“The generators are running. I’ll just hang out on my side of the door.”
“This is worth it though,” she said, rubbing her belly. “In here, I can acknowledge her without fear or guilt. I really love this little baby. I try to remind myself throughout the day that it’s not me. It’s like I have an evil second self. And in that, I also have to remember the evil self has such strong feelings for you. All these emotions are incredibly confusing and emotionally exhausting. I never physically feel exhausted, but at the end of every day, all of my mental energy is spent. Isn’t that strange?”
“No, not at all. Not to me. I know I don’t have to lift in the gym or swim for an hour. But I’m never tired. It feels unnatural to have so much energy to just stay ‘on’ all the time. Sleep isn’t even really sleep. It’s a habit. An escape.” He sat down in his room right outside the door. “What do you think you should name her?”
Valerie laughed. “I have no idea. I’ve avoided naming her because imagining her here makes me so terrified. Maybe I won’t like her enough to love her or give her a name. But I guess now is a good time to brainstorm, huh? I don’t even know where to start. My mother’s name was Janice Leigh.”
“My mother’s name was Gertrude Louise. Her friends called her Gerdy.”
Valerie laughed but stopped when a small pain seized her. “Ugh.”
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing, just a contraction. Braxton-Hicks. I don’t really get them unless I’m in a room like this or I move too fast. Sorry. But, no to Gerdy.”
“What about something like Janna, since your mom’s name was Janice?”
“Jane? What about Janie? Oh, I like that,” Valerie said, leaning her head back. “We could hang it in wooden letters on the wall. That would be cute.”
“It would.”
“You know, I had always wanted two boys. I was never a girly-girl growing up. I don’t know how to braid. If it weren’t for Lalit, I wouldn’t even know how to dress myself. What am I going to do with a little girl?”
“I always wanted a daughter, but my child-rearing days had long passed.”
“I’m scared to get up and go to bed.” Valerie smiled down at her belly. “I might stay in here forever. I’d suffer through the worst sciatica pain to do it, too.”
“It’s late. You should head to bed. We have a big day tomorrow. Your best friend is getting married. I’ll take you down to see the reception area before the rehearsal. We can make sure the design is what you specified. I know you worked really hard coordinating everything.”
“Those two mean so much. Duke, on the other hand. I hate that guy.”
“He knows.”
“He makes such a sport of harassing me, though. Like a championship game to piss me off.”
“He’s jealous of you. Don’t tell him I told you. The man is incredibly loyal. I trust few people more than him with my life.”
“I wouldn’t have guessed that. Hmm. I guess I will keep that in consideration.”
“Don’t change the way you treat him. I’m sure it gives him some satisfaction seeing the look on your face and knowing you’ll do nothing about it. Gives him a little power over you. He needs that.”
“Fine. You know what I noticed sitting here like this, with you over there and me in here?”
“What’s that?”
“I do like you. Like naturally, like this, without my ability.”
“What would you do if you didn’t?”
“Probably cry and continue to hate myself.”
“Don’t hate yourself, Valerie. You are an amazing, strong woman, the best mom, and a master juggler of things. All the things.”
“I feel like I have been pregnant forever.”
“Well, you’ve been pregnant as long as I have known you, which feels like forever.”
Valerie smiled at him, leaned her head back again, and closed her eyes, still rubbing her belly.
“Do you want to come over tonight, so the shock of leaving the room doesn’t throw you into a deep pit of despair?”
“Yes, that would be nice. Give me about fifteen minutes to change.”
“After tomorrow evening, I can’t hang around until you-know-what is neutralized.”
Valerie forgot about the necklace and the threat of Jarrett still looming over her head. She got up from the chair and walked to her door, taking one last look at the room before switching off the light. Though her strength returned, and she could breathe easier, her heart sank, and the joy she felt for her daughter’s impending arrival turned to angst. She dressed in the new pink fleece pajamas and walked across the spacious apartment to August’s door. She knocked lightly, and he let her in.
She woke with the rising sun because she had never experienced the sunrise in the hotel before. She slipped from under August’s arm, made a quick cup of coffee, and returned to his room with the door open so she could listen for Caleb. Instead of returning to August’s bed, she sat on a small couch facing the window and watched while the sun came up.
The grand hall of the Facility dwarfed the convention space in the hotel. Before the wedding, there was no use for the massive, ornate room. Valerie avoided the grand hall after her traumatic coronation ceremony, but she was ready to make happy memories despite the past that still haunted her. Literally.
August kept his hand on her shoulder as the train neared the platform. His pounding heart didn’t lend much relief to her own. She remembered August and Jarrett fighting on the platform and her desperate reach for the man who now stood by her side. Even the smell of Jarrett’s burning flesh melting onto red fluid copper came racing back, and they slowed to a stop.
“Do you like it?” August asked with a hand on the small of her back.
She stepped off the train and there, in the platform's center, stretching as tall as the three-story ceiling, was a new sculpture of a copper tree. Two sets of thick wire wrapped around each other to form the massive trunk, one set blue, the other white, with branches of both colors hanging like a willow over the platform.
“It is beautiful.”
The sight made returning to the location less daunting. No trace of the battle remained. Instead, the tree symbolized her new life with August.
“Who did this?”
“The kid who designed the memorial downtown. This tree was his audition piece.”
“Well, I’d like to thank him in person. This is magnificent.”
August tucked her arm into his and escorted her under the tree into the hall. She had designed every aspect from her office in the hotel, mulled over designs and materials, and trusted the departments to carry out the layout of the space. Valerie had a specific vision for the ceremony space, knowing Hyka would not plan something so elaborate herself. On short notice, she delegated tasks to nearly every department in the Facility to bring her vision to life.
August gripped the heavy doorknob and pushed the ten-foot double doors open. Eyes wide, a smile stretched across her face, and a squeal of excitement escaped her lips.
“This! This is everything.”
“Goodness, you really went all out, didn’t you?”
Massive roses hung upside down at flowing lengths, giving the ceiling an illusion of being lower, each suspended by its own two-inch-wide black ribbon. The white and yellow blossoms matched the dress Lalit had prepared for Hyka. Ferns sat on pillars that were placed throughout the space, giving the room a touch of color. Dark wooden chairs accenting the intricate floor filled three-quarters of the hall. Glass lanterns of various sizes with electrical candles lined the central aisle Hyka would soon walk down. The platform where Valerie had once sworn her oath to the World Council was unrecognizable. Strings of lights created a veil of light behind where Hyka and Jack would stand and take their vows.
“Everything is perfect,” Valerie breathed in almost a whisper. “She will love this. Or hate it, but it’s already done, and I love it.”
“She will love it. Great job.” August gave Valerie a high-five,
which she gratefully accepted.
One foot off the elevator and Valerie could hear Caleb before August could open the door. She rushed inside to find her son screaming hysterically, running with his hands over his ears. When he saw Valerie, he clawed at her shirt for her to pick him up.
“Baby, what’s wrong?”
Kevin and Jack stood in the room, scratching their heads.
“What happened?” Valerie asked them.
“No clue. He screamed and ran out of the living room in hysterics,” Jack offered.
As Valerie walked to the living room carrying her son, he squeezed her neck tighter, screaming louder. The TV played a cartoon of a ghost flying around, scaring the other cartoon characters.
“I want to watch puppy show. Puppy show,” he repeated.
Valerie immediately found the puppy show in the directory and switched the channel. She held her son and shushed him until he calmed down.
“Look, baby, there’s a puppy show. Do you like this puppy show?”
Caleb nodded and wiped his face with both hands, still gasping, trying to catch his breath.
“I’m sorry, sweetie, it’s okay now.”
Caleb turned back to her and hugged her tight. She stayed there and rocked him.
“I didn’t know. I’m sorry,” Jack said.
“It’s okay. It’s just a random scene in a cartoon. He can watch monsters all day long, but we know now spooky ghosts are out of the question. Do you want a snack?”
“Uh-huh. I want a ‘nana.”
“All right, let’s get you a banana.” She tried to put him down, but he would not release his death grip. Instead, she carried him to the kitchen and set him on the counter.
Caleb took his banana, found his uncle, took him by the hand, and led Kevin to his room.
“Just a couple more days,” August said, referring to Jarrett’s threat.
“I’m just pissed that it’s affecting him so much. He’s three years old. He should start preschool and make turkeys out of paper plates. Not be terrified of a cartoon because there’s a legitimate threat. My poor guy.”
Hyka burst into the apartment. Without a word, she grabbed Valerie by the wrist and pulled her down the hall to Valerie’s bedroom and slammed the door.
“I can’t do this. I can’t.”
“Hyka, everything will be fine.”
“But what if something happens while I’m not here? What if something goes wrong? A week is too long.”
“There’s never a good time to make a big decision. That’s why sometimes you have to pull the trigger and do it. This is definitely one of those times. Go. You know how many strings we had to pull to get you a decent honeymoon? They staffed and reopened an entire amusement park for you two. You’re going.”
“I’m grateful, but I would never forgive myself, or Jack, if something were to happen. Also, I don’t think I’ll be riding any roller coasters.”
“Why? Are you pre… No! You’re not, are you?” Valerie’s face lit up and, despite knowing Hyka’s stance on hugs, she disregarded all personal space and threw her arms around her friend. “Oh, my goodness! How far along are you?”
“Like six weeks, but shut up. Tell no one. Especially Lalit.”
“My lips are sealed. I am so happy for you.”
“Yeah well, it’ll take time to sink in still. The only people who know are you, Jack, and Monica.”
“That’s amazing. You’re a great mother figure to Caleb.”
Hyka huffed and rolled her eyes. “It looks bad. I’m not just marrying him because I got knocked up.”
“No one is judging you. You don’t have to get married at all, but you’ll see at the rehearsal. Everything is simple. August says something, you repeat it. Mindless, really. You’ll be fine. Jack is a great man and is so good with Caleb. He’ll be a great daddy!”
“Yeah, better parent than I will be.”
“I walked in to Caleb screaming around the apartment in terror. Left him for thirty minutes to check out the ceremony décor. Parenting is just hard.”
“Did you see the tree?”
“Oh, I did,” Valerie’s voice raised three octaves, hands over her heart. “Far more amazing than I could have ever imagined. Symbolic and respectful.”
“Someone wanted to put Blucifer, the demon horse statue from outside the airport, in there. I punched him in the mouth.”
“You should stop punching dudes in the face. One might punch back. Times are changing, Hyka,” Valerie pointed out, teasing but mostly serious. “Not a good example to be setting for your wee little baby.”
“I already suck as a mom.”
“Don’t worry. We all do. Every single mom I know sucks at some point. Not much of a pep talk but it’s the truth.”
“I just left the baby doctor. Monica wants to see you before the rehearsal. Is now a bad time?”
“No, I can go now. We’ll be too busy tomorrow for my regular appointment. Let me check with August and see if he wants to come or sit this one out.”
“How are you feeling today?” Monica asked Valerie.
“Still in over my head. I had time to sit in the baby’s room and bond with her. It’s nice to enjoy being pregnant for a change.”
“No complications? Pain?”
“Just normal Braxton-Hicks contractions and round ligament pain in my lower abdomen. Nothing out of the ordinary.”
“I would like to get a set of vitals next time you’re in the room to make sure your blood pressure stays within a normal range. Would you want to try birthing in the baby’s room? It will be painful, but you’ll get to bond with your daughter when she’s born.”
“Ask me again when we’re in the room. My head says a great idea, but everything else wants you to cut her out of me right now.”
“Otherwise, how is your mental health?” Monica asked with a smile.
“I’m doing very well for once. I’m getting more concerned about Caleb, though. He’s having a tough time with emotions and fears. Do you know anyone who could see him, like on a professional level?”
“I will reach out and find a therapist for him. His pediatrician will probably be a better person on the subject. Do you want to meet with him before you leave?”
“No, we have the rehearsal. You’re coming, aren’t you?”
“Yes, I am closing the clinic early today. Courtney’s scared she’ll mess something up.”
“If Courtney wasn’t so worried about everything, we’d all have no clue what to do.”
“Great point.”
When Valerie finished her appointment, Courtney was already in Valerie’s room with Lalit, Teresa, and two others, setting up to do her hair and makeup.
“The actual wedding is tomorrow. You realize that, right? Why all the fuss?” Valerie asked the entourage.
“Because August has a surprise for you tonight.” Courtney took her hand and led her the rest of the way to the dark wood vanity. “The control room is televising the dinner. Your special moment will be replayed over and over, and we want you to look almost as good as you will tomorrow.”
The words “special moment” sent a dry sensation of fear down Valerie’s face. This was her and August’s first public date. He wouldn’t propose on their first date. Another second passed before she remembered that he would be giving her the locket.
“I‘ll never get used to any of this. If you told me last year I’d have a personal team to help me get dressed, I would have laughed in your face.” Valerie breathed through her anxiety and took a seat.
“Okay, the biggest thing to remember tonight is to not look sad. Valerie,” Courtney stood in front of her making sure she had eye contact, “you have the worst game face I have ever seen. I know I’m asking you to do the impossible under the circumstances, but the public especially notice and exploit the moments you let your guard down. Your resting-bitch-face is strong. So, I want you to do your best and think of something pleasant.” Courtney changed her tone and smiled with the word. “What I’
m about to say is insensitive. I’m not telling you to act like nothing happened, but also don’t act like your whole world is still torn apart. We’re mourning with you, Val. But Mike would want you and all of us to celebrate life while we can. You can still wear your pain like armor, but in a regal ‘graceful strength’ way instead of defeat.”
Valerie nodded. “Graceful strength,” she whispered to herself, lifting her chin slightly.
“That! Right there!” Courtney clapped with bubbly excitement. “That’s what I want. Also, when August addresses you in front of everyone, you will think the most logical thing is about to happen. Listen to me. You will not protest or fight. You will go with it. When it happens, you will remember ‘Courtney said to just go with it.’”
“Am I really that bad of an actress?”
Courtney looked at her wide-eyed and raised eyebrows but offered no definitive answer. “Just go with it, okay?”
“Okay! Geez.”
“Hyka will sit next to you and, if at any point you look like you might punt August in the face, she’ll tell you to breathe. This’ll be your keyword reminder to just go with it, do you understand? ‘Breathe.’”
“Oh my goodness, this is ridiculous. Graceful strength. Just go with it. Breathe.”
“You don’t have a good track record for things going as planned. I’m just trying to make this event go easy for everyone.”
“Well, you didn’t get your job by sugar-coating things. No one can dispute that fact.”
Courtney put down her paper and pen and hugged Valerie tight. “You are one of the most beautiful women I have ever met, aside from my wife, of course. You have a pure heart and are a shining example of a mother and a leader. My job is to be sure people see the true you, and not what Lucas or the Council or the Reactance or anyone else wants them to see. You’re the Jackie O. of our time, only more powerful than the President.”
“That is the nicest thing anyone has said since all this went down.”
“Not true. August has told you all of this multiple times, but since you don’t trust yourself to trust him, you think it’s just lip service.”
Shifting Power Page 16
