“Mind if Scout and I rest our sorry selves on your porch for a spell?” Adam asked.
Dawson tapped his cheroot against the porch railing to knock off the ashes. “Company would be nice. Haven’t had any callers this time of night since your gal was staying in the house across the river.”
Stunned, Adam stared at Dawson, wondering if the man was imagining things.
“She stopped by a couple of times. Once to say hello. Once to say goodbye.”
“At two o’clock in the morning?” Adam asked, giving Dawson a gentle reminder that it was the middle of the night when most people were in bed sound asleep.
“As I recall it was just before three o’clock in the morning when she walked up the hill to say hello and have a neighborly chat. Came by half past midnight to say goodbye.”
“Dawson, are you sure about this? I suspect Rebecca would have been asleep like everyone else during the night.” But Adam knew about Rebecca’s restless wandering at night. He just assumed she had done her wandering in her house or on her porch.
Dawson took a long drag on the cheroot and released the smoke in one big puff. “We’re not the only ones who wander in the night, Adam. Your gal had a head full of worry when she sat on this porch the night before she left for Fredonia.”
Flabbergasted, Adam sat mute. Rebecca came here? To talk with Dawson? In the middle of the night?
“About what?” he finally asked. “I mean, if you don’t mind my asking.”
Dawson shrugged. “Same worry that’s plagued me for twenty years—am I crazy?”
“What?” Adam stared at the man. People had found Dawson eccentric and even questioned his tales at times, but never in Adam’s presence had anyone questioned Dawson’s sanity. For Dawson to question his own mental stability was unsettling and... sad. To think Rebecca was having those same concerns tore Adam’s heart out.
He had thought her lost memories and his inability to let them go at the root of her unrest. He hadn’t realized she had deeper concerns. It simply hadn’t occurred to him that her confusion was causing her to question her mental stability.
Was she still struggling with this, or had he alone been the cause of her confusion? He needed to know. He wanted to board the morning train for Fredonia and assure Rebecca in person that she was whole and beautiful and perfectly sane. But seeing him again might make matters worse. Seeing her again would torture him. Not knowing would kill him.
“How’s your grandmother getting along?” Dawson asked, interrupting the battle Adam was waging in his mind. “She’s a fine lady. Made me feel like a young man again. I might like to see her again one day.”
“Then maybe you should take a trip to Fredonia.” And maybe he should, too, Adam, thought. But then he remembered why he left, to release Rebecca from the pressure of his consuming and perhaps overly demanding love, and he knew he couldn’t go back. But he could call Radford at the mill.
“Dawson, I have to go. I need to be at the C&G office early tomorrow. I’ll tell my grandmother you asked about her.”
Dawson glanced at Adam. “I understand. Morning’s going to come early for you.”
“Doesn’t usually come early enough,” Adam replied honestly. Sleep brought dreams, and dreams brought Rebecca in all her ages and stages. From skinned knees to hair ribbons and marriage plans, Rebecca danced through his dreams, turning him round, wringing him out, shaking him awake with her name on his lips and his heart in shreds.
Chapter Twenty-eight
Dressed in her night clothes, Rebecca sat alone in her room looking in Princess Cecily’s hand mirror while she brushed her hair. She preferred the soft light of her oil lamp at night and its calming flicker that reflected in the mirror. Holding the heirloom made her feel closer to Adam, even though it was his final parting gift. Like Princess Cecily who must have felt utterly lost in a new world so unlike her homeland, Rebecca felt adrift.
“How did you find your way, Princess?” she whispered, tracing her fingers over the ribbon of beautiful gemstones, wishing she could talk with the courageous princess. For a long while she gazed at the mirror without seeing, letting her thoughts wander. Images of Adam filled her mind and reflected in the silvered pool of the mirror. He twirled her slowly in his manly arms, once... twice... their hearts beating with love for each other... and around they turned again as if winding back a clock until she was gazing into the eyes of a skinny boy with a contagious laugh and feet that were two sizes too big for his growing body. Warmth and joy suffused her and she clung to his neck, dizzy from their playful spin and giddy with love.
As if watching from the top of their willow tree, she observed the young sweethearts absorbed in their moment of joy and love for one another. Days swirled by as they dashed along the rocky shore of the creek, splashing barefoot through the shallows, throwing stones, sitting on rocks with their bare feet in the water, talking and laughing and dreaming. Adam grew into his feet and Rebecca filled out her dresses and still they met and played beneath the willow. They danced in the moonlight beside the shimmering creek, gazing into each other’s eyes, their love too big to convey with words. Their spinning made Rebecca dizzy and she felt herself falling, hurtling toward the rock-strewn ground below.
With a gasp, Rebecca dropped the mirror to her lap and splayed her hands beside her on the bed, trying to maintain her balance while the spinning motion in her head calmed and finally... blessedly stopped.
“Oh, my...” she whispered, gripping her head, feeling woozy. Whatever happened was both frightening and exhilarating. She didn’t know if she had seen the images in the mirror or in her mind, if she was remembering or hallucinating, but it no longer mattered.
As her heartbeat slowed and her mind cleared, she sat up and returned the mirror to the velvet lined box.
Then she opened another box—the one her mother said Adam had made for her.
She turned on the lamp on her nightstand and snuffed the oil lantern. She needed enough light to read. Instead of prowling the house from dark until dawn, Rebecca read through the letters and notes Adam had written to her. Hour after hour she immersed herself in the sweet words of a boy enamored by a girl he couldn’t have, and of a young man setting off to become the sort of man worthy of her. In one letter he referred to her as “Birdie,” a nickname that made Rebecca laugh. It apparently didn’t stick, thank goodness, because the next letter began with his usual salutation of My dearest Rebecca. At twenty he’d become a man in full possession of himself, assured and confident and more deeply committed to his lifelong love—her. He wrote about the university and his ideas and the plans he had for them. His words were filled with longing and honest, undecorated confessions of love—for her. Everything was always for her.
She wept and she laughed throughout the night as she read through a decade of their loving each other. At dawn she heard her father and brother leave for the mill, and she continued to read. Adam’s letters helped her understand him and his desperate desire for her to remember their past that contained so many dreams and so much love. She wished she had read them sooner, but she had been a frightened, hurting mess before she went to see Doc Samuel, and she couldn’t have read anything at that time without making her head pound. She didn’t have the box of letters at Crane Landing—she had Adam. And she’d forgotten about the letters until now.
Now she understood Adam’s inability to let go of their past love, and with that understanding came a surge of regret and pain that cut through her.
She’d lost their love when she’d lost her memory—and she’d thrown it away when Adam had tried to give it back to her.
Trembling and hoping she wasn’t too late, she threw on her riding habit and slipped out of the house.
Seated on the strong back of her mare, she and Star rode as one being. They knew each other to the most minute movement and had been together for years. Of this Rebecca was certain. She didn’t have to remember it, she knew it. Just like she knew she loved Adam Grayson. She always had and she alw
ays would.
Star balked at the entrance of the mill and the noise in the yard, and Rebecca stopped there. She dismounted and left her skittish horse safely at the gate.
She strode across the mill feeling more desperate with each step. When she spied her father, she ran toward him waving her hand above her head to get his attention. The surprise in his eyes was immediately replaced with fierce concern. Rebecca didn’t stop. She needed her father—fathers fixed things. She ran straight into his arms and burst into tears. “Daddy, I need your help.”
Chapter Twenty-nine
Adam was in his usual seat at The Crowe’s Nest talking with Leo when Radford Grayson walked in. At six-foot-five inches Radford wasn’t a man one could miss. Adam’s heart skipped a beat, and his first thought was Rebecca. Was she all right? What business did Radford have here? Was Rebecca with him? A dozen thoughts skittered through Adam’s mind as Radford surveyed the tavern—and then headed directly toward him.
Standing, Adam met Radford as he arrived. “I must admit that I’m surprised to see you, sir. I hope all is well.”
“I came to apologize for breaking my promise to you. I had to tell Rebecca about your call to the mill last week,” he said without preamble.
Adam shook Radford’s hand. “I probably shouldn’t have called, but I just... I needed to know that she was all right. I apologize and hope my call didn’t distress her overmuch.”
“She’s distressed, but not because of your call.” Radford turned and greeted Leo. “Good to see you, young man. Would you mind if I joined you two for a spell? I’ve got some business with Adam.”
“Good to see you as well, sir.” Leo stood, shook Radford’s hand, and offered his chair. “I’m off to refill my mug. I’ll be a while so make yourself comfortable,” he said, then headed toward the crowded bar.
Adam barely noted their exchange as he sat in his chair. What was Rebecca distressed about? It must be bad if it had brought Radford to Crane Landing.
“Rebecca is not with me,” Radford said. “I suspect that’s the main thing on your mind at the moment.”
“There are many things on my mind,” Adam said truthfully.
Radford gave a small nod. “I suspect there is. I’ve got a few things on my mind as well. And I have a few things to say to you.”
Adam cringed. Was this where he and Radford would cross words? He had hoped to have nothing but enjoyable conversations between them, but Radford apparently had some things to say and they were important enough to bring him to Crane Landing.
“Is Rebecca all right?” Adam asked.
“No,” Radford answered. “But I’ll get to that in a minute. I want to say straight out that I know our relationship hasn’t been the same since Rebecca’s accident. I don’t blame you for what happened to her, Adam, but when I saw my little girl broken and bleeding I lost all sense of reason. I was angry and more scared than I’ve ever been in my life. Not even during the worst battles of the war did I experience that depth of fear. I literally felt ice in my veins.”
Adam nodded because he understood. “I haven’t drawn a full breath since that day,” he said. “If I could change places with Rebecca I’d do so in an instant.”
“I know you would, Adam. That’s one of the reasons I admire you and feel so bad about the unspoken rift between us. This business about you questioning whether you’re part of our family has been eating at me since you left. Adam, I don’t consider you a nephew because I’ve always thought of you as my future son-in-law. I was so stunned by your announcement about you and Rebecca ending your engagement that I didn’t have the words to say this to you at the time. When I call you son, Adam, I mean just that. To me, you’re my son. I apologize if my actions have put that question in your mind. But I can’t apologize for loving my children too much and that it makes me too protective at times.”
Adam nodded. “And I can’t apologize for loving your daughter too much.”
“Then perhaps you’ll consider coming home,” Radford said. “My daughter is broken. She’s lost without you.”
“Maybe she’s just lost without her memories. Maybe it has nothing to do with me.”
“I disagree. I know my daughter, Adam. She loves you and her upset is because of the rift between you two.”
Adam said nothing because he was fighting to hold back the flood of emotion swelling inside him like a tidal wave.
“Maybe this will make you think otherwise.” Radford drew a folded paper from his shirt pocket. “Rebecca asked me to give this to you.”
Adam’s hands trembled as he opened the note. A word from Rebecca, any word from her, was a gift.
My dearest Adam,
At Mrs. Redburn’s house we delivered—a baby.
I have more to share—and more to ask.
Please meet me at our willow this coming Friday at our usual time.
Yours,
Rebecca
Radford stood. “I’m heading back in the morning. Anything you want me to tell Rebecca?”
For a full minute Adam sat speechless. Did Rebecca remember the baby delivery or had someone told her about it? What more did she have to share? What did she need to ask?
“Adam?” Radford rapped his knuckles on the scarred wooden table top. “Any message?”
“No, sir,” he said, because his mind was spinning too fast to capture a clear thought.
Disappointment filled Radford’s eyes, but he gave Adam a nod of acceptance. “All right, son. I hope you’ll give some more thought to coming home.”
An ocean breeze rolled into the bay and across the dock where Adam sat mulling over his unexpected note from Rebecca. Thousands of stars lit the dark sky, and a breathy ocean song filled his ears. It was a night made for romance... or for a person to feel like the loneliest soul alive.
Footsteps sounded behind him, and Adam turned to see Leo approaching.
“For a smart man you can be the world’s biggest fool,” Leo said, cuffing Adam in the head as he rounded the bench to stand in front of him.
“Thanks, Leo.” Adam rubbed his head. “I came out here to clear my head, not get it knocked off my shoulders by my best friend.”
“Well, someone needs to wake you up! What are you thinking, man? You’re going to lose that girl for good.” Leo sat on the bench beside Adam. “Why are you sulking out here alone when you should be packing a bag and catching the first train home?”
“I don’t know.” Adam shook his head. “She says she’s not ready to get married, but I can’t help wondering if it’s because she’s changed and doesn’t feel the same about me anymore. I’m afraid I don’t really know her, Leo. She’s different since her accident.”
“Of course she’s different, Adam. She’s six years older than when you left for university. You’ve only been home for a few weeks at a time since then, and hardly at all this last eighteen months. I think she gets confused at times because of the accident, but I don’t think her changes can all be attributed to getting a knock on the head. How much time have you actually spent with Rebecca during the past six years?”
“Not nearly enough.”
“How much have you changed and grown during that time?” Leo asked. “How much did Rebecca really know you before her accident? Adam, maybe you are seeing the real Rebecca.”
The comment hurt. Rebecca had become a woman in his absence. He knew the girl from his past. He remembered his teen sweetheart. He learned about her life in her letters, but the woman she’d become in his absence was an intriguing mystery to him. Each visit home had been connected by points of reference to their past and their young love. The time they had spent together in Crane Landing was their first prolonged adult romance ever—and it was real. Of that he was certain.
“Leo, have you ever wanted something so badly it eats you up every single day?”
“Yeah, Adam. I want to find my brothers.”
Adam groaned at his stupidity and insensitivity. Leo and his brothers had all been shipped out to orphanages an
d were young boys the last time they had seen each other. Only Benny had remained with Leo. Adam had spent the last ten years helping Leo look for his lost siblings, and they still hadn’t located them. “I’m so sorry, Leo. I wasn’t thinking.”
“You’re not thinking, Adam. How could you have let Radford leave without a return message for Rebecca? She was asking you to come home!”
“For what purpose?” Adam asked, exasperated. “She told me only weeks ago she’s not ready to marry me. What else could she want?”
“I don’t know, Adam, and unless you go home you won’t know either.”
Jaw clamped, Adam stared across the dark water. “I can’t go back, Leo. I can’t cause Rebecca any more heartache. I’ve put her through too much already.”
“You know, Adam, Rebecca isn’t the only one who has been changed because of her accident. It’s changed you, too. I’ve wanted to talk with you, but you were too wounded.” Leo hooked his hand over Adam’s shoulder. “Miss Tansy wrote to me about the accident and asked me to watch over you. I know what happened, Adam, and it wasn’t your fault.”
“Yes, it was,” Adam said, his eyes still focused on the dark body of water. “She was there because of me. She wasn’t paying attention because she was looking at me.”
“Regardless why she was there, it was her responsibility to keep herself safe. As for whether she still cares for you, all you have to do is look in her eyes. From the first time I met her I knew she was your girl. Not because you warned me to stay away from her, but because of the way she looked at you. She loved you. I saw it in her eyes then and I see it in her eyes now. Wake up, Adam, before it’s too late.”
They fell silent. Adam’s mind was too full to think clearly about anything. “We’ve been through a lot together, Leo. I sure hope this is the worst of it.”
“Me, too,” Leo said, “but nothing stays the same, Adam. If I ever find my brothers I know they won’t be the kids they were when we were split up and dumped at the orphanages. I pray they all survived to manhood and are happy, prosperous men. I’m eager to get to know them, to hear their ideas and dreams and meet their families. I hope they remember our past when we were all together, but it’s all right if they don’t. Living in the past offers us nothing. It’s where they are now and what’s in their future, in our future as a family, that I’m interested in.” He leaned his elbows on his thighs and sighed. “You can’t keep clinging to the past, Adam. It’s gone. All you’ve got is the present and a dream for your future.”
My Forever Love Page 28
