by T. L Smith
But the problem I’m having trouble with now is, how did they get me here? I’ve lost that specific memory. I know what happened that day, the way it played out, but the details of the night are fuzzy. My foot steps on a flower, and off flies a ladybug, just like in my dream. Bending down, I pick up the scrunched purple flower and squish it between my hands. My strength is weak, but I feel the delicate petals turning to mush as my hand squeezes the life out of it.
Is that what she asked him to do to me?
Did Toska want him to squeeze the life from me?
Shaking my head, the flower drops from my open hand and into the stream of water that’s surrounded by the most colorful flowers. The water washes it away, taking it to the river never to be seen again. I guess that’s where I was meant to be, floating on that river and never to be seen again.
Staring down, I inspect my body. It’s the first clear view I have of it now that I’ve stood up. Everything appears normal. I mean, I’ve lost weight since meeting Syler and Toska three years ago, but I’m not skinny now either.
That’s when I see it.
The tracks in my arm.
Damn it! She shot me up.
With what I don’t know, and I’m not sure I even want to know what she’s put into my system. Because even if it ends up killing me, I want to kill her first.
Stepping one foot in front of the other, my feet are swallowed by the mud on the river bank as I walk away from the pretty flowers. I know where I am, I’ve been here hundreds of times when I was a kid. If I turn back and walked the way she expects me to, I’m guessing I’ll find her waiting. So instead, with shaking legs, I take the harder track, the track where the river is brown from the mud and the floods from years ago. The edges are slippery and crumbly, so much so that I could easily drop into the water from a single slip.
As I get further along, my teeth are chattering even harder. I have to get away from the water, but I know I’m not strong enough to fight Toska off if I see her in the gardens. If I had taken the other path, it would have lead me to a walkway, where you can view the small waterfalls situated everywhere within the rainforest. It’s quite beautiful during the day. A lot of weddings take place here, but at night when the moon rises it’s a thing of magic. I’m afraid if I walk that way she’ll see me before I see her, and that can’t happen.
“Jaya,” she sings.
My body locks tight.
Everything freezes, so stiff I can’t move.
Toska’s in the gardens, and now she’s hunting me.
Did he tell her I was alive?
Or did she work it out for herself, maybe the hunt is the fun part for her?
Either way, now is not the time to play her games, because I know if she catches me she’ll overpower me. Lucky for me, I know this place, I know these Kholo Gardens better than her.
I made my way to the bank where it requires me to climb up. The ground isn’t as flat as it was when I first walked out onto it, and I had been hoping when I got to this part that it would be easier to get up. But as my hands clutch the muddy hill, I do nothing but slip straight down again. I can’t hold myself up, let alone pull my whole bodyweight up the hill.
Toska repeats my name, this time in a more sweetly sick manner. She whistles, and I know she plans to find me. She won’t leave until she does.
Turning back around, I find the spot that will take me up to the gardens, but hopefully not in the direct path of her. There are two paths that traverse to the bottom. One is a straight hill you walk down, the other takes you through the little waterfalls until you reach the very bottom where I was initially.
Her voice sounds as if it’s coming from that direction, so I move my very sore body up the hill, trying to walk as fast as I can until I reach the top. Toska says my name one more time, and I look back to see if I can find her. She isn’t there, so I turn to keep moving, except I run into him. Syler’s body slams straight into mine, and as I glance up at him, I know he’s stuck in the sick games she likes to play. They have done it for so long that I’m just an afterthought, and now I’m afraid that I may be their next victim.
“Syler.” His name leaves my lips, and his head drops to the side as he examines me.
“Why aren’t you running, Mouse?”
I shake my head.
Would you believe me if I told you I love this man? That my Wolf, aka the devil, has my heart firmly in his hands? He doesn’t want to give it back to me either. No, he wants to play with it like it’s his own personal puppet. But I want it back.
“Don’t let her—”
“Jaya.”
My name is called again, so I don’t get to finish my sentence. Syler observes behind him, and I look down checking for that hatchet he carries around with him. He conceals it well, but now I know every inch of this man’s body and I can see he doesn’t have it on him. So I lift my knee, our bodies are almost touching, and I knee him straight between the legs, into one of my favorite parts of him.
He doesn’t drop.
But his hands fall to cover and hold himself as the pain radiates over him.
I lean in to whisper to his ear, “I’m going to kill her, Wolf. Then... I’m going to kill you.”
I don’t wait for him to reply. He can’t chase me with a fractured cock and Syler doesn’t yell, so I know he won’t call out for her. I will my legs to move, to run as fast as they will carry me, and make my way through the parking lot, my bare feet smashing the pavement while I run to the other side of the forest. This area doesn’t have walking tracks, it’s literally nothing but trees, so it will make it harder for them to find me—if they come in here looking, that is.
My feet step onto prickles, and I cover my mouth, so I don’t yelp at my bare feet being tortured as I stay close to the road, but far enough away that they can’t see me if they tried. This road is quiet at night time, only a few houses are out this way and none where I am right now. So when I hear the roar of an old car, I know it’s them searching for me. They’re driving slow, a flashlight pointed at the bushes. When the car gets closer, I duck to the ground, using a huge tree for cover, so they pass, and I go unnoticed. Toska calls out my name as he keeps on driving, taunting me while looking out of the passenger seat as he drives.
My heart breaks.
Just a little, but it still breaks nonetheless.
She’s a bad apple, and he’s a puppet that she controls.
And he doesn’t even realize it.
He never did though.
I noticed her clutching him that first night I saw what she did. It was then that I should have taken off, gotten myself out of this town. Even then, I don’t think I could have. It was the first time I saw him, and I knew I was fucked. No man has ever made me feel the way Syler had. That’s what scares me the most, loving someone so fucked up you know you’ll never get the same love in return.
He tried, I guess, in his own way to love me, but it was never enough. We both knew it, but neither one of us would end it. We were on a merry-go-round, and we never wanted to get off until we absolutely had to.
Now we’re off, and I want to get back on.
I want him to tie me to that merry-go-round and keep me locked in his clutches.
For there I will die a happy woman.
But there I will surely die.
Chapter 11
Home Is Where...
I lost them a few hours ago. My feet are now frozen, and my teeth haven’t stopped chattering. The woman next to me gazes at me again and then shakes her head as she looks back to the road. My body is naked and the jacket the lady offered me is clean and brand new, I try to not dirty it as I hold it close to my body.
“Are you sure I can’t take you to the hospital?” she asks as we turn into my street.
I notice my father’s car there.
Shit!
I was hoping today would be the day he wouldn’t be home, he never is. Shaking my head, she turns up the heater in the car just a tad as my naked ass sits on her perfect w
hite seats in her Mercedes Benz.
I had waited in the same spot in the bushes for hours until I finally pulled myself up to start moving. That was when I saw her car. I knew it wasn’t Toska or Syler because his car makes a lot of noise. This one was sleek and shiny, so I jumped out in front of it, naked. It was my only option at the time, and she stopped, slammed on her brakes and then jumped from her car. Her eyes were wide as she observed me.
And now here we are, pulling into my family home, hoping to sneak straight past my father.
“Your father is a police officer?” she asks again.
I told her my father would come after me.
What a lie that was.
I nod my head in answer and offer her the smallest of smiles I can muster before I slide out handing her, her small jacket back. She offers me a small towel she has in her car, and I use it to cover my front as I get out, running for the front door. My father is there, pulling the door open, and my eyes bulge at the sight of him. As he looks me up and down, his eyebrows pinch together, trying to work out the situation he’s confronted with.
Just wanting to get past him, I try to step inside, but he doesn’t move to let me through.
Betty, my neighbor, calls my name. Looking to my left, her hand is covering her mouth as she stares at me. She can see me clearly now that the sun is starting to set.
“Have I neglected you this much? So much so that you sneak home naked?” he asks, his hand rubbing his temples like I’m causing his headache. Pushing past him, I make my way into the house and straight for the shower. I hear his footsteps coming up behind me as he follows me. Making it to the bathroom, I slam the door shut, locking it behind me, then start the shower.
“Jaya, talk to me.”
Tears form in my eyes for the first time in a very long time, so I wipe them away and turn the shower on to as hot as I can stand it. But the tears won’t stop. Where are they coming from?
“Jaya, is this an issue with that man you’re seeing?”
Hiccup, more tears.
How did he even know about him?
I’ve never introduced the two. Yes, Syler would sneak into my room near the end, almost every night I wasn’t at his, but still, he left the same way he came in, through my window.
My feet step into the shower, but everything is blurry because my tears have taken hold now and won’t stop.
“Someone is at the door, Jaya.”
My body locks tight, the water burning my skin.
“Should I be taking my gun?” my father asks.
These are the most words he’s spoken to me in years.
“Yes.” My voice is small, but he must hear me because he doesn’t speak again.
The dirt from my body makes the shower floor appear brown. The blood that was in my hair that I didn’t even know was there coats the dirt, making its own pattern. Dropping to the floor of the shower, the water soaks over me. Staying in this position for the rest of my life is all I want to do right now. I don’t want to have to face the outside world. My heart and head can’t take it anymore.
“He’s gone, Jaya.”
Scanning the door with my eyes, I don’t know if it’s the water or the tears anymore, but I nod my head like he can see it.
Who was it?
Was it him?
They won’t do anything while my father’s home, they know what he does for work. Killing might be something they do, but to do it with a CSI agent around, yeah, not such a smart move. Syler is a very intelligent man, apart from when it comes to her...
I stay in the shower for what seems like hours before I finally step out. Wrapping the towel around my body, I open the bathroom door. Yelping and jumping back as my father’s body falls back, his hands go flying, and he manages to catch himself before his head lands on the floor. He was asleep at the door waiting for me.
“Dad,” I say as he stands, his hands wiping down the front of his neatly pressed trousers before his eyes lock back on mine.
Our eyes are the same.
Does he even know that?
“Should I call this in, Jaya?”
I shake my head, I don’t want them involved. I want to kill her myself. But those words I could never say to him. His eyes fall down then his hand reaches out and grips my arm pulling it up. My towel almost falls away from my body.
“What’s this, Jaya? Are you doing drugs now?” His voice is stern. Staring down, I see the track marks—they must have had multiple goes at it—where they put whatever it was into my system.
Pulling it back and clutching my towel, I shake my head. “No. I don’t do drugs.”
It’s partially a lie, but he doesn’t need to know that either. I haven’t touched them in months. These track marks are new and not by my own hand. The shakes that are trying to fight free of my body I try to keep at bay.
His hand runs through his hair in frustration. I’ve seen him frustrated before but never at me. This is new. Usually, I don’t get the time of day from him.
“Why do you care?” The words slip from my mouth, and before I can take them back, he steps away like I’ve hurt him, and his eyes close and open before they stare back at me.
“What do you need from me, Jaya? What do you need me to do?”
“I need a gun.”
His eyes go wide at my words, then his head begins to shake slowly.
“That’s what I thought.” Pushing past him, I walk into my room. My door is open, and my eyes go to my window, the same one he creeps in at night time. Running to it, I lock it and pull the curtains shut.
“You thought I never knew?”
Looking back to my father, I see a man who’s older, more fragile than I always thought his tough exterior displayed.
Where has he been all my life?
“He came almost every night. I knew, Jaya.”
Crossing my arms over my chest, the towel stays in place as my hands grip it tightly.
“Why didn’t you say anything?”
He shrugs his shoulders. “You’re a woman now, what was I meant to do?”
“This is still your home.”
He shakes his head. “This became our prison, it’s no home.”
His words ring true. This place is a prison, for our minds most of all.
“What happened to you?”
I shake my head, if I get lost in what happened to me, it may cripple me knowing those that I’ve trusted for the last three years have just thrown me out expecting me to die.
No, that won’t happen.
I will get my revenge on them.
That will be what will eat away at me—bittersweet revenge.
He steps out as I close the door to get dressed, and it isn’t long before my body hits the bed smelling of him, and then I fall asleep, where his demons haunt me.
MY BODY ACHES, BUT something’s woken me up. Opening my door, I see my father asleep against the wall.
Did he stay there all night? What’s changed to make him care now?
Closing the door again, I go to the window. Something woke me up, and if it wasn’t him, it had to have come from outside. Pulling the curtains back, I yelp, but cover my mouth to cover it up. The stray cat I used to play with at their house is now dead right outside my window.
“Jaya, what is it?” His gun is raised. Even if he left the police force years ago to do CSI work, his gun is always still on him. “Fuck.” He swears, putting his gun back in the holster as he opens the window, staring out. He checks everywhere and finds it’s all clear before he climbs out, while I stand there, mortified, not moving, watching him clean up what’s my mess.
My cell beeps and I know it’s her. She’s the only one that messages me on it. Picking it up, her name flashes on the screen, and the text that follows makes me want to kill her even more.
Toska: He calls you Mouse, but how far can you run when the dog is chasing you. Because I am the dog that catches that cat. Can you imagine what I will do to the Mouse?
Bitch just doesn’t do her twist
ed mind any justice. She’s her own brand of crazy. I plan to slice that crazy straight out of her.
“Jaya.” My father is standing at the window, his hands have blood on them.
When did he get so old?
“I need you to open the front door, Jaya.”
I nod, walking away, dropping my cell onto the bed. Betty is already at the door when I get to it and is smiling at my father. Her knowing eyes turn to me, then they fall sad. I can feel it coming from her, and the way her hand reaches out to me, like a mother to an infant child.
“Jaya, Jaya, I dreamed of you last night.” My father walks up behind her then past Betty and me as he steps out of the house, leaving me with Betty.
“I’m tired, Miss Betty.”
She nods her head, checking behind her then back to me with her eyes.
“You need to leave, Jaya. Don’t play with them. Leave, Jaya. Do it now.”
I shake my head at her, I remember her words back then from three years ago. How acidic he would be.
How right she was.
But I don’t want her to be right.
Someone needs to do something, and I want that person to be me. Because Toska Hunter doesn’t deserve to live. No. She deserves to be where all her other conquests are, buried and hidden away, never to be found again.
Chapter 12
My Body is a Weapon
Toska taunts me. She does so for the next few days as I stay locked in my house with my father. He doesn’t leave, not once. If we need something, he asks Betty to go to the shop for us. We speak more which is very unlike us. He cares, even if it took him years to show it. I can feel it now with his concern for me. Especially when he sleeps at my door every night.
Today, though, I’m feeling better. Everything she must have put in my system is gone, and I need to get out of this house. I need to come up with a plan, a plan of attack. She won’t go too long without fulfilling her needs. No. Toska needs to live in the crazy lifestyle because she’s insane. She belongs in an institution far away from everyone else.
