by A. C. Wilson
“What do you mean by that?” She had to ask even if she didn’t think she’d like the answer. Colt had had the audacity to chuckle.
“It would take a lifetime to know you completely Nora, and even then I’m willing to bet you would still have secrets. You bury all the gritty parts.” Colt smiled when she had raised a brow. “Oh, you know what I mean. Those delicate, frightfully beautiful parts of you that you’re afraid might be broken.”
Damn Colt for seeing her! Damn the universe for being so male. A woman was a pit of secrets and if one told you that she wasn’t, well, she would be lying.
“There would hardly be any mystery if I laid myself out bare to the world. It wouldn’t be entirely comfortable either.” Nora tried to soften her tone, but it didn’t work. There was an edge as sharp as a razor blade and Colt detected it. He nodded his head and looked thoughtfully at her. Nora squirmed under the scrutiny.
She would never forget those eyes and the shimmer of understanding that watched her. Colt had at least ceased to speak on that subject and Nora was thankful for that. It was still too broken and raw to be dissected to find the cause. Colt switched the conversation to his new home and the progress of building an equine breeding program. He had laughed at her when she’d mentioned horse racing and told her that first things came first. It was important to maintain the gifted bloodlines of the horses he had bought. Nora remembered the proud gleam in his eyes and the amazement in his voice. Colt had found his dream and it was funding other dreams.
Inhaling a deep breath and holding it in her chest, Nora closed her eyes and expelled it. Twice more she did this to clear her head and to wake up from the dream land she had been flirting so carelessly with. Still she couldn’t get the visions of those eyes out of her head. When she had first met Colt Cavanaugh, Nora was instantly hooked on his fearless attitude and country boy looks.
Heck he made torn jeans and a ratty ball cap look good! She couldn’t argue with her inner voice. She’d been smitten the moment his mouth opened to greet her and then again when it had closed over her lips. Nora smiled shyly as she remembered their first kiss. They had been sitting on the ranch truck’s tailgate after they had finished loading some hay bales. She was swinging her feet carelessly and laughing at something Colt had said. His fingertips brushed her hand without ever really taking ahold of it. She would cast a small smile his way and then act like she had no idea what he was up to. Still she begged the creator of the universe to let that boy kiss her.
“What’s your favorite time of day?” Colt had asked her looking out over the shorn alfalfa field. He had taken off his shirt to even out his farmer’s tan and Nora just couldn’t keep herself from watching his muscles flex.
“Honestly?” She had coyly asked and grinned when he gave her a shake of his head.
“Yes, of course honestly.” He laughed and brushed a ladybug off his jeans. Nora watched his hands and smiled at him.
“My favorite time of day is any time I’m with you.” Nora had felt a surge of daring and then of nerves. Her stomach knotted as she watched Colt’s perfect mouth drop open and then look away. She grimaced thinking how her lack of thought usually caused her to spend some time yanking her foot out of her mouth. This time was just one of many unfortunately.
Nora remembered sliding off the tailgate of the pickup wishing the ground would swallow her whole. The only sound in that hay field was the sound of a meadowlark. She had no more touched her boots to the ground when Colt reached out to grab her hand.
“Nora…” Her name was like a breath on his lips as he spun her around and crushed his lips down hungrily on her own.
Prairie fire. It was like a burst of red hot fire streaking into her soul. His hands held her jaw as his tongue teased her lips open and she instinctively stepped into the space his parted legs made. Her hands went around his waist and gently held onto the leather belt. Thus began their entrancing summer romance. She had spent nearly every waking moment with Colt Cavanaugh and if she wasn’t with him, she was thinking of him. He assured her on more than one occasion that she was always on his mind as well. Her adult heart fluttered at the thought now as she rolled to her side and hugged her fluffy pillow more tightly. How had something so easy as loving someone become so difficult to do now? That twisted conscience of hers remained silent.
A whole summer of sneaking behind the horse barn and making out until one of her brothers came looking for them. A whole summer of discovering the thrill of loving someone and waiting impatiently for every sunset to be together. It was exciting and it was their own. No one could take away that first love and although she had been in her early twenties, it was well worth the wait.
“Do you believe in the North Star? Do you believe that it guides us to the one we are meant to love?” Nora asked, her head on Colt’s chest as they laid in the back of his truck bed one sticky summer night. There had been only the blanket of stars above them and the crickets chirping in the trees. Colt had stopped running his fingertip along her shoulder blades as he thought about her question. She listened to the steady beat of his heart beneath her ear.
“No, I don’t believe it does. I think we meet the people we are supposed to meet in the time we are allowed. I am pretty sure they call that fate.” Colt had chuckled and she felt his laugh jostle her head.
“Fate. I didn’t think you put much stock into that word.” Nora couldn’t explain then why she had been hurt by him not believing in a constant like the North Star. He had only shrugged and stayed quiet. She couldn’t help slipping into that funky mood where young people go to lick their wounds. In hindsight it was stupid, because it was their last night together. Colt would leave the next day to go to Nashville and pursue his dream.
“You’re upset with me for not believing that the North Star brought us together?” Colt had asked her a few minutes later and she didn’t fail to note the hint of sarcasm.
Of all the guys you fall for you have to pick the least romantic one! Oh yes, her little voice had a mouth even then!
“It was just a thought.” Nora half whispered against his naked skin as he held her against him. Their time had grown short and soon the wee hours of the morning would begin. There seemed so much left to say and none of it could be said. Colt had sat up pulling the light, woven blanket around his naked hips and took her chin in his hand. She had no other choice but to look into those keen eyes, the very color of liquid metal.
“You are not my North Star, Nora. You’re the pole that makes my compass go crazy.” Colt grinned gently at her. “But as long as I’m with you, I don’t care where we are. I don’t care how we found each other. What counts is that we are together now.” He held her gaze and she had to blink back the tears that welled up. He kissed her lips and pulled her back into that intricate place of soft touches and simple promises.
So maybe he is romantic after all. Yes, maybe Colt Cavanaugh was as smitten as she was then, but the question remained, was there anything for them now?
It was well into the afternoon by the time Nora convinced her lazy self to get out of bed and into the shower. She had grunted and groaned the whole way there, but once inside it was nearly the best twenty minutes of her life. The warm spray from the shower head found every aching muscle and soothed it into submission. It calmed the lonely army of thoughts in her head. All of them were clamoring for answers and answers were something in short supply.
At least for the time being. There was always a catch and this one hinged on how Colt felt about her and what would happen when she told him about their son. Climbing out of the shower, Nora reached for her towel and ran it along her body. Once she had wrapped it around her chest, she took another and dried her dripping hair. Picking up her comb, Nora ran it through the length of tangles. More than once lately she had considered cutting it shorter. The less hair she had meant the less time it took to make it manageable.
Buzz. Buzz. The sound of her phone vibrating caught her ear. Wondering if it was Drew calling her back from last nig
ht, she hurried out of the bathroom. Finding her phone next to the television, Nora picked it up and looked at the screen.
Andy. Taking a deep breath, she swiped the screen and answered the call.
“Hey, is everything okay?” Nora asked, sitting on the edge of the California King bed.
“Yea, everything is fine. I stopped by your house to drop off those magazines and you weren’t home.” Andy sounded concerned and Nora hated that her sister-in-law was worried about her.
“Thank you for bringing them by. I decided to take a mini vacation. I’ll be back in a day or two.” Nora knew that being vague wouldn’t settle Andy’s nerves. They had become really close friends, but Nora always maintained the perspective that Andy was married to Matt. If loyalties were threatened, Andy would choose her husband and Nora couldn’t risk an all-out war. Family was deeply important and Nora wouldn’t jeopardize that relationship with false allegiances.
“Nora, please tell me what is going on. I know something is up. Garrett called Matt and said he and Randy went to North Platte. Your mom is acting really strange and Travis isn’t saying anything as usual.” Andy’s voice rose an octave and Nora knew it had her friend really worried. It probably didn’t help that Andy was pregnant and hormonal, but only a stupid person would mention that.
“I’m in Deadwood to see Colt’s concert tonight.” Nora wished she could ignore the sharply indrawn breath on the other end of the line. If anyone could make her feel badly about this choice, Andy could certainly do that.
“Oh, Nora, please tell me you are joking? This has marriage suicide all over it! What are you going to do if Randy finds out?” Andy flew through the words. Nora squinted her eyes trying to focus on what her friend was saying to her. Her brother’s wife in hysterics was that last thing Nora needed.
“Calm down. Take a deep breath, please.” Nora said calmly and evenly until she knew that Andy was following her. Nora even did as she was instructing the other woman to do.
“Randy and I are taking some space from each other. My parents know that I am here and Drew is fine with them.” Nora wished she could make it sound better, but there really wasn’t a way to do that. Her head was starting to pound and she lay back on the coverlet.
“Nora, what are you doing?” Andy’s soft words cracked the thin layer of veneer that Nora was able to maintain this whole time. There was pity, pain, and a quiet reservation to give the benefit of the doubt. Andy had never judged any of Nora’s decisions and it was something that she greatly treasured in her brother’s wife. Andy and Nora had been friends before they were sisters. It was something special that Nora didn’t want to lose.
“I am trying to figure out where I belong. I don’t even know what I want anymore, if I ever did.” Nora closed her eyes. “I am pretty sure that Randy and I are over and no matter what happens with Colt, there is little beyond a miracle that can change that.” Nora wiped the two tears that streaked from the corners of her eyes.
Traitors.
“You belong here with your son and your family. You belong with a man who loves you. Randy loves you, Nora.” Andy pleaded as if Nora were a person on a ledge of a tall building or as if she were standing on the cusp of an overpass waiting to jump. Nora felt her insides squeeze in agony.
“I know he loves me, but I am not in love with him. I think I am still in love with Colt.” Nora took a deep breath and sat up on the bed. The silence on the line almost made her wish she had never started this conversation. Andy couldn’t help it if she thought Nora was crazy. Hell, if it were Nora’s friend doing this very same thing, Nora would think it was crazy.
“Colt is Drew’s father, isn’t he?” Spot on deduction from a very smart woman. Andy probably knew from the evening at the bar, but it had never been said. Now the cat was out of the bag completely.
“He is and I’m going to tell him about Drew.” Nora wished she felt as brave as the words she spoke. She had read once that there could be no courage without fear. She hoped that were true, because otherwise, she would chicken out. Nearly seven years she had kept this secret from everyone. It had been her only secret from her family, albeit a big one.
“I think everyone was wondering the night of the concert and why Randy was acting so strangely. It’s one thing to wonder and quite another to know the truth.” Andy’s resignation made some sense. The ending to a story was always a letdown of sorts. The secret kept people on their toes wondering what was going to happen next.
“Well now I just need to figure how to tell Colt about Drew.” It was the truth. There were so many scenarios running through her head and only one of them was good. The odds weren’t exactly in her favor.
“Draw on your strengths, Nora. Don’t beat around the bush. You were never good at delaying what needs to be said. Tell him straight out and in as few of words as you can.” Andy had certainly gotten down to business and Nora smiled at her friend’s determination. Nora got off the bed and began unzipping her suitcase.
“You know, Andy, I can handle him being angry with me about keeping Drew a secret from him, but what will I do if Colt doesn’t want to know his son?” Knowing Colt knew about Drew and him choosing not to be a part of Drew’s life would be unbearably painful.
“Drew won’t be losing anything, Nora. He has a family and lots of people who love him. He will never want for male role models and he’ll always get more advice than he will ever need. He will survive it and so will you.” The smile in Andy’s voice warmed Nora’s fear. Things happened for a reason. She believed in that with all her heart.
“Thank you, Andy, for listening to my side of it.” Nora wished she could say so much more, but a great deal of it she couldn’t even put into words.
“I will always be here, Nora. You’re my sister.” Andy laughed and Nora nodded to herself. “Go tell Colt your big secret. Call me if you need me.”
“Here goes nothing.” Nora half whispered and hung up the phone. It was time to change the world.
Chapter 12
As busy musicians go, Colt wasn’t available until an hour before his concert at The Grand. Nora had been all psyched up for the telling of an almost seven year old secret but by the time the day had whittled itself away, she was more nervous than a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs. It was something her grandmother used to say and now she knew exactly what it meant. Her heart was going to leap out of her chest and more than once her hand would cover it just to make sure it was still there.
“Well don’t you look fit to stomp all over the guys here!” Nora closed her eyes to the sound of a deep voice falling on her ear from over her shoulder. The warmth of the whisper made her shiver and she wondered at it. Turning with a smile, Nora looked into those eyes she saw in her dreams.
“Someone has to, don’t they?” She offered a cheeky smile as Colt took her hand and stepped back to look her over.
“Shoot! The boys won’t know what hit them.” He grinned and led her to a table in the corner of the restaurant. “Are you planning on dancing all night?” He slipped a chair out for her.
“Only if you’re singing all night.” Nora sat her clutch on the tabletop and sat in the chair. Colt chuckled and moved across the table to sit. Nora had to remind herself to take a deep breath.
“I’m sorry it was such a long day. There were some bugs to work out and then rehearsal with the band. I hope you aren’t mad.” Colt looked genuinely worried that she would nail him for his unavailability. She could only shake her head. It had bothered her to wait on him. Anticipation was a cruel emotion.
“Does that happen often on the road?” Nora asked, reaching for the glass of water in front of her. The ice clinked against the glass and she took a sip.
“Often enough, I guess. I’ve done it for so long that it has become old habit.” He tilted his head to the side as if considering the time he spent pursuing and cementing his dream into place. Colt picked up his glass of water.
“When do you get time off?” Nora was curious how a relati
onship might work with a touring musician. He grinned as he sat his glass back down.
“Lately time off is few and far between. I’m gone probably eight or nine months out of the year. When I’m home in Nashville, I’m in the studio recording or writing new material.” Colt spoke with a satisfied glow and Nora felt a slight pinch. She looked down at her hands in her lap and the tight clasp that was turning her knuckles white.
“Work doesn’t really leave time for anything else, does it?” Nora hated how soft her voice had become, because there was pain underneath it. Colt lifted his chin as if gauging just what was going on here.
“I haven’t needed anything else. It has always been about living my dream and I am.” Colt furrowed his brow, but the passion with which he spoke of his career was enough to tell her that it always took priority. He looked as if he wanted to say more, but their waitress stopped next to Nora.
It only took a few minutes to order a couple of drinks and their dinner. Nora had been quick to ask for a double Amaretto Sour. Colt tried hard to smother a smirk, but she saw it.
This hasn’t gone exactly as I thought. Nora’s inner voice whined and it made her as sad as it did angry. She should have come with no expectations and there would not have been hurt feelings. She felt stupid for believing that there wouldn’t be holes in her plans.
“What is going on, Nora?” Colt raised a brow when she opened her mouth to deflect his question. “Come on, I know there is something wrong.”
“Where do I even start?” Nora asked more of herself than of Colt. He leaned forward slightly and sat his folded hands on the table. He was investing time into hearing what she had to say. It made her stomach turn with fear and guilt.
“How about you start at the beginning? How did you meet your husband? You have a son together?” Colt couldn’t have known the nerve he struck even by mentioning Drew. It was almost like she had stepped on a landmine. It nearly shook her resolve to tell Colt the whole truth.
