by Mary Monroe
“The guy from FedEx just delivered a box for you,” Jade told me, leaning her head into my office.
I snapped my head around so fast my neck made a cracking noise.
“Did you open it?” I asked, glancing at the trash can. One of the legs of the shorts was dangling over the top of the trash can.
“No, I sure didn’t. You want me to?”
“Bring it here. Bring it here right now.”
Jade returned in less than a minute, shaking a box that was big enough to hold a basketball.
“Shut the door,” I ordered, motioning for her to set the box on the top of my desk.
“It’s heavy,” she said, kicking the door shut with her foot. She was still shaking the box. It made a thud when she dropped it on my desk. “And whatever is in it…uh…stinks.”
I looked at Jade, then at the box. We received packages every day, usually boxes that contained office supplies. But they were rarely addressed to me like this one was. The return address and name didn’t look familiar.
“Aren’t you going to open it?” Jade asked with an anxious look on her face.
I sighed first. Then I took my time opening the box with my fingers, cracking two nails.
I flipped open the lid. Inside was a smaller box. Taped on its top was a small piece of white paper with the words typed in small but bold letters: Have a nice day, bitch! I snapped the box shut just as fast as I had opened it. “Jade, you can leave now,” I said in a low voice. Now this was a situation that was so over-the-top I didn’t know whether to cry or laugh. I didn’t even realize I was smiling until Jade made a comment.
“What’s so funny? What’s in the box, Auntie?”
“Just go. This is nothing but some more bullshit and you don’t need to see it!”
Jade ignored me and snatched the box out of my hands. She flipped open the lid and gasped before she stumbled forward and fell against the front of my desk. There was such a look of horror on that child’s face that I thought she was going to faint.
“Omigod, Auntie! That’s…That looks like…horse shit!” Jade cried, pointing at the box.
That’s exactly what it was: big, disgusting, dried clumps of horse shit!
Jade insisted on hauling the vile box to one of the Dumpsters in the alley behind our building. When she returned a few minutes later, she closed my office door and locked it.
“This has gone too far,” Jade said, breathing so hard she was wheezing.
She paused just long enough to take a deep breath, rubbing her chest as if that would help her regulate her breathing. She seemed to be just as upset as I was, and I didn’t like that one bit. I had to do something and I had to do it soon. This nightmare had done enough damage.
“If that shit didn’t smell so bad,” she declared, “I’d hold on to it and drop it at Betty Jean’s front door when we go over there this evening. And if you don’t beat the shit out of that bitch, I will.”
“What…what are you talking about?” I stammered. I had to blink hard a few times to see clearly again. I had temporarily forgotten about my plan to visit Betty Jean’s apartment to confront her. My head was pounding so hard my eyes not only ached, but my vision was foggy. I had to blink hard and shake my head to focus. Jade wiped her hands on a wad of paper towels and propped herself up on the edge of my desk, crossing her arms.
“That’s about as nasty as you can get, huh?” I managed with a chuckle, my hands clasped across the middle of my protruding belly.
“Auntie, I don’t know how you can sit here and laugh about receiving a box of shit. God knows what that bitch plans to send next, with her nasty self.”
I leaned under my desk and removed the shorts from my trash can with the tip of a pen and held them up for Jade to see.
“What in the world is that?” she wanted to know, making a face and rubbing her nose. “Looks like somebody’s funky drawers.”
“That’s exactly what this is. I’d know these damn things anywhere. I have been after Pee Wee to get rid of these raggedy-ass things for months.”
“What? How? What are they doing in your trash can?”
“This is what was in the package I received this morning.”
“What? When?”
“I don’t know when it came in, but the box was sitting on my desk this morning when I got in.”
“Auntie, why don’t you go home? You are making me scared for you. You look like you are about to have some kind of fit or something.”
“I don’t want to go back home until I talk to Betty Jean. I can’t get anything out of Pee Wee, so it looks like the only way I am going to get to the bottom of this mess is by having a showdown with her.”
“What if you don’t get anything out of her either? What will you say to Pee Wee then? Will you leave him?”
“I don’t know what I’m going to do, Jade. What I do know is, this mess is going to end one way or the other. Even if it means I do have to…to leave Pee Wee. I can’t take too much more of this. I am about to lose my mind.”
Jade strolled around to the side of my desk and gave me a hug. “Don’t forget about that other thing we have to deal with, too,” she said in a low voice.
“What other thing?”
“I need you to go with me to the clinic to take care of that little problem I told you about. You know.” Jade paused and patted her stomach.
I didn’t like the fact that Jade was pregnant, but her dilemma did provide me some much-needed distraction. “Go ahead and make an appointment,” I said.
CHAPTER 49
I had a hard time getting through the rest of the day. I avoided my co-workers as much as I could. Whenever I had to go to the bathroom, I walked all the way down to McDonald’s to use theirs. All because I didn’t want to deal with anybody else in the office except for Jade. I noticed the odd looks I got each time I left my office, and each time I came back. But as long as I kept a scowl on my face, the people who worked for me kept a safe distance.
With the exception of Gloria Watson, I had a great rapport with the people in the office. I didn’t like behaving the way that I was behaving in front of them. That’s why it was so important for me to resolve the situation that had caused such a disruption in my life.
When Jade and I left the office that evening a few minutes before five, Rhoda was already in the parking lot in her SUV with the motor running. I had been too upset to read the daily newspaper that day. That was something I had not missed doing in over ten years. I had rolled my newspaper up like a baseball bat and dumped it and some files I had been too upset to look at into the trunk of my car, which was parked right next to Rhoda’s SUV.
By the time I made it to Rhoda’s vehicle, Jade had already folded herself into the front seat. As usual, I “took a backseat” to Rhoda and Jade. Even though it was my pity party.
“I drove by Betty Jean’s place on the way over here,” Rhoda announced, a stick of celery dangling from the corner of her mouth. There was a Baggie on the dashboard stuffed with more celery and some carrot sticks. Jade snatched a carrot stick out and started chomping. I declined when she offered me some of the raw veggies. The inside of my mouth was so dry, I couldn’t have eaten anything if it had been shoved down my throat.
“Her car was in the driveway so I guess she’s home,” Rhoda reported, munching like a rabbit. She glanced at me over her shoulder.
I didn’t like the look on Rhoda’s face or her tone of voice. In my opinion, she seemed too excited, and much too eager for us to get to Betty Jean’s apartment. The last thing I wanted was for there to be a bloodbath. I was glad that I was in control of the situation, at least I thought I was.
“If she’s not home, we’ll wait,” Jade added, glancing around at me.
“I want to talk to her by myself,” I said, holding up my hand. “After all, this is my problem. All I want to do is talk to this woman. I don’t want to fight her and I will do everything I can to avoid things getting violent.”
Rhoda and Jade gasped at the sa
me time. Rhoda looked at me through her rearview mirror. This time, Jade turned all the way around to face me.
“What if she’s got some of her crazy family members in there with her? Do you think those thugs are going to just sit there and do nothing?” Jade asked. “You know about this woman and the crazy side of her family as well as everybody does in this town. They don’t believe in talking to resolve their disputes. I was in Kroger’s grocery store that time that a clerk accused the Spool grandmother of shoplifting. That old woman pulled out a knife that was as long as my leg. And do you think if any of Betty Jean’s family is up in there with her, they won’t be ready to take care of business when you knock on that door?” Jade turned back around and reached for more veggies on the dashboard.
“This is between me and Betty Jean, not me and her family. What else could they do but sit there and do nothing? I am just going to talk to her,” I insisted again. “I won’t give them, or her, any reason to get ugly.”
“But, Auntie, what if she does more than talk?” Jade asked, chewing and talking at the same time. She rose up on the seat and faced me again, her elbows on the back of the head-rest.
Rhoda made such a sudden stop at a red light Jade almost came over the seat into my lap.
“We are not dealing with a normal person here,” Rhoda said, grabbing Jade’s arm, and helping her to return to her seat. Those words sounded odd coming from Rhoda. “Remember that time a few years ago when Betty Jean went after one of her own cousins with a box cutter? If she would do something that extreme to a relative, just think what she would do to you. I mean…” Rhoda paused and gave me a pitiful look. “She hates you.”
“The notes and other stuff she’s sent tell you that. But what she sent today leaves no stone unturned,” Jade reminded us, directing her attention at Rhoda. “Mama, Auntie received a box of horse shit today.”
“What? A box full of horse shit?” Rhoda roared, slapping her steering wheel with her hand. “Oh, this has gone too damn far! That’s goin’ way overboard! I’d beat the shit out of that bitch just for doin’ that!” Rhoda yelled. “Does that sound like a woman that you can straighten out just by talkin’ to her?”
“She sent a pair of Pee Wee’s shorts to me, too,” I revealed, with a hint of relief in my voice. It felt good to get that disgusting piece of news out in the open. “I don’t care what Betty Jean says, or does, when I get to her. I can’t go on like this. She’s not the only one I have to deal with today. Pee Wee will have to come clean, too. If he is fucking that woman, then he won’t be fucking me anymore.”
Rhoda let out a loud sigh and shook her head. She turned the corner on two wheels as we pulled up in front of the tall brick building in the quiet residential area where Betty Jean lived.
Jade turned around to face me again, one more time. “Pee Wee sure is causing you a lot of grief. Are you going to leave him? I would if I were you, Auntie. You could probably still get another husband, if you really tried. But you have to hurry up.”
I didn’t answer Jade’s question. I couldn’t. I just dropped my head. I kept my eyes on the floor until we came to a complete stop. As soon as I looked up toward Betty Jean’s second-floor apartment, I saw the curtains in the front window move.
Jade and Rhoda climbed out and stood in front of the SUV, looking like warriors about to do battle—their arms folded and hot, angry looks on their faces.
I walked up the steps to Betty Jean’s apartment huffing and puffing, like I was walking up the side of a mountain. By the time I made it to the landing, I was so out of breath that you could have knocked me over with a feather. While I stood there, leaning against the wall next to the door, Betty Jean cracked open the door, smoothing down the front of her tight white blouse. Ever since she bought herself some titties, she couldn’t stop drawing attention to her chest.
“You want something?” she asked.
“I need to talk to you,” I told her, in a firm but civil voice. “Is now a good time?” I asked politely. And as painful as it was, I smiled.
She shrugged. “What do you need to talk to me about? A hair appointment, I hope.”
I shook my head. “No, it’s a little more personal than that. I could feel the heat rising from the soles of my feet on up to my face. “There is something I need to say to you.”
“Honey, you ain’t got nothin’ to say that I want to hear. Now, if you don’t mind, I got things to do.” Betty Jean attempted to close her door, but I stopped her by sticking my foot in the doorjamb. She didn’t like that one bit. She already had a frown on her face, but she managed to look even more annoyed and ferocious. She glanced at my foot, then back at my face. “What the hell do you want to talk to me about, bitch?” she demanded, shaking a finger in my face.
I flinched, but I refused to let her know that she was getting to me. “I want to talk to you about my husband.”
She blinked and shook her head. “Who?”
“My husband, Pee Wee.”
Betty Jean let out a disgusted sigh and cocked her head to the side. It was a weak attempt to taunt me, but she did. “So what do you need to talk to me about your husband for? That man don’t do no socializin’ with me no more. Not unless you want to count him stoppin’ in the Red Rose for a drink every now and then.”
Somebody dropped a pan on the floor in a room behind her, so she glanced over her shoulder. I could smell the pork chops and turnip greens that she was cooking.
“Do you mind if I come in?” I asked. “I can see that you are cooking dinner so I won’t stay but a minute.”
“Yeah, I do mind if you come in. I got company right now!” she snapped.
“Well, let me say what I got to say and I will leave.”
Just then, I glanced over Betty Jean’s shoulder into the scowling face of Lester, coming into the room wiping his mouth with a dishrag. He had a bandage on his cheek and his right arm in a cast. There were other scratches and bruises on his face. It looked like he had been mauled by a wild animal and I had a feeling that I wasn’t too far from the truth.
“That ain’t a bad idea. I feel the same way. Shit,” Betty Jean barked. I didn’t like the direction that her tone of voice was going in.
“Look, Betty Jean, if you and Pee Wee want to be together, I won’t stand in the way.”
Betty Jean gave me a stunned look. Then her lips curled up at the ends into a cruel smile. She looked me up and down with disgust and then wiped her mouth with the back of her hand, literally wiping the smile off of her face. “Can you believe this fat-ass bitch?” Betty Jean yelled to her brother. “Woman, what the hell you talkin’ about?” Betty Jean swung the door open and placed one hand on her hip, the hand she’d used to shake a finger in my face. “I got a man!” she yelled.
Lester was still standing a few feet behind his sister. “What the fuck is goin’ on here?” he asked. “Annette, you done lost your mind, or what? You ain’t got no business comin’ over here, unless you need a few rocks or something else to get you high.”
Another man came out of nowhere and stood next to Lester. “Jo Jo,” Betty Jean said, “you hearin’ this shit, too? This bitch thinks I want her man. Tell her that me and you fin to move to Cleveland and open a coffee shop.”
The other man, wearing soiled bib overalls, strode across the floor. He had a few battle scars, too. He glared at me with large, bloodshot eyes.
“What the hell goin’ on out here? Who the hell is you?” he asked, revealing two rows of jagged yellow teeth.
I looked around, glad now that Rhoda and Jade had come with me. It looked like I might need them after all.
“Your woman has been fooling around with my husband,” I blurted. “Everybody knows about it. She’s been sending me all kinds of shit through the mail. A fake blacksnake, some nasty notes. And today I got a box in the mail full of dried horse shit!” I had to stop to catch my breath again. “And a box with a pair of my husband’s shorts in it was sent to my office. I didn’t come here to fight. All I want is for her t
o stop harassing me.”
Betty Jean guffawed so hard she almost lost her breath. “You let me tell you one thing right here and now, you big black bitch! I don’t want your man! I wouldn’t waste up a good stamp to send you nothin’ in the mail! And how in the world would I get a hold of your man’s drawers?” Betty Jean wrapped her arm around her boyfriend’s shoulder.
“Let me straighten out this mess,” Lester said, gently pushing Betty Jean and the boyfriend to the side. “Look here, you bald-headed, motherfuckin’, dyke-lookin’ black heifer,” he continued, shaking the arm with the cast at me. “I suggest you get your fat black ass away from here while you still able. You don’t be comin’ around talkin’ that crazy shit. I always knew you was one crazy bitch. And bein’ married to that punk-ass Pee Wee Davis proves it! If you ever lose a couple of hundred pounds and want you some real dick, you let me know.” Lester moved closer to me, yellow spittle flying out of his mouth into my face as he continued his tirade. “Now, we expectin’ some trouble over here in a little while and unless you want to get caught up in it, you better get your black ass outta here right now!”
“And you better not bring your big black ass over here no more, messin’ with my woman,” the boyfriend advised.
I glanced around again. Rhoda and Jade were marching up the steps. I was more confused than ever now. Betty Jean looked even more confused. As a matter of fact, she looked downright frightened. And I could understand why. She had another man waiting in the wings and didn’t want him to know what she had been up to.
“Annette, is everything OK?” Rhoda yelled, taking the steps two at a time now.
I started to back away. “Everything is fine, Rhoda,” I said, my eyes still on Betty Jean’s stunned face.
Without saying another word, Betty Jean slammed the door in my face. But even with the door closed I could hear Betty Jean, her brother, and her lover still calling me every vile name in the book.
