by Aubrey Gross
“What’s going on with you and Matt? And don’t you dare tell me ‘nothing,’ because I saw the way y’all were looking at each other.”
Jenn rolled her eyes and grabbed two wineglasses out of the cabinet. “How could you see how we were looking at each other when you were bawling your eyes out almost the entire time he was here?”
She poured both of them a healthy serving of the chilled Moscato before handing a glass to Jo.
“’Almost’ being the key word here.” Jo took a healthy sip of her wine. “Looks like you and Matt are doing more than simply hanging out.”
Jenn took a healthy sip of her own before asking, “Why the sudden fascination with Matt and me? How about we figure out what you’re going to do about Chase and Jo?”
Jo grimaced before taking another large sip—and by large sip Jenn meant gulp—of wine. “Honestly? Right now focusing on something other than Chase and me seems like a really good idea, otherwise I’m going to get really mad and possibly do something I would regret. I need a distraction, and whatever’s going on between you and Matt seems like a pretty damned good one right about now.”
Jenn sighed and rested her back against the edge of the kitchen counter. “It’s…we’re friends, I guess. Complicated friends.”
“You mean friends with benefits?”
Jo sounded way too excited by that. “Not exactly, no.”
“I’m sensing a story here. A really epic, possibly long and most likely juicy story. Please don’t deny me that in my time of need.”
Jenn chuckled before finishing off her glass of wine with one long drink. She refilled her now empty glass and stuck another bottle in the freezer to chill. Jo lifted an eyebrow in a silent question. Jenn said, “If I’m telling you this story, we’re going to need more than one bottle of wine”
“Sounds good to me. I think I’m definitely in the mood to get rip-roaring drunk.”
Jo held out her now empty wine glass and Jenn poured the rest of the first bottle of wine into it. They both quietly sipped for a few minutes before Jenn inhaled a shaky breath. Am I really going to do this?
“I slept with Matt.”
Jo almost spit a mouthful of Moscato all over Jenn’s kitchen. She turned and grabbed a paper towel, wiped her mouth and the front of her dress before setting her wine glass on the counter top and asking, “What? When? And why the hell did I not know this?”
Jenn grimaced. “To be honest, no one really knows except Matt and me. Well, Owen figured it out a few weeks ago even though I never confirmed his guess. I think Matt might have, though.” She waved a hand in the air. “Anyway. To answer your other question, it was ten years ago.”
“Jennifer Anne McDonnell. How have you held out on me for ten. freaking. years. and not told me that you slept with Matt?”
“Like I said, it’s complicated.”
“Well obviously. But seriously. You never told anyone?”
Jenn shook her head. “Nope.”
Jo narrowed her eyes. “Was he a dick to you?”
She snorted. “Are we talking before, during or after?”
“I’m going to kill him.”
“No, you’re not. We’ve talked about it and things are okay now. Kind of. It’s hard to just let go of ten years’ worth of hurt.”
Jo opened the freezer and pulled out the other bottle. “I don’t care if this is cold yet or not; we clearly need more.”
Jenn sipped on her wine, feeling such an odd mix of emotions churning through her head and heart she didn’t know where to begin to untangle them all. Desire and frustration where Matt was concerned. Relief to finally be getting this off her chest. A lot of anger towards Chase for not telling her about being sick in the first place, topped with even more anger for breaking up with Jo.
With the second bottle open, they went back into the living room and sat side by side on the couch. Jo set the bottle of wine on the table in front of them, propped her feet up and said, “Okay, spill. All of it.”
Jenn swallowed down her anxiety, rolled her wine glass between her hands and told the story from the beginning. She told Jo the entire crazy, emotional, complicated, heart-breaking mess, from her initial surprising attraction to Matt and her surprise that the attraction was mutual to the incredible sex and the dejected feeling she’d had the next morning to her panic, excitement and eventual heartbreak in losing Tyler. Jo remained silent through it all, sipping on her wine with one hand and rubbing Jenn’s back with the other.
All the things she’d kept bottled up, all the emotions and thoughts spilled out like water from a dam. Jenn was crying, but she didn’t really care; it was cleansing. Necessary.
“God, Jenn, I’m so sorry. I should have been here for you through all of that.”
Jenn shook her head. “No. You were in grad school and dealing with your own stuff. I didn’t tell anyone. I was hurt and felt like a fool. I mean, I knew how Matt was. We saw him growing up, and I knew he wasn’t the relationship type. But then, that night…God, Jo…he looked at me and touched me and kissed me and it just felt right, like he was supposed to be touching me and kissing me. It was…I still don’t have words to describe what that was between us, but I do know I’ve never experienced that with another person. It wasn’t just physical, it was like we were trying to crawl inside of each other’s souls. Jesus, I’ve been reading too many romance novels.”
Jo sniffled. “No, you haven’t. I understand exactly what you’re saying since that’s the way it is with Chase and me.”
Jenn tilted her head and rested it on top of Jo’s, staring silently at the blank television screen.
“So you had amazing sex with Matt, he pulled a typical guy move and freaked out and left without saying a word. You ended up pregnant and never told him then had a stillborn baby and never told anyone. That explains why you’ve been a bit of a bitch to him over the past ten years, but what about now?”
Jenn sighed. “That’s even more confusing. We’ve talked about that night, and I told him about Tyler. He was devastated, Jo. I’ve never seen him like that.”
“So are you two dating? Just friends? What, exactly?”
“Hell if I know. And with that stupid YouTube video and then the press figuring out he’s in Del Rio and then dragging my name into things, it’s gotten even more complicated.”
Jo sat up and turned towards Jenn. “Hold on here. Have I been in that big of a sex bubble that I’ve totally missed all of this?”
“Sex bubble. I like it.”
“Not the point.”
“I know. And yes, you and Chase have been in your own little world. Owen has seen some things on the periphery, but that’s it. Anyway. There was a YouTube video of Matt and me dancing together at April’s one night. The press got hold of it and started questioning where he was and what he was doing. Darrin released a statement last weekend when the video went viral and tried to mitigate any damage. It didn’t work and the press tracked him down to here. Bleacher Report did some digging and found one of my former students who blabbed about it being me in the video dancing with Matt. Luckily it hasn’t picked up a whole lot of traction and so far I haven’t been harassed, but Matt seems to be worried that I will be.”
“Holy shit, Jenn. I feel like an awful friend. I’ve just been off having crazy monkey sex with my boyfriend—well, I guess ex-boyfriend, hell if I know——and had no clue.”
“It’s been an eventful summer.”
“I’ll say. But that still doesn’t answer my question—what’s the Matt and Jenn status?”
Jenn rolled her eyes. “You’re like a dog with a bone. And I honestly don’t know. I think we’re friends. Maybe. But we’re friends who want to get each other naked, which is still kind of mind-blowing for me. I mean, this is Matt freaking Roberts we’re talking about here.”
“You mean the Matt freaking Roberts who put frogs down our bikinis when we were kids?”
“Yeah, that one. Also the same guy who dates supermodels and hot female athletes and
who’s been on People’s Sexiest Man Alive list. Multiple times. Not to mention the fact that he’s a future Hall of Famer and collects Cy Young awards like I collect books. I’m pretty sure I’ve read this story before.”
Jo lightly punched Jenn in the arm. “So because he’s a famous athlete and you’re a school teacher he shouldn’t be attracted to you?”
“I didn’t say that. It’s just surreal. I’ve never really seen Matt as super famous considering I’ve known him since we were losing our baby teeth, but it does kind of give one pause.”
“You think he’s just bored and looking for a distraction.”
Jo knew her far too well. “Correct.”
“I don’t think that’s the case.”
“Why not?”
Jo shrugged. “I’ve seen the way he looks at you. He doesn’t look at you like he’s bored and just wants a distraction. He looks at you like…like you’re a really interesting puzzle and he’s trying to solve you.”
“I’m not sure if I should be flattered or not.”
“Matt’s a cerebral guy, that’s not a bad thing.”
“You have no idea just how cerebral he is. That’s honestly been one of the things that’s shocked me the most. He’s definitely not a mental slouch.”
“So what are you going to do?”
Jenn groaned. “I don’t know. I want him, Jo. Bad. And not just physically. I want him so bad it hurts and scares me at the same time. What I felt ten years ago is nothing compared to what I feel now, and considering I ended up with my heart smashed to smithereens then I’m scared to death to find out what would happen this time around if he walked away again.”
Jo sighed and sank into the couch cushions. “Sounds like we’re both in love with wonderful men who are fucking idiots.”
Jenn gulped down the rest of her wine and poured herself another glass. In love with Matt? No, she couldn’t be.
Ah, fuck. Who am I kidding? I’ve been in love with him for ten years.
“Stupid freaking Roberts brothers.”
Jo clinked her wine glass against Jenn’s. “Amen, sister, amen.”
Chapter Twenty-One
“Are you out of your fucking mind?”
Chase looked up from the bottle of beer in his hand, took one glance at Matt’s face and looked away.
Chickenshit.
Chase shrugged. “Probably.”
Matt sat down in the patio chair across from him, somehow managing to not wrap his hands around his brother’s throat. “You’re seriously just going to let her walk away? No, screw that. You’re seriously just going to push Jo out of your life when now and the next few years are when you’re going to need her most?”
Chase stared blankly at something over Matt’s shoulder. His voice was wooden when he said, “You don’t understand, Matt.”
“No, I really don’t. First, you don’t tell anyone how bad it’s gotten, and then when you do you break up with your girlfriend and shut everyone out. Then you throw a pity party—population one—and sulk like a sixteen-year-old who had his car keys taken away. And now you’re sitting there looking like the poster child for a Prozac commercial. That’s not like you, Chase, so no, I don’t understand.”
Out of the two of them Matt had always been the more emotional of the two, even if he’d done a better job of hiding that from the world. Chase was usually the logical one, unfazed by the ups and downs of life. Hell, he’d had to learn to be at too early of an age.
“What would you know, Matt? You’ve barely been around the past ten years,” Chase’s words were meant to goad.
Instead of getting angry, Matt simply shook his head. “No, you don’t get to use that card right now, because you and I both know it’s bullshit. What’s up with the poor pitiful me act anyway?”
Chase’s shoulders sagged as if a giant weight had suddenly settled upon them. “Fuck if I know, Matt.”
“I think you do.” Matt paused before continuing, trying to find a calm center or something considering he wanted to both hug and hit his brother. “So you’re going to need a transplant?”
Chase nodded. “Not immediately, but sooner rather than later. The doctor thinks it’s only a matter of a year or two.”
He processed that information. The finality of it settled in his gut. It was an uncomfortable feeling, knowing your only sibling was inching closer to possibly dying. “When are you going to tell Mom and Dad?”
“Soon. I don’t know why I haven’t yet. How’d you even find out?”
Matt waved his hand as if to indicate his answer didn’t matter and said nonchalantly, “I was at Jenn’s when Jo came in earlier bawling her eyes out. She hit me then got snot all over my shirt.”
Chase finally looked at Matt and narrowed his eyes. “What were you doing at Jenn’s?”
Matt shrugged. “I sometimes go over there and hang out to give you and Jo some privacy.”
“At Jenn’s?” Chase sounded skeptical. Matt couldn’t blame him, considering Jenn’s previous animosity towards him.
“Yeah. So?” That didn’t sound defensive, right?
“So I thought you two hated each other for some reason.”
“I wouldn’t say we’ve ever hated each other,” Matt evaded. He wasn’t about to get into that story right now. Besides, it wasn’t his alone to tell.
Chase raised an eyebrow.
“There was just a bit of a misunderstanding years ago. It’s been cleared up now.”
“I swear to God, Matt, if you hurt Jenn…” Chase let the implied threat hang in the air between them.
Matt raised his hands, palms out. “Not my intent. She’s just nice to hang out with sometimes, that’s all. We’re friends.”
Yeah, friends who want to rip each other’s clothes off.
“I’ve never known you to be friends with a woman.”
“I’m friends with Jo. But I’m not the subject at hand here—you are. You and your idiocy.” Matt turned the conversation away from him and back to Chase.
“It’s not idiocy.”
Matt shot him a look that he hoped said, “You’re an even bigger idiot than I thought you were.”
Chase’s Adam’s apple bobbed up and down before he asked, “Since when are you in to heart to hearts? This is starting to feel like some Lifetime movie.”
Matt snorted. “Hardly. As far as I know of neither of us has slept with a fifty-year-old woman who’s twenty-year-old son slash lover wants to murder us.”
“You know far too much about Lifetime movies.”
“I had a lot of time to sit and watch cable TV in the hospital.”
One corner of Chase’s mouth tilted up in a half smile. “The truth is,” he picked at the label on his beer bottle, “I’m scared shitless, Matt. I’ve always been a bit of a loner, mostly because I’ve been in love with Jo since I was a kid, along with having the possibility of renal failure looming over my head. Finding out I was going to need a kidney transplant so soon…it’s not fair to her. She’s gone through so much, man. She’s already lost both her parents. I can’t do that to her.”
“I don’t think you’re giving her enough credit.”
“Probably not.”
“That woman loves you, bro, and when you find something like that you don’t just throw it away like last night’s leftovers. You hold on to that and don’t let go.”
Like you should have done with Jenn ten years ago, right?
Shut. Up.
Chase glanced up at his brother. “Where’d this philosophical side come from?”
Matt shrugged. “It’s always been there. Everyone’s always seen what they wanted to see is all.”
“So there’s more to you than womanizing and a ninety-eight mile per hour fastball is what you’re saying?”
Matt snorted derisively. “To the public and my adoring fans? No.”
“How is it I’ve never seen this side of you until the past month?”
“I guess I never wanted you to. Facing your own mortality kind of gives
you a new perspective on life, though.”
Chase rubbed his chest and Matt had a feeling his comment had hit home. “Point taken. Were you this scared when you came-to on the mound?”
He nodded, once. He’d never forget the way he’d felt that night on the mound. “Absolutely. I couldn’t move for a few minutes. My ears were ringing and I could feel blood trickling down my face and neck. My head hurt like nothing I’ve ever felt before. Luckily I didn’t know how bad it was at the time—just that the situation wasn’t good. And when I woke up later, in the hospital,” Matt shook his head, “I remember feeling lost and worried, mostly about Mom and Dad. It wasn’t until a couple days later that the uncertainty of my baseball future really hit me, and that scared me, too.”
“That’s why you really came back home, isn’t it? Because you were scared,” Chase said.
“Yeah.” Matt sat back and sighed. “I was scared. I still am. Sure, my head seems to be healing fine, but baseball? I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to play again. I’m thirty-five and I’d already been thinking about retiring in another year or two, but I’d wanted to go out on my terms, y’know?”
“I had no idea you’d even thought about retirement. You’ve seemed so oblivious to the fact that you’re kind of old for a pitcher.”
Matt glanced at Chase and shook his head. “Again, everyone sees what they want to see. I’m not an idiot—I did graduate summa cum laude from Texas, y’know.”
“Wait. What? But you were taken in the first round after your junior year. When did you go back and get your degree?”
“In the off-season and through online courses. I finished it in 2008.” He could have sworn he’d mentioned it offhand to Chase, or at the very least their Mom would have said something. Apparently not, though.
“Jesus, man. What other secrets do you have hiding out in there? I don’t know if I can take much more.”
Matt avoided answering Chase’s question and instead rubbed a hand over his jaw, looking over his brother’s shoulder for long moments before turning his gaze back to him. “You know when you need a transplant I’ll be the first one to offer a kidney, right?”
