by Dina Silver
She leans back into the sectional and pats the cushion near her.
“Do you feel like talking?” I ask.
“I talked to that asshole. I can talk to you.” We both have a good laugh.
“It’s ironic that he was here when I got home because I was thinking a lot about Todd last night when I was reading about when you first moved to Beirut. It was kind of nice to read about the good times you shared with my father and how much you loved him. I can’t help but think that I would’ve liked to know those things as I was growing up.”
She nods. “I made some poor choices.”
“Please don’t feel bad; that’s not my intention. And now that I’m going through a divorce of my own, I completely get how the hatred takes over even when I try to be the bigger, more rational person.”
“It’s not just that our marriage didn’t survive,” she says. “There is so much that happened. We divorced, yes, but that was nothing compared to the suffering I endured. There was so much pain where you were concerned. I was never sure I’d be able to speak to you about it.” She begins to cough. “I forbade my family from talking about him for fear that you would find out and never forgive me.”
“Find out what?”
Chapter Thirty-One
CATHERINE
January 1973
Charley Stillwater and I sat on the runway at Logan International Airport in Boston for an hour while they deiced the plane. We’d had two cigarettes each before the flight even took off. Roughly ten months after I’d lost my daughter, I was finally on my way to getting her back.
We landed in Beirut at midnight. Pain blossomed in my chest as I stepped out of the airport, remembering the only other time I’d arrived there. There were no words to describe how chillingly familiar the place felt. A car drove us to the InterContinental Phoenicia hotel, past Rue Clémenceau, where our . . . Gabriel’s apartment was. I pleaded with Charley to stop there.
“We can’t go like thieves in the night,” he said. “I know you don’t think I understand your urgency, but I do. And I can assure you that we’ll make things worse for ourselves and your daughter if we don’t follow the law to the letter.”
“I still have a key. I know almost every family in that building. Please promise me we can be there at the crack of dawn.” Finally just being in the same country as my daughter had brought me the first real sense of peace that I could recall. The lack of hope and optimism up until then had been debilitating. I’d lost twelve pounds off my already slim frame. Handfuls of hair that initially had fallen out had only just started growing back, forcing me to wear a short bob.
“You know that’s not going to happen,” Charley said. “We cannot step foot in that building uninvited. Would you want to risk being put in a Lebanese prison?”
I slumped back in the seat of the car and watched as we drove through my past life to the hotel overlooking the beach and the marina. A place I’d been countless times before, sometimes happy, sometimes miserable.
The next morning, I met Charley for breakfast in the lobby restaurant. “As you know, you won’t be in the hotel except for one more night, and I’ll be leaving early next week. In the meantime, Fitz has arranged for you to stay with a friend who is an influential businessman here with strong political ties. He’ll be working closely with me and your father and uncle and another man in Fitz’s office, a lawyer named Stewart Fishman, who is working on expediting things with a team of Lebanese attorneys. It will be his job to make sure you don’t have to stay here longer than necessary. This host family will be a critical part of your success, if you are to have any.”
I shot him a wounded look.
“I didn’t mean it like that, CC. I’m sorry.”
“It’s fine. You’ve been amazing. Truly. Thank you for everything you’ve done. I just want to hold her and wake up from this nightmare.” I’d aged a decade in months.
“I’m going to call for the car, and then we’ll head over there,” he said and signed the bill to the room.
We met at the front of the hotel and got in the back seat of a limousine. About fifteen minutes later, we pulled up in front of a familiar house with its wine-colored exterior and trio of archways.
My stomach turned, and I said nothing as I got out of the car, wrapped a scarf around my head, and followed Charley through the foyer to the back of the house, where we were greeted by a man who introduced himself as Wassef. He asked us to sit and wait for a moment and then he left the room.
I quickly removed my scarf. “These people are not going to help us,” I said to Charley.
“Of course they are.” He patted my knee. “Just relax. I know it’s a lot to take in in twenty-four hours’ time.”
“Charley, listen to me. I’ve been to this house before. The owner’s name is Danny, right?”
He nodded and stared at me, curious.
“They are friends with Gabriel. If this is the best we’ve got, I may as well get back on the plane.” I had to fight back tears of defeat and frustration. God forbid my father and uncle had included me in any of their planning. I begged Father to let me work with them to help devise a strategy, but no one was interested in the opinion of a naive young woman who’d landed herself in a situation made up entirely of bad decisions.
“He knows your name and your family and your situation. They know everything about you. There’s nothing to worry about.”
My chest was warm. I removed my coat. “If that’s the case, then Gabriel knows I’m here as well.”
As I was whispering to Charley, Wassef walked back into the room with Danny Khalid. His charming wife, Yasmine, was two steps behind.
Charley stood, and so did I. “Danny, good to see you. I’m Charley Stillwater, an attorney for the Downing family.” He turned to me. “And I’ve only just found out that you and Catherine here are already acquainted.”
I tucked my short hair behind my ear and forced a smile. “Lovely to see you again.”
“Cheesecake!” Danny yelled, throwing his arms in the air and then coming over to me for an embrace. He pulled away with his hands resting on my shoulders, arms straight. “We are here to help. I am sorry for what happened to your daughter. I will get you some New York cheesecake to make you feel at home.”
“Thank you,” I said quietly, trying to look anywhere but at the wretched woman behind him. She hadn’t even said hello to Charley, who eventually stepped forward.
“Mrs. Khalid, I presume?” he said with a nod, sensing she wasn’t going to shake his hand so he may as well not offer it.
“Yasmine, please,” Danny insisted with a wave of his hand as he’d done at his Christmas party another lifetime ago.
Yasmine came closer to us but remained silent.
“Thank you for opening your home to CC. This is very generous of you.”
She raised her brows. “I was unaware she would be staying with us until this morning. I might have suggested somewhere else that would be better for her.”
“I’m sure that can be arranged if need be, right, Charley?” I couldn’t help but respond quickly.
“No, actually—” Charley began.
“It’s settled,” Danny interrupted him. “Come.” He ushered us to the dining room where there was coffee—both black and white—and tea. Wassef followed; Yasmine did not. He looked a little surprised to see me follow along. “Catherine, you can go with Yasmine while we discuss things in here.”
I glanced at Charley. “I’d really like to sit in, if you wouldn’t mind.”
Danny grinned, his arms and hands animated. “Don’t worry. Wait for us and relax.”
Sitting in a room by myself in a home where I was unwelcome was the last thing I wanted to do. There wasn’t one man involved who thought I had anything to add. The whole debacle made me think I’d have to devise a plan of my own. I wasn’t prepared to wait another ten months.
“Can I get you anything?” asked a maid standing in the doorway.
“Just some water, please. Th
ank you.” I walked through a pair of glass French doors onto a large outdoor terrace that overlooked the sea in the distance. I leaned over the edge and let out a long breath. When I turned to come inside, I saw Yasmine staring at me from the window with her arms crossed. She turned her back and walked away, so I followed her.
“I don’t want to be here any more than you want me here,” I said from behind her. “I know you have no intention of helping me, and I’ll find somewhere else to stay.”
She turned around and snickered. “You know nothing about my intentions.”
“I know you weren’t friendly to me the first time I was in your home, and I know you weren’t friendly this time.” I swallowed.
“You’re a foolish young woman.”
“I would respond with exactly what I think of you, but I was raised better than that.”
Yasmine crossed her arms. “Ah, yes, you Americans are the epitome of class.”
“All I know is you would never be treated poorly as a guest in my home.” I shrugged. “Even someone as miserable as you.” The sight of her made me sick to my stomach, so I walked back out on the terrace, where there was water and hot tea waiting for me.
“If I have to call my uncle myself, I will. I’m not staying there,” I said to Charley in the car on the way back to the hotel. “She’s a horrible person. She called me a fool to my face. Those are not the words of a woman who is going to help me get my daughter back. It’s too much stress in an already bad situation.”
Charley sighed. “Danny is a powerful man and a good friend to Fitz. Not only is he our number-one ally here, he really is the best man for the job. Let me talk to him.”
“Please do. He must have someone else I can stay with.”
“I’ll try, but for the time being, you’ll need to stay there. Just try and stay out of her way.”
Chapter Thirty-Two
CATHERINE
Beirut, 1973
Desperation will cause people to take risks they would never take under normal circumstances, and that is exactly what happened after my first week in the Khalids’ home. I grew tired of waiting, tired of avoiding Yasmine, tired of her condescending looks and comments, tired of being told to be patient and do the right thing when my child needed me.
When I had been in Greenwich, I would lie awake at night feeling helpless, wishing I had the power to do something.
Now that I was back in Beirut, I did. At 1:00 a.m., I dressed in dark clothing and walked out the front door. Ras Beirut was an upscale part of the city on the edge of the waterfront. The area consisted mostly of residential apartment buildings with a few impressive old homes like the Khalids’, called qasr’s, nestled in the middle of the city for those who could afford them. There was a tall gated fence around the perimeter, and I was relieved to find it unlocked. The streets were lit, and there was some activity, not as much as during the day but enough that I felt I could blend in without being too conspicuous. If I ran, I figured it would take me about thirty minutes to get back to Gabriel’s apartment, but if I jumped in a cab or service car, it would be much quicker. At the last minute, I decided to take the walkway down by the water. It might cost me some extra time, but I thought it would be the safest and draw the least amount of attention.
Once I got to AUB, I cut through the campus and walked briskly up a few streets to Rue Clémenceau, where our building stood. I paused to catch my breath, but there was no taming my adrenaline. I reached in my front pocket to feel the keys, making sure they were real. From the street, there were no lights on in the apartment, but from the outside it looked the same as it had the last time I’d stood there a little over one year ago.
I was a woman with a goal but without a plan. Looking back, it was a perilous idea, but I was fueled by my despair and concern for my daughter’s well-being. I really can’t think of another mother who wouldn’t have done the same thing.
Two men ambled behind me on the sidewalk, speaking in Arabic and smoking cigarettes. They passed by without a glance. I walked hastily to the front door and opened it with the first of my two keys. I paused to take a breath at the bottom of the stairwell. Whatever consequences came of it, I would have my daughter and be back en route to the Khalids’ home to deal with them later.
I tiptoed up the stairs, praying that I wouldn’t run into anyone. By the time I reached the top, I had to pause to suppress my fear and summon my courage. I took the second key out of my pocket, gently placed it in the lock, and turned. Nothing.
I slid it out and double-checked that I hadn’t put the wrong one in and tried again. Nothing. My forehead was damp with perspiration. He must have changed the locks, I thought to myself. Back and forth I tried with a little more force, but it wouldn’t open. As I was taking the key out a second time, the door opened.
A man I didn’t recognize started screaming at me in Arabic. I took a step back and almost fell over. I raised my hands, trying to quiet him, which worked to some degree when he assumed I’d made a mistake. Glancing behind him, I could see there was different furniture in the apartment. Gabriel hadn’t changed the locks. He’d moved where I wouldn’t be able to find them.
I apologized profusely in English and Arabic and raced out of the building before someone alerted the authorities.
There was no wind left in my sails by the time I got to the curb. It was the middle of the night, and I was back at square one. I walked back down toward the waterfront, where some fishermen were perched under streetlamps, the scent of their fresh catch wafting through the air as the occasional car whizzed by behind them. A few blocks up, I walked into the lobby of the InterContinental Phoenicia and ordered a cup of coffee, wishing I still had a room there and a chance to be alone.
After I’d finished, I trudged back to the Khalids’ home with tears in my eyes and anguish in my heart. I didn’t come down for breakfast the next morning.
“Miss?” One of the staff knocked on my door. “Would you like something to eat?”
“No, thank you.”
“Mr. Khalid has asked that you come down and meet him in his study at eleven thirty.”
“Thank you. I will be there.”
Yasmine was seated in the room with him when I entered.
“Catherine! Please have a seat. I’ve arranged for the two of you to have lunch today,” he said.
“What?” Yasmine scowled. “I have other plans.”
“You will cancel them for today and have lunch with Catherine. She is a very important guest, and you will do as I say.”
Neither she nor I was happy with the idea.
“I have a car coming at noon to take you both out of the house,” he said and began to walk out. “Do not let me find out that either of you canceled on the lunch.”
We rode in silence to a French bistro near the university campus. There was a large bar on one wall of the restaurant covered in gold leaf, and black crystal chandeliers hanging from the ceiling. We were seated out back in a covered porch that had Plexiglas walls, both of us with our arms and legs crossed until the wine came.
“This may be the only way I will get through the meal,” she said as the waiter filled our glasses.
I refused to play an insulting game of tête-à-tête, choosing to sip in silence, but I was worried that our continued dislike for each other would upset Danny, and worse, get in the way of finding Ann Marie.
After my second glass, I had the courage to engage her in conversation and was willing to do whatever I needed to do to keep the peace if the Khalids’ were my best shot. “It’s nice of your husband to send us here today. I only want to find my daughter, as you know. I don’t want to be trouble.”
Yasmine was on her second glass as well. “We somehow got off on the wrong foot.”
“Yes.” I uncrossed my legs and sat at the edge of my chair. “And if it was something I did, then I apologize, although I have to be honest. I just thought you disliked me from the moment you met me. No matter what I could have done.”
She tilte
d her glass up and drained the last drop. The waiter brought us another bottle.
Yasmine studied my face. “Did you know Gabriel was engaged to be married before he met you?”
My eyes went wide, and by the look on my face, she knew I did not.
“It’s true,” she said. “To my sister.”
My hand went to my forehead. “I had no idea.”
The waiter draped a white linen napkin over his forearm and poured some more wine.
“Thank you,” she said to him and took a sip. “Yes. It was about a year before he went to the States. He proposed to my sister, Rynne, and then broke it off over the phone when he was in America. A few months later, we found out that he had married someone else.” She looked away and then back at me. “My Christmas party was the first time I had seen him since.”
“I’m surprised you and Danny were so polite to either of us.”
She took a deep breath. “It’s a complicated web of relationships, but Danny is not a fan of Gabriel’s, either.”
I was glad to hear that.
“But he is a gracious host and insists I am the same.”
“Gabriel never told me that he was engaged before. I’m very sorry about your sister.” I lifted my glass and took a drink. “But she may have been better without him, if you ask me.” I placed my glass back on the table. “I don’t know if we were doomed from the start, but I try not to look at it that way. When we first moved away from Greenwich, Connecticut—where I grew up—to Chicago, he encouraged me to get a job and said that we would be there for a while. Then he moved me away after only a few months. I was newly pregnant and missing my family, and I trusted him to look after me here, but he was gone for many hours each day and left me with a driver who felt more like a spy. Then, as soon as I had Ann Marie, he forbade me from using the phone and speaking with my family.” I paused and shook my head, remembering. “I caught him in so many lies, and I know he was cheating on me with a woman in the mountains. And then when he locked up my passport, I knew I had to save myself.”
