“Wait till you see grumpy-just-woke-up-with-morning-breath Jayce after we’ve spent a night sleeping on the tour bus. That’s enough to scare off any woman.”
That only made me think of waking up next him, naked and wrapped up in cotton sheets, our arms and legs tangled together, bodies pressed against each other.
I squashed that thought immediately.
I hoped maybe those heated moments we’d had would die a slow death once the other band members showed up and invaded the tour bus, but they hadn’t. The sexual tension between us had only intensified. I hoped to god the others hadn’t realized there was something going on.
Every time Jayce threw that stare my way, my knees went as weak as jelly. I was determined not to let him affect me like that, but if I didn’t get a hold of myself, I was going to die from sexual frustration before summer was over.
A small part of me couldn’t help but think that, as far as dying went, it wouldn’t be a bad way to go.
***
don’t even think about getting your dirty paws on Jayce or you’ll be sorry
i’ll make you regret every word you’ve ever said to him
A spike of fear shot through my chest. Another one. Another threatening message. Was it the same person as before or someone else? Why did they think there was something between me and Jayce?
I flushed as I thought about the looks he kept giving me. How could Jayce be interested in me? He was a rock star. He could have any girl he wanted. There could never be anything between us.
No, this person must just be a jealous fan. They knew I got to go behind the scenes and interact with Feral Silence. Of course they would worry I’d go after one of the guys. After all, most fans were halfway in love with at least one member of the band.
Still, I couldn’t shake off the chill that overtook my body whenever I thought of those messages.
What if someone was really out to get me?
“Hey, you okay?”
I nearly jumped out of my skin as Jayce walked through the door to the artist’s lounge. This concert venue only had one, and I’d been perched on the edge of a loveseat, trying to get some work done.
“Sorry. Did I startle you?”
Jayce looked like he was on his way to the stage, pure white guitar in hand. I thought, not for the first time, what a perfect contrast the skin of his hands made against that guitar of his. Was that why he’d chosen it? Did he know how seductive it made him look?
He must. Everything Jayce did on stage was probably calculated to bring fangirls to their knees.
His eyes flickered to the phone in my hand, no doubt taking in my clenched fist and white knuckles. I relaxed my grip and shoved my phone into my purse. The threatening message still echoed in my head. I couldn’t shake it.
“I’m good. You should get to rehearsal.” I hoped he didn’t hear the trembling in my voice.
He looked me up and down, then lay his guitar down gently on a nearby couch. He came up to me until his body was right in front of mine. I had to crane my neck up to meet his eyes. Jayce reached out and cupped my cheeks between two hands. The skin of his fingers was rough and callused from the strings of his guitar.
My lips parted in surprise. His hands were warm and broad, engulfing my cheeks, the tips of his fingers threading through the strands of hair behind my ears.
“You sure you’re okay?”
“I’m fine,” I mumbled, looking down, not wanting to meet his gaze as I lied.
“If something’s wrong, you can tell me.”
I didn’t want to worry Jayce over something so stupid. The kinds of messages I’d received were part of the reason I had my job in the first place. The band members had enough to take care of without having to worry about internet trolls and obsessed fangirls.
I faked a bright smile. “Don’t worry about me. The internet is just a creepy place sometimes. It’s my job to deal with it; that’s all.”
He studied my face carefully before nodding and letting me go.
I realized, for once, that my heart wasn’t racing and my nerves weren’t tingling. Usually being in Jayce’s presence was enough to ignite my insides and start a slow burn between my legs. He usually trapped me in that fiery gaze of his.
He hadn’t this time. He wasn’t trying to flirt with me. There’d been no tension between us, nothing sensual at all.
He was just worried about me.
My heart fluttered in a completely different way than it usually did. I felt warm inside, but it wasn’t an erotic feeling. I felt safe. Protected.
I was touched. I knew from the looks Jayce had been giving me that he was attracted to me. It was plainly obvious. But the fact that he paid attention to my well-being went beyond simple lust.
Did Jayce actually care about me?
“If you need anything, just tell me.” He picked up his guitar and headed toward the door, pausing with one hand on the doorframe.
“Anything at all.” He threw me that familiar smirk, that heated stare. I flushed and squirmed.
Affection and lust weren’t mutually exclusive after all.
***
WE’D BEEN ON the road for weeks. I thought seeing Feral Silence in concert every day would get old, but it never did. Whenever they were on stage, they lit up the concert halls with their burning-hot presence.
We were in a new city every other day or so. I’d been worried their fans wouldn’t figure out the secret clues in time, but each and every venue was packed. I heard people lined up for hours.
Dynamic and full of energy, Kell crouched down at the edge of the stage to see the fans face to face one minute, jumping all over it the next, never staying still.
Morris looked as comfortable as ever pounding away on his drums, concentrating hard on the beats. He played with the same intensity whether he was in front of an audience or not.
Reaching out his hand, Ren got right up close to the side of the stage, nearly causing fistfights as fans clambered over each other for the chance to touch him. His long, glossy hair fell over his shoulders, and a few fans almost seemed to snatch a few of the dark strands right off his head. He laughed and pulled back, whirling away from the grabby hands of his fans. Their disappointment was almost audible.
Jayce had the fans eating out of the palm of his hand. He put a hand to his ear and they screamed their lungs out. He jerked his arm up, pointing to the ceiling, and they jumped, bouncing along to the beat. He darted his tongue out to wet his lips and girls nearly fainted in the front row, squeals and shrieks deafening even over the loud music.
I was trying to capture every moment of their performance, every detail. This was the stuff people wanted to see. They wanted to see their idols on stage, the passion in their eyes as they sang and played their hearts out. The film crew had multiple cameras filming the whole thing, but their footage wouldn’t be released for months. The stuff I was getting would be instantaneous, from my smartphone’s camera to their fan’s eager eyes.
My staff badge allowed me to get into the upper balconies and take some shots from the audience’s point of view. The venue wasn’t too big, and it was still possible to get a good look at the guys on stage from up there.
I made sure to capture a photo of the audience awash in a sea of glowing lighters. I also posted some of what the fans were screaming out loud, both at the guys and to their friends, especially when the exclamations were funny or risqué. One girl even talked about throwing her panties on the stage hoping Kell would take them. I was sure he would get a kick out of it.
When the concert began winding down, I made my way backstage to snap some pictures of the guys leaving the spotlight. They liked to linger, throwing the crowd guitar picks, drum sticks, water bottles, towels and any other items not bolted down to the stage. Kell used to tear off his shirts, but Deena scolded him for causing riots among the fans and giving away his wardrobe.
“We only have so many pieces of clothing for you to wear on stage,” she’d told him.
; “I’ll go shirtless,” he’d replied, dismissing her concerns. She’d just looked resigned.
Feral Silence was on the cusp of hitting it big. Their growth had been organic, and their fans were rabid. The hope was that their sophomore album and secret tour would be enough to catapult them to worldwide stardom.
“Keep up the good work.” Deena clapped me on the shoulder as I walked by, not lifting her eyes from her clipboard. “I’ve seen the stuff you’ve been posting. It’s great. Just the thing we’re looking for.”
It was good to know I was on the right track. I hadn’t been given any kind of content marketing guidance. They’d mostly left me to my own devices, letting me decide what to post, how, and when. I only had one thing left planned for the night. I wanted a few backstage quotes from each of the guys while they were still riding their post-live adrenaline high and didn’t have time to come up with strategic answers. Kell and Jayce especially. I wanted it raw, real.
I waited while the guys threw the last of their tokens to the audience and gave their final waves, goodbyes, and thanks. Morris was out first.
“Morris! How was the concert tonight? How did you find the audience?”
“Fantastic. Crowd was screaming so loud. Craziness.”
“Is that good or bad?” I laughed.
“It’s goddamn awesome.” Morris flashed me a small smile, his usual somber face brightening up for a brief moment. He wiped the sweat from his forehead with the back of his hand, grabbing a towel from one of the assistants.
“Ren, tell your fans how it feels to know they’re willing to trample each other to death to touch you?”
Ren grinned, flashing me a thumbs up, and I quickly snapped a pic. “Let’s keep the death toll to a minimum next time, ‘kay guys?”
I grabbed Kell’s arm as he tried to rush by, practically bouncing, giddy and hyper. I quickly turned my camera to video. I knew I had to capture his energy in motion. “Kell! If a fan threw her panties on stage, would you take them?”
“Hells yeah! Ladies, I welcome any and all undergarments you wish to throw in my direction. In fact, that goes for the fellas as well.” He threw a wink and blew a kiss.
Gold. This stuff was pure gold. Now, I just needed Jayce.
I looked around, but I didn’t see him anywhere. Had I missed him? He should have been right behind Kell.
“Where’s Jayce? I need him next.”
Kell almost did a double take and calmed down a bit. “You probably want to give him a few minutes.”
“Is he okay?” He seemed fine on stage.
“Yeah, of course.” Kell gave me a thoughtful look. “Jayce likes time to himself to wind down after a concert.” He shrugged and moved on before I could ask any other questions.
I frowned, frustrated. My day’s work wasn’t complete without Jayce. I needed to catch him while he was still hyped up. I grabbed the arm of one of the backstage assistants.
“Hey, did you see where Jayce went?”
She shrugged and pointed. I followed her finger to an emergency exit door. I paused for a second, not wanting to invade his privacy, but I needed to do my job. He’d just come off the stage, playing to a huge crowd. Surely one more person in his face wouldn’t be too bad. I’d get a quote, head back to the tour bus, and leave him in peace. I pushed the door open quietly.
Jayce was sitting on the grey concrete steps of an empty stairwell, head in his hands, back facing me. His shoulders rose with a deep inhalation and slowly dropped as he exhaled.
“Jayce?”
He whirled around, entire body tensing up, expression shocked. His eyes were bloodshot, and his face was dull, skin almost yellowed in undertone.
“What are you doing here?” His voice was low and throaty, as if he wasn’t getting enough air into his lungs.
“I-I’m sorry. I just wanted…” I trailed off, looking at him more closely. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine.” He turned his back and ignored me. He took a deep breath in, and out came a frail, wheezing sound.
“Hey, if you’re sick, you should let someone know.”
“I’m not sick.” He didn’t turn around.
I hesitated. I understood not wanting to show weakness, but I didn’t want Jayce to think he had to hide himself away if he wasn’t feeling well.
“Want me to get someone?”
“No!” He shouted, eyes wide and scared, surprising me with his intensity. He lowered his head and heaved a sigh. “No, don’t get anyone. I’ll be okay in a minute.”
I didn’t want to leave him like that. I contemplated for a moment, then took the few steps down and sat next to him.
“If something’s wrong, you can tell me.” I echoed the same words he’d said to me.
He tilted his head back and glanced at me quickly before looking away. His fists were clenched, white-knuckled and trembling.
“Non-disclosure agreement, remember? I can’t tell anybody anything, or else they’ll sue me into the poorhouse.” I tried to give him an encouraging smile. I got a hesitant look back in response. “You don’t have to, though. No pressure.”
We sat in silence for a few long moments. I kept on expecting him to get up and leave, but he stayed sitting next to me, the tension in his muscles slowly relaxing with every second.
I bumped my shoulder against his. “You know, the guys might get worried if the two of us disappear together for too long.”
Jayce huffed out a small chuckle and, slowly, the shaking in his hands stopped.
“This stays off the record, right?”
“I promise.”
“Okay. Right.” He rubbed his hands on his pants as if wiping away sweaty palms. I wondered for a moment if he was going to continue. Then he spoke.
“I get panic attacks.”
Chapter Six
He said the words in one breath, as if blurting them out before he could take them back. I tried to hide my shock. I didn’t want him to think it was a big deal, or he might regret telling me.
Jayce was so extroverted and passionate on stage, always reveling in the attention of the crowd, but I had seen a different side to him these last few days. He was more restrained, almost subdued. What had made someone like that seek the spotlight?
“As long as I’m on stage, it’s fine. I’m playing a part. I can get into character. Photoshoots, interviews, whatever, I can handle it. It’s just that one moment, that line between stage and curtain. It’s almost like I don’t know how to act. I don’t know who I am.”
I’d never seen Jayce so out of sorts. I needed to reassure him.
“You’re Jayce Evans,” I said firmly, placing my hand on his arm. “It doesn’t matter whether you’re playing the cocky rock star or just a regular guy messing around with a guitar.”
He looked down at my hand, but didn’t shrug me off. I realized I’d touched him without his permission and pulled back.
“You may act a little different in person than when you’re on stage, but it’s not like you’re two completely different people.”
“Sometimes that’s how I feel.” He dropped his head and blew out a deep breath. “I go from being on stage, where everyone thinks I’m this invincible idol, to backstage, where all the staff and crew are waiting for me. I never know exactly who they’re expecting to see. I get lightheaded, cold sweats, the works. The only thing that calms me down is being alone.”
“I’m sorry I intruded.” I started to get up, but he put a hand on my thigh, squeezing it firmly.
“No, it’s okay.”
The heat of his hand on my skin ignited a fire between my thighs. I pressed my legs together and shifted where I sat. I had to cool it down. This was neither the time nor the place.
“A lot of famous people have social anxiety and panic disorders, you know,” I told him, trying to calm the storm raging within me.
“I feel like such a fake. Like I’m pretending to be this person I’m not.”
I could sympathize. I was always second-guessing myself w
hen it came to my online presence. Did I sound cool enough? Genuine enough? Or did it sound like I was trying too hard? I worked hard to put on a persona of this cool, badass industry insider, but I was just some girl tapping away on her keyboard in her sweatpants. Would my followers still like me if they got to know the real me? I wanted Jayce to know that I understood.
“Everyone has a public face they show the world that’s different from their private face. Being a celebrity just heightens your situation.”
Jayce blew out a slow breath. “I’m sorry if I’ve been sort of lukewarm about your whole social media thing. I can handle the film crew. They’ve got a script, a schedule. I can prepare myself to be on camera.” He looked me up and down. “It’s harder with you. I didn’t expect to have you following me around all summer.”
“I’m sorry.” I glanced down at my feet. “If it’s any consolation, I didn’t expect to be following around a rock band this summer, either.”
“What were you planning on doing?”
I was surprised he had asked, but if he wanted to know more about me, I would gladly tell him my life story.
“I was going to take some summer college courses. I want to graduate early.”
“What are you taking?”
“Business, with a minor in marketing. Ideally, I’d like to do this kind of stuff for a living.”
“You’d be great at it. You’ve got a unique voice. It’s different from the other stuff out there.”
“Other stuff? You pay attention to the online music scene?”
“Yeah. Before we got picked up by Dark Sound, Feral Silence was just another garage band. I started watching out for what people were saying online, hoping to hear something about us. I started following a lot of music reviewers, especially the amateur ones. They didn’t care about stepping on toes. They said what they thought because they weren’t worried about being blackballed from the industry. It was refreshing.”
“I do try to be as honest as possible.” I hesitated before deciding to ask the question I’d been wondering. “Do you like the stuff I’ve been posting?”
Hard Rock Tease: A Rock Star Romance (Darkest Days Book 1) Page 24
