by Aubrey Gross
Chase cast his line back out. “Dude, we’re brothers. I know talking about things isn’t exactly the manly thing to do, and that we’ve drifted apart a little over the past ten years or so, but I still know you well enough to know when something’s bothering you.”
Had it really been ten years since he and Chase had truly had a conversation with some substance? He thought back, tried to recall the times they’d seen each other over the past decade, and couldn’t come up with anything substantive after him sleeping with Jenn.
He swallowed the lump that had suddenly formed in his throat.
Jenn. How was it that so much in his life right now kept circling back to that long-ago night with her?
He’d been scared at the time. Scared of his emotions that night. Scared of how right being with her had felt. Scared of how he hadn’t wanted to leave and instead had wanted to throw it all away and just stay there with her. So he’d run from her.
Apparently he’d run from everyone attached to her, too.
And wasn’t that just a kick in the balls?
He rubbed his hand over his face, realized he was shaking, and let it drop again to his side. Not wanting Chase to see his physical reaction he stuffed his hands into the pockets of his board shorts.
“I know this may seem like too little too late, but until this summer I didn’t realize how much I’d distanced myself from home.”
Chase snorted, but didn’t say anything. Matt swallowed and continued. “I think it was a little too easy. I made a lot of excuses in my twenties—I needed to train, I needed to prepare for a game, I had film to study, I had a fundraiser I needed to attend. There’s always one thing after another, and instead of pushing some things aside or shuffling my schedule in order to make time, I just rolled with it because going with the flow was easier.”
Chase slowly reeled in his line, but Matt could see the stiffness in his brother’s shoulders. “What happened to make you change? Your rookie year it wasn’t like that. When you were in the minors it wasn’t like that. You always made time for us. Hell, you came to more games my senior year than Mom and Dad did.”
“That wasn’t exactly difficult, considering I was playing double-A ball not thirty minutes away from the Disch.”
The Disch—also known as Disch-Falk Field—was the home of the Longhorns’ baseball team.
“True. But you know what I’m talking about, Matt. Something happened right around the start of your second year in the bigs. At first we brushed it off as you being busy with all the things you mentioned. You’d had such a great rookie year we all understood the pressure you would be under that second season. But after that year you continued to stay distant. In the past ten years you’ve come home for Christmas and maybe five times for Thanksgiving. You’ve come to the ranch, sure, but even then you’ve been pretty hands-off—which I’m not complaining about, by the way, since Owen and I are here and it makes sense for us to be more hands-on with it. I’m just saying, I’m not stupid, Matt, and seeing you take that line drive to the head made me realize that life is really, really fucking short and I would kind of like to have my brother back.”
Matt nodded and blinked rapidly as he stared out at the craggy limestone formations along the shoreline. “I shouldn’t have pushed y’all away, I know that, and I have missed y’all. It’s just…” he shrugged and sighed, “…some stuff did happen right before that year and I kind of freaked out and didn’t know how to handle it. I insulated myself, tried to numb myself and just focus on what I could control. At the time that was baseball.”
Chase abandoned all pretense of fishing. “Wha—I—you didn’t start doing drugs, did you?”
“Jesus Christ, Chase! No I wasn’t doing drugs. I’ve never even so much as smoked a joint. I wouldn’t jeopardize my career like that.”
“Well, you said you tried to numb yourself. What else was I supposed to think?”
“Fair enough. But no, I didn’t turn to drugs. I may have drank a little more than I should have, but even then I controlled it, would only let myself get to the point of relaxation. I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve been drunk in the past ten years.”
“Sex, then?”
Matt choked out a laugh. After that night with Jenn he hadn’t had sex for eight months, two weeks and five days. Not that he’d been keeping track or anything. “Not sex, either. I just…I guess I kind of turned off my emotions. The only time I allowed myself to feel anything was when I was on the mound. When I wasn’t pitching, it was like I flipped a switch and just turned it all off.”
Chase shook his head and laughed. “Holy shit. I can’t believe I’m just now figuring this out.” Panic slid through Matt’s belly. “You got your heart broken.”
The panic receded slightly at the realization that Chase hadn’t put all the puzzle pieces together. Yet. “I wouldn’t say I got it broken. But yes, there was a woman,” he conceded.
“So if you didn’t get your heart broken, what the hell happened man?”
Matt squinted and looked off in the distance, seeing Jenn asleep in her hotel bed rather than the lake in front of him. “I met a woman. There was a very sudden, unexpected attraction and camaraderie. It was one of those things that just hits you, that you can’t explain, but you know deep down that she could be The One. We had what most people would call a one-night stand, but in my head I was thinking she was a woman I could marry, love forever and have babies with. I figured telling her that would scare her shitless, considering I was scared shitless as it was, so I left while she was asleep. I tried to forget about her, but I couldn’t. No matter who I’ve slept with or who I’ve dated, she’s always been there.”
“Why didn’t you ever try to find her and explain things to her?”
“Because I figured she hated me.”
“Why?”
Matt drew in a deep breath, knowing he had to tread lightly so that he didn’t give anything away. “Because when I left I didn’t even so much as leave a note or my number. I just left. And yes, I’m aware that it was a total dick move.”
“No shit, dude. Have you seen her since that night?”
“Off and on at social events. We mostly avoid each other.” Until the past month. Being around Jenn had turned into his favorite drug. He simply craved her.
“You’re an idiot. You’re obviously still hung up on this chick. If she’s still single you need to tell her what you just told me, get on your knees and grovel if you need to.” He glanced towards the water where Jo, Jenn and Owen were splashing each other and laughing. “Believe me when I say that second chances are incredibly rare and special.”
“What did happen between you and Jo all those years ago?” he asked, turning the subject off of him and onto Chase.
His brother smiled and winked. “That, my friend, is a story for a different day and time; I think we’ve far exceeded our quota for heavy, non-manly conversation for the day.”
Matt was sure Chase heard the relief in his laugh. “Thank God. So are you gonna catch any fish or just keep throwing that line out?”
Chase scoffed and handed him a pole. “If you think you can do any better, here. Let’s see if you’re still any good.”
“Loser cooks dinner later?”
“You’re on, sucker.”
As Matt took the fishing pole from Chase he felt something he hadn’t in years—relaxed.
#
Later that evening Jenn, Jo, Chase and Owen settled around Chase’s patio table while Matt tended to the fish on the grill. Luckily Jenn had chosen a seat that was directly across from the grill, making it easier to covertly watch Matt.
She licked her lips over her glass of wine. God, the man was sexy, even in flip flops, board shorts and a faded t-shirt.
He laughed at something Chase said—something about losing a competition—and Jenn’s womb clenched.
“Judging by the look on your face right now, I’m guessing you two still haven’t done the deed but you desperately want to.”
“Shh! Someone might hear you!”
Owen leaned closer. “Jo and Chase are totally into each other right now and Matt’s way over there. No one’s going to hear.”
“So you think. Jo has like super hearing or something. She can sniff out emotional distress from a mile away.”
“I’m not sure she can do that while her tongue’s down Chase’s throat.”
Jenn glanced over and sure enough, Jo and Chase were having a pretty hot and heavy make out session. Watching two of her best friends kiss like teenagers should have embarrassed her, but instead all she felt was warm and slightly aroused, which kind of weirded her out.
She snapped her gaze away, and unfortunately caught Matt’s in the process. He glanced over to Jo and Chase and smirked before looking at her again, his eyes heating before he turned his attention back to the grill.
“I can’t believe I’m about to say this, but Jesus, Jenn, put yourselves out of misery already and jump his bones.”
Jenn tore her gaze from Matt and looked at Owen. “Did you seriously just tell me to ‘jump his bones’?”
Owen shrugged. “I figured I would use your language rather than mine.”
“I’m not sure I should, but I’m going to ask anyway—what would your language be?”
“Fuck his brains out.”
Jenn choked on air, and Owen slapped her on the back. Jo and Chase broke up their make out session long enough for Chase and Jo to simultaneously ask, “Are you okay?”
Jenn nodded yes while trying to get her breathing under control. “I’m fine. Just went down the wrong way.”
Owen snort-chuckled beside her and she elbowed him in the ribs. She knew exactly where his dirty mind had gone.
Not that hers wasn’t right there in the gutter with him. She was no stranger to strong language—obviously—but something about the phrase “fuck his brains out” had caused wild, hot, carnal images to pop into her mind.
She set her wine down and fanned herself as her coughs turned into sputters. Matt was watching her again, and she swore she could actually feel her skin glowing from his attention.
“I can’t believe how much fun this is to watch,” Owen whispered.
“Better watch it, Owe—you’re starting to sound like a chick.”
He laughed. “I guess I’ve spent too much time with you.”
“Whatever. I think we need some music.” She pulled her phone out of the pocket of her shorts, tapped on “Music” and started up one of her playlists.
Chase groaned. “Oh, God, it’s going to be one of your random playlists with pop crap on it, isn’t it?”
Jenn smiled. “Deal with it, Mister. We listen to y’all’s Texas country all the time with no complaints, so you can listen to something different every now and then. I promise it won’t kill you.”
Mumford and Sons started playing, and Jenn smiled. “See? This isn’t that bad, is it?”
“I’m not really a fan, but it’s better than Lady Gaga I guess,” Chase said.
“I like it,” Matt piped in from the grill, where he was moving the fish onto a platter.
Chase grinned. “First it was True Confessions with Matt this afternoon and now you’re admitting you like some British dudes playing banjos? This has really been quite an enlightening day.”
Jenn noticed that Matt faltered just slightly while setting a filet onto the platter. He steadied himself quickly, but she didn’t miss the quick glance he shot her way, either.
It made her worry slightly, and wonder just what he’d told Chase this afternoon.
Calm down. If he’d told Chase about the two of you odds are Chase would have either given him a black eye or confronted you about it. He sure as hell wouldn’t be teasing Matt about it right now.
“Well, there’s a lot you don’t know about me. And yes, I’m aware that’s my fault.”
Jenn’s breath caught at Matt’s words, and her gaze hopped from one brother to the other. For the first time that evening she realized the tension that was usually between the two men was gone. She’d seen them talking to each other out on the lake, but hadn’t thought much about it. Apparently it had been one hell of a conversation, though.
“I Will Wait” came to an end and the song switched over to Taylor Swift’s “Style.” She laughed—couldn’t help it, really—at both the look on Chase and Owen’s faces (tortured pain would be the best description) and the fact that once again iTunes had proven itself to have a sense of timing and humor.
“I can’t believe you’re making us listen to this crap,” Owen said.
She rolled her eyes. “Guys, stop being such music snobs and just relax.”
“Hard to relax with this crap playing,” Owen mumbled.
“Here. Maybe you’ll like this playlist better,” Matt said as he pulled his phone out of his shorts pocket. Jenn put Taylor on pause and watched as Matt tapped on his screen a few times. He set his phone beside hers as “Run” by Matt Nathanson and Sugarland began playing. Their gazes met and held, and both of them started laughing.
Oh, it really was just too, too perfect of a song all things considered.
They kept laughing, until Jenn was doubled over and clutching her stomach, her breaths coming fast and hard but not deep enough. Great, big belly laughs like she hadn’t had in a really, really long time.
As she gulped in air and began to calm down, she noticed that there were four sets of eyes on her. Matt’s were still dancing with laughter, as were Owen’s. Jo and Chase, however, both had quizzical expressions on their faces.
Oh crap.
“Sorry about that. Something just struck me as being funny. Long story.” She waved a hand in the air as if to dismiss the entire incident. Jo’s brow was furrowed and Chase’s eyes were narrowed, swinging back and forth between Matt and Jenn. She purposely didn’t glance at Matt, afraid that if she did the jig would be up.
What the jig was, she didn’t really know. All she did know was that she still wasn’t ready for everyone else to know her business. Granted, not knowing what was going on between her and Matt probably played a part in that.
She was saved from having to make up something completely off-the-wall by the sudden ringing of Matt’s phone, cutting off the song. He reached in, picked it up and glanced at the screen.
“Sorry, guys, I’ve gotta take this.” He stepped away towards the pool and Jo got up to grab the platter of now cooling fish.
As they piled their plates with grilled, freshly caught bass, salad and roasted potatoes, Jenn kept one ear tuned to Matt. Just minutes ago he’d been more relaxed than she’d seen him in…well…ten years. Now, though, his body was tense, his jaw clenched. He rubbed a hand over his face and then his head—a sure sign he was frustrated about something—before stepping further away from the group.
Apparently whatever was going on, he didn’t want anyone else to know about it.
The realization caused a tiny pang of disappointed hurt to course through her. She fought to shake it off.
It’s not like you’re dating. Hell, you’re not even sleeping together.
Yet.
Shut. Up. The point is, you’re not sleeping together and you’re not dating, so you have no right to know what’s going on in his life.
But I want to.
Jenn almost dropped her plate.
Instead, she tightened her grip and sat back down. She smiled as she dug in, making appropriate noises and comments when necessary while watching Matt under her lashes. He rubbed a hand over his face again, and Jenn fought the urge to go to him and offer him comfort the way he’d offered her comfort last night.
Staying in her seat was harder than she’d expected.
#
“You have got to be shitting me.”
“Nope. I emailed you earlier but when you didn’t respond I figured I should maybe call before things blow up in the media.”
Matt rubbed a hand over his face and th
en his hair, feeling tension seep through every muscle in his body. “I’ve had a restraining order against that woman for years, Darrin, and we haven’t heard a peep out of her. Why now all of a sudden?”
“Who knows? Apparently she saw the video on YouTube and decided to concoct one hell of a lie about the two of you.”
“Fuck.”
Apparently his dear old stalker Heather had seen the YouTube video of him and Jenn dancing and had decided to start circulating lies on social media that the woman in the video was her rather than Jenn.
Never mind the fact that Heather had straight blonde hair and artificial breasts the last time he’d seen her, which was pretty much the opposite of Jenn.
“So does this mean the media’s figured out where I am?”
“It looks like Heather’s claiming the video was filmed here in Dallas, so for right now you’re still safe. That being said, it probably won’t take long until people start to figure out where that bar actually is.” Matt could tell from Darrin’s sudden silence that he was trying to figure out the best way to say something.
“Just spill it, Darrin.”
His agent sighed on the other end of the line. “What the hell were you doing dancing with some chick at a bar? You and I both know you’ve been cleared for social activities, but to anyone who doesn’t have access to your health record it looks like you’re living it up rather than healing.”
Matt tried to remember what all the video had captured. It had been taken from some distance away, so it hadn’t been an incredibly clear shot of him and Jenn. It had been taken from his left side, and he’d been hit on the right side of his head, so the video hadn’t captured the scar from where they’d stitched him back up.
“Any way we can spin this as an old video that someone just recently uploaded to YouTube?”
Darrin snorted. “I’m not sure if we could, especially considering the fact that it was just recently uploaded.”
“Seriously, D, hear me out. The video was taken from far away and the quality was kind of shaky. It was fairly dark in the bar that night, except for the lights on the dance floor, and those were colored. Everyone knows dance floor lights in bars distort things. There’s also the fact that the video was taken from my left side, and my scar’s on the right. Instead of just laying low and ignoring it, why don’t we get out ahead of this thing, be aggressive about it and make this story follow the narrative we want it to.”
