“No?”
“No. You’re the nice one here,” he said, and Shanti laughed. “Spill it.”
She shook her head. “Do you ever regret choosing this life?” she asked quietly.
He seemed to be thinking about it for a few moments. “Sometimes,” he finally said. “But then I remember what the alternative was like, and I know there really is no choice. Not for me, anyway.”
“Maybe you’re different because of the demon thing. There are so many things we can’t have,” Shanti said. “Normal things that non-supernaturals totally take for granted. The jerks,” she muttered, and Nain gave a small huff of a laugh.
“Normal things like what?”
She shrugged. “Being able to go out and do stuff when you want without having to constantly be on guard. Being able to be friends with whoever you want. Even the remotest possibility of falling in love and growing old with someone.” And then she realized who she was talking to, and she wanted to slap herself. “Sorry,” she said.
“Stop doing that. I’m not going to fall apart if you make me think about her. I think about her all the time, and that has nothing to do with someone happening to mention her name. She’s always with me.”
Shanti nodded.
“For the rest of it, yeah. We have challenges. It’s not fair, but we don’t have a choice, do we? So do we sit around and bitch about our lives, or do we make the most of it?”
Shanti tossed the empty bottle in the garbage and crossed her arms. “I don’t even mind the saving people thing. I like that. It’s the other stuff. The only people I can safely talk to are other supernaturals.”
She looked up to see Nain watching her. Understanding seemed to dawn on him, and he gave a small nod.
“It makes it hard, for sure. I tried not getting involved with Molly for much the same reason. I knew she was powerful. Totally capable of holding her own, even if I thought she was completely reckless sometimes. But I knew a lot more about what was out there than she did, back then. I didn’t want anyone to start looking at her because she was involved with me. That’s the way it works. Anyone we let into our lives, supernatural or not, is in danger.”
“I know.”
“And letting them in is a responsibility. It means you take it on yourself to ensure their safety. And if you fail…” He shook his head. “When you fail, because it happens eventually, you never get over it. You regret it for the rest of your life, and for most of us, that’s a long fucking time.”
“So I’m better off keeping to myself,” Shanti said, a question as much as a statement.
He shrugged. “You’re the only one who can answer that. Is the risk worth it? How capable do you feel of keeping the person safe? And is the person worthy of being part of your life?”
“You are so weird,” Shanti said, shaking her head. “I mean, I’ve see you fight and I’ve watched you with other supernaturals, and you’re completely terrifying. I mean, I’m on your side and I’m ready to start running when you get pissed. And then you stand there talking to me like a guidance counselor or something.” She smiled a little. “You’re a lot like Molly in that way.”
She thought she caught a ghost of a smile on his face, and it was gone almost immediately, if it had ever been there at all. “I’ve had a long time to learn to act somewhat civilized,” he said. “And Molly loves you, so I feel like I shouldn’t be an asshole to you.”
Shanti laughed. “Well, thanks.”
Nain nodded. “I’m gonna guess you’re not bringing this up because you wish you had more people to hang out with,” he said, and she blushed a little.
“Right.”
“He’s a Normal, then?”
She nodded.
“I can’t tell you what to do. You need to decide for yourself how much you’re willing to risk.”
“Okay. Thanks. I think.” They stood in silence for a while. “I’m leaning toward letting him go,” she said quietly.
“It sucks sometimes,” he said.
“Yeah. It really does. But I can’t put him in danger. I like him too much.” They stood in the kitchen for a bit, and Shanti shook her head, wanting to change the subject. “Anything new going on with Brennan?”
“He saw his kid’s mother today, I guess. She still wants him to take the baby after it’s born. He’s mostly stressed out now that she’ll change her mind and take the kid. Shifters are like that.”
“Like what?”
“Really protective of family. Especially their kids.”
“Not protective enough of their girlfriends, maybe,” Shanti muttered. She knew it wasn’t really any of her business, but she couldn’t quite let it go.
“That’s between them.”
“You’re still pissed at him too, though.”
Watching Nain was interesting. His shoulders tensed immediately, and his eyes started glowing red, just a little. She saw him visibly trying to calm his rage.
Demons are freaking insane, she thought to herself.
When he answered, he looked calm again. “Of course I am. We’ve slugged it out a few times now and there’s nothing else I can do other than want to kill him all the time. He’ll pay the price when Molly gets back,” he shrugged.
“And if she takes him back, even after all of that?”
“Then she does. Trying to tell Molly what to do is a total waste of time and only pisses her off.”
Shanti laughed. “True. But I mean what about you if that happens?”
He stayed silent, and she was starting to think he wouldn’t answer. The big clock in the dining room ticked the seconds, the living room radiators hissed, and the oldies station DJs prattled on from the radio in the kitchen counter. It was almost always on the oldies station. It had been the same when Molly was in charge, and Shanti wasn’t quite clear whether that had been a Nain thing that Molly had continued or a Molly thing that Nain had continued. Either way, it was one of those little things that comforted her. A Supremes song came on, and Nain snapped the kitchen radio off.
“If she chooses him, which she probably will, then I’ll get to spend the rest of my life regretting losing her.”
“Can I say something?”
“Yeah.”
“I’m rooting for you, demon. He’s too stupid to deserve her.”
He snorted. “Thanks.”
Nain turned back to her. “Have you thought any more about Rayna?”
She shrugged. The answer was “almost constantly” but it seemed rude to say that. “It’s tempting to learn more about what I can do. But you guys need me.”
“Do what you want. From a team standpoint, you and Levitt could use a break from one another.”
She stared at him. “How did you know that?”
“I’m not blind. Why didn’t you come to me?”
“Because you have enough going on without dealing with that. We should be able to work it out without making it your problem,” she grumbled.
“Yeah. But you’re not. And you’re moving on, or you want to. Speaking from experience, demons aren’t great at letting go of things. It’s gonna blow up eventually and then I’ll have a mess to deal with either way. You can patrol with Brennan or E from now on.”
“Thank you.”
Nain just kind of grunted in response, then said, “I’m not new at this, kid. Come to me when there’s a problem like that.”
“Okay.”
“And call Rayna. You want to, so do it. If you won’t listen to me, try to think of what Molly would be telling you to do right now.”
Shanti nodded, and Nain walked away, heading to the staircase that led up to the loft’s roof.
Shanti stood in the kitchen a while longer, feeling at a loss. She was off now for the night, and it was still several hours before dawn. She wasn’t tired, and she was too wired and confused to relax. Her mind kept straying to Zero’s warm golden eyes, the masculine smell of him as he’d helped her into her coat. To the way he’d seen her beat up a werewolf and carried him to a safe
place without freaking out.
She groaned.
Why wasn’t anything ever simple? Just once in a while?
Shanti sat on her bed and stared at the number on her phone. She’d saved Rayna’s number the night they’d met, but even if she hadn’t, she had the number memorized, burned into her mind. She hit the button and listened to it ringing, not sure if she was hoping Rayna would answer or not.
“Hello?” Rayna’s soft, warm voice said over the line.
Shanti took a deep breath that she didn’t actually need. “Rayna? This is Shanti.”
“Shanti! I am so happy to hear from you,” Rayna said.
“I have been thinking about what you said. Can we talk?”
“Definitely. Feel like stopping by tonight? Things are relatively quiet.”
“Sure.”
Rayna gave Shanti an address in Palmer Woods and a few minutes later, Shanti was on her way out of the loft.
“It’s just a visit,” she muttered to herself as she climbed into her car. “You’re not promising her anything.”
She drove toward Rayna’s neighborhood, and was soon surrounded by huge old houses, most of them from the twenties and thirties. Rayna’s house was at the end of a cul-de-sac, surrounded by three acres of manicured lawn and tall black wrought iron fences. It was a huge mansion, gray stone facade, leaded glass windows across the front. There was a boxwood hedge bordering the front walk and two huge willow trees in the front yard. It gave the whole thing a kind of spooky vibe, kind of perfect for what lived there, even if Shanti believed it was all a little cliche.
It was still hard not to be impressed by the sheer size of the place.
Shanti got out of her car and walked up to the front doors. The arched double doors were made of dark wood, with a wrought iron door knocker in the shape of a fleur-de-lis. Shanti raised it and knocked twice, then waited, trying to soothe her ragged nerves.
When the front door opened, Shanti knew she was looking at one of her own kind. Her first glance showed that the male vampire standing before her had the same honeyed skin tone as Rayna, same greenish-gray eyes. While the would-be vampire queen was thin and graceful looking, the man standing before Shanti was huge, hulking.
“Ronan?” she asked, remembering the name of Rayna’s “baby brother.”
“I am, and you must be Shanti. Pleasure to meet you,” he said, holding his hand out. She took it and shook his hand briefly, and Ronan waved her inside.
The house was just as impressive and spooky on the inside as it was on the outside. She looked around, feeling awestruck and out of her element. She’d felt similarly when Molly had first showed her around the loft; as someone who’d been raised by her spinster aunts, and on welfare at least some of the time, she always felt a little nervous and kind of wrong when she was around people with money.
Molly had understood that. It was one more thing she missed about her mentor.
Ronan stood silently and let her observe her surroundings, and that made Shanti like him immediately. He seemed to understand that she needed this, that she needed to study her surroundings before she could feel comfortable. When Shanti finished looking around, she glanced at Ronan, who gave her a small nod and gestured for her to follow him.
“We bought this house a few months ago,” he said as he led her through the house. “Some casino guy owned it before us and he died in debt. The house went up for foreclosure and Rayna snapped it up.”
“Still must not have been cheap, though,” Shanti murmured.
“We’re in our nineties,” he explained. “And Rayna is very strict with how she spends her money.”
“Stingy?” Shanti asked, smiling a little.
Ronan glanced back at her. “No. Never that. She’s just disciplined, and that’s something it seems like you’d appreciate, from what I know about you.”
She nodded. “It’s very goth,” she said, glancing around.
He laughed. “It is. The rooms we live in more don’t look quite like the more public parts of the house. We have an image to uphold, you know.”
Shanti shook her head a little, and soon they reached the end of a long hallway.
“This is the more private area of the house. Rayna’s study is here, and there’s a little greenhouse attached to it.”
“Does she garden?” Shanti asked, surprised.
“She does. Obviously, she only gets to spend time in there at night, but it’s better than nothing,” he said, shrugging.
Damn it. She kind of already liked the vampire queen. Her aunts had had a huge garden back at their old house, and she’d grown up weeding and watering. It was one of the things she’d missed since being turned. She never even considered just gardening at night. Duh.
Ronan knocked once on the door, and Shanti heard Rayna say “come in, Ronan.”
Ronan opened the door and waved Shanti inside. The room was cozy, with overstuffed furniture and lots of house plants. A calico cat slept on the dark blue rug in front of the fireplace. A wood coffee table in the center of the room was covered in books and yet another houseplant, and in an overstuffed chair near the windows, the vampire queen sat sharpening a knife. She was wearing thick leather gloves, and Shanti realized the knives must have had silver blades; very painful for vampires to handle, but they made quick work of any vamps you were trying to kill.
When Rayna saw her, she stood up and smiled, and set the knife down on the table next to the chair.
“Shanti!” Rayna said, walking up to her. Shanti took her hand and smiled.
“Nice to see you again,” Shanti murmured.
“Likewise. I’m glad you decided to stop by.” She led Shanti over to one of the sofas near the fire place, and Ronan followed them and sat on the sofa on the opposite side of the table. Shanti sat, and Rayna settled herself beside her.
“This house is… amazing,” Shanti said, and Rayna laughed.
“It looks like something out of Interview with a Vampire, doesn’t it?”
Shanti grinned. “Just a little.”
“Ronan and I always moved a lot, for obvious reasons,” Rayna said, and Shanti nodded. “But when I decided to make my move to be the vampire leader here, we knew we needed a more impressive base of operations. Right now, there are twelve of us living here.”
“Your family?”
Rayna nodded. Shanti had meant “family” in the very loosest of terms. Clan, nest, brood. She’d heard all of those terms for a group of vampires living together, but she preferred family. It seemed nicer. “We all patrol together, usually in groups of three or four. Ronan and I go out together sometimes, but more and more of my time of late is taken up with diplomatic activities.”
“And how is that going?” Shanti asked. She watched as Rayna and Ronan exchanged a glance, and Rayna turned and looked at her.
“I have to ask, Shanti. Are you here because you want to be, or are you here to gather information for the demon?”
“I’m here because you said you can teach me more about myself. And because I like what you said about being able to prevent others from being turned against their will, the way I was.” She took a breath, looked down at her hands. “I love my team. They are my family. They are everything to me, so know that if you cross them, if you try to use me against them, I’m done. I feel like you should know that up front. My loyalty, should it ever be tested, is to them.”
The room was silent for a few moments other than the crackling of the fire and the purring of the cat.
“Thank you for being up front and honest about that. I can respect that. And I can assure you that I have no interest in making an enemy of the Angel or the demon. They are heroes, and I see us as all being on the same side. But our people are ours, and we are the best ones to handle them. Rogue vampires make life more dangerous for everyone, Normals and supernaturals alike,” Rayna said. “And things have gone on this way for far too long.”
“I agree,” Shanti said. “So what I need to know is can you accept only part of me
? I have no intention of leaving my current team. Not completely. But I would be willing to split my time between the two.”
“We prefer to have our people living here,” Rayna said. “But we can work something out.”
Shanti was quiet for a while, thinking. The idea of not living at the loft was both scary and tempting. No more Levitt glaring at her all the time. No having to deal with Brennan’s spawn once he brought the kid home. The only thing she would regret was that she wouldn’t be around as much when Molly finally made it home again.
But it was time to start her own life. She knew that, too. And moving on and learning more about herself was sounding better and better. Maybe if she learned more about what she could do, she’d know whether she could risk having someone like Zero in her life. Maybe she could have a chance at some of those dreams she’d believed were dead once she’d started her second life.
“I could live here most of the time,” Shanti said, still looking down at her hands. “You said you’d offer me training. Knowledge. And the chance to make things safer.”
“And I will give you all of that, as well as a place among others like you, working toward the same thing. We are not at odds with your current team. You can have both,” Rayna said.
“Though we may need more of your time during this phase of Rayna’s leadership, when she’s trying to prove how powerful she is.”
“I understand that. That’s not a problem.” Shanti looked around. “What would I be doing?”
“Much of the same thing you do on your current team. Patrol. But from what we hear of you, you’re already an exceptional fighter and assassin. We may have special duties for you,” Rayna said.
“If what we hear is true,” Ronan added, and Rayna nodded.
“Special duties?”
“Hunting down those who prove to be too far beyond reason. Getting rid of those who break our laws. Most of our people are currently involved in apprehending and training new vampires who are out of control due to their bloodlust,” Ronan said. “We capture them, train them to deal with their new life, and, once they’re rehabilitated, we help them get a new start. Some stay with us, and others go on their way.”
Forever Night: A Hidden Novella Page 5
