Fireflies

by P. S. Bartlett

  Fagan offered his arm to Mary as he greeted her at the door. He waved goodbye to her father and Kris as they started their leisurely stroll toward the stream, which was only a five minute walk from the north side of the house. However, Fagan was obliged to take this walk at Mary’s pace and for once, allow someone else to guide the way. As the eldest of seven, he had allowed no one other than his parents to direct his feet but if he hoped to realize his aim this time, he had no choice but to proceed in second.

  “Fagan, about the horses, I’ve often wondered – what exactly do you do?” inquired Mary.

  “Well, I feed them, I groom them, I exercise them and I train them. I’ve also pulled quite a few into the world.”

  Fagan spoke softly but with a great deal of satisfaction as he was proud of his work.

  “You pull them? Why?” Mary asked with an upturn in her voice.

  “Well, sometimes the mares need some assistance, Mary, with the birth and you literally have to pull the foal from her, um, womb.”

  Now, Fagan spoke awkwardly, clearing his throat as he realized this was a conversation which may not be suitable for such a fine young lady as Mary Olsen.

  “How wonderful!”

  “I’m sorry?” Fagan asked, quite shocked at her response.

  “Well, perhaps if you weren’t there to assist, the mare could lose her foal and she might die. Basically, you could be saving the lives of two horses by helping her. I think that’s lovely,” Mary said, as she stopped and smiled at him and then stepped forward again.

  Fagan was for the first time in his life, taken completely by surprise and he was unguarded and unprepared for such a thrill. “Oh Mary Olsen I do love you with all of my heart,” he thought to himself as he glanced over at her dainty profile peeking out from beneath her bonnet. He watched her pout as she spoke and committed to his memory every wave and shade of gold in her hair, as it flowed from beneath the cream colored cloth of her bonnet, downward to her bustle.

  “There it is, Fagan. Can you hear the water flowing? It’s just beyond those trees,” Mary said as she released his arm and dodged ahead of him a few paces. They’d never travelled alone this far before. She passed through the leaves looking more like that garden fairy than ever. “Come Fagan!” she shouted, as he caught up to her and she reached out and took his hand, just as the foliage opened to a freshwater stream a few yards away. A low thin branch had taken his hat but it was a small sacrifice to make as not to let go Mary Olsen’s hand.

  “I love it here,” she said as she stopped, now holding Fagan’s hand firmly and hers nearly vanished in his.

  “I believe I already do too, Mary,” Fagan said as he gazed down at the top of her bonnet.

  “You do realize you are the first man who’s ever had the courage to ask to marry me don’t you?” she asked never taking her eyes away from the stream.

  “No. I didn’t know that,” he swallowed hard.

  They stood quietly there for what seemed like minutes. Fagan was afraid to speak in fear that he would choose all of the wrong words and somehow taint this so far perfect evening with her. Mary finally spoke and her words were blunt and bare.

  “Fagan, do you love me?” Mary asked, without as much as a glance in his direction.

  “Why yes, Mary, I believe that I do,” Fagan replied quickly since he had already come to that conclusion.

  “Then you’ve already made me the happiest girl in the world. My answer is yes,” she said, finally turning to look at him.

  “I haven’t yet made you the happiest but you can be certain that I will,” he replied as a smile wrapped around his face.

  Without so much as a flinch, Mary said, “You may kiss me if you like.”

  Fagan was puzzled, but Mary was worth his confusion and he’d waited so long for this moment that he wasn’t about to allow his better judgment to impede him from his bliss. He looked down at Mary’s upturned face, her pursed lips and her closed eyes and without letting go of her hand obliged her with a gentle but loving kiss. Despite feeling as if he were a strand of hair away from flying to the moon and back, he contained his enthusiasm and refrained from the fiery embrace he was imagining, among other things.

  When they parted, his eyes finally locked on to hers and he realized why she hadn’t ever really allowed him to look that deeply into her before. Mary was gentle and kind and lovelier than any girl he’d ever laid eyes on but there was something there behind those eyes that she had never allowed him to see before now. He suddenly recognized for as long as he’d known her, he had never truly seen her until this moment. The stream, the breeze through the branches, even the songs of the robins and the early evening crickets had muted.

  He saw pain.

  Chapter Twelve

  Teagan had hoped the world would be a better place when she awoke but to her disappointment, everything was as it were the day before and she was still tethered by an invisible cord to Ennis. Upon wiping the sleep from her eyes, that fact had become painfully apparent when she realized he was sitting on the end of her bed, watching her sleep for who knows how long.

  “Ennis, what are doing?” Teagan asked as she leaned up onto her elbows.

  “I’m just waiting for you to get up is all,” he answered.

  “Can you wait downstairs please? I need to dress.”

  Ennis climbed down from the bed and exited the room without a word. He’d even closed the door behind him on his way out. She would have to speak to him about privacy; just because she was assigned to watch over him did not mean he had to watch over her as well. She looked over at Liffey who was still sound asleep and she realized the room was in fact still covered in darkness but for the illumination of the waning full moon.

  Teagan closed her eyes and struggled to keep them sealed. Knowing full well counting sheep was a myth because she’d actually tried on several occasions; so instead, she made an attempt to think of absolutely nothing. Was it even possible to think of nothing? How can anyone put everything out of their mind when there is always so much to ponder? Her mind wandered to the afternoon with Eli and then on to the morning at the Morgans’ and finally settled on how she would be able to focus on her own goals with Ennis on her hip.

  She hoped her parents had found some sort of remedy which would quickly relieve Ennis of this affliction or spell or whatever was causing him to attract this angel or whatever it was which had come over him. She feared at least for now, either Ennis would have to adhere to her choices and follow behind her wherever she went or she would be trapped to accommodate him at every turn. Neither option was acceptable to her.

  Why had Ma picked her? Why not one of the older boys or even Liffey? She didn’t dare challenge her mother about it and certainly wouldn’t disobey. She finally settled on the fact she was being punished for knowing about this “gift” first and for not immediately exposing it to her parents. Her decision had now left her not only with the regrets of being saddled with a six year old but also the possibility her parents may not have the same trust in her as before. She understood this was now how her life would be and in accepting it and recognizing there wasn’t anything she could do to change it, she finally drifted back off to sleep. She’d made room in her mind for the facts and the acceptance of them but it was a very small corner.

  As always, Sarah was awake before sunrise but she had been mostly conscious since sunset. Unbeknownst to her, she was not alone in her inability to rest. Most of the night she had spent sitting in her chair, attempting to remember everything Mae Lincoln had told her and trying to design a plan to keep Ennis safe while at the same time, allowing him to lead a normal life. She had prayed hard, hoping this was a phase and somehow the full moon over the weekend had set this all in motion and as it waned, so would this mystery.

  Owen had ventured to the front porch and sat in his chair after speaking with Fagan and was doing much of the same thinking as his wife. However, he knew he would have sick children and injured folk depending on him in the morning so his decis
ion was much simpler. He gave it all to God. As with all of the trials in his life, this choice allowed him to find his rest for the night. His mother had taught him at a very young age there will always be times in life where you have no control over your circumstances and if you turn them over to God, He will bear the burden for you.

  Owen rarely spoke of his childhood in Ireland and most of those recollections had been buried far beneath the years that followed here in America. From time to time he recalled his mother and father but their faces were faded as were the places he’d been and his childhood home. He preferred to recall his life in Philadelphia with his Aunt Kathryn. The cheerful way in which she spoke to her Irish Setters in the morning and the way she seemed to glide from room to room while entertaining her guests. He was reaching through the layers of his memory for anything that would help him understand what was happening and why. Was this angel sent by his dear Rachel? Was he being rewarded or punished?

  Neither answer had given him any peace. When his thoughts did begin to burrow out of Plymouth, through Philadelphia, across the Atlantic Ocean and back onto Irish soil, he’d shaken his head and snuffed the lamp out for the night. He knew that there were some parts of your life of which you do not reminisce, you only remembered, regardless of how far behind you they are. All that mattered was he had a good life and had provided a comfortable and pleasant home for Sarah and his children. For as long as he lived, he would continue to do so. He would not hand them anything freely and always expected them to understand the value in a job well done but as long as there was breath in him, none of his would ever have to go hungry or lie or steal or beg for anything from anyone. Knowing this always allowed him to find sleep.

  Fagan had turned in late from cleaning up Joe and crept into the bedroom as Connell and Brogan slept. Brogan as always, hidden beneath his quilt from head to toe and Connell, with no cover at all. The bedroom was cool this night and the younger boys had opened the windows wide to allow the crisp night air in. Fagan undressed in the blue moonlight bathing the room and slid into his bed, lying as he always did, somewhere half covered and half not. He had been tortured not by thoughts of Ennis like the others but of thoughts of Mary’s eyes and what he had seen Sunday evening. It would soon be Tuesday, June fourteenth and he would once again be blessed to spend time with her. He felt it would not be polite to ask her if what he saw was truly there, so he decided in time, if there was in fact something he should know or if she was in any way suffering, she would make him aware.

  As he lay, he turned on his side facing the window and tucked his right hand beneath his pillow where it was cool. Now his thoughts were consumed more with Mary’s charming face, her slim smooth neck, her shoulder and down to her small delicate hand as it squeezed his tightly. He thought about how deceiving those small hands were. He remembered when their lips met; her grip had tightened to where he thought his fingers might break. He had figured all women had strong hands for they were never idle. Mostly, he was thinking about what it will be like when he would marry her and hold her as close as he wished. He contemplated a great deal more kissing and eventually the completion of all of his deepest thoughts of her. When he unexpectedly realized how these thoughts were affecting him, he thought it best to close his eyes and sleep.

  Once the morning finally presented itself, the house was as ordinary as ever and before long, Owen and Connell had headed off to town, Fagan had saddled Jack for his ride to the Wilburs,’ and Sarah was pushing a broom around the kitchen. Liffey finished drying and returning the breakfast dishes to the cabinet while Patrick and Brogan were tending to the pigs and chickens. Teagan had asked her mother following breakfast if she could please take Ennis to visit the kittens at Eli’s. Under the circumstances, Sarah agreed after asking herself how much trouble they could get into just going to visit a box of kittens. She had vowed to go on with life as usual and there was no better time to start than the present.

  “I’m so excited!” said Ennis as he and Teagan made their way through the meadow toward the Morgans’ farm.

  “We’ll be there soon, Ennis, and you can play with the kittens as long as you like,” Teagan replied, thinking he would at least be out of her hair for a while so she could have some time alone with Eli.

  She did feel a bit guilty over her reaction and her tantrum after she was designated as Ennis’ caretaker of sorts but after all, she had a life, too, and it was completely unfair to her to have to put all of her dreams on hold for him. It wasn’t her fault he just woke up one morning seeing an angel and healing people. So many thoughts were running through her mind she hadn’t realized how fast she was walking until Ennis grabbed her hand and asked her to please slow down.

  “I’m sorry, Teagan,” Ennis said as they continued on their journey to Eli’s.

  “Sorry for what?” Teagan asked never missing a step.

  “Sorry you’re stuck with me.”

  “Oh well, that is the way it is so we will just have to make the best of it,” Teagan replied.

  “I really am sorry and I wish you weren’t so angry at me,” Ennis said sadly.

  “Angry? I’m not angry Ennis – now let’s just keep walking, we’ll be there soon,” Teagan replied, again not stopping or changing her stride.

  “Yes you are. I can feel it.”

  Teagan dropped his hand and stopped. “What do you mean you can feel it Ennis? Have I treated you any different? Am I unpleasant or wretched towards you at all?”

  “Yes. Well, on the inside you are,” Ennis sniffled.

  “How could you possibly know what I am thinking on the inside?” Teagan asked as she picked up his hand again and resumed their path.

  “I know it isn’t your fault I see the angel and she uses me to heal people. I’m sorry about your dreams too,” Ennis’ words were her own thoughts and it was as if she’d spoken them aloud while they were walking.

  “Ennis, where did you hear those things?” Teagan asked as she dropped to her knees in the grass in front of him.

  “I didn’t hear the words Teag, I just sort of felt them as we were walking, when I took your hand…”

  “Oh this is becoming worse instead of better!”

  “I didn’t mean it Teagan!” Ennis shouted. “I don’t mean any of it. I can’t help it!”

  “I know, I know.” Teagan replied, reaching out and pulling Ennis into her arms tightly.

  “Ennis, is this the first time this has happened? The feelings I mean?” asked Teagan, still on her knees in front of him.

  “I’m not sure,” he answered with a hint of fear in his voice.

  “Not sure or don’t want to tell me?” asked Teagan.

  “Both.”

  “Well maybe after we see the kittens, you can tell me about it,” Teagan said, now back on her feet and walking again.

  Ennis tagged along behind her, still feeling quite dejected that his sister was so angry at him for having to tote him along with her everywhere and for keeping her from her studies. He had meant to ask her about what dreams are because he only knew of the dreams he had when he slept. He was sure Teagan meant some other kind of dreams.

  They reached the fence at the property line and Eli was nowhere in sight. Once on the other side, Teagan bounded up the hill to the barn and still no Eli.

  “Let’s go up to the house,” Teagan instructed as she took his hand again pulling him along.

  “Hi, Teagan!” Mrs. Morgan called, as she waved from behind an ocean of white sheets rolling in the breeze.

  “Hello Mrs. Morgan! Is Eli in the house?” Teagan shouted as she was still a fair distance from the back yard.

  “Yes! He’s gone to bring me another basket for all of this laundry! I’m so far behind because of us all being ill,” Mrs. Morgan answered.

  Teagan and Ennis headed toward Mrs. Morgan instead of the house since Eli would be coming back shortly. She had placed Willie in the large wash tub with just a couple inches of water a few feet from her, to keep him penned in and amused until she wa
s through. His splashing and squealing was a wonderful sight to behold. Ennis rushed over to him and kneeled down next to the tub and began splashing the water around which only caused more squeals of delight.

  “Isn’t it just beautiful Teagan?” said Mrs. Morgan as she stopped for a moment to appreciate the joyful sight.

  “It’s a blessing that’s for certain, Miss Margaret,” Teagan replied.

  “Teagan!” called Eli as he came trotting down from the house.

  “Hey, Eli, I brought Ennis to see the kittens.”

  “Here, Ma,” Eli said as he sat the basket down on the ground next to his mother. “Do you mind if I take Teagan and Ennis to see the kittens?” he added.

  “Of course not, but don’t be long, your father is expecting you at the shop today,” she replied.

  “Let’s go, Teagan. Ennis, time to go see the kittens,” Eli said as he stopped to pat Willie on the head.

  Ennis jumped to his feet and said goodbye to Willie and Mrs. Morgan and bounded towards the barn.

  “Ennis wait for us!” shouted Teagan.

  “I know where they are Teag. I know you want to talk to Eli so I’ll just be in here,” he said as he disappeared inside the barn.

  “Eli, let me just make sure he is all right and I’ll meet you by the wagon,” said Teagan as she followed Ennis into the barn.

  Teagan walked into the barn and found Ennis safe and sound, sitting next to the box holding his favorite kitten.

  “Look Teag! Their eyes are all of the way open now! Just a few days and now they can see!” Ennis cried out.

  “Remember Ennis, don’t upset the mother. I’ll be right outside,” Teagan said as she stepped out of the barn and walked the few yards to the wagon where Eli was waiting.

  “So, does your Ma know what happened?” Teagan asked.

  “Not really. To be truthful, Teagan, I don’t even think she remembers most of it and she certainly isn’t concerned with how or why. All she cares about is that Willie is fine.” Eli groaned as he lay back in the wagon on a pile of hay.