by Donna Alward
“I’ll go check. Be right back, darlin’.”
“I was going to call and check in at home,” her dad said, nodding. “Maybe I’ll go do that now. Cut down on the commotion in here.”
He leaned over and kissed her cheek. “Glad to see those pretty eyes, dumplin’. I’ll be back in a few minutes.”
She and Pax sat together quietly. He seemed to understand she needed the silence. Her head pounded and she wished the nurse would come back with some pain meds.
“Do you want me to ring?” he asked quietly.
“You can tell?” She breathed slowly, trying hard to relax and not cause any extra tension.
“You get a pinched look around your mouth. And you closed your eyes again.”
“Sometimes it’s hard to focus for long. Things blur and I get woozy.”
“Why don’t you try to get more sleep? Your body needs to heal, Megan. I’m guessing your head isn’t going to be the only thing sore. You took quite a beating.”
“My toast...”
“Your mom will understand,” he soothed, and stroked her hair back from her face with a finger. “I’ll be right here when you wake up.”
“You don’t have to...”
“I’ll be here,” he replied firmly. “Now shhh.”
His finger kept tracing a light path on her cheek, the soft and rhythmic motion soothing, until she couldn’t stay alert any longer and drifted back to sleep.
Chapter Seven
When Megan opened her eyes again, it wasn’t Pax’s face she saw, but her mom’s. She was reading a paperback while sitting in a chair next to the bed, a paper cup of coffee beside her. Megan’s heart expanded with love. She was so glad Pax had called them. So sorry she’d worried them.
“Good morning,” she said quietly, and offered a tiny smile.
Her mom’s eyes lit up. “Well. Good morning to you, too. You look much better this morning.”
“Thanks. I feel like I was hit by a train. But still better than last night. Not so groggy.”
“You’re probably due for some medication.” Her mother dog-eared her page and put her book aside. “The doctors said the worst of the headaches should subside in a few days.”
“I’m sorry I scared you, Mom.”
“Oh, don’t you worry about that. The only thing that matters is that you’re okay.”
Megan had expected a lecture on the hazards of bull riding, but none came. At least not now. Maybe her parents were simply too relieved right now to pick a fight.
“Where’s Dad?”
“He and Pax are back at the hotel. I was up first, so I came over so Pax could go back and have a shower. Your dad wasn’t ready yet, so they’ll come over together.” Her mother’s eyebrow went up. “He’s a nice man, your Paxton.”
“He’s not my Paxton.” She met her mom’s gaze evenly. “He was, once. But he didn’t give us a chance.”
“He’s the one, then. The one who broke your heart.”
“He’s the one.”
“And you’re sure he’s not yours for the taking? He’s hardly left your bedside since they brought you in.”
The words sent a warm glow flowing through her, but she tried to ignore it. “I’m sure. He’s up by Wichita Falls, nearly three hours from me. He wasn’t willing to compromise then, Mom. He’s married to Lantry Meadows. No matter how long he sits or how he looks at me, he’s never once brought up the idea of trying to make it work.” She sighed. “I thought we were getting somewhere yesterday, but he basically pointed out that nothing had changed.”
“Maybe you should bring it up.”
“So I can get trampled again?” The head smack with the bull was one thing. It would heal. Letting Pax hurt her again? Some wounds didn’t close so easily. That would be one of them.
“You’ve always been proud,” her mom said. “And strong. But sometimes you can be too proud, you know.”
“It’s not pride. It’s self-preservation.”
“You ride bulls. You’re seriously going to tell me you’re afraid of taking a risk?”
But that was different. Risking her heart was a different proposition entirely.
Twenty minutes later, Pax was back, along with her dad. Her parents visited for a few minutes and then left to get some breakfast together. A nurse came with the long-awaited toast and some apple juice, which Megan accepted gratefully. Pax was unusually quiet, waiting for her to finish eating.
“Something bothering you, Pax?”
He shook his head. “No. Glad you’re feeling better this morning.”
“Me, too. I remember last night, but it feels like it was happening to someone else. It’s weird. Today I feel like I’m back inside my own body.”
“You could have died, Megan.”
“But I didn’t.”
“No, you didn’t.”
She frowned a little. “Shouldn’t you be back home? Your dad didn’t expect you to be gone so long. And your stock.” A sudden thought made her sit up straighter. “What happened to the stock you brought? And...oh dear. Where’s Samson?”
How could she have forgotten? Last she saw Sam he was in his stall on the fairgrounds. Who had been looking after him since?
“Don’t get upset. Samson’s fine. He’s out at Lantry, eating the best grass in Texas, being spoiled rotten.”
“Lantry?”
Pax nodded. “I came here straight from the fairgrounds. By the time I thought about stock, the Baron family had stepped in and helped out. They arranged transport for all the stock to get back to the ranch, and Samson, too. They’re a really nice family, you know?” He grinned. “Brock Baron’s a little intimidating, but the boys just rolled up their sleeves and helped out. Savannah, Carly, and their sister Lizzie were here that first night, too, to check on you. They made me promise to text with updates.”
“Carly’s always been really nice.”
“I’m very grateful to them for their help. Anyway, once you’re back home and settled, I’ll bring Samson down to your place again.”
“Thank you, Pax.”
“Don’t thank me. Thank Jet Baron. If I didn’t know better, I’d think he was sweet on you.”
She knew Jet had no designs on her. He was just a decent guy who’d helped out an acquaintance of his sister’s.
They chatted for a while about the weekend results, different things going on at his ranch, her job...but never touched on their relationship. What happened next. It seemed that Pax had really, truly, meant what he said. That nothing had changed.
Her parents returned; the doctor examined her on his morning rounds, and a new nurse came in to ask her if she wanted to try taking a brief shower. She sat on the plastic seat in the shower, simply letting the water cascade over her, briefly washing away the scent of hospital and dust and injury. Washing her hair took longer than usual as she realized her left shoulder was tender, but she finally got it done and turned off the soothing spray. She left all modesty aside as the nurse helped her stand and then dry off, since dizziness was still a concern. Her bag had been brought in from her truck, and she dressed in clean underwear as well as the T-shirt and boxers she’d brought as pajamas. By the end of it all, she felt gloriously clean and ridiculously exhausted. She got back into bed with a huge sigh, grateful as Pax pulled the sheet up over her legs. She closed her eyes and exhaled fully.
“The doctor says they’re going to run a few tests, and if you’re in the clear you can go home tonight,” her dad said. “What do you think about that?”
Home. It sounded good, so good. A chance to get off the roller coaster of the last few days.
“Sounds like heaven,” she replied, trying to smile.
“You’ll stay with us for a little while,” her mom added. “You need someone to watch you for concussion complicat
ions, and you’ll have a follow-up appointment soon. But you won’t have to stay in the hospital. You come home and I’ll make your favorites. Pecan pie and beef and bourbon stew.”
“No one makes stew like you, Mom.” It was hard work to sound cheerful or even happy to be going home. Because it wouldn’t be her place. She wouldn’t be able to work for a little while, and, worst of all, it would mean saying goodbye to Pax. For good.
“Would you guys mind if I got a little rest? That shower really tired me out.” Maybe if she’d had more than a piece of toast in two days, it would help. But her head was starting to ache again—she hadn’t taken anything for it since early morning—and she had too many feelings to sort through. She didn’t need an audience.
“Of course, sweetheart. Maybe your dad and I can run out and pick up some things, so we don’t have to stop on the way home.”
“Thanks, Mom. You, too, Dad.”
“See you soon.”
When they were gone, Megan bit down on her lip as she looked over at Pax. This was going to be the hard part, but there was no sense in putting it off. If it was really over between them, she might as well rip off the Band-Aid right now.
“Thanks for being here, Pax, but I’m sure you’ve got a lot to look after. You’re probably anxious to get back to the ranch.”
She made herself look at him, but schooled her features. She would not be vulnerable. She wouldn’t bend, or let him know how fully her feelings were involved.
His lips dropped open in surprise as he pulled a chair closer to her bed and sat down. “That’s it? Thanks for coming and see you later?”
“Is there anything else? Really?” She took a deep breath, determined to see this conversation through to the end. “We had unfinished business, you and me. But it’s over now. Maybe that’s all we needed, Pax. Some closure to our relationship like we didn’t have the first time.”
She was a big fat liar. All they’d done is close one door and open another. His gaze held hers for a long moment, almost as if he were deliberating about what to say, but holding back. It took a lot of willpower, but she kept silent.
“Is that really what you want, Megan? Closure?”
She smiled weakly. “What else is there? Now we can move on.”
Separately.
His gaze probed hers. Could she say it? Come right out and admit that deep down she’d never got over him, that she still loved him...
Her chest cramped. Had she actually just had that thought? Cared for, yes. Been attracted to—definitely. But was she still in love with him?
She thought about the way he kissed her, how he’d been such a gentleman the night in her motel room, how he’d sat by her side through all the hours she was unconscious. Yes, she still loved him. And it terrified her. She was going to have to get over him all over again.
“Your life is at Lantry Meadows and mine’s with my practice. What other option is there?”
The way she figured it, that one question opened the door just a crack. All he had to do was take advantage of the opening. Present an option. Ask her to be a part of his life. To do the one thing he hadn’t done last time—take a chance on them.
That was all he had to do, and she would change her mind.
He sat back in his chair and put his hands on his knees. “You’re right,” he said quietly. “There’s no sense in prolonging the inevitable.” His gaze cut into hers. “But I’m not sorry, Megan. Not sorry I saw you, not sorry for anything that happened, right up until your accident. If I could wish that away, I would.”
“I know,” she murmured.
“Your parents will make sure you’re okay.”
“Of course they will.” She tried a smile. “My mom will pamper me so much it’ll be ridiculous.”
There was a long, awkward silence.
“Well,” he said roughly, “I guess I’d better get my stuff together and see to my livelihood. Don’t worry about Samson. I’ll get him to you.”
“I appreciate it.”
He stood up. “I guess this is it, then.”
She was reminded of a day several years earlier, when she’d left to go back to school, back to A&M to complete her degree. There’d been tears then, and she remembered his soft voice saying it wasn’t goodbye as he held her close to him. He’d told her to smile because she was off to do great things.
But it had been goodbye. Just as it was now.
“Thank you,” she whispered, her throat raw. “For being here and looking after me. And for finally explaining.”
“You did nothing wrong,” he answered. Their eyes caught and held yet again. Pax stepped forward and put his wide, warm hand gently on the side of her head and then leaned down, pressing a soft kiss to her temple. “You did everything right,” he murmured, resting his forehead there for a moment. He kissed the spot again, then backed away, avoiding looking at her.
She waited, keeping it together until he was out the door to her room. Then, when she was sure he was gone, she let out the emotion she’d been holding in.
Chapter Eight
Megan sipped the herbal tea—now cold—her mom had made and wished she were home, in her own house and her own bed and with her old routine back. Not that it was that bad at her parents’ place, and she was sleeping in her old room. There was lots that was familiar and comforting.
But she was bored and she missed her privacy. Especially now. She rarely had a moment’s peace, and there were emotions bubbling inside her, begging to be set free. If she could work, she could keep herself occupied, but she hadn’t even been cleared to drive yet. She tired quickly and napped a lot, and she knew she wasn’t being a very good patient. She tried doubly hard to be pleasant when she felt herself getting grouchy.
Right now she was sitting on her mother’s porch with their Heinz 57 dog Dutch lying at her feet, reminding herself she didn’t need the snickerdoodles on the plate beside her. It would be too easy to get caught up in snacking out of boredom. Her mom’s cooking was rich enough, and Megan wasn’t doing a lick of physical activity—at least not enough to work off the fine home-cooked meals she was being spoiled with.
But, most of all, she missed Pax. With a heavy sigh, she picked up a cookie and nibbled around the edge.
She couldn’t quite believe just how much she missed him. She’d spent a long time getting over him and had thought she’d succeeded, so why was she so sad after a mere few days together? Was it because seeing him was a reminder of that magical summer? Was it because she still loved him, or was it ultimately because once again she hadn’t mattered enough to him for him to at least try to make a relationship work?
She had to move past this, but she didn’t know how. If she couldn’t after five years, what hope did she have to do it now? And what did that say about her future?
A swirl of dust caught the corner of her eye, and she watched as a vehicle approached on the side road. Her mom was grocery shopping and shouldn’t be back for another hour, and her dad was at work at the equipment dealer. Dutch’s head lifted in curiosity as Megan leaned forward and peered closer. It was a truck pulling a trailer. A truck that looked very much like...
Alarm jolted through her. Like Pax’s! She jumped up from her chair and rushed inside, skidding to a stop in front of the hall mirror as Dutch set up a flurry of barking. She hurriedly pulled her hair back into a neater ponytail, grimaced at the crumbs on her T-shirt and frantically brushed them off. There was no time to change or swipe on any makeup. She would see him just as she was.
Of course, he was simply delivering Samson as he’d promised. There was no need for her to freak out at all.
She went back outside as he was pulling the truck to a stop next to the small barn that housed her parents’ Appaloosas, Bill and Bob. Dutch circled the truck, excited to see who’d come to visit. A handful of unconcerned chickens pecked
within a fenced-in area, a nesting house set up in one corner. Beyond that was a vegetable garden. The Robertsons weren’t ranchers or farmers, but Megan had grown up around animals and wide-open spaces. She couldn’t imagine living anywhere that didn’t afford that peace and freedom.
The truck door slammed and she reminded herself to be calm.
Pax circled the back and stopped when he saw her standing on the porch. He had on jeans and boots and a battered hat that had seen better days and was probably his favorite. She wasn’t sure he’d ever looked so good, and what she really wanted to do was rush down the steps, run to him and kiss him silly.
Instead, she lifted a hand and said, “Hey, Pax.”
“I thought you might be missing your best buddy. Didn’t realize you had another here, though.” He smiled and reached down to pat Dutch. Then, as the dog licked his hand, he laughed and knelt down and gave the dog a good rub around the neck. “You’re a good boy,” he said affectionately, and Megan’s heart softened even more.
“I figured you’d wait until I was back home,” she answered, slowly descending the steps. There was something different about Pax today. More relaxed. Open. She couldn’t quite explain why she felt that way. Maybe it was just her own nerves.
“I called your dad yesterday and asked if it was okay if Samson came here.”
She frowned. “Oh, was he trouble? I didn’t mean to put you out...”
Pax came forward. “He wasn’t trouble at all. I just wanted to see you.”
Her heart took a little jump. She wondered why her mom had gone grocery shopping again when she’d just gone a few days ago. Was it because she knew Pax was coming and wanted to give them some time alone?
“Let’s get him unloaded,” Pax suggested. “He’s had quite a ride. He’d probably appreciate some space and sunshine.”
Megan stood back while Pax put down the ramp on the trailer and then guided Sam out. He looked good, his coat flat and shiny, his body relaxed. “Hey, boy,” she crooned, and she went to say hello. Sam nudged her with his nose, rubbing against her hand as she scratched beneath his forelock. “Oh, it’s good to see you, too. I missed you.”
