It was true. We had seen each other in passing, but that was it. Every so often I would feel eyes on me and I would turn to find Neil staring. He always turned away as soon as I caught him. I couldn’t help but think he looked almost heartbroken.
“I hope things haven’t been too awkward,” he continued.
“We’re all professionals here.” That sentence had become a staple in my vocabulary.
He nodded and took a sip of his beer, looking up at the second-floor balcony.
“You here with Jayce?”
Did he know we were together? The two of us didn’t want to broadcast our relationship to the world, but maybe Neil had found out somehow.
“I’m here with all the guys.”
We were both silent for a moment before he spoke up.
“I’m sorry I couldn’t make the time to be with you.”
I stopped with my glass half-raised to my lips, surprised that he was bringing it up.
“I know I should concentrate on my work. I’m trying to move up in the film industry. I won’t have a lot of free time.”
“It’s all right, Neil. I understand.”
“But I can’t stop thinking about you.”
Neil looked lost, unsure of himself. I’d never seen him that way before. He always looked in charge, commanding. It was odd to see him so adrift.
“I still want you, Ailey.” His eyes met mine. My breath hitched at the look in those bright blue eyes, earnest and sincere. “But I know it’s not fair to you. You were right.”
“Right about what?” I murmured into my drink, not knowing how to respond.
“Maybe a relationship is just too much to ask for.” He sounded like he was trying to convince himself.
I looked down at my glass and swirled the liquid around. Neil had been a constant presence in my life for months. We used to talk online every day, but he’d stopped sending me messages. The lack of alerts on my phone had been starting to get to me. I checked every five minutes by habit, always forgetting for a moment that the man I’d walked out on at the hotel bar was the same man who’d been messaging me for almost a year.
“You should probably get back before Jayce starts wondering where you are.” Neil raised his glass in farewell. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” I followed him with my eyes until he disappeared among the crowd of dancers.
I was happy with Jayce, I really was. But I had to admit it, if only to myself.
I still had unfinished business with Neil. I didn’t want to say goodbye. Not yet.
***
THE GUYS AND I stumbled back to the hotel, mostly under our own power, although Kell needed to be dragged between Morris and Ren’s shoulders. The three of them took off to Kell’s room to lay him down, so Jayce and I took the opportunity to sneak into his hotel room together. I gave Jayce what I hoped was a sexy look and pressed myself up against him.
“I think you’re overdressed.” I reached for his belt buckle, but he moved away, walking toward the hotel room window. I followed him, confused.
“What’s wrong?
He was silent for a moment before speaking. “I saw you with Neil.”
I froze. I knew I hadn’t done anything wrong, but I still felt like I’d been caught doing something bad, like a naughty child.
“We were just talking. Catching up. Nothing happened between us.”
“I know.”
“Then what?”
Jayce rubbed at his jaw. I could hear the stubbled bristles scratching against his skin.
“I can’t help but see the way the two of you look at each other. The way he looks at you.”
I glanced away, not wanting to meet his eyes. Even Jayce had noticed Neil was always staring at me.
“Do you like him?”
“Of course I like him. He’s a good guy.”
Jayce turned and quirked a small smile. “You know that’s not what I’m asking.”
I shifted uncomfortably from foot to foot.
“You’re always looking down at your phone as if you’re waiting for a message from him. Sometimes we’ll be together and your mind will wander off like you’re not paying attention. I can’t help but wonder if you’re thinking of him when you’re with me.”
“Whoa. Wait. That is absolutely not true. I’ve just got a lot of my mind, what with the job and everything…” Now I sounded like Neil, making excuses.
“I’m not saying it to make you feel bad. I understand. You two have known each other for months. Almost a year. You told me yourself. And then you just happen to end up on the same tour?” Jayce shook his head and stuck his hands in his pants pockets. “Of course you’d want to see if there’s any chemistry.”
“Where is this coming from?”
“I want you to be happy. I’d prefer if I was the only one who could make you that way.” His eyes flicked to me, an unreadable expression on his face. “But if you and this Neil guy have something, maybe you should explore it.”
I gaped at Jayce, not believing the words coming out of his mouth. Was he telling me to go be with Neil?
“I want to be with you,” I insisted.
“And I want to be with you. I’m not saying we have to break up.”
I gaped, completely lost. “Then what are you saying?”
The corner of Jayce’s lip twitched, almost as if he was holding back a smirk, the beginnings of that familiar smoldering look crossing his face.
“Sometimes I forget you’re only twenty-one.”
“I’m almost twenty-two.” I frowned. I didn’t understand why he was bringing up my age. I didn’t understand the conversation we were having at all.
Jayce gave me a soft smile and kissed my forehead. “It’s nothing. Really. Forget I said anything.” He took my hand and led me away from the window and toward the bed. I was still confused, but was willing to let him take the lead.
“You know what I’ve been thinking about all night?”
“What?”
His eyes flashed with heat and a thrill ran through me. “Ripping off that dress and fucking you till you scream.”
Chapter Twenty
“What’s got you so distracted lately?” Kell asked in a worried tone.
The rest of the guys had piled out of the tour bus, but I’d stayed behind pretending to be posting stuff online. Mostly I just wanted to give myself some distance from Jayce.
We’d been thoroughly enjoying our new relationship, trying to get as much private time together as we could. We didn’t want to make it too obvious that we were together, but sometimes he just couldn’t keep from sneaking a few kisses in places where we shouldn’t. We’d almost gotten caught a time or two. Jayce loved the rush of almost getting found out, but it always made me tense and nervous. I didn’t hate it enough to turn down his kisses, though.
Although everything was fine on the surface, I couldn’t stop thinking about the conversation in the hotel room. I still didn’t know what he’d meant by it. Every so often, when we were alone, Jayce would just stare at me, eyes intense, as if he was trying to solve a puzzle. As if there was something about me he was trying to figure out.
And then there was Neil. He still wanted me.
Why did things have to be so complicated?
“There’s been a lot going on lately. I’m just trying to focus on my job.”
Kell flopped down next to me and leaned forward.
“So you and Jayce have worked things out?”
I should have known Kell would notice.
“We did.” I gave a soft smile. “Things have been great. Except…” I paused, not knowing how to put into words what I was feeling. Why did Jayce keep giving me those weird looks? Whenever I asked him what he was thinking, he just shook his head and smiled, saying it was nothing. “I don’t know. Something weird is going on with Jayce.”
“Like what?”
“That’s the thing. I can’t pin it down. He just looks at me sometimes…” I sighed out a frustrated breath. “I don’t know.”
&nbs
p; “Has he said anything to you about what he’s thinking?”
“He keeps on saying it’s nothing, but we had this weird conversation.”
“About what?”
“About Neil.”
Kell raised his eyebrows.
“And what did Jayce have to say about Neil?”
“Just that he knew Neil and I had a thing. That he knew I still liked him.”
“Was he jealous?”
“No! That’s what was weird. He seemed okay with it.” I frowned. “Shouldn’t he have been jealous?”
“Jayce is—” Kell paused to think for a minute. “Jayce is an open-minded kind of guy. You know what I mean?”
“No…” I scrunched up my nose, thinking. “I don’t know what you mean. You’re being just as cryptic as Jayce.”
Kell let out a small laugh.
“You got some good news though, right?” he said, changing the subject. “About your new job?”
“How’d you know about that?”
“Deena asked me what I thought about keeping you on.”
“She did?” I was surprised. “She told me to keep it quiet.”
“Deena usually asks my opinion before making a lot of decisions.”
It seemed like I wasn’t the only one to have discovered Kell’s sharp mind and serious side.
“Aren’t you excited about it?”
I perked up. “Yeah, I’m super excited. I never thought something like this would happen to me. I thought I was lucky just to get this internship.”
“Well, you’ve done a lot of really great work. The guys and I all love you.”
My heart stuttered in my chest as I thought of Jayce. We hadn’t said the L word yet. Kell winced.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to—”
“No, it’s okay. I know what you meant.”
“You work well with the rest of the crew, too. You’d be a great asset to our team.”
“I work well with everyone except for Neil, you mean.”
He shook his head. “No, even with him you’ve managed to keep it together. Aside from that one public kiss, no one else has seen anything unprofessional from the two of you. It’s impressive, actually, considering the situation you’re in.”
“Yeah, a terrible situation. People thought I was with Neil and now they’re probably going to find out I’m with Jayce. I’m going to get the worst reputation.”
“I don’t know if I’d say it’s all bad.” Kell gave me a grin. “After all, you’ve got two attractive guys lusting after you. Although with that producer it’s more like pining. Everyone can see the looks he’s been giving you. Like a lost little puppy. It would be cute if it wasn’t so sad.”
“Neil couldn’t make time for me.” I shrugged. “He told me I was right to break it off. If he’s still hung up on me, he only has himself to blame.”
“Maybe you’re being too hard on him,” Kell suggested. “You really liked this guy, didn’t you?”
I leaned back on the sofa cushions and dropped my head. “I did. We got to know each other pretty well online. There’s a real chemistry between us. But that was before. We’re much better off as friends. Besides, I’m with Jayce now. I just wish…” I blew out a breath. “I wish things hadn’t ended so soon.”
Kell gave me a probing look.
“What?”
Kell considered me for a moment, then gave me a small smirk. “Who says they have to?”
I rolled my eyes and snickered, thinking Kell was joking, but he looked dead serious. My eyebrows drew down into a frown.
“Wait. Are you kidding me? Are you actually telling me to cheat on Jayce?”
“Not at all. It’s not cheating if they both know about it. If they agree to share one last time.”
My mouth popped open. “That’s crazy.”
“It’s the twenty-first century. There’s no reason love triangles need to end in heartache for either party.”
I let out a huff of disbelief. “I could never do something like that.”
Kell quirked an eyebrow. “Oh, no? Are you telling me you’ve never even thought about it?”
I squirmed and fought down a flush. “That’s not the point. The two of them would never go for it.”
“How do you know if you don’t ask?”
I shook my head. “I could never ask for something like that from either of them.”
“Jayce is a rock star. Trust me. He’s done way crazier shit than a threesome.”
“Stop! Just stop. I don’t think I even want to know.”
Kell patted my shoulder and stood up from the sofa. “It’s your decision. But if you think you have unfinished business with Neil, if you want to be with him one last time… Think about it at least.”
I remembered that drinking game we’d played at the club. Jayce had been in a ménage before. Had it been with two girls, or had he shared a girl with another man? He clearly didn’t object to the idea of three people sharing a bed.
What about Neil? We’d never talked about anything like that.
He was always so busy with work. He knew he couldn’t give me what I needed long term.
But what about for one last night?
I shook my head, trying to clear those thoughts away. There was no chance of that happening.
Still, a small part of me couldn’t help but wonder.
Might it be possible that I could have the two of them at once?
***
FERAL SILENCE WAS on fire, lighting up the stage with their performance. The gathered crowd chanted the lyrics and waved their light sticks, screaming the band members’ names during the quieter moments. A few girls in the front row had tears streaming down their faces.
Kell’s smooth voice alternated between growling and purring, bringing an edge of dark sensuality to every word. His messy hair flopped over his forehead, sweat plastering it to his face, but it only served to make his expression that much more frenzied, that much more captivating.
Playing in front of a live crowd seemed to give Ren even more energy than he had in rehearsals. His body rocked and flowed in time with the music, and his bass guitar seemed to be almost an extension of himself.
Morris pounded away at the drums like he was possessed by a demon, the rapid-fire drumbeats reverberating in the chest of every concertgoer. He was half hidden behind his large drum set, but that didn’t stop him from putting every ounce of energy he had into each strike.
Then there was Jayce. He wore his ever-present leather jacket, but was shirtless underneath, the sweat of exertion and bright lights making his chest and abs glisten. His narrowed eyes looked down and out, his fiery gaze slowly roving over every inch of the concert hall as if he was meeting the eyes of every fan. His fingers ran up and down the fretboard as he played to the crowd, beckoning for them to sing louder, jump higher, dance harder.
Whenever it was time for him to sing backup vocals, those deft fingers caressed the mic stand as if it was a long lost lover. Someone yelled out his name and he ran his tongue over his bottom lip, then bit down lightly, giving the audience that knowing smirk.
As I watched the concert from the pit, as close to the stage as I could get without crawling onto it, I was reminded of the contrast between when Jayce was off-stage and when he was on stage flirting with the audience, gazing at each of them with his dark, seductive eyes. He had to switch it on and off like a lightbulb. No wonder Jayce got panic attacks. I could only imagine what it felt like to feel as if you had lost your identity.
It wasn’t like he was two completely different people, though. Yes, his public persona was a little different from his private one, but even Jayce himself said it was only that brief moment between stage and curtain that caused him problems. It wasn’t like I’d never seen him act the cocky rock star in person.
Jayce’s gaze wandered over the crowd. When he looked down at the front row, he seemed to pause on me. I stiffened and held my breath, camera phone clenched between two hands. I’d seen him in concert enough tim
es that I thought I was used to being only one of many on the receiving end of that stare. Apparently not. I was reacting the exact same way I had when we were alone and he threw me that patented look.
I couldn’t fight the memory of his fingers on my skin, rough and callused. He had made me beg and plead. He had played with me so expertly, the same way he played with the strings on his guitar, like I was his very own instrument to wring sweet music from. In bed, Jayce was every bit the rock star god he acted on stage. Passionate, fervent. For all that Jayce was reserved in private, he certainly seemed expressive enough when bringing me to orgasm.
A heated flush washed through my body at the thought, but I pushed it back. It wasn’t only physical with Jayce. I may have been overwhelmed by that feral gaze of his at the start, but over the last few months I’d gotten to know him, I’d developed feelings for him.
I scanned the hall, taking stock of the audience, and saw Neil on the opposite side of the pit next to one of the camera operators, no doubt telling him how to do his job. I stifled a smile. Typical Neil. Ever the micromanager, ever the bossy one. I’d found out just how commanding he could be when he commanded me to come through text message.
Neil could be a bit of an ass, it was true, but I understood him. He was driven and dedicated the same way I was—willing to do anything to make a name for himself. That was what I’d liked about him. That drive, that focus. I shivered in memory of what his words had done to me.
There was something in the back of my mind. Something bothering me. Did it have to do with Neil? I glanced over at him as he pointed to the camera operator, telling him to swing the lens over to the left side of the stage to film Jayce, on fire as always.
Neil, with his expression of fierce concentration.
Jayce, with his heated, hungry gaze.
It came to me, then. That thought in the back of my head I hadn’t been able to silence. That comment Jayce had made in that hotel room.
“I’m not saying we have to break up.”
And Kell’s words when we’d talked about my feelings for the two men.
Hard Rock Tease: A Rock Star Romance (Darkest Days Book 1) Page 32
