I can’t.” Bella held her hands up in protest. Their admiration embarrassed her. She’d have basked in their attention two months ago. Now she didn’t want it at all.
“Of course you can.” Deanna silenced Bella’s impending protest with a glare intense and surprising for the usually timid little woman. “We need you, Bella, more than we ever did. You’ve always been a good teacher, but today you were even better, more powerful, more dedicated. You obviously believe in what you’re doing. We need you.”
“He overpowered me.” Sheer agony forced the words from deep down where she hurt the most.
“I bet you fought like a she-wolf,” Steve, Bella’s best student, added with a grin, while heads bobbed in agreement.
“I did.” Bella recalled how hard she’d fought. There hadn’t been an ounce of quit in her.
As if a dam had broken, the students surrounded her, all talking at once, begging her to come back and take over the class. Standing off to one side, Deanna once again retreated to her own world, yet her eyes never left Bella.
These people had been through worse trauma than Bella could imagine—repeated beatings and abuse, brutal rapes, and stabbings from which they’d barely recovered. Despite it all, they wanted Bella.
And Bella wanted them, much to her surprise. She wanted to play a part—even a small one—in their recovery, same as they were playing a part in hers.
Chapter 12—Into the Net
Cedric sat on the bench watching the action on the ice. Coop and Ice flanked either side of him. They were at the last game of a road trip, and Cedric couldn’t wait to get back to Seattle. They’d be at home for several games, and he’d be with Bella.
He ached for Bella, worried about her, tried not to be
an obsessive boyfriend by constantly checking in with her to make sure she was okay. Bella needed to believe she could take care of herself. She needed to find the independent Bella again, even if it meant he might lose her in the process. She’d told him she was filling in at the dojo, and he was glad to hear it. He hated to see her walk away from something she’d worked so hard and long to accomplish. She was good; just because one guy caught her off guard and got the upper hand didn’t mean it would happen again. His money was on Bella.
Cedric readied himself as the shift was about to take place. He leapt over the boards and skated toward the puck. Just as he was in the exact right spot near the net, Coop passed the puck to him, and Cedric snapped his stick, shooting the puck over the goalie’s right shoulder.
Score!
The away crowd remained stoically silent. Cedric grinned as his teammates slapped him on the back and butted helmets with him. The Sockeyes were edging toward upward in the division, and Cedric had just nudged them closer. He wanted nothing more than to kick some ass tonight and head back to Seattle only a few points out of second place.
Despite Cedric’s goal and two assists, and two goals by Coop, the Sockeyes lost a heartbreaker when the Ducks’ Rob Johnson put one in the net at the final buzzer to win the game.
Damn it.
Cedric sat in the locker room with his teammates and pretended to listen to Coach Gorst’s impassioned speech about how close they were and how they needed to keep believing. Cedric wanted to get on that plane and get the hell out of sunny California and back to rainy, dreary Seattle. He’d come to like the rain. In fact, he found the rain somewhat romantic, but his current interest in romance might have more to do with Bella than the rain.
Bella texted him as the bus headed to the airport and their next stop.
Good game.
We lost. He was grumpy as hell.
You’ll always be a winner to me. I have a surprise for you when you get home.
Cedric perked up. Does it involve you getting naked?
It might.
Where are you?
Rumble and I are at your condo, waiting for your return.
I’ll see you in a few hours.
You bet you will.
Brick elbowed him from across the aisle. “No wonder you’re not fun anymore. Another good man has fallen.”
Cedric glared at Brick. “Are you fucking looking at my text messages?”
“Sure am, and they’re fucking boring. I’m disappointed in you, Smooth. I expected more from you. At least some dirty talk.”
“Fuck you.”
“Don’t take it out on me because you’re eating the same cake every night while I’m feasting on the entire dessert menu.”
Cedric rolled his eyes. “Your time will come, asshole.”
Brick shook his head and nudged Rush. “Did you hear that, my man? He thinks we’ll fall prey to the one-woman syndrome and take ourselves off the market.”
Rush snorted. “We own zee market.”
Next to Cedric, Cooper intervened. “You two might own a convenience store, but you don’t have a clue how to handle a full-service market.”
“This from the man who signed up for life with no liberty,” Brick shot back.
“But plenty of happiness.” Coop grinned.
From behind him, Isaac piped up. “Boys, you’re the ones missing out. Not us.”
Brick and Rush laughed long and hard. Wild and Deli, two other single guys, joined in.
“Poor clueless bastards,” Coop said to Cedric.
Cedric nodded, realizing it wasn’t very long ago when he was one of those clueless bastards, but now he’d joined the ranks of the enlightened if he only he could convince Bella they had more going for them than security and convenience and damn good sex.
Coop watched him with knowing eyes. “So it’s going pretty good with Bella?”
“Yeah, she’s getting better day by day.”
“I meant between the two of you, moron.”
“We’re good and getting better too.”
Coop nodded and dropped the subject. His buddy wasn’t much for long personal conversations, one of the things Cedric appreciated about him.
A few hours later, they landed in wet and chilly Seattle. Cedric jogged to his car and made like a race car driver in his haste to get home. The elevator took too long, and he debated jogging up the stairs but decided he’d need his energy.
A few minutes later he entered the condo and tripped over Rumble, who grumbled his displeasure.
“Damn, fucking black dog. Why the hell do you have to lie across doorways in the dark?”
Rumble growled and stalked off, obviously annoyed. The damn dog behaved more like a cat than a dog, not that Cedric had much experience with pets of any kind, even goldfish.
Cedric found Bella naked in his bed, and he was damn glad he’d conserved his energy.
* * * *
“Move back in with me,” Cedric said, as Bella floated back down to earth after a mind-blowing orgasm. Talk about hitting a girl while she was up. At a loss for how to respond, she narrowed her eyes and punched him in the arm.
“Ouch!” He rubbed his arm and grimaced. “What was that for?”
“You’re a wuss.”
“Damn right. I hate pain.”
Bella laughed at the ridiculousness of that statement. Hockey players put up with more pain than any other professional athlete, in her opinion. “I’m messy. I have a house dog. I’m also high-maintenance. Why would you want me to move back in?”
“For all those reasons and more. Maybe I’d get my furniture back.”
“Not a chance. Besides, we’d drive each other crazy.”
“It’d be a good crazy.”
More than skeptical, Bella shook her head.
“Then I’ll move in with you,” he said.
“Ced, you don’t know what you’re getting into.”
He rubbed his chin, as if deep in thought. Suddenly his eyes opened wide, and he chuckled. “Actually, I do.” A second later he turned all kinds of serious, almost as if he didn’t believe the answer himself.
“I’m not sure I want to hear this.” She leaned in close to him and traced his jawline with her finger hoping to distract him. His naked body sure as hell distracted her.
“I think—” He shook his head and looked her straight in the eyes, more earnest than she’d ever seen him. “No, I know.” He paused.
Bella rushed to stop him, afraid he might say words he couldn’t ever retract. “Ced, you don’t—”
He silenced her with look from his intense blue eyes. “I’ve fallen in love with you, Bella.” The brightness in his eyes left no doubt as to the truth of his words.
Yet, she didn’t believe he could love her. She wasn’t lovable. Why would Cedric, the man who had it all, love a screwed-up mess like her? How soon before he lost interest and moved on to the next woman? Especially now that he’d caught her, and the thrill of the chase was gone.
“No, you don’t. You’re enjoying being my knight, but you don’t love me.” Bella couldn’t handle someone loving her. She wasn’t worthy of love. If she had been, maybe her parents would’ve stayed home more and been parents. Even her bad behavior dating back to her teenage years hadn’t made any kind of impression on them, good or bad.
“I think I’m the judge of that.”
“Cedric, why ruin a good thing?” Bella rubbed her face in exasperation.
“My point exactly. Move in with me, be my girlfriend, and let’s see where it goes.”
She opened her mouth to protest, but he sat up abruptly in bed and pulled her beside him. He turned to her, his charming smile at full wattage. Bella steeled herself to resist, even while wondering if her resistance would be enough.
“You can’t say no to this outrageously handsome face.” He grinned.
“Outrageously conceited.”
“Confident,” he countered.
Bella laughed, unable to stop herself. Cedric always
made her laugh. “How about a one-week trial?” Her dormant spontaneous self offered a compromise to her newly minted practical self.
He kissed her soundly and pulled her close. “I want more. Take the plunge, Bells. You won’t be sorry.”
“How could I be with such an outrageously handsome man sharing my bed.” She deftly avoided giving him the answer she was afraid to give.
“Our bed,” he countered.
Actually, it would be his bed, but she decided not to remind him.
“One caveat,” he added, holding up his hand.
“Oh, now you’re getting demanding?”
“I want my furniture back.”
“Deal,” she said quickly. “I was in a bad spot when I redecorated your condo.”
“Thank God.” He sobered again. “Bells, I want to make all your dreams come true. Find what you want to do, and whatever I can do to make it happen, I will.”
Bella lifted a finger to his lips to silence him. “I don’t need a Prince Charming, I need a lover and a friend.”
“Is that a song?”
“Sounds like one.”
“Are you going back to teaching self-defense?”
Bella sighed. “I don’t know. I’ll do a few more classes and reconsider. I don’t feel right about it.”
“You said your students wanted you back. What’s so wrong about that?”
“I feel like an imposter.”
He rubbed his temples, as if she were giving him a headache. She probably was. He didn’t understand her reluctance, and she didn’t expect him to. It wasn’t easy to explain without her sounding like a whiny victim rather than a woman who could no longer pretend to be something she wasn’t.
She didn’t know what to do with her future any more than she did a few months ago, and her indecision placed her firmly in the flake category as far as she was concerned.
Meanwhile, Cedric had transformed from an irresponsible playboy to a man any woman would be proud to call her forever love. He’d become a standup guy like her sisters’ men. In fact, the unreasonable jealousy Bella had experienced as each sister had fallen in love had faded considerably in the past few months.
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