by Olivia Gates
“You’re still one to her…” The words petered out on her lips, in her mind, evaporated by the intensity in his gaze.
Mennah’s yammering took on an excited edge. She must have sensed them even through the noise she was making. Carmen opened the door, turned up the dimmer, drenching the cheery room in soothing illumination. Mennah let out a squeal, started kicking her legs in welcoming delight as soon as she saw Carmen.
“Oh, darling, me, too.” Hungry strides took her to Mennah, before she froze. Farooq had clamped her shoulder.
Suddenly Mennah’s happy noises ceased, her smiles dissolving into a look of surprise. She’d seen Farooq towering behind Carmen.
Wide-eyed, she stuffed both hands in her mouth and stared at him, chewing on her chubby fingers. Carmen felt apprehension rising, thoughts streaking over how to stop what she knew would come. The wobbling chin, the down-turning lips, the whimpers and tears and the arms outstretched for her.
She wondered why she’d want to spare him that.
The answer formed alongside the question in her mind.
She’d misjudged him, deprived him of Mennah’s first precious months of life. He should have been the second person who held her, whom she saw. She should have been secure in his presence from her first moment of life, should be squealing her pleasure at the sight of him now, too. If, after Mennah’s delightful welcome to her, she whined and whimpered at Farooq, Carmen didn’t know what she’d…
“Ya Ullah, ma ajmalhah.”
Farooq’s awed words jolted through her heart. How beautiful she is. Being fluent in Arabic had secured her the opportunity of organizing his conference, the reason she’d met him.
He went on, in a more ragged rasp, as if to himself, “Ma arwa’ha, hadi’l mo’jezah as’sagheerah!”
How marvelous she is, this little miracle.
And he had no idea just how miraculous Mennah was. The baby everyone had sworn Carmen would never be able to conceive. Now, after her hysterectomy, the only baby she’d ever conceive. Mennah was beyond a miracle. She was Carmen’s every reason to go on living.
Overloaded with emotion, she felt him brushing past her, watched with breath gone and heart stampeding as he leaned down in leashed eagerness, reaching one powerful finger to brush Mennah’s cheek, a sound of agonized enjoyment escaping him.
Transferring his gentleness to the hands still half-stuffed in Mennah’s mouth, he whispered, “Ana abooki, ya sagheerati.”
I’m your father, my little one. Delivered in a vocal caress that was delight soaked in wonder and pride and possessiveness and a dozen other emotions.
Carmen’s heart splintered.
Oh God. Oh God. If she’d had the least doubt before, she no longer had it. He wanted Mennah. Fiercely wanted her.
And she’d once had a taste of how fiercely he could want…
Her eyes snapped to Mennah, dread of her reaction mounting, every muscle ready to snatch her up at the first whimper, to soothe her, ameliorate his disappointment, promise she’d soon get used to him. Not that she had any idea how Mennah would do that, when she had no idea how he intended to be in her life from now on, at best as a long-distance father…
Mennah’s piercing squeal had her heart almost kicking her off her feet. She surged forward, but Mennah was…she was…She was smiling!
And not any smile, but a huge, dimpled one. Then she was eagerly rolling to a sitting position, holding up her arms, her chubby hands closing and opening, beckoning, demanding to be picked up. By Farooq!
Farooq whooped in elation, scooped her up. “Erefteeni, ya zakeyah!” He held her up, his large hands spanning her rib cage. “You’re so clever you recognized me at once.” He tickled her and she kicked her legs, screeching sharp sounds of pleasure, reaching out both hands to his face, her palms landing anywhere. He let her paw him, his chuckles escalating into guffaws.
Suddenly he took her to his chest, enfolded her, closed his eyes on a deep, long groan. Carmen’s heart swelled so fast, so hard she felt it might burst. Next moment, it almost did.
Mennah mashed her face into his neck and went still. Closed her eyes, too. As if to savor her father’s feel, inhale his scent, absorb his power and protection.
And Carmen’s tears wouldn’t be held back anymore.
She swung around, ran out, needing to get as far as possible before a storm of anguish like those that had overcome her all through her pregnancy overtook her.
She closed the door to the bathroom, slumped on it as sobs shredded through her.
To see them together, father and daughter, to know what she’d deprived them of, to know she hadn’t had to run, to endure all the pain alone, that he would have been there for her, if only for the sake of the daughter she’d been carrying…
A knock at her back almost heaped her to the floor again.
“Mennah wants to see you now, Carmen.”
Farooq’s voice was…tender. It had to be the distortion of hearing it through the door…But no, it was tender for Mennah. She would never know anything soft or indulgent from him again.
She wiped both sleeves over her eyes, ran shaking fingers through her mess of tangles. Then she opened the door and stepped back into the hall. The sight that greeted her almost sent the dammed anguish flooding again.
Farooq had discarded his jacket, now stood with shirt half unbuttoned, raven mane mussed, glossy locks raining down his leonine forehead, with Mennah perched on his left hip, looking at her gleefully as if asking her to share this incredible find, this giant she’d already twisted around her little finger. He, too, was smiling hugely. She knew it wasn’t at her. This was his pleasure at holding Mennah, his whimsy at his unbridled reaction to her.
“So this is what a bundle of joy is.” He looked down on Mennah, giving her a playful squeeze. She squealed, buried her face into his chest, her fingers going for the hair. He winced, his lips spreading wider with her first pull. He carefully disentangled her fingers. “Ma beyseer, ya kanzi es-’sagheer. It doesn’t work that way, my little treasure. Your father’s hairs remain where they are. Let me give you something else to maul.”
He dipped into his pocket, produced what Carmen assumed was a cell phone. It had probably been designed for him. He pushed a button, had it displaying a video of animals in the wild. Mennah grabbed it in eager hands, lost interest in the moving pictures in just seconds and decided to find out if it was chewable.
Carmen groaned. “Farooq, she’ll ruin it.”
He gave her an imperious glance. “What if she does?”
“Oh, no, you’re not!”
“I’m not what?”
“You’re not walking into her life and showering her with grossly overpriced stuff and letting her tear it apart. I’m not letting you turn her into a brat who thinks nothing has value.”
Imperiousness gave way to scorn. “A harping mother already?”
“A responsible adult, you mean. Maybe you don’t know what that is, having been born submerged in golden spoons, but I’m not letting you do that to my daughter.”
“You’re contesting my parenting methods? When I haven’t had ten minutes to put them into practice? You think I’ll indulge her into becoming a thoughtless, useless, destructive creature? Another assumption, Carmen?”
Mennah saved Carmen from withering under his barrage by performing her favorite trick. Testing gravity. The phone clattered on the hardwood floor.
Carmen swooped down to pick it up, looked at him accusingly.
He shrugged, secured Mennah on his hip as she tried to pluck out his buttons. “It’s too sturdy to be damaged by anything Mennah can do. That’s why I gave it to her.”
She simmered. “That’s not the point. Now she’ll think it’s okay to throw stuff that isn’t her toys around.”
Imperiousness rose further. “She won’t. I’ll see to it.”
“I’ll see to it. As long as you don’t sabotage my efforts.”
Their eyes locked, dueled. Carmen felt her heat rising, her bre
ath shortening as she hauled all the height she could into her five-foot-seven frame in answer to his straightening from his relaxed pose for their confrontation, dwarfing her in size and aura.
Challenge suddenly drained from his eyes, intimidation flooding in its wake. “Who were you waiting for?”
She blinked at the abrupt change of subject. “The super. I have a short in the laundry room. He was supposed to come fix it.”
One eyebrow rose. “You make filet mignon au champignons for him whenever he comes to install a lightbulb?”
“It’s for Mennah.”
His lips twisted on derision. “Of course. Because filet mignon is a staple of a nine month old’s diet.”
“I gave her a taste two days ago and she’s refused to nurse ever since, so I thought if I gave her another taste, she might…”
The rest of her words backed up in her throat. At the word nurse, his gaze moved to her breasts. Breasts that immediately throbbed, their nipples conquering the thickness of her clothes, jutting their hunger. And that he could do this to her with a look, that he should see her helpless response…
His eyes dragged back to hers, pupils almost engulfing the gold in blackness. “So you were waiting for the super. Who didn’t come.” She jerked a nod. “Show me your problem.”
“I’m sure it’s just a short. I would have investigated it myself, but I was almost electrocuted once…”
“When was that?”
“I was twelve…” She groaned. “What’s with the interrogation?”
“You have quite a lot of hang-ups.”
“And you what?” She kept her tone sweet for Mennah.
“Think someone who has a couple of phobias shouldn’t be a mother?”
He smiled down at Mennah, drawled, “You said it, not me.”
“You mean you do think it!”
“I mean you said it, not me.” The words were sharp steel, the tone softest silk. Of course for Mennah, too. “I say exactly what I mean. You’d do well to remember that, Carmen.”
She held her tongue as he haughtily gestured for her to lead the way. At the laundry room, he handed her Mennah. Then, without needing a ladder, he stretched up his six-foot-five frame, examined the bulb socket by the light coming from the corridor. In a few precise actions, with the screwdriver she kept handy on a tool shelf, he dismantled it, did something to the wires inside, put everything back together, screwed the bulb back in place then flicked the switch. The light burst on.
Mennah yelped. Carmen croaked, “I’m amazed.”
His lips twisted. “That I know basic maintenance techniques?”
“Considering you have hordes of people waiting on your every blink, I’m wondering why you deemed to pick up the skills.”
“I was taught every survival skill early on, then made myself fully self-sufficient. I can do anything anyone does for me better than them. I only abide others’ services to save precious time for the more important things only I can do.”
Okay. Whoa. “So you’re Sheikh MacGyver, huh?”
He smiled. But not at her, at Mennah, held out his arms to her again. Mennah pitched forward, eagerly throwing herself at him.
Carmen berated herself for her stupid reaction. He’d said he wasn’t taking Mennah from her, and she shouldn’t feel jealous of Mennah’s instantaneous and unrestrained delight in him. He was her father. He deserved the same love Carmen got from her.
His lazy drawl aborted her chaos. “About that filet mignon…”
She gulped down the silly tears. “What about it?”
“You say Mennah loved it, and it did smell delicious when I came in. It’s a pity to let it go to waste.”
“You want to eat?”
“I’ve been known to indulge in the practice.”
“But it’s already cold.”
“You do have means to reheat it, don’t you?”
“Reheating will overcook it, destroy its buttery softness…”
“Let me…” He dropped a kiss on Mennah’s downy cheek as if compelled before going on, “Let us worry about that.” Suddenly all ease evaporated, suspicion flaring in eyes that slammed back into hers. “Are you sure you’re not waiting for someone?”
“Someone?” she jeered, seeing red. “You mean my ‘sponsor’? One of many, no doubt. You think I entertain men in rotation, a few feet from my sleeping infant? Why don’t you just call me a whore? C’mon, get it off your chest. I know how men of your culture view easy women and I was easy, with you. But I never let you ‘sponsor’ me. Oh wait, I did. I shared your ‘privileges.’ But surely you didn’t think that was enough for me. You must have checked your collection of priceless cuff links to make sure I hadn’t ‘shared’ more than your hundred-star existence. I trust you weren’t too disappointed to find everything accounted for.”
His eyes spat danger, sending a frisson of anxiety radiating through her limbs. “Such caustic wit and a rapier tongue. You hid them well.”
“I didn’t hide them. There was no reason for them to surface. You weren’t a domineering brute back then.”
The flames in his eyes leaped. “The domineering brute would have walked in here with bodyguards and diplomatic attachés, snatched his daughter and walked out over your weeping, begging body. I am still waiting for you to remember basic courtesy and invite me to share the meal you were preparing when I arrived.”
And if it were possible to die of mortification, she would have keeled over.
Embarrassed, cornered and mad as hell about it, and at him, she mumbled sourly, “Okay. Fine. But if the meat is leathery and the sauce is congealed, I don’t want to hear it.”
He pursed his lips. “Eat in silence, you mean?”
She rolled her eyes. “As if.”
He smiled then—a slow, hot smile, all for her this time, amused at her wisecrack.
She didn’t know what held her up all the way to the kitchen.
Once there she shakily tried to take Mennah to put her in her high chair. He declined, did it himself as if he’d been doing it every day. Then, without being told, he placed Mennah’s toys on her tray and she immediately began the game of throw and fetch.
After her bones solidified enough in her limbs, Carmen began the reheating procedure then turned around, only to be stabbed in the heart again by the poignant sight Farooq and Mennah made together, so alike, sharing such an elemental, almost tangible bond.
She located something resembling her voice. “You’re taking to your father role spectacularly. And I’ve never seen her like this with anyone. Not that she’s seen many people.”
“She recognized me. As I did her. The bond is…elemental.”
What she’d just thought. “Yes,” she choked. “And I—I’m truly sorry for depriving you of-of…” She made a helpless gesture at them, her hand trembling. “This. But please believe I thought I was doing the best thing. For her.”
He said nothing to that. Not out loud. His eyes said he believed nothing she said.
Oh, well. He wouldn’t get over his anger that fast.
She inhaled before she blacked out. “I’ll cooperate in any way so you’ll be a part of her life, be with her whenever possible.”
“I will be with her always.” This wasn’t a statement. This was a pledge. A decree.
“A-always? B-but you live halfway across the globe…”
His gaze hardened. “And so will she.”
“But you said…”
“I said I won’t take her from you, and I won’t. You will both be with me. We will marry.”
Four
Something was burning.
Was that her sanity going up in flames? Why else could she have imagined he’d said—said…
We will marry.
But she wasn’t imagining him exploding from his relaxed pose by Mennah’s high chair and…charging at her…
She blinked as he zoomed toward her, couldn’t even brace herself, couldn’t think, blink, breathe.
Next second he bypassed her
. She whirled around in the draft of his movement, uncomprehending, watching as he yanked the pan off the stove, quickly poured its contents onto the serving plate she’d prepared before turning off the flames.
Then he looked at her, one eyebrow raised disapprovingly. “You seem bound on not feeding me this filet mignon.”
Carmen stared at him. Had he really said we will marry?
But how? Why? He didn’t want her. Or at least, he’d never wanted her for more than a passing diversion. He—he…
He was doing this for Mennah.
Comprehension materialized like a jagged rock inside her heart, expanding outward, tearing it apart.
She might have loved him at first glance, but she’d never entertained the fantasy of being his in any way but a fleeting one. That he should be offering the ultimate commitment, no matter the cause, and no matter that he wasn’t actually offering, but decreeing it, was…was…
Her mind screeched to another halt.
Oblivious to the effect of the bomb he’d just dropped on her, Farooq bent to the serving plate then straightened, crowding her view, draining the spacious kitchen of light and oxygen. Or she might be about to pass out again…
“Your efforts weren’t successful. I believe the dish is still edible. All it now needs is a hostess who deems to serve it.”
She gulped, kept staring, frozen.
“Well?”
It was the way he said it. The condescension was too much. She smirked. “Didn’t you brag about not needing people to serve you? Why don’t you serve it yourself? Or are you handy only with macho stuff? Is serving food a lowly female chore?”
He stared at her as if she’d grown another head.
No wonder. He must be shocked that she could still talk. She knew she was. And more, that she could talk to him that way. No doubt people didn’t dare sneeze in his presence.
Mennah squealed, demanding their attention. And again this incredible transformation came over his face. His very vibe changed to a soothing transmission as he turned to Mennah with a smile that tampered with Carmen’s heart and brain function all over again.
