by A. C. Wilson
“You are a good husband and Drew adores you.” Nora hurried to assure him, but it sounded hollow in his ears. He raised a hand, his palm towards her.
“I’m a roommate, Nora. I was a husband for one day and as much as I cherish that one day, it’s not worth this.” Randy couldn’t breathe. The words weighed with too much truth and there was no retrieving them. Nora looked stunned and it was no more than he felt.
“Randy, I…,” Nora opened and closed her mouth in utter shock. She took a tentative step towards him, but they both were acutely aware of the front door opening. Drew walked into the living room and threw his backpack onto the couch. Both Randy and Nora looked at the boy with some surprise and guilt. The conversation would have to continue at another time, which usually meant that it never did.
Some things were just too much. Sometimes love just wasn’t enough.
Chapter 3
Randy stood from the couch and clutched his lower back with a grimace. Bending slightly backwards, a couple of pops relieved him of the immediate pain.
Too bad it hurt in places worse than his back. Tugging his jeans back on and fastening the metal button, he tried to kick the odd sense of déjà vu. This was his normal routine. It wasn’t at all what he’d imagined when he had proposed to Nora. Albeit the proposals had started to become a joke. In five years he had proposed marriage at least that many times. He’d given up on Nora accepting him, but the fourth time, she’d sent him over the moon. They’d come so close to the wedding and she’d gotten cold feet.
Cold feet was normal. He’d been told that and he’d not thought too much on it. Fifth time was the charm apparently since she’d made it down the aisle and into his arms. She was so beautiful. His heart clenched at remembering how lucky he had felt. The world started that day. The day he’d given his heart to her and promised to cherish her until his dying day.
What kind of death? Physical. Emotional. He was falling apart and there was nothing he could do about it, well, it would gut him completely. Walking away was never part of the plan! He’d never quit at anything before. Randy shook his head and tried to dislodge the emotional gangrene. The infection ate away at reason and it made it so much harder to pretend things would change, that Nora would change.
“Good morning.” A youthful voice came from the second bedroom and Randy turned to see Drew bouncing into the room. Randy couldn’t deny the sudden burst of joy that filled his heart. The boy had been five when Randy and Nora had married. It was of some concern that Drew feel comfortable with his mother’s husband. It wasn’t unfounded. Accepting another man’s child wasn’t something everyone did.
Hell, he’s more mine than his biological father’s. That was the truth! Drew and Randy had been taken with each other from day one. It was Nora that caused the hesitancy. Little boys wanted a father figure and Lord knew that Drew had his uncles and his grandfather, but a real dad, that was an incredible honor.
“Good morning, buddy. Did you sleep okay?” Randy picked up his t-shirt and pulled it over his head. Drew bobbed his head in response, but the boy was headed for the cereal cabinet underneath the microwave. As always, Nora left out a bowl and a spoon for Drew. The boy would pick out his cereal of the week, this week’s Cap’N Crunch, and pour himself breakfast. For almost seven years old, Drew was quite capable. Randy was proud of him.
“Hey Dad, did you talk to Mom about the trip?” Drew danced around the island in his dinosaur socks. Randy’s smile disappeared and he shook his head gently.
“Not yet, but I will.” Randy turned his back to Drew as he tucked his shirt into his jeans and slid his belt into place.
“I know she’ll say yes and it is going to be so much fun!” Drew said excitedly as he prepared to pour some milk over his cereal. Randy could only nod.
“What’s going to be so much fun?” Nora asked from her doorway, her hair twisted up into a ponytail. Randy couldn’t believe it was possible, but his heart sank further down in his chest.
“Dad’s going to take me to see Grandpa and Grandma on Saturday!” Drew strutted around as if he’d been given an award.
Maybe he deserved one for valor. By the look on Nora’s face, they weren’t going to get out of this unscathed. Nora’s left brow rose in question, her blue eyes sparking.
“I have to go back up to my parents’ this weekend and I mentioned it to Drew.” Randy kept his voice level and then turned his eyes to the energetic boy. “I told him we’d have to ask you if he could go.” Drew tilted his head at the change of voice. Randy hated that the child even knew the difference in tones. Kids could be so discerning and adults took it for granted.
“I’ll think about it.” Nora snapped, clearly hating that the boys had kept secrets from her. A secret that really wasn’t even a secret. Randy nodded once in agreement. Nora went to the kitchen to fix some coffee and he figured it was as good a time as any to get the heck out of Dodge. Randy pulled his boots on and settled his jacket onto his shoulders. Drew gave him a hug and with a brief glance in Nora’s direction, he headed out the door.
His old blue Ford rumbled down the dirt road, Randy’s thoughts on anything but driving the last few miles to the Crossing Pines Ranch. He’d worked there for well over six years. Travis and Lacey Johnson, Nora’s parents, were gracious and good-hearted. It had never bothered them that their foreman was smitten with their daughter and now he was their son-in-law. It wasn’t that he wasn’t welcome into the family. Randy got along well with Matt and Garrett, Nora’s brothers, too. When it was just the guys of the family, Randy felt comfortable. It was adding Nora that changed things. With her around, he felt out of place and more of a misfit than he ever had before.
Randy rubbed his palm on the leather of the steering wheel. His heart thumped steadily in his chest. It was cruel. The pain was like a brand he wore with less and less hope of hiding it. Flipping the radio on, Randy tried to drown out the voice in his head. The familiar voice of John Michael Montgomery crooned words that seemed to fit Randy’s turmoil.
Life's a dance
you learn as you go
Sometimes you lead,
sometimes you follow
Don't worry about what
you don't know
Life's a dance you
learn as you go
Randy shook his head, blinking quickly at the sunshine coming up on the horizon. The trouble was he did worry about what he didn’t know. The unknown was wreaking havoc in his world and it was making both he and Nora miserable.
Maybe it was time to figure something out. It had to be better than slowly incinerating on the inside.
Randy pulled into his spot beside the barn and turned off the engine. As predictable as the sun coming up, Travis was in the barn. The doors stood ajar. Tucking his irritation further away from the surface, Randy pulled his light canvas jacket close and zipped it up. Spring in the Black Hills had a funny way of being spectacularly beautiful, but still chilly. The nip was usually refreshing; however, today it went right to the bone. An answering shiver added confirmation. Randy walked the thirty yards to the barn door and pulled his leather gloves out as he went inside. The instant he stepped into the building, the smells of straw, horse manure, and hay hit him hard. He took in a deep breath holding it in his chest until his head was back on straight. Nora couldn’t be fixed, at least not right now. Mulling it over in his brain would only make the problem worse.
“Good morning!” Travis came around the corner with a bucket of fresh water. Randy smiled at his father-in-law and gave a slow nod. Turning to his right, Randy clutched a couple of flakes of hay to toss into the horses’ feeders.
Miss Sioux, a black and white painted mare, snorted at the dust as he filled her feeder first. Continuing down the line, Old Pete munched happily as soon as the hay hit the metal container and Goliath twitched his nose and shook his head in irritation. It was the big horse’s process to be uppity. The sorrel was restless and always itching to be free of the barn. Randy shook his head at Goliath. The h
orse was young and full of vinegar.
Another stall stood empty next to Goliath and Randy sighed at the quiet of the space. Rayne’s horse Black Hills Summer and her foal were temporarily housed in the barn while a new place was being built for them on the Randall Ranch. Rayne Randall had been introduced into the family only months ago. She and Garrett were an explosive couple that raged openly at each other and in the next breath, were wrapped up tightly together again. It was quite the thing to see! Randy was sure that they’d be married before long, but there still wasn’t a ring on Rayne’s finger.
“You look like you didn’t get enough sleep last night.” Travis hefted another bucket of water and dumped it into Miss Sioux’s rubber tub. Randy dusted off his jeans and raised a brow in acknowledgment.
“Try not enough sleep in months.” Randy groaned.
Days. Months. Years. It all seemed the same to him. Randy shook his head when Travis raised both of his bushy, greying brows. Both kept quiet as they continued with their chores. Randy didn’t want to spill all of the problems he was having with Nora. Travis didn’t want to stick his foot in the steaming pile that was his daughter’s marriage.
“Hey Dad!” Matt greeted his father as he walked into the barn with Garrett close on his heels. Randy couldn’t help but grin back at Nora’s youngest brother, Matt. It was nearly impossible not to like him. Matt was almost eternally happy since he’d found, wooed, and married his own angel, Andy. Lucky man in the process had gained a daughter and now they were expecting a new bundle of joy. That thought was like a knife to the gut for Randy. He envied Matt and Andy’s joy.
Lucky, lucky man! Randy lifted a gloved hand in greeting and busied himself with a pitch fork.
“I hadn’t expected you two for another hour. Did the girls kick you out?” Travis joked with his boys. The camaraderie was infectious and it was hard for Randy to resist.
“You know that Rayne can’t wait to get Garrett out of her hair.” Matt grinned mischievously as his brother rolled his eyes.
“Oh, come on, I know for a fact that you are driving Andy nuts! She calls Rayne every day just to complain about how you hover.” Garrett threw back at his brother and Travis chuckled. It was totally the truth. Matt even nodded in agreement before he leaned his back against the stall wall beside Miss Sioux.
“I can’t help it! She’s already four months along. Anything can happen and she still tries to do everything she did before we got pregnant.” Matt grouched. Garrett laughed out loud.
“I’m pretty sure Andy is the one pregnant and not you, little brother!” Garrett dodged a dark scowl from Matt.
“If you haven’t noticed, as a couple, Andy and I are in this together. She has enough work trying to take care of Harper and now this baby. I’m responsible for making sure she takes care of herself too.” Matt was starting to turn red and Randy didn’t know if it was from anger or embarrassment.
It could be a bit of both. Randy shook his head.
“You’re a good father and husband, Matt. No one here doubts that.” Travis squeezed his youngest son’s shoulder. “A word from the wise though, women have been doing this forever. It’s best to let them feel things out. Andy will let you know if she needs you.” Travis smiled and took his leather gloves off. The point must have been made, because that ended the baby talk.
“Oh, Randy! Andy told me she talked to Nora about going to see that country band that is playing at The Well tomorrow.” Matt took his hat off and readjusted the fit.
“What band is that?” Garrett asked from his position next to Goliath. The big sorrel horse has his head slung over Garrett’s shoulder. No one could handle the horse’s twitchy attitude quite like Garrett.
“You know, I’m not for sure. Andy just saw the flyer at the grocery store and thought it would be fun to double date.” Matt shrugged and Garrett shook his head disapprovingly.
“Why didn’t you invite Rayne and me? We could use a night out. Damn ranch is taking more time than ever.” Garrett gave Goliath a pat and stepped towards Travis and Matt. Randy felt like a fly on the wall, even though he had been initiated into the conversation.
“I know the ranch has needed some updating, but we all know that’s not why you haven’t been out and about.” Travis grinned deviously at his son and Garrett’s brown eyes widened in shock. It was clear he couldn’t believe that his dad had said that. Randy fought back the urge to laugh, but he couldn’t say the same for Matt. Matt closed his eyes and bowed his head. Everyone knew he was laughing his butt off!
“I can’t believe you just said that!” Garrett sputtered, still in shock. It was a rarity to see Garrett tongue-tied anyway.
“Hey! I was young once too. I’m not immune to a beautiful girl’s charms either. Believe it or not, your mother and I used to be wrapped up in each other just as much, if not more than you and Rayne.” Travis adopted his older son’s cocky grin. Randy hadn’t seen it before, but it fit the man. Time weathered them all and it was almost impossible to see the youth under such age.
“It just seems odd to be discussing it all now.” Garrett muttered as he readjusted his hat. Matt lifted his head and grinned at the turn the topic of conversation had taken.
“Ok. We were talking about the concert at the bar Friday night and got off track.” Matt lifted his eyes to Randy. “So, how about it?” Matt waited expectantly and Randy couldn’t guess exactly what it was the guys wanted him to say. In all honesty, he wanted to say no. In reality, he knew he’d say yes. Things were bad, but they could always get worse. The little devil on his shoulder told him that things were worse, but maybe a date could make some things better.
Drunk Nora equals uninhibited sex. His abdomen tightened in response to the thought. He didn’t want to analyze exactly why it had.
“Sounds good.” Randy pressed his lips together and turned back to his chores. The conversation continued without him and Randy was once again left to his own coil of thoughts.
Chapter 4
Nora felt frazzled. The fight with Randy last night, if you could even call it that, was just another extension of many discussions. There was never any progress forward or backward. It was ironic really considering that they’d been stalled out for over a year. Nora took a deep breath, pulled her t-shirt over her head and slipped her arms through the sleeves. She closed her eyes.
Nothing feels right. Everything in her world was beyond messed up and it was starting to ache. It was starting to turn everything upside down and she just couldn’t take it anymore! She was at the point where something had to give. Nora snapped the top button on her jeans and trudged into the living room. Drew had gone to school and she’d called into work.
A head injury that didn’t hurt anymore, but a heart that did. She was just about to reach for her cold coffee cup when her cell phone buzzed on the counter. Picking it up, she half smiled when she saw who was calling.
“Hey Rayne.” Nora tried to sound cheerful and for just a second she wanted to fool the world. Too bad her brother’s girlfriend wasn’t so easily fooled.
“Hey yourself. Are you going into work today?” Rayne asked, her voice expectant. Nora lifted her gaze to the ceiling.
News travels fast. Well it was a small town after all.
“I just called in. My head still hurts from yesterday.” Nora hoped that her fib would pass muster. She hadn’t realized she’d been holding her breath until Rayne sighed into the receiver.
“I don’t think it’s just your head, Nora.” Rayne’s voice was soft, but the conviction kept it firm. “Come over here. Andy is coming for some tea.” It wasn’t really a question. Rayne had an uncanny way of seeing things so clearly. Nora couldn’t ignore the fisting of pain near her sternum. Her hand covered the spot.
“I really should do some laundry and clean the house…”Even the excuses sounded vague and sorry to her ears.
“Get over here! If we don’t see you in the next hour, we are coming over there.” Rayne meant it and Nora didn’t dare push the issue right
now. She was feeling bad enough about things with Randy. The girls would see right through her if she pushed them to come over.
“Fine. To hell with the damn tea! Put on a pot of coffee!” Nora fought the grin that curved her lips. She clicked off the phone and put it back down on the counter. Sighing to herself, she dumped her cold coffee out in the sink and put the mug in to wash. Her stomach clenched in hunger.
I hope it’s hunger. Deciding that it wouldn’t hurt to bring a peace offering to Andy and Rayne, Nora found her tennis shoes. She’d run into town and grab some donuts at the bakery. Sugar fixed everything and what sugar couldn’t fix, caffeine definitely could!
The white box with the sugared, glazed, and filled pastries bounced in the front seat of Nora’s car. Matt had brought it by last night, otherwise the girls really would have had to come get her. Nora’s eyes burned with the tears that still threatened to spill. She hated the miles that gave her time to think. She pressed her lips together in a firm, thin line and gripped the steering wheel tighter. Her palms burned with the strength she was using.
Damn her conscience anyway! What the hell does it know? She hated what she was doing to Randy. She hated that he suffered because of the choices she had made. She nearly hated herself for not being able to change it.
But…something had to change and soon. If it didn’t, well, all she knew was it was going to lead to something messy and public. Neither of which there was any coming back from.
Nora turned onto the Randall Ranch property and continued to follow the dirt drive for a mile to Rayne’s house. She adjusted her sunglasses on her nose, returning her hand to the steering wheel. As the resided barn came into view, Nora pulled up alongside Andy’s black Ford Escape and turned the engine off. Taking a deep breath in the silence, she knew she was as good as found out. There wasn’t keeping much to yourself when Andy and Rayne were together. Swallowing hard, Nora grabbed the donuts and got out of her car. As predicted, Andy and Rayne were already on the porch waiting.
