by Mary Monroe
“All I want is for Jade to be happy. She’s one of the few things that I have to look forward to anymore.” Rhoda gave me a pleading look as if she was trying to read my mind. “I hope you and Pee Wee don’t mind havin’ her at your house underfoot all the time. She’d rather be there more than she would her own house! And such a lovely home Otis and I have made for her!” Rhoda stopped abruptly and touched my hand. “Not that your house is not just as lovely as mine. It is.”
I shrugged. “You know we don’t mind Jade coming over to our house so much. Charlotte looks forward to her visits. Not many girls Jade’s age would spend so much of their time away from their friends.”
Rhoda nodded and gave me a pensive look. “Well, you know how things are between Otis and me. He pretty much goes his way, and I go mine. It’s a bitch and sometimes I get depressed. I don’t like havin’ to hide that from Jade. And she is so observant. Just like I was when I was growin’ up. When she’s in the house, she keeps her nose in everything. Always lurkin’ around corners, listenin’ to my telephone conversations. Whenever Bully calls, I’m usually the one who takes his calls. Poor Bully. That British bitch—the flat-assed girl from London he was stupid enough to marry—treats him like shit, so he calls a lot. Anyway, I have to chase Jade from the house to keep her from sneakin’ a listen on the extension. I don’t know what that girl thinks she’s goin’ to hear. Me, I just give Bully some…uh…marital advice.”
“Uh-huh,” I said, rolling my eyes. Rhoda was too wrapped up in her own thoughts to notice my reaction.
I was just burning up with curiosity about Rhoda and the depressed and neglected Bully: the Jamaican man that Jade had seen her kissing on a beach in Jamaica. Part of his pain was the fact that his British wife was unable to have children. The only child he had ever fathered was the one with Rhoda. I knew in my heart that because of that, and the mysterious death of that child, Bully and Rhoda would always be connected.
One thing I could say about Rhoda was that if she didn’t want me to know something about her, she didn’t tell me. And I dared not ask. But under the circumstances that I’d been made aware of, it was not that hard to believe that Rhoda had recently resumed a romantic relationship with the man who had fathered her second child.
Rhoda opened her mouth to speak again, pausing to cough. “I want everything to be special in Jade’s life. Especially…” Rhoda sucked in her breath and leaned across the table. “Especially her…first time.”
“First time for what?” I asked, blinking stupidly. Rhoda shot me a sharp look. “Oh. That,” I managed. “Well, I’m sure her first time will be special,” I said with my fingers crossed. “How do you know she hasn’t done it already?” I asked, my mouth still hanging open after I’d finished talking.
“Because I know my child. I’ve raised her well. Jade knows that she can talk to me about anything and everything. I made her promise that she would tell me when she was ready to start havin’ sex. That is, if she can’t wait until her weddin’ night, like I advised her to.”
Rhoda chewed more of her salad, not taking her eyes off mine. I was staring at her in disbelief. I found it hard to believe that a woman as savvy as Rhoda could also be so naive!
“Anyway, if she can’t wait, and I would understand if she couldn’t, with the way sex is all over our kids these days—the least I could do is get her prepared and organized so she won’t have any unexpected little visitors. But I know that if that did happen, she’d be as good a young mother as I was.” Rhoda stopped at this point and waved her fork at me. “Girl, if you want some good advice, I suggest you get to work on Charlotte now, before she reaches her teens. Be open with her about sex and love. Make sure you explain the difference between the two to her. Charlotte’s lucky to have Jade there for her, willin’ to explain the things to her that kids would be too embarrassed to ask their parents about. There is nothin’ about sex that Jade doesn’t know, and she heard it from me! So she’s got all the facts, and not some goo-goo version from Hollywood or her friends. My girl is informed!” Rhoda laughed, winked, and leaned forward, speaking in a very low voice. “I’ll bet Jade will suck a meaner dick than I can, once she gets started. Whoever she marries will be blessed, thanks to me.”
“Did your mother tell you all this stuff when you were Jade’s age?” I asked in a stiff voice. The conversation was making me uncomfortable, but I knew that it wouldn’t be over until Rhoda was ready for it to be over.
“Of course not! My mom was a very dainty, straitlaced, proper woman.”
I looked at Rhoda out of the corner of my eye.
“What I didn’t learn from hangin’ around Scary Mary’s whorehouse, I learned from Aunt Lola. It’s a good thing some women choose to be sluts. Lord knows she had enough men in her life to practice on. We women have to share bedroom knowledge so we can all have some fun.” Rhoda sat up straighter and sniffed. She seemed to be glowing. “I can’t even believe it myself when I recall how I once thought that all I was supposed to do in bed with my man was lie there and holler.”
“I’ll tell my daughter everything she needs to know when she’s ready,” I said in a heavy voice. A deep feeling of sadness came over me whenever I thought about Charlotte and sex in the same context. I wanted my child to stay innocent and untouched for as long as possible. In my mind, I believed that it would make up for what had been taken away from me at such a young age. I had had more sex before I’d reached my teens than some women had in their entire lifetime.
Rhoda laid her fork down on her half-empty plate and threw back her head and laughed. “Girl, try to explain and describe an orgasm to your young daughter! By the time I got through tellin’ Jade about the stars she’ll see and the bells she’ll hear, she was ready to run out of the room and jump on the first boy she saw.” Rhoda laughed so hard, tears streamed down the sides of her face. “It’s a good thing she’s got such good self-control, huh?”
I took so long to respond to Rhoda’s last comment, she leaned forward and tilted her ear toward me.
“Yeah…it is a good thing Jade’s got such good control,” I mumbled, stuffing my mouth with a huge forkful of my salad so I would not have to speak again right away.
“And she’d be lost without you and Pee Wee there for her to fall back on. Annette, will you always be there for my child? Please promise me you will.”
That was a question that Rhoda already knew the answer to, but I answered it anyway. “Of course. Why wouldn’t I be?”
I was glad that Rhoda couldn’t see the cold, hard lump that suddenly formed in my throat.
CHAPTER 38
Jade leaped back into my life with both feet. She showed up one Saturday morning at my door with a large single white rose wrapped in pink tissue. “Auntie, this is for you. I am so sorry for doing what me and my girlfriend did in your house. It won’t happen again. Honest to God,” Jade said, crossing her heart with her fingers.
On top of everything else, Jade considered herself a devout Christian. When she remembered, she said grace before each meal. Even if it was just a salad at the food court with her friends. It didn’t bother her that some of her friends made fun of her vague relationship with God, but it bothered me when she told me. I knew the difference between right and wrong, and I didn’t try to make deals with God when I wanted to do something that I already knew was unacceptable. I was not perfect, not by a long shot. But as hard as it was to do in our current world, I tried to be as good a person as I could be.
Jade had a warped sense of what religion was really about. Just like old Mr. Boatwright. Some Sundays he would rape me just before he left the house to go to church—and with Muh’Dear across the hall in her own room getting ready to go to the same service! He thought that it was all right to rape me as long as he prayed a little harder and longer when he got to church.
Jade didn’t go that often to the Baptist church that we all belonged to, but she read the pocket-sized Bible that I had given to her on her thirteenth birthday, and she knew about
as much about scripture as I knew.
“Well,” I began in an uncertain voice, “you better not pull another stunt like that one. At least not in my house!” I said sharply.
“I know, Auntie. But guess what? I’ve already asked God to forgive me, and I know He has! He’s never let me down…”
“Jade, you know before you did what you did that it was wrong. But you went ahead and did it anyway. Then, you prayed about it. Let me tell you something, honey, God don’t play. If you want to play games, you pull out that Monopoly board that I gave you for your birthday two years ago. Don’t play games with me, or with God. Now, I usually get over things pretty quickly, but I am a worm compared to God. You have to go to Him with something that’s coming from your heart. And you’d be better off if you remembered that.”
“I know, I know,” Jade sang. “God and His mysterious ways. It’s a wonder He hasn’t zapped us all back to wherever it is we came from,” she scoffed, rolling her eyes. “But I will say my prayers before I go to bed tonight and ask Him again to forgive me for what I did in your guest bedroom. She sniffed and clutched her yellow backpack, giving me a curious look as I accepted the rose. “Please forgive me, Auntie. I had to look all over the place to find a white rose. White is the one that stands for peace, isn’t it?”
“I don’t know. I only buy red roses,” I said. A pensive look appeared on Jade’s face and she blinked hard. For a minute I thought she was going to cry. “But the white ones are just as nice. Maybe I’ll start buying them, too.”
Jade’s face lit up and she didn’t even wait for me to invite her in. She brushed past me and slunk into my living room and plopped down on my sofa the way she always did, hugging her yellow backpack against her chest like it contained diamonds and gold. Like nothing had changed.
I gently closed the door and followed her, taking tentative steps like I was the guest and she was the lady of the house. “From now on, when you are in my house, I expect you to behave yourself, girl,” I said, my voice weakening by the second. I was so glad to have Jade back in her old position, I sat down next to her and grabbed her hand. “And, uh, just how is your…girlfriend?” I asked, immediately pressing my lips together right after I finished my last sentence.
“Gone. She’s back with her boyfriend.”
“And what about you?” I asked, looking at Jade out of the corner of my eye.
“Me? Oh, I’m going to take it easy for a while. Love is such hard work. I don’t know how you do it.” Jade let out a sharp laugh and looked around the room. “By the way, where is that husband of yours?”
“He drove over to Erie to see some of his kinfolks,” I said, glad that Pee Wee wouldn’t be back for a few days. I needed time to readjust to Jade and I knew he would, too.
He called just before Jade left to go home. As luck would have it, Jade answered the phone, greeting the caller in a singsong manner. “Pee Wee, you are so funny! And you got the funniest laugh.”
I couldn’t imagine what it was that Pee Wee had said to Jade when Jade answered the telephone. But from her reaction, it was something cute and amusing. At least he was in a good mood, I thought. I loved it when Pee Wee was in a good mood. But something told me that it wouldn’t last too long this time.
As soon as I pulled the telephone out of Jade’s hand and identified myself, Pee Wee released a loud string of foul words that I had not heard him or anybody else use in years. He was so hot that I could feel the heat on my ear. I was glad when he finally spoke in a normal voice.
“Please don’t tell me that that gal is back in my house actin’ like she’s at home,” Pee Wee complained bitterly.
“Uh, it’s good to hear from you, baby. Don’t let Charlotte eat too much candy,” I said evasively, altering my face with a fake smile.
“Please tell me she just dropped by to say hello and don’t plan on comin’ over again any time soon,” he continued in a weary voice.
“Well, I wish I could say that.” I gave Jade a fake smile as I patted her shoulder. She stood next to me with her ear cocked as close to the telephone as she could get it. I held the telephone closer to my ear and gently pushed Jade to the side, ignoring the look of contempt she gave me.
“Shit!” Pew Wee exclaimed. “Annette, you listen to me, and you better listen to me good. You are goin’ to rue the day that you didn’t put your foot down. Somebody needs to sit that girl down and talk some sense back into her head.”
I was getting exasperated and I wanted him to know that. “Why don’t you do that?” I snapped, my fake smile still plastered on my face.
“Yeah, right! Like Jade would listen to me! You are closer to her than anybody else, other than her mama, and we know she ain’t goin’ to straighten the girl out. As far as she is concerned, the girl couldn’t do no wrong if she tried.”
“Uh-huh. That’s nice, baby.”
“I know she’s standin’ right up on you, so you can’t say what I want you to say. But you know I’m right. We got enough problems without Jade addin’ to ’em.”
“What do you mean by that? What problems?” I asked with concern, praying that Pee Wee would hang up soon.
“Look, I don’t have the time or the patience to go into that right now, but you know what I mean. It ain’t easy keepin’ a marriage on the right tracks these days with so many outside influences. The way Jade drops in on us with her friends, you would think we were runnin’ a youth hostel or a cheap hotel. I didn’t like her bringin’ that girl to the house that time and then goin’ straight upstairs after I told her not to! I know your mama left the house to you, but I am your husband and this house is my home now, too. I should have some say in what happens in it.”
I was really getting concerned now. “Maybe you should discuss this a little more with me when you get home, because I don’t think we are on the same page.” I looked at Jade and blinked.
“I’ve said all I had to say about this for now. When I do get home, all I want is some peace and quiet. And I hope that’s somethin’ I’ll be able to enjoy with nobody present but you and Charlotte.”
“I’ll let you go, baby.” I hung up before Pee Wee could say another word. “Jade, Pee Wee said to tell you he’s glad to know you’re keeping me company while he’s gone,” I lied.
“Auntie, can you help me out again?” Jade asked.
I had to shake my head and return my thoughts to the present. I was glad that for a few minutes I had been able to put Daddy’s dilemma out of my mind. Even though I had just replayed some of the most unpleasant incidents and conversations that had occurred over the last two years.
“Yes,” I mumbled. “But I don’t want anybody to know that I know about this. Rhoda would never forgive me if she knew that I helped you get rid of her grandchildren.”
“What my mama don’t know won’t hurt her.”
“Well, Jade, sometimes what we don’t know can hurt us. Remember when you had those venereal warts and didn’t know it? Who knows what damage they might have done to your system if you hadn’t found out when you did and got treated?”
As far as I was concerned, getting pregnant was not the worst thing that could happen to Jade. Not that that would have been a walk in the park, either. There were diseases out there that I was hearing about for the first time, and she’d already had one. At the rate she was going, AIDS was just around the corner. I knew that it did me no good to try and talk some sense into Jade’s head. She was too far gone for that. But I couldn’t go to Rhoda and talk to her about Jade. It was too late for that, too. I knew Rhoda well enough to know that she would be furious if she ever found out how much information about her daughter I kept to myself.
I was thankful that there was a light at the end of a very long and dark tunnel. Jade would be leaving home eventually to continue her education—and in an out-of-state college at that. At the very least, Jade would be removed from my orbit in about a year.
“When do you plan to get this taken care of?” I wanted to know, wishing that I had ha
d enough gumption to flat-out refuse her request.
“Friday. Right after work. We can leave the office together a little early, and get this mess straightened out in time for me to be home to watch the I Love Lucy reruns.”
“I’ll try to be there for you.”
“You’ll try?” Jade gasped, with terror in her voice. “What do you mean, you’ll ‘try’? Didn’t you just say you would be there with me and make sure I got home all right?” Jade let out a loud disgusted sigh. “Auntie, you know how these abortion people do their thing! They won’t let me leave the clinic by myself after it’s over.”
“Well, can’t you take a cab?”
“A cab? What do you think I—a cab? Auntie, you know I don’t fool around with those dingy, loud, scandalous-looking cabs driven by people who wear diapers on their heads and can’t even speak proper English,” Jade hissed, glancing around. “That’s almost as bad as riding around on a Greyhound bus. I don’t want anybody, even people that don’t know who I am, to even think that I am broke and trifling enough to be in a cab or on a bus. I would drop dead before I let my friends see me like that.” Jade’s tongue snapped brutally over each word. For a second, I thought she was having a panic attack. “Anyway, if I do go home in a cab, with my luck Mama and Daddy and Uncle Bully will be peeping out the window and see me. The first thing they will want to know is why I’m coming home in a cab when I left home to go to work in your car with you. By the way, you’ll have to pick me up to take me to work that morning, since I won’t be able to drive my car afterward.”
I rolled my eyes and let out a disgusted sigh of my own. “Jade, my daddy just had a heart attack. I don’t know what’s going to happen in the next couple of days. As much as I love you and want to help you out, I have to put my daddy first. I hope you understand that.”
