by T. L Smith
“I know.”
“Are you saying that I should climb out this window and never come back because I’m not... normal?”
Another huge question. This one impacts on me, and I’m not sure I know the answer right now. His words slam into me, puncturing me each time he speaks.
It takes me too long to respond. He thinks he sees the answer on my face, but is it really my answer? He doesn’t give me time to gather my thoughts and speak them because he climbs out, not saying another word.
JOB HUNTING, THAT’S something I’m currently doing. I hate it. Despise it. The cinemas where I used to work were such a breeze that I don’t think I’ll find that type of position again. I think I’ve applied for ten different jobs that I have no experience in, but hope that I’ll still be successful. I’ve applied for an apprenticeship, also for some non-paid positions until a suitable job becomes available, and all at magazines. I know they aren’t as big as what they used to be, the digital era has taken over, but the thought of working with one and knowing how they’re done, and the work that goes into making something so spectacular, it really interests me.
I’ve always been a collector of magazines, and it only seems fitting that I give it a try. And if it doesn’t work out, at least I’ve tried. I’m still young, I have time.
“Miss Betty,” I call out as I step over her flower bed and into her yard. She’s always out front, always gardening, but today I didn’t see her when I left or now as I arrived home.
“Miss Betty?” I say again while knocking on her door. It opens when I push it, and the first thing I see is her foot. Running inside her house, I notice her on the floor. Blood surrounds her head, and her eyes are wide open as she lays there. Dropping to the ground, my shaking fingers touch her neck to find a pulse.
Nothing.
Feeling for my cell, I call an ambulance, telling them the address, then sit back against the wall opposite her. There is blood everywhere, much like it was that night when I was a child. My fingers itch to move forward, to touch it, because that’s my memory of it.
Will it feel the same way hers did?
Would it be as warm?
Or cold and thick like hers was after hours of soaking into the floor, while I sat in it waiting for her to wake up.
“Hello,” someone calls out, and I only just hear them, being too lost in my own head. The front door is pushed all the way open, and two EMT come into the room. First, their eyes locate me and then Betty on the floor. My heartrate picks up when I see the head wound.
Did someone break in here and kill her the same way my mother was killed?
It couldn’t happen to me twice, could it?
At least this time I knew better and didn’t sit for hours waiting.
“Excuse us, miss. Are you hurt?” A hand touches my arm. My eyes go down, and I notice that Betty’s blood is all over me from checking her over when I arrived.
“No, it’s all hers...” I say.
They pick her up, placing her on the gurney. Her blood-stained tiles sit there torturing me.
“Should I clean it up?”
One of the paramedics hears me. She shakes her head. “It’s best to leave it until the police arrive.”
I nod my head in agreement and walk behind them blindly. Hands wrap around my shoulders the minute I’m off her steps, and my father squeezes me tight, embracing me like he’s never done before.
“I’m fine, Dad.”
“My heart left my chest when I saw them here.”
I didn’t think of him when it all happened. The way it would affect him. He lost the only woman he’s ever loved and coming home to see me in Betty’s house, full of EMTs, and me covered in blood, well, it wouldn’t have been good for him.
“She’s dead,” I say, leaning on his chest and watching the ambulance drive away, leaving us standing in Betty’s yard hugging. He strokes my hair, comforting me. It’s the first time he’s done that too. How my life has changed. I now have a father that seems to care for me, and I’m in love with a man who may or may not love me back. I pull away first when the street is silent, and it’s just us left standing there.
“Maybe you should invite that boy around for dinner.”
“Syler?” I question him as we start walking toward our house.
He nods his head.
“Well, maybe you should start dating. Then I’ll think about it, if he’s still talking to me.”
His head shakes straight away. “Not happening. Dating is not in the cards for me.”
“Syler may be out of the cards for me, too.”
He stops looking at me. “I sincerely hope that isn’t true because once a heart is broken, it’s almost impossible to find every piece and put it back together again.”
“I’m going to go apartment hunting tomorrow,” I tell him.
“You can stay here, Jaya. I’d never tell you to leave.”
I shake my head. “You want to sell it, and I think you should. If I’m gone, it will make it easier. I’ll travel, but I think I want to sort me out first.”
“I love you,” he says, kissing my cheek, and before I can say it back, he walks away.
That was the first time I’ve heard him say it.
My smile is large until I enter my room and see the open window and know I have to work out what I want.
Chapter 29
Pick Me
Syler
My hand pushes through my hair as I wait. Toska walks out, her hands are cuffed to her front, her feet in chains and a wide smile is on her face. She appears drained. Maybe she’s coming down, no more drugs for breakfast every morning.
The guard sits her down on the seat in front of me, and she leans on the table trying to inch closer, but careful to not touch me. No one is allowed, nor do they have my permission. No one, that is, but my Mouse. Even then she doesn’t do it unless she’s coming from my cock.
“You came.”
I’ve come every day. She thinks I won’t, but every day I come. It’s an adjustment, to not have her near me all the time. She was always just in the other room, now she’s a city away and locked behind bars.
“I like the doctors here,” she says to me, smiling. Her red hair appears faded. She gets that from our mother. Well, what I remember of her anyway. “I really miss home.” She doesn’t say me. It’s home she misses and the way she gets away with everything. She leans in and glances up at me. “Are you with her?”
“What do you mean?”
“Don’t play coy with me. Are you living with her? Fucking her? Are you two together now that I’m away? That’s what you wanted, wasn’t it? Me out of the picture so she’d come back.”
I shake my head. “Don’t be stupid, Toska.”
She raises her eyebrow at me. “Don’t be stupid?” she spits. “Don’t be stupid? Coming from the man who traded his sister for pussy.”
My hands squeeze together on the table because every day I come she gets bitchier and bitchier. I guess a part of me deserves it since I am the one who put her in here. She should know better, though. She did what she did and never expected consequences. They were bound to catch up with us, but especially to her.
I did it out of protection for her—stupid utter loyalty to her—killed for her since I was young enough to remember. Before I even fucked a woman, I’d killed someone—for her.
Look where that got me. Fucking nowhere. Now my hatchet is put away and not to be taken out unless I need to put it through Taj’s head if he thinks he can come near my Mouse again. That won’t happen anytime soon. He may not be a man I want to cross, but I would, fuck I would, and I’d kill him with a smile on my face if he dared touch her.
“Last warning, Toska, you continue to be a bitch every visit and court hearing, and I won’t fucking come back.”
She slumps in her chair, turns to look at the guard then back to me. “Just don’t forget about me. They’re talking about the psychiatric ward, and it’s got to be better than here.”
“You
need the help,” is all I say to her, which makes her even angrier. Her teeth grind as she stares at me.
“Are you saying I’m crazy?”
“Are you denying it?” I challenge her back.
“I would have killed her you know, I still would.”
Standing from the seat, she mirrors my movements, standing as well.
“If you do, Toska, I won’t hesitate to kill you, too.”
Her mouth drops open. She didn’t expect that to leave my mouth. She always pushes me to my limits, and I always take her back, covering for her. Not anymore. Not now.
“She won’t love you. She can’t. She’s broken, too.”
“That’s fine. I’ll take from her what I can get because it’s better than anything I’ve ever had.”
She averts her eyes to the floor, and I turn to leave, but her voice stops me.
“My room.”
“It’s cleared. Everything is gone. I’ve left that place.” Walking out, I don’t check back and decide tomorrow I won’t come. Tomorrow she can wait.
THE HOUSE IS EMPTY. Grabbing my laptop, I pull my empty bedroom door shut. I hate this place, always have. Toska loved it, so we stayed here. It’s a dump, not a place I would have picked myself. I didn’t lie to Toska when I said all her things were gone, everything is. All that remains are my computers, which I will now have in my new house. You see, what I do for some people is highly illegal, especially what I do for Taj. But in return, he pays me very generously and has done so over the years that I’ve worked for him. So, money isn’t something I’ve had to worry about. Even if I’ve never told Toska how much I have, there was a reason for that, because it would have gone to one place—her drug dealer.
“Syler...” Turning around, my Mouse stands at my door. I haven’t seen her for weeks now, haven’t crawled my way back through her bedroom window. I’ve used restraint, something that I didn’t know I had. Her eyes scan the house. She appears more than a little surprised as she sees nothing, before coming back to me. “Are you moving?”
I nod my head. “I’m collecting the last of my things. Why are you here, Mouse?”
She fidgets with her hands. It reminds me of the first time I saw her when she was talking to Toska in the cinemas. She was beautiful then, and just as beautiful now. She’s my undoing. I knew she would be the minute I saw her, and then again at that party. I knew she would become mine, eventually. Jaya is everything I never knew I wanted, everything I know I needed. She’s all wrapped in a package and sent directly to me. She succumbed to my needs, listened to my desires, and didn’t push my limits.
It took me losing her to see what I had. It took her almost dying for me to see what I felt for her was more than just fucking. I hadn’t cared for a single soul the way I cared for her, and that included Toska. I love my sister, there’s no denying that. But Mouse, well... I didn’t just love her. She and I fell into the pages of that book and got lost in the words.
“I just want to see... to see how you’re doing.”
It was then I notice she’s dressed differently than her normal attire of jeans or a dress. She’s dressed in business attire. Her top has buttons, her skirt reaches just below her knees, and she has high heels on her feet. Her long brown hair’s pulled back in a bun.
“Why are you dressed like that?”
She looks down at herself then back to me, smiling. “I got a job at one of the magazines I applied for. It’s nothing big...” her hands edge down the skirt, “... but I enjoy it. More so than any job I’ve had before,” she confesses.
“I bought a house,” I blurt out to her.
She smiles up at me. “Can I see it? I mean... if that’s okay?”
“You want to know where I live, Mouse?”
She smiles and I miss that smile, the way her dimples shine in each cheek, the way her blue eyes glisten and the smile reaches them.
“Only if that’s okay.”
I nod. “How about a date, Mouse. Would you like a date?”
Jaya’s smile brightens even further if that’s possible. Her eyes shine brighter. “Yes,” she answers fast. “Are you sure, though? Have you ever been on a date?” she asks me.
Biting my lip, I realize I never have. “I guess you’ll be an array of firsts for me, Mouse.”
“I like the sound of that, Wolf,” she replies.
Turning off the bedroom light, I walk closer to her, reaching behind her head to flick the light switch off for the living room area. It encases us in darkness, the only light coming in from outside now. She smells of raspberries and vanilla—it’s her shampoo.
“Tomorrow,” I say.
Jaya nods her head, my free hand not holding the computer touches her hip, and starts to push her from the door, so I can shut it. She takes a step back not turning, just facing me as she walks backward.
“Be patient with me, will you?” she asks me.
“Why?” I question, stopping once we’re outside. “I’ve never been patient before.”
“Because I’m trying to stop my love from flowing, I want it to drip slowly. Let me drip, Syler.”
“I’ll let you drip, Mouse.”
She nods her head, looking down at our feet, her eyes off us now. “I should go.”
“You should,” I reply while inching closer. My hand slides up her side, over her overdressed outfit, over the curve of her breast until I reach her chin. My fingers grip hold and I lift it, so she has to look up at me. Her eyes are watery as she does. “Let me kiss you, Mouse.”
“Just a kiss?” she asks.
Nodding, I lean in to touch her lips. She takes a deep breath, sucking the air from me before our lips touch, soft and deliberate. Pausing, I wait for her to take another breath before I move my lips against hers. She tastes just as she always does, of candy and all things sweet. Her taste is addictive, it’s always been, that’s why I steal her kisses until they are mine and mine alone.
Her hands stay where they are. My fingers thread through her hair, taking her mouth as mine. She moans when my tongue slides over hers, then pulls back, just as I kiss her lips one last time.
“Slower...” she asks.
“My hands don’t like to stay to themselves with you around.”
It makes her smile reach her eyes again.
Fuck! She’s the most beautiful thing, ever.
“You should go before I drag you into this empty apartment and fuck you against every surface.”
Her cheeks redden at my words, and she takes a step to the side to put distance between us. “Tomorrow?” she asks confirming.
“I’ll be fucking you after.”
Her smile stays put. “You couldn’t have at least said something kind, or sweet? Or maybe put it differently.” She giggles.
“Do you want me to lie?”
She shakes her head. Then starts walking toward her car. After getting in, she offers me a small wave as she drives off.
Shutting the front door, it hits me. I have a fucking date tomorrow.
I don’t fucking date. I fuck.
Chapter 30
Date Night
Syler
I’m dressed in clothes I would not normally wear, but for her, I will. Stopping out front of her house, I get out of the car and walk to her door, knocking on it. Stephen answers it, her father. Last time I saw him, he was telling me that I had to choose, choose her or my sister. He didn’t already know I had chosen his daughter, so my decision was easy when it came to not getting her in any trouble. Keeping Jaya clean as possible was my main priority. Even if it meant my sister had to be burned and turned in to do so.
Stephen looks behind him then back to me. “She’s excited. More so than she’s been in a long time.”
I nod my head, she may be excited, but I’m a nervous wreck. My hands are sweating, and I have to keep wiping them on my trousers. “You won’t be getting her into any more trouble, now will you?” His voice is firm. The way he cares comes through by the way he speaks. She’s lucky, not everyone get
s one caring parent—some of us get none.
“No, sir.”
He steps back, and she steps forward. Her hand touches her father’s shoulder, and she leans up to kiss his cheek before she steps forward to me. A black dress sits on her body like a second skin, her curves begging for me to run my hands over her, and her heels ready to leave on as I bend her over and take her. My eyes can’t stop scanning her, and I don’t even care that her father’s standing right there. After tonight, I plan to keep her, forever. And never give her back.
“You look...”
She blushes, stepping through the door, offering me her hand. I look at it, unsure if I should take it. Is it safe to touch her yet? She never offers me her hand, so I take it because she knows better. Maybe this is the change she wants? Maybe this is the change we need? Her taking the lead, but letting me keep control.
“Thank you,” she says, as I take control of her hand. Jaya smiles softly, shutting the door as she walks out, following me to the car. “Are you nervous?” she asks, as I open her car door. Holding it open for her, I drop hold of her hand while turning to look back at her.
“Nervous?” I shake my head. “I know what I want. It’s just a matter of making you realize you want the same thing, too. So no, I’m not.”
She doesn’t say anything at first, her blue eyes holding mine. “You seem... very confident in knowing what you want all of a sudden.” Her eyebrow raises as if she’s trying to make a point.
“I always knew what I wanted, it was just a matter of admitting it.”
She steps closer to me and gets into the car. I close the door, walking around the car to my side, getting in, and sitting next to her. Her thighs are exposed, her hand sits on the top of one, sliding her dress up just a bit higher.
“So now you admit it. Interesting. Just took fucking me over to do so.”
I start the car, pulling away from her house and driving. “I did what I thought I had to do.”
Her fingers tap on her thigh as I go through a set of red lights. It’s distracting, I want her, right fucking now in that dress and those heels. I fucking want her.
