Fireflies

by P. S. Bartlett

  “Yes, but if Mr. Olsen’s behavior is any indication as to what we’re missing, I’d just as soon stay home.”

  “I’m certain there is a lot more to experience than just bad behavior. Connell was telling me so many wonderful things as well as the bad,” Teagan said, now taking her turn at the basin.

  “Well, tomorrow is Thursday so you’ll be able to see a bit of it when you go to town with Ma to the store,” Liffey said as she climbed into bed.

  “Lif, I’m sure I won’t be going anywhere tomorrow as I’ll have to mind Ennis as usual. After tonight, there is no way Ma is going to take Ennis into town around all of those people,” Teagan said as she sat down on her bed, looking at her blue dress peeking out from her chifferobe.

  “Oh, poor Eli. I haven’t spoken to him this whole day,” said Teagan sadly. “I wonder what he must be thinking?”

  “Ma didn’t even mention if he’d come calling this evening Teagan,” said Liffey with a yawn.

  “I’m so tired Lif. I’ll just ask her in the morning,” said Teagan as she climbed beneath her quilt and closed her eyes.

  Sarah stopped and peeked in on her girls before heading back downstairs to find them fast asleep. She smiled and carried on. The boys were tucked in, Connell was as always reading by his lamp and Brogan was covered up to his eyes and snoring.

  “Ma?” Connell whispered as Sarah peeked in the door.

  “Yes, Connell?”

  “Tomorrow evening, would it be alright if I brought Beatrice Olsen for supper?” he asked.

  “That would be lovely Connell,” Sarah replied, pulling the door closed.

  Fagan and Mary were sitting in the kitchen and she had filled him in on everything that had happened and also the history leading up to the evening’s ordeal. Fagan begged her to never keep him in the dark again should anything else, no matter how minute it may seem at the time, ever again arise and she promised she would disclose it to him honestly.

  “Although I am so deeply wounded seeing you in this condition, I am selfishly relieved once again, I had not somehow ruined your feelings toward me,” Fagan said as he held Mary’s hand across the table.

  “Oh, no, Fagan. You have been the only brightness in my life these past few days. You are the most loving and understanding man any woman could imagine to be loved by,” she replied.

  “How I wish I didn’t have to take you back there,” Fagan said, knowing the hour to return Mary home had come.

  “Your family is so blessed Fagan. Ennis, he is like a miracle. I only pray whatever spell he has placed on Pa is strong enough to last until you and I are finally able to be together always,” Mary said rising to her feet to leave.

  “Well, you will tell me Mary if he goes back to the drink and we will find a way to protect you and your ma and your sisters. I’ll do whatever is necessary to see you are all never harmed again,” Fagan said, this time taking her gently into his arms and holding her as close as he could without causing her pain.

  Fagan and Mary made their farewells to Owen as they departed to the carriage to take Mary back home. Owen handed him a lamp as it would be after dark on his return. Mary sat close to Fagan all of the way. They were distracted only by the sun, now sitting just inches from the horizon and the pink and orange sky in the distance. Their discussions turned from horses once again to their wedding day and how neither of them could wait. Fagan was delighted to just allow Mary to talk openly to him truly for the first time, as she no longer had anything to hide. Fagan asked her why she was so guarded to him before yet she spoke so lovingly of the stream that flowed behind her house and why she loved it so much there.

  Mary’s answer was simple yet painful all at once. That was where she would take her sisters and run to when they were able to escape her father’s drunken wrath. They could hear the running water of the stream in the darkness and they knew, once they reached it, he would be either too inebriated or too tired from chasing them to continue. Fagan wiped a tear away from his eye and disguised it as sleepiness. He asked her if she thought she could ever forgive her father for all of the years of abuse and again, her answer was a double edged sword. She plainly said, “He’s the only father I have and I will try my best to forgive him but I do not feel love for him in my heart and I haven’t for a very long time.”

  Fagan could not imagine not loving his father and his mother. He felt overwhelmed with how blessed his life truly was and made a vow unto himself from this day forward, Mary’s life would be one small miracle after the next and he didn’t need Ennis’ angel to provide them. He would build those miracles with his own two hands – and his heart.

  Chapter Twenty

  When Fagan and Mary arrived at the Olsens,’ the house was quiet. He lifted her from the carriage and she took his arm as they walked together up the porch steps to the front door.

  “Let me walk you in,” Fagan insisted.

  “I’m sure I’ll be fine, Fagan,” Mary replied in a whisper.

  “Mary, please, I need to make sure everyone is all right, especially you,” he said, brushing her hair behind her ear as she looked up at him.

  Mary reached out and turned the doorknob slowly, trying to quietly open the door. Sitting in the parlor was her mother, knitting by lamp light.

  “Mary, thank goodness you’re all right,” her mother said, rising to her feet and walking towards them.

  “Hello, Fagan. I’d like to apologize for this afternoon,” she said softly, folding her hands in front of her.

  “Please, Mrs. Olsen, I’m sure that’s not necessary under the circumstances,” Fagan replied, removing his hat.

  “Pa?” Mary asked.

  “He’s asleep. When he woke up, a while after you’d left, he didn’t say a word. He just walked in the house and went into the bedroom. I checked in on him a little while ago and he was asleep so I left him be,” Mrs. Olsen replied.

  “The girls?” Mary asked.

  “They’re in bed as well. I checked in on them too and they were all awake but in their bed clothes under their blankets,” she replied.

  “I suppose I’ll turn in, too. Thank you, Fagan, for seeing me home. Will I be seeing you tomorrow?” Mary asked.

  “I’ll be here to pick you up for supper around five o’clock. Will that be fine?” he answered.

  “That’s perfect,” Mary said, climbing onto her toes and kissing him on his cheek. “Come, I’ll see you out.”

  “Goodnight, Mrs. Olsen,” Fagan said with a slight bow and turned back to the door following Mary.

  “Goodnight, Fagan. Please give my best to your mother and father,” she replied.

  Mary stepped out into the darkness on the porch with Fagan and turned facing him, taking his hands in hers.

  “How soon can you start building that house?” she asked.

  “Once I have the plans finished it will be going up as soon as I can manage it,” he replied.

  “Don’t waste any time, promise?” Mary said, wrapping her arms around him and pressing her cheek to his chest.

  “I promise,” Fagan said, taking her into his arms as gently as he could, stroking her hair for a few moments and then taking her face in his hands and carefully placing soft kisses on her cheeks and the side of her mouth.

  “I look a fright,” Mary smiled.

  “You’re beautiful as always. I’d kiss you proper but your lip looks sore.”

  “I don’t care,” Mary said as she pushed her lips up to meet his, genuinely for the first time.

  Their first kiss had been nothing more than a gesture. This was the kiss to seal their love. All of that fiery passion Fagan had built up inside was now spilling over onto Mary. His kiss was deeply inspired and bordered on the appetite of a starving man. Now he’d shown her his longing and desire for her and although she was completely overwhelmed and nearly faint, she was so caught up in his assault on her mouth and his thick, warm body against her that any pain she might be experiencing was practically unnoticeable.

  She pawed at
his arms and then slid her hands up around his neck and pulled firmly against him, forcing his lips ever harder and deeper onto hers. She parted her lips slightly, which sent her further over the edge, causing an ache deep inside of her which she’d never before suffered. It was far beyond the realm of her experience and she longed for it to be relieved as she knew it would be the sweetest liberation she’d ever known.

  “My heart is pounding so. I know we should stop this right now but I don’t think I could tell you no. I don’t even believe I know what the word means right now,” Mary sighed, still building with the desire for him she’d had to withhold since she’d first realized his love for her. She’d struggled before just to meet his gaze and now the fight was to just push him away and run into the house before she betrayed her every belief and chaste promise. The mystery of her family’s shrouded secrets, now exposed, had set her free from the darkness and shame of abuse and in turn, opened her heart to the wonders of finally being alive for the first time in her young life. Mary was flying headlong into the light.

  “Then don’t. Don’t say it,” Fagan said quietly, almost in a whisper. He spoke through the thick locks of her golden hair as his mouth explored the nape of her neck, her ears and again her sweet lips.

  “Oh, why doesn’t my mother come looking for me?” she said as Fagan continued his journey. Mary’s hair was now completely undone and falling everywhere around her face, her shoulders and down her back.

  “Fagan, what is happening to me? I feel so strange, so hungry and full at the same time,” Mary sighed again, her voice floating over her deep hard breaths.

  Fagan pulled back for a moment and took her hand and pulled at her to follow him.

  “What are you doing?” Mary whispered.

  “Come with me Mary,” he said as he led her down the porch steps and around the side of the house, down across the field and to the row of trees beyond. They ran through the darkness hand in hand laughing, almost in a euphoric state, as they pushed through the trees and heard the running water just beyond them.

  When they reached the edge of the stream, Fagan swooped over her and engulfed her. His lips again, full and hard against hers, pressing himself against her completely. His hands wrapped around her waist and pulled her in tightly against him. He slid them down over her bottom and pulled again, holding her against the now swollen consequence of his lust.

  “Mary, are you all right? Have I taken you too far? Please tell me. I’ll take you back now,” Fagan whispered, as he lightened his hold on her and focused his eyes on her face in what little bit of light their eyes could adjust to.

  “You didn’t drag me here Fagan. I wanted to come. I’ve dreamed of us alone together and you having me this way. I’m not afraid and I’ve never wanted anything more in my life,” she replied as she pushed herself against him, again reaching up around his neck and forcing his mouth back down to hers. Now with Mary’s impatient consent, he began to wander over the forbidden curves of her form in the darkness. His journey was sending his heart up into his throat and back again. He was full of wonder and awe at what he was feeling beneath his hands. Even through her blouse, the feeling of her soft small breasts was causing the fire in him to reach dangerous heights. His hands trembled as they traveled over her – down her back to her bottom and found himself gathering the fabric of her skirt in his hands until she was exposed below the waist but for her soft cotton bloomers.

  She was frightened but the deep thrill of his kisses when he laid her down in the soft grass and pressed himself against her, allowed the longing for him to relieve her ache to replace all fear.

  “I love you Mary. Please, tell me to stop and I will. I’ll stop right now and we’ll never let this happen again until we’re wed.”

  They were both in uncharted territory but needed no map. Their hands, their love and their young desire had been their guide. They found each other in the dark and had each brought their own flame to illuminate it.

  Mary rested her hand on Fagan’s cheek and stroked his bottom lip with her thumb. “You know we must pull ourselves together now, Fagan, and cross back over into our lives.”

  “Just a few more minutes Mary, please? I want to remember you like this when we’re old and surrounded by grandchildren. The memory of you tonight will warm me and keep my heart young,” he said, leaning down to kiss her one last time.

  “There will be many more nights like tonight, Fagan. I’ll have you every night when we share a bed,” she smiled.

  “No Mary. There will never be another like this, but oh, there will be many.”

  Once Fagan saw Mary safely back home, he crept to the carriage and waited until she had safely entered the house before dragging himself away.

  Fagan led Joe from the Olsens’ by the bit slowly, to keep the carriage from making too much noise and waking the rest of the family. He needed to walk. He was feeling bold and satisfied yet fearful and fragile all at once. He looked back at the house repeatedly until it was almost out of sight in the milky glow of clouded moonlight. He stopped and lit the lantern his father had given him and sat it to his side in the front seat. From here forward he’d let Joe’s legs do all of the walking.

  He had the better part of twenty minutes to replay those precious moments with Mary and leaving her was akin to dying inside until he’d see her again. She’d looked so frail and beautiful lying there in the grass before him and he wondered and worried if their new found desire for each other and the fulfillment which followed would continue the next time he was beside her. However, he knew this newfound territory, beyond the borders of which either of them had ever travelled, could possibly pull them again together in the grass or wherever they could be completely alone.

  His thoughts made him weary as did the lovemaking and he longed to climb into his bed and sleep a dreamless sleep as nothing his mind could conjure would ever compare to the reality of what they’d shared pressed against each other next to the stream.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Fagan was finally home. He carried the lantern to light his way as he led Joe around to the barn and unharnessed him. He was doing his best to be quiet but he had to take care of Joe as he’d had a very long day as well.

  “Joe, my old friend, you’re the only one I can talk to tonight about all of this. I hope your big ears will listen,” Fagan said as he brushed out Big Joe and gave him some oats and filled his water.

  He yawned several times and checked his watch to find it was after ten o’clock and he knew he should be heading to the house to bed but a feeling of elation washed over him and snapped him wide awake. He could not get Mary out of his mind and found it useless to even try.

  “What do I do now, Joe? I can’t live without Mary anymore and I want her by my side always,” he whispered as he walked the big dark red horse into his stall and closed the gate.

  “Fagan? Is that you I hope?” asked Owen softly, as he stepped into the barn carrying a lantern of his own.

  “Yes, Da, it’s me of course. I hope I didn’t wake ya’,” Fagan replied.

  “No son. I was waitin’ up fer ya’. I couldn’t lay down me head without making sure you were alright and the Olsen girls too,” Owen said, sitting down on a stool.

  “Mr. Olsen was asleep and had been since Ennis…since Ennis and the rest left. Mrs. Olsen was awake waiting for Mary. They all appeared to be fine,” Fagan answered.

  “Well I’m glad you stayed a spell. You know, just to make sure,” Owen said as he stretched his arms over his head and yawned loudly. “Oops! I’m gonna wake the chickens,” he added with a chuckle.

  “Da, how soon can Mary and I get married?”

  “Well, you haven’t yet a house Fagan,” Owen answered with a curious expression. “What’s the big rush son? Yer both young and you’ve plenty of time.”

  “No. We haven’t plenty of time anymore,” Fagan said, turning away from his father’s eyes.

  “Fagan? Have ya’…” Owen couldn’t find the right words. He’d had this
conversation with all his sons at the proper age, prior to them making any possible indiscretions and didn’t expect he’d have it sprung upon him before to their vows and so quickly at that.

  “Da, I know. I can’t even explain it to you,” Fagan said turning back around and facing his father straight on.

  “Well for heaven’s sake boy! I don’t want you to explain it to me but how’s Mary? Just tell me you did not force this upon her Fagan. Tell me that the decision to make such a leap was mutual and without taking liberties?” Owen asked, now rising to his feet.

  “Da please, I asked her time and time again and she assured me she was as ready as I was. She nearly insisted!” Fagan said which immediately received raised eyebrows from his father.

  “Insisted?” Owen asked.

  “Maybe it was the emotional day. Maybe she was just looking for a way out but I don’t care. I didn’t realize until this night women were such passionate creatures. I don’t know, Da. I just don’t know how after tonight I’ll be able to not…to not…Da, you never warned me how a woman’s charms can vex you so. You told me all the mechanical parts of lovemaking but you left out the part where you don’t want to stop,” Fagan said with his face now flush with embarrassment and a hint of boyish innocence.

  Owen struggled to hold back a laugh unsuccessfully at the sight of his son’s awakening and remembered fondly his own eyes being opened, as he walked to Fagan and placed a hand upon his shoulder. Never having a father and learning about women from women, still left Owen blind when he experienced his own first love.

  “Son, if I’d have told ya’ how they turn your mind to mush and yer knees to jelly, you might have been a bachelor yer whole life outta’ fear and yer Ma and I want grandchildren someday.”

  “Well I’m sure there’ll be babies Da but I have a house to build and business to get started. How can I get all of this done when all I can think about is Mary’s creamy white skin and her big green eyes?” Fagan asked, placing his hands on his hips.