When he reached my side, he lowered to the floor on his knees. "It's going to be okay, Crimson. I just need you to breathe and your Kitsune to calm down."
"But...but..." I tried to explain through my rapid pants, but I choked on tears and began to sob harder.
"No, buts. Everything will be fine. I'm going to hold you, and you can cry as long as you want. Then we'll take a nice shower and head to the hot springs. I'll stay with you the whole time and make sure no one hurts you. Then we'll go right to sleep."
"What about Hakua? She's going to hate me. I-I...have to apologize. It's my fault. Everything is my fault."
"No, Crimson. Nothing is your fault. What Erica did is NOT your fault. What she did was deliberately to hurt you and you're still healing. Don't blame yourself. The others are talking with Hakua."
I looked into his eyes once more and saw the truth in them, and I opened my arms up for a hug. "Haru. I'm sorry. We're sorry. I’m just scared of being out here. I'm scared of being judged."
Haru moved forward to embrace me and soon I was on his lap, my forehead pressed against his shoulder as I cried uncontrollably. I wanted this to go well. To be able to enjoy this vacation with all of us with no issues at all, but I'd fucked it up because I couldn't walk away. I wanted to run away and reacted when I couldn't.
"I know, Crimson. We all understand, and no one is judging you. Just let it all out," Haru whispered.
"I'll get better, I will. I just need more time. I want to get better. I really do."
"You are enough, Crimson, and will get stronger. Don't rush your healing process. Just embrace it and know that your lovers are here. We'll never abandon you and we love you just the way you are."
I pulled back to meet his gaze. "Even though...even though I'm not the same? Even though someone else touched me?"
"No matter what happened in the past, we love you. You are still our Crimson, and no one will touch you like that again. We'll make sure it doesn't happen," Haru vowed.
"Hai," I said softly, and he reached out to gently move my drenched locks from my face. I'd worked up a sweat and my hair stuck to my face.
"I promise, Crimson," Haru repeated and ever so lightly pressed his lips onto mine. I closed my eyes and, finally after all that happened, I relaxed. The tension seemed to leave my shoulders and my exhaustion began to fade.
I didn't want to open my eyes, my body and mind wanting to enjoy the blissful kiss that seemed to bring warmth through me. Maybe Haru was healing me somehow, and the thought left me feeling grateful that he was here.
I'd been so afraid to rely on anyone aside from Aki, thinking I'd be judged and humiliated after the incident with Erica. It was an assumption that was a waste of time when I could have bonded with the others.
I didn't necessarily regret it, having gotten the time to know more about Aki and my father, but it made me realize how amazing these men in my life were and how they had always stepped up to the plate when it came to my needs, both good and bad.
I have to trust them. They love and support everything I've needed to do. They're willing to help me heal, so why am I pushing them away?
My Kitsune was quiet, having calmed down and she moved to the edge of the surface just to show that she was there too. She wouldn't allow anyone to hurt me anymore. We'd fight to the death if we had to.
We'll be strong very soon. Strong enough to defend ourselves and fight those who want to do the same to others who can't protect themselves. No more of shifters and humans being raped and hurt because they're weak or threatened. I can't allow it anymore. I'll fight to stop it.
That starts with me.
~HARU~
I stared at the stars above, doing my best to ignore my growing arousal due to my current position. My eyes lowered to notice Crimson's white ears that twitched ever so often while she gazed at the wondrous night scene before us as the steam floated into the cool night air.
Once Crimson had calmed completely, I'd helped her out to wash up and made sure her healing wounds were adversely affected during her breakdown.
I understood from the little bits of information I'd picked up as Itsuki and I rushed into the scene that Hakua must have seen her wounds and the scars on her thighs.
Crimson had mentioned that she didn't want to tell Hakua at the moment, knowing quite well she'd inquire about what happened and she wasn't mentally ready to face it.
We didn't think they would fight on the first night when we'd only been here for a few hours. Itsuki had helped defuse the situation; Quil and Aki were really defensive regarding the topic and, in my opinion, didn’t help Hakua feel any better for setting Crim off.
Malachi was last to show up, having been in the shower when everything had happened, and he wasn't pleased when Yoshi was starting the recap of what they heard.
None of them wanted to interfere when they were in the hall, but once Crimson screamed, they went right into gear and that was when Crimson went off on Hakua and was out of there so fast, no one knew where she'd gone.
I was the best candidate to find her the fastest, and as much as Aki wanted to take the lead, Yoshi requested him to stay back on this one. I knew very well that Akihiro had dealt with what Crimson had for years, and he knew how to handle her, especially when she broke down, but if we continued letting him take over, she'd never be able to rely on us when Aki wasn't present.
With the Erica incident, it felt as if we were back at square one and we had to regain Crimson's trust. We could still kiss her, but anything with a touch of our hands like hugs or strokes of her back would be a serious problem and potential trigger if we didn't work on gaining her trust.
After we'd washed up, we moved to the hot springs. Instead of sitting side by side as I thought, Crimson was in front of me, her back pressed against me and my right arm around her waist.
I didn't know if she needed the contact to realize she wasn't alone in the hot spring, or if she just wanted to enjoy the closeness, but I wasn't complaining. I'd missed Crimson a lot, and I think we hadn't noticed what an impact her presence had made in our everyday lives until recently.
Her tails had vanished, but her ears were still out, twitching once in a while. Aki explained that it happened when he was intrigued by a certain sound and wanted to heighten his hearing to get a better listen.
As tempting as it was to touch them, I didn't, knowing they were super sensitive. We'd been sitting in the peaceful silence, listening to the sounds of the forest that surrounded three-fourths of the springs along with the soothing sounds of the flowing water from the little waterfall.
I knew Crimson was lost in her own thoughts and I didn't blame her; I was just as lost in my worries and my concerns for her. What Erica had done was unforgivable and I couldn't deny that I was still upset we hadn't gotten the gratification of killing her.
She deserved to be tortured and to pay for her dues. Not given the easy way out. Not to say that being bound to earth was necessarily easy, but I wish she could have suffered a lot more.
I wanted Crimson to have time to heal, and though she'd had a few weeks of no interruptions and had progressed greatly, she still needed the extra reassurance that it was okay to cry and vent. I felt she thought of herself as a burden and what we wanted to fight was her thinking of herself as the problem. Putting the blame on herself for being raped when she was a victim and had every right to feel the way she felt.
It was society’s fault that we had a reverse mentality and tried to blame ourselves for the wrongful actions done to us. Didn't matter if someone targeted and sought you out to deliberately hurt you.
People, especially shifters, would make sure that they had some type of reason to put the blame on you unless there was solid evidence. Even that depended on the situation and the people judging the case.
Crimson had experienced the harsh side of life, having everyone look down on her for being human when in reality she was a shifter and a victim of injustice thanks to that man who was pretending to be her father.
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She must have thought that because of what happened, she'd have to face the same hateful glances, not so quiet whispers, and the judgment people young and old would give her.
I was glad that no one else knew what had occurred with Erica, and I knew Hakua would never judge Crimson either. Our Crim just had to realize that she was in a safe environment that wanted to help her rebuild what was lost: her confidence, self-esteem, and courage.
"Haru?"
"Yes, Crimson?"
"How did you get into the bathhouse?"
"Wasn't hard."
"Doesn't answer how." The way she combatted made me smile.
"I used magic to create a key to unlock the door," I revealed.
"You can do that?"
"I can."
"Sneaky," she mumbled. "Is that what helps you do your job?"
"As an assassin?" I clarified. She slightly turned her body which only contributed to my cock growing harder at the feel of her ass brushing against my manhood. Thankfully, I hid it well because Crimson didn't notice.
"Yes. Is it because of those skills that you’re able to be an assassin?"
"Yes. Most fox shifters are assassins for corporations or become thieves for bad corporations. Kind of depends on the shifter’s morals."
I knew I wanted to do good with my skills and my chance was meeting Aki and the others and it eventually led me to Storm.
"Do people confuse you with kitsunes?" she asked.
"Sometimes. Our orange white fur gives us away though, unless it's someone who doesn't know the difference," I replied.
"How..." She trailed off, looking a bit hesitant to ask me something.
"You can ask me, Crimson," I assured her. I didn't want her to be afraid of asking me questions. I wanted her to open up to me and that required me opening up to her.
"How do you deal with killing people? Does the guilt linger there?" she asked. "I sometimes...think about the people I killed on the mountain and the one in the field we'd shot down. I know it was essentially self-defence in both cases, but sometimes when I'm deep in thought, I feel guilty for killing them."
This woman is too good for us. Her words moved my heart, and I took a moment to gather an answer that would help her ease such worries.
"Feeling guilt once in a while is normal. It shows you still have compassion within you. To numb yourself completely will only take away your ability to be happy, sad, angry, and love yourself and others. Those deaths were self-defence and you shouldn't feel guilty for fighting for your life. It wasn't like you'd all walk out of that blizzard mountain alive. Same way with the fields where we were getting shot at. It's either kill or be killed, and that's the mentality I keep in the back of my mind when I have to kill someone. I try not to kill if it's not necessary, but I won't allow someone to take my life."
I didn't know if my explanation was helpful, but that was the best way I could explain it from my life experience. Being an assassin wasn't necessarily my choice, but if I could aspire to get rid of people who wanted nothing but to spread hate and murder innocent shifters in cold blood, I couldn't pass up the opportunity.
We needed change to happen so shifters and humans alike got a chance to live the life they were meant to and not be murdered before their time was up.
"That makes sense," she replied. "It's okay for me to feel guilty at times, but to understand that it's okay to protect myself and acknowledge that I deserve to survive like anyone else."
"Exactly," I confirmed. She looked pleased and it was like her worries were lifted from her shoulders.
"Arigato, Haru. I appreciate your openness," she whispered, turning in my embrace to face me.
I felt the heat grow on my cheeks and my cock twitched. I'd been doing my best to ignore how beautiful Crimson was. Her body was so perfect, from the curves of her hips to the perkiness of her small breasts.
I loved that she was growing her hair out. Her short hair had complemented her, but there was something about the longer strands of black and silver hair that brightened her up even more.
My eyes lingered on hers before lowering to her lips, and I bit the corner of my bottom lip hard, needing to snap myself out before I did something stupid. Get a grip, Haru. She's not in the mindset yet to do those things.
Crimson's turquoise eyes lowered to my lips and back to my eyes, a wave of understanding running between us. I was shocked when her body pressed against mine; those nipples of hers felt hard against my pecs and she leaned up to give me a tender kiss.
Our eyes remained open as we slowly kissed, our lips moving in the perfect rhythm, and I couldn't help putting my hands on her hips, making sure to avoid her lower hips where her scars remained.
I let her have control, kissing me at the pace she wanted, whether it was to kiss me with dominance or at a more passionate rate.
Her arms wrapped around my neck and she seemed to melt in my hold which made me groan against her lips. She slipped her tongue into my mouth then, and it was taking everything in me not to move my hips; my length grew harder and made it almost impossible to think straight.
How I'd wanted to kiss her and touch her but held back. Now I was naked here with her, and I had no idea how I was going to hold back if she continued.
"Crimson," I whispered against her lips when we were both catching our breath. I didn't know if she could hear the desperation in my voice, cause her hand wrapped around my cock beneath the water, making me freeze and my heart skip a beat.
"Haru..." she said softly, and her hand moved up my cock and back down to the base. My eyes fluttered closed and I prayed she wouldn't stop. She was filling one of my many fantasies, and I didn't have the will power to let her not continue.
I did want to please her, but it was hard to know what to do in her situation. My fox understood my dilemma and together, we decided to let her be in charge. She needed to feel in control and we were certainly going to give it to her, even if it meant we couldn't please her in return.
My breathing increased, and I moaned a bit louder than I meant to, enjoying the way her hand expertly moved up and down my cock and the pressure of the warm water added to the stimulation.
"Faster, Crim," I whispered. I felt her lips press against my neck which made me groan at the added pleasure. I loved the way she made me feel and the love that transferred with every action she did.
I didn't think I could love someone at this level as my love for Storm was not as strong as the others’. Maybe it had begun to disappear when I started to pick up on her hidden tactics. Either way, it made me realize the major difference between what love really was, and it was even more satisfying knowing that love was mutual.
"Ah...Crim. A bit more." I moaned, and she increased her hand strokes which made me pant. I was close to releasing my load and it was the first time I'd ever cum underwater which seemed to excite me more.
She knew how to give the perfect hand job, and it wasn't long before I cursed and let go, my climax making me grow rigid for a moment.
"Fuck." I tried to catch my breath. Crim claimed my lips once more, her hand still wrapped around my manhood and stroking it from time to time while we kissed.
We broke apart when we had no choice but to breathe, and I couldn't help but press my forehead against hers. "Crim. I want to please you, but I know it's not the right time."
"You can take a rain check?" she purred. "I want to do more, not yet...but soon."
Her admission made me smile and my heart beat faster against my chest, moved by her words that she actually wanted me. It left me excited and also thankful to even get a hand job.
"I'd love one," I replied.
She grinned and pulled me into a hug. "Arigato, Haru. For just getting me. You don't know how much I appreciate it." Her voice was filled with emotion and every word made me want to show her how she'd helped us.
Without her, we'd be lost and left without a sense of direction and purpose. Our fateful meeting had led to all these events that led to the truth, and I
hoped it led to a future where the world would be a better place and we'd be able to enjoy a lifestyle where all of us were together.
"Aishiteimasu, Haru," she whispered.
A wide grin formed on my lips and I couldn't help but hug her back. "I love you too, Crimson. More than you know."
We'd help her heal. It would be a process and we didn't know how long it would take, but I was determined to watch every step of the way.
One day, our Crimson would be stronger than ever, and I knew we would be able to protect and love her with our minds, bodies, and souls.
~HARU~
"WOOF!"
"WOOFA!"
I grinned at the two familiars that greeted me the moment I used a spell to slide the door of the room I shared with Itsuki open. They both moved aside to let me in and my fellow friends’ eyes landed on me.
"Is Crimson okay?" Itsuki questioned.
I looked down at Crimson who was fast asleep in my arms. We'd spent way too much time in the hot spring, leaving Crimson a little light headed. I encouraged her to sleep and leave the rest to me, something I knew could have been hard for her to decide.
Again, I was blown away by her trust in me as she relaxed in my hold and fell asleep within seconds. Thankfully, there were spare kimonos in the change rooms, making it easier for me to cloak her in something where we wouldn't need to bother her to change again.
The guys shuffled around; Malachi and Quil helped spread out the futon so I could lower Crimson onto the soft, comforting sheets. Malachi laid the blanket on her and Uru and Mizu ran over to cuddle next to Crimson. I took a moment to watch her breathe in and out, her peaceful expression making her look even more adorable.
You wouldn't be able to tell she had a breakdown earlier, and I knew that it was a wise decision to relax in the hot springs and not just head back to our rooms.
"She's okay. She did have a breakdown, but I was able to calm her down. I didn't think it would be good to bring her back, just in case Hakua was upset, so we relaxed in the hot springs," I explained.
Facing the Storm Page 6
