“You certainly are given to daydreaming these days,” Gwen said as she bumped against Beth’s now-stopped form.
Beth looked at her sister oddly, then nodded. “I suppose I am.”
“Well, why don’t you dream a little while you climb down into the cellar and bring up some of that venison stew I made the other day? I’ll warm that up and make biscuits, and you can open some apple preserves and make pies. We’ll have a nice hearty meal.”
With both of them working, tantalizing aromas soon filled the air. Beth had just finished laying a fire in the front room when a knock sounded at the door. Since most of the freighters and stage drivers tended to just walk in, Beth couldn’t help but wonder who it might be. She went to open it just as the knock began again.
The sight of the handsome face caused Beth to stammer. “Adrian . . . I mean, Mr. Murphy.”
He smiled at her and shook his head. “I much prefer you call me Adrian. You know that.” He took off his hat. “Could you walk with me for just a moment? I know it’s getting dark. I can’t stay so we won’t go far.”
Beth nodded. “Let me get my shawl.” She hurried to the peg where her shawl hung. What was Adrian doing here? Hadn’t he returned to the railroad headquarters to discuss the survey plans?
Well, obviously he hasn’t, she chided herself. He’s here, after all.
She smiled as she made her way out onto the porch. “I can’t be long. We’re expecting a stage, and Gwen needs my help.”
“I understand. I just wanted to see you one more time before I left.”
“I thought you had already gone.”
He smiled and took hold of her hands. “We left behind some important instruments. I rode out here to retrieve them, but I knew I couldn’t pick them up without seeing you, as well.”
Beth thought of Lord Wodehouse, riding over thirty miles in the rain just to see Lady Effingham. She smiled. How romantic that Adrian should have done something similar for her. Of course, it wasn’t raining. And it was only fifteen or so miles.
“I couldn’t leave without trying once again to secure your promise to wait for my return in the spring.”
His comment took Beth by surprise, and she stopped in midstep to face him. “I don’t understand.”
“But you must. I asked you to wait for me . . . to wait for my return so that we might court properly.”
“But you might not even return to this part of the country,” Beth protested. Her senses were returning in a rather obtrusive manner. “You said so yourself. You said once the survey was complete, you would have to move on to take on the next stretch.”
“That’s true enough, but there’s no reason we couldn’t at least see each other on occasion.”
Beth shook her head. “Adrian, I don’t think I can make you any kind of promise. I’m sorry.” She knew it wasn’t what he wanted to hear. Still, it seemed the right thing to say, although she was certain Lady Effingham would have managed it with much more flourish and pomp.
To her surprise, Adrian pulled her awkwardly into his arms and kissed her. Beth had never known a man’s kiss before, and the strange feel of Adrian’s damp—well, almost wet—lips against her own seemed more annoying than romantic. His hand stroked at her neck all the while, as if he were calming a mare in a stall.
When she could no longer stand it, Beth pulled away. She wanted to say something impressionable, but nothing came to mind. Adrian just grinned at her like a schoolboy who’d just won the spelling bee.
“I’m sorry if I took undue advantage of you,” he finally said.
“You don’t really sound sorry.”
He laughed. “I suppose I’m not that sorry, but I didn’t mean to offend you. I just hoped that by kissing you, it might prove to you the depth of my feelings.”
“How?” Beth asked, not actually meaning to vocalize the thought.
Adrian seemed taken aback. “Well . . . I just thought . . . I had hoped . . .” He went silent. “Just think about what I’ve said.”
“I’m sorry,” Beth said, shaking her head. “I can’t make promises to you about the future.” In fact, she realized she didn’t want to make him promises about anything. Adrian Murphy did not hold her interest the way she had hoped. Why couldn’t she just be in love with a man who obviously had feelings for her? Why did she have to go on being confused by her own heart?
He hung his head. “I’m sorry. I suppose in being so forward, I’ve ruined my chances with you.”
Beth merely shrugged and nodded. It seemed appropriate enough and resulted in Adrian turning to walk away. He glanced back at her once, and Beth got the distinct feeling that she was supposed to call out to him, but for the life of her, she couldn’t figure out what she would say. Goodness, but why didn’t life come with a book of sayings, ready for any circumstance?
Walking quickly in the opposite direction, Beth nearly ran right over Nick. He took her by the arm to steady her but quickly dragged her off toward the back of the house.
“What in the world do you think you were doing?”
He was angry, that much was evident. But why?
“Do you not care for your reputation? How can you just stand out in the street and act so shamelessly?”
Confusion was quickly replaced by her own anger. Beth tried to push away Nick’s hold, but he had an iron grasp on her arm and refused to yield.
“What are you yelling at me about? I’ve done nothing wrong.”
“You were kissing that Murphy man in the street.”
Beth considered his comment. “Actually, he kissed me. I did very little.”
This only served to irritate Nick more. “You are living dangerously, Miss Gallatin. That man had no right to touch you, much less kiss you.”
Beth giggled. “You sound jealous.”
“I am jealous.”
His gaze burned into her with such intensity that Beth couldn’t look away. His words, his stance, and especially his touch had a sobering effect on her that she couldn’t understand. Her stomach seemed to tighten and then release. There were the flip-flops, but why now? He wasn’t kissing her. He was yelling at her. There was nothing romantic about that.
“Why are you jealous?” Beth asked, trying to make sense of her emotions and Nick’s words.
To her surprise, he released her and shook his head. “If you can’t figure that out by now, you really don’t know me at all.” He walked away and, unlike Adrian, did not look back.
Beth fought the urge to go after him. She wanted to know more. Needed to hear his explanation, but she was frozen in place. He was jealous of Adrian kissing her. Did that mean he truly cared about her?
Nick was long gone when Beth finally headed for the house. She felt as though she were in a cloud of confusion. Her thoughts were more muddled than ever before. If this was how love made a person feel, then perhaps she would be better off without it.
Nick stared at the ceiling for a long time after he’d blown out the lamp. All he could think about was Beth in the arms of that Adrian Murphy. When he closed his eyes, he could see the two of them kissing. It was killing him inside.
He rolled over and pounded the pillow with his fist, making a decision about love and Beth Gallatin. He was going to stay as far away from both as he could. Experience had been a demanding teacher—a harsh and unrelenting master. He would do better to leave such fancy to his brother and forget about it for himself. After all, he knew only too well the trouble it could cause.
The first winter snow was gentle, with a dry, wispy snow that seemed almost ethereal. The landscape took on a glittery sheen that made everything seem fresh. The temperature remained tolerable, and everyone was in a celebratory mood. The next snow, however, brought with it frosty arctic air that chilled them with an ever-plummeting temperature. When the storm let up, at least twenty inches of snow covered the ground, and a bone-numbing cold left no one in doubt the mercury was well below zero.
January was no better than December, but with the long hours of
darkness and snow, Nick concluded that he would be better off to forget about women and focus instead on the work at hand, both physical and spiritual. He decided to put Beth from his mind and vowed to himself and God that he would instead seek the Scriptures.
With the wind howling and rattling the cabin windows, Nick pored over the book of Matthew, listening to the words Christ shared with the people. He told them they were blessed if they hungered and thirsted after righteousness—told them they’d be filled.
“You ever feel hungry for righteousness?” Nick asked his brother one night as they settled into bed. Ever since Uncle Forrest and Evan and Millie had come to stay with them, they’d been sharing a room. It hearkened back to days when they’d been boys. But now, instead of laughing and telling scary stories to get the best of each other, they often talked about far more serious matters.
“I suppose lately I have,” Simon admitted. “I see things that are just plain wrong, and I’d like to know why God allows them. I try reading the Bible, but I find it confusing at times.”
“I know. I feel the same way. I never was much into book learning. Still, I find myself thinking about it . . . wanting to read the Bible and know more. I guess God’s kind of hooked me by the collar and won’t let go.”
Simon smiled. “I figured it was Beth Gallatin who had done that to you.”
Nick shook his head. “I have a goal for the winter. I want to know more about God and stay as far away from Beth as possible.”
Laughing, Simon climbed into bed. “I don’t know how you expect to do that when she’s one of the only single women in the area, and she lives just across the road.”
“I didn’t say I know exactly how to do it. I just said it’s my goal. I’m hoping that by knowing more about God, the other matter will resolve itself.”
CHAPTER SEVEN
APRIL 15, 1880
Beth waited for her sisters to tell her happy birthday, but when neither of them offered such a declaration, it seemed to sour the day. Surely they remembered.
Frowning, Beth put away the last of the breakfast dishes and sulked. She was twenty-three today. Life had seemingly passed her by and she was feeling rather desperate. Just like the gunslinger Justice Halbrook in her latest dime novel. He had no family, no friends, no home. He just drifted from place to place, trying hard to fill the emptiness inside. Well, maybe she wasn’t just like him, but she knew what it was to feel empty.
All winter long Nick had avoided her like she had the pox. And just when I started to think he might be The One. She sighed. Even though she’d seen him at church and other gatherings, Nick had hardly spoken two words to her. Millie said he had been hard to live with, grumbling and complaining about most everything. It just didn’t seem like Nick, and Beth couldn’t help but wonder why he was acting this way.
“Beth, I need you to take the wagon out to the Shepard place,” Gwen told her. “Patience has milk, eggs, and butter for us.”
“Say, I heard the Bradleys plan to have their cheese business up and running by next month. I can hardly wait,” Lacy declared.
“It will be nice to have a ready supply and not have to make it ourselves,” Gwen admitted.
Beth had to agree. Making cheese was just too much work. It was hard enough to take time out to can fruits and vegetables when they came into season. “I suppose I can go to the Shepards’ for you, but—”
“Good. I want you to leave right away. It will take all day to get out there and back, and I don’t want you late for supper. We have a family meeting planned to discuss the store and Gallatin House.”
Things were going from bad to worse for Beth. A meeting to discuss business? Did no one remember that it was her birthday?
“Lacy, why don’t you go fetch the wagon for Beth,” Gwen suggested. “That way she can go freshen up and get her hat and gloves.”
“Sure. I’ll be right back.” Lacy threw Beth a smile before heading out the door. “It’s pretty warm out today, but don’t let it fool you.”
“Yes, we wouldn’t want you to catch cold,” Gwen said. “It’s one of those deceptive days that makes you think spring is really here, but just as soon as we trust it, we’ll wake up to a foot of snow.”
Beth sighed. “I’ll be careful. I’ll go and get back as quickly as I can.”
“Well, don’t put yourself in danger,” Gwen said, frowning. “And take time to have lunch with Patience. I know she’d like that. Her daughters have been gone so long from this place that she misses the feminine company.”
“But you just said you wanted me not to be late for supper.”
“But there’s always time for you to have lunch with Patience.”
It sounded to Beth as though no one wanted to be bothered with her at home. They’d all forgotten her special day.
Nick sat at the table, nursing a cup of coffee and trying hard to get up the gumption to do something other than sit around and feel sorry for himself. All winter he’d tried to push aside his feelings for Beth, but it wasn’t any use. Even with all of the extra work he’d taken on helping Evan build his house and reading the New Testament from start to finish, Nick always seemed to have plenty of time for thinking about Beth.
“You ever gonna get tired of moping around?”
Nick looked up to find Simon watching him rather intently. “I’m not moping. I’m just thinking.”
“Well, it looks like moping to me. Honestly, why don’t you just go over to the Gallatin House and tell Beth how you feel?”
This surprised Nick. “I don’t know what you mean.” He got to his feet and took his cup to the dishpan.
“I’m thinkin’ you do,” Simon answered, following him. “You’ve been pining over her all winter. Even Ellie commented on it to me the other day. You hardly even speak two words to each other at church.”
“Can’t a fellow just put his mind to God when he’s at church?”
Simon bellowed a laugh. The sound filled the house and instantly caused Nick to regret even talking to his brother. “A fellow sure could put his mind to God when he’s at church, but your mind is a little crowded with other folks, and there’s no sense in you denying it.”
Nick shrugged. “You go on thinking what you will. Just leave me alone.” He went to get his coat from where it hung behind the door.
Simon reached out his hand to hold the door in place. “Look, I’m not meanin’ to pry. You know that.”
Meeting his brother’s sympathetic expression, Nick calmed. “I know. I’m sorry. I figured the best way to put Beth from my mind was to have nothing to do with her.”
“And did it work?”
“What do you think?”
Simon chuckled. “I think you’re in a sorry state. Just go talk to her.”
“But she has feelings for that railroad man.”
“So help her to have more feelings for you,” Simon suggested. “Besides, I don’t know how you can be so certain she cares for that Murphy fellow. Just because he kissed her doesn’t mean she liked it. It’s not like she went with him when he left.”
“I know, but she couldn’t very well just up and leave. He probably asked her to marry him. That’s probably why he kissed her in the first place.”
Simon shook his head. “Don’t you think we would have heard about that by now? You know women can’t keep quiet about such things. Millie would have told us.”
“I would have told you what?”
Millie swept into the room, and Simon quickly diverted the conversation. “You don’t suppose they’ve canceled Beth’s party, do you?”
The young woman stepped forward with a stack of bedding. “Not at all. Last I heard, the surprise was still on. Nick, would you mind helping me carry these quilts over to Gallatin House? Gwen suggested a couple of us might even wish Beth a happy birthday and put aside any suspicions she might be havin’.”
“I think that would be good.” Simon pushed Nick toward Millie. “You could wish her happy birthday, then have a long overdue talk.”
Nick didn’t want to nurse false hope about the matter, but helping Millie did seem like the perfect excuse to get close to Beth. He took the bedding, leaving Millie free to collect her shawl.
“You’d best hurry if you want to talk to Beth,” Millie said, pulling her shawl around her shoulders. “Gwen planned to have her drive the wagon out to the Shepard ranch in order to keep her busy and out of the house all day.”
“Yeah, and Lacy came for the wagon nearly fifteen minutes ago,” Simon added.
Nick shifted the quilts and pulled open the door. “Then let’s go.”
Beth had already headed out for the Shepards’ by the time he arrived at Gallatin House. Just when he had in mind what he might say to her, she wasn’t there. Frustrated, he left Millie and her quilts and headed over to Hank’s store.
Beth’s smiling face quickly filled his thoughts, and no matter how hard he tried to think of anything else, Bethany Gal-latin consumed him. Why did this have to be so difficult?
Over the winter, Nick had come to understand the importance of being right with God. He’d even gotten baptized last month in the hot springs. For some reason, he’d thought this might make everything suddenly fall into place, but it didn’t. Beth didn’t come running to him for affection. Peace didn’t rush over Nick, dispelling the demons of the past. Frankly, life didn’t seem all that different, even though Hank and Pastor Flikkema assured him he had really and truly been forgiven of his past sins.
Nick stepped up on the walkway in front of Bishop’s Emporium and paused at the door with a sigh. I figured getting saved would make everything else right in a fellow’s life. Seems to me it’s just going on as it always has.
“Hello, Hank.” Nick spied him up on a ladder. He was wrestling with a box and grunted a greeting. “Can I help?”
Hank lost control of the crate and watched helplessly as it crashed to the floor, spilling out a variety of metal pieces. He muttered something Nick couldn’t hear and climbed back down. “No. I can’t even seem to help myself all that well.”
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