by Natalie Dean
“Is that why everyone has been so cold to me?”
“I’d say so.”
Bridget grunted and put her chin in her hand. “That’s not fair. I’m a good person.”
Jack smiled and put an arm around her as a warm breeze blew through the trees. Branches rattled, and a few leaves fell into Bridget’s hair. Jack smiled and reached up, pulling the leaves from her hair and letting the wind take them.
“You’re a great person, Bridget. That’s why we get along.”
Her lips were drawn into a tight frown. “Jack, I’ve got to be honest, I don’t know if I’ll ever be happy here.”
“What? I didn’t know you were feeling that way.”
“I…I don’t fit in here. I came here to start a new life. I owed so much money back home, and I thought the only way to escape it and be happy was to come here, but I just…I don’t know if that’s ever going to happen. When I’m here, at home, I’m content, but when I go out into town, I feel the stares and hear the whispers behind my back.”
Jack fell silent and listened, his eyes focused on the ground as if he were looking for answers in the earth. Finally, he sighed and looked up, reaching out slowly and taking her hand. Their fingers tangled and she looked up at him, her heart swelling at the warmth in his hands. She’d just watched him single-handedly take down a man almost double his size, yet he was tender with her.
“I never thought I’d be happy again either. When my wife passed away, I felt that a part of my soul had been yanked out and taken from me. I was bitter. I was angry at everyone and everything, even though it wasn’t anyone’s fault. I felt this need to lash out and make everyone suffer the way I was suffering. It took me a long time to learn to control those emotions and when the anger finally started to fade, it was replaced with fear. I was afraid that I would be taken next and my daughter would be left alone. That fear led me to send for you, and when you got here, I felt angry again because it was validation that my life would never be what it was.” He paused and sighed, looking over at her. “Now, though, there’s still sadness, but there’s no anger. I’m starting to feel like a person again, and I’m starting to even feel the first inklings of happiness. You make me laugh, and it’s something I haven’t done in a long time.”
“Jack…”
“I’m sorry if you aren’t happy here. I want you to be happy. I really do. I hope you know that, and I will do whatever I can to make sure you are.”
Bridget leaned into his shoulder and looked out onto the horizon. “Maybe I’ll eventually be happy here. Maybe I just need to give it more time.”
“Are you willing to?”
“I don’t have much of a choice. I certainly can’t make it back home. I don’t have the money.”
Jack didn’t say anything in response to that. He just looked away, and Bridget glanced up, turning her head to rest her forehead against his shoulder. “I’m glad I don’t have the money. It’ll give me more time to get used to this. I’ve had a bad habit of running away from my problems my entire life. This is good. I’m finally going to have to confront what I’m feeling, and it’s scary, but at least it’s with someone like you.”
The words tumbled out of her mouth before she could stop them. She felt like she was bearing her soul to this man and she’d be lying if she said it was anything short of terrifying. She’d never been the type of person to wear her emotions on her sleeve, but with Jack, it was just so easy. Everything was easy with Jack.
“That means a lot, Bridget.”
“Really?”
“Yes.”
The silence that followed was comfortable. They leaned into each other, listening to the birds chirp overhead and watching as clouds danced across the sky like pieces of cotton floating on the wind. Jack sighed and smiled, glancing at Bridget.
“It’s been a rough day. We shouldn’t stay in the house tonight. Let’s get out and enjoy each other’s company.”
Her brows pulled together in confusion. “What do you mean?”
Jack grinned and stood up, putting his hands on his hips. “Don’t you worry about that. Just put on a pretty dress after dinner.”
Chapter Ten
Bridget had no idea what was going on, but she didn’t ask any questions. There was a secretiveness to whatever they were doing, and it excited her. Their daily lives were mundane, and while she enjoyed her evenings with Jack, she wasn’t going to say no to something a little more exciting.
She braided her hair back and dressed in a lovely yellow dress she’d bought in London. It was a fashionable dress made of expensive fabric, and she was sure it was one of the reason’s the women in town didn’t like her, but tonight she didn’t care.
Jack had slicked his hair back, though his leather hat still sat on his head. His clothes were clean and pressed, which she rarely saw since he spent his days on the farm. Tonight, however, he looked like a prince, even if he was only wearing a linen shirt and black trousers.
They took Roan to an older neighbor who agreed to watch her for the evening. Then they walked to a large community barn near the center of town. It was a large space used to store excess food and animals when the weather got bad, but tonight it had been cleared out and decorated beautifully.
“What is this?” Bridget whispered as they approached the well-lit barn.
Music flooded out from the open doors, and the sounds of dancing feet could be heard before the barn was even in view. “This is a party.”
“A party?”
“I don’t know if you noticed, but things are hard here. People don’t have a lot of time to have fun, and most of them don’t have the money either, so once a month they empty the barn out and everyone dances and has a good time.”
“It’s like a pub!”
“A what?”
“A tavern. Back home I worked in a place where people would dance and sing until the wee morning hours!”
Jack laughed and tugged her towards the open doors. “Then you’ll be good at this.”
They walked through the doors and Bridget could feel every set of eyes on her and Jack. People were looking at them, and she was sure they were wondering how Bridget and Jack could show their faces after the commotion today. Bridget found it easy not to care, though, especially when Jack wrapped his strong arms around her ample waist and started swinging her around and around to the music.
It was like nothing she’d ever heard before. Banjos were being played with a desperate fervor, and people were clapping and stomping their feet to create a rhythm. Jack held her close and spun so fast that the room began to sway. She laughed and moved with him, reminded of the time she’d danced with an Irishman from Belfast. The music was different, but it was just as fast and had the same dizzying speed. Her head was spinning, and laughter flowed from her without hesitation. His body was warm and his smile bright. In that moment, she wanted the whole world to look.
The barn was a warm and welcome refuge from the chilly night air. The days were warm, but the nights were always freezing. She was glad to be in his arms, pressed against his muscular chest. Her heart fluttered, and warmth filled her belly when she looked at him and saw him smiling down at her.
They didn’t stop dancing until their feet ached and finally, they climbed a ladder and settled in a loft. There we other couples around them, snuggled up and holding each other. Bales of hay offered some privacy, but the giggling that could be heard gave the couples away. Jack and Bridget settled into the hay, a lantern glowing beside them. It illuminated Jack’s face, accentuating the stern look that seemed ever present. His nose was sharp, and wrinkles around the corners of his eyes showed years of smiles, though the ones between his brows showed the stress the land had put on him over the years. She adored every single one of those lines, and she had the strong urge to kiss each one.
Bridget sighed and wrapped both her arms around one of his, realizing how safe their strength made her feel.
“You’ve been awfully attentive today.”
Ja
ck was silent and finally looked down at her, sighing softly. “When I saw Willam touch you, I felt this rage that I haven’t felt in a long time. I didn’t want him to touch you. I didn’t want anyone to touch you.”
“I could have handled it myself.” It was a lie, but her pride wouldn’t let her admit the truth. “But I’m glad I have you around,” she said, leaning into him.
He smiled knowingly but didn’t argue with her. “I am too. You’re a wonderful mother. Roan loves you very much.”
She looked up at him through thick lashes, the light dancing off her freckles. “Am I a good wife?”
“You’re an amazing wife.” He paused for a moment and reached into the pocket of his trousers, pulling out a small silk sachet. “Actually, I have something for you. I was going to give it to you later, but now seems as good a time as any.”
Bridget took the little pink bag and opened it slowly, her eyes widening when she saw what was inside. A beautiful gold band with a tiny blue sapphire caught the light, and she looked up at him, her eyes wide.
“What is this?”
“It’s a ring,” he said.
“I know it’s a ring! I have eyes! Why are you giving it to me?” Her voice was just a little too high now.
“Because you’re my wife. When you marry someone, you’re supposed to give them a ring.” He cleared his throat. “And because I want you to know that I want this to work,” he sighed.
She looked at him, her brows furrowed. “What?”
“Until now, this has been just a business arrangement. You signed a contract to fulfill some obligations, and I agreed to take care of you. That’s not what I want anymore.”
“I don’t understand…”
“I want this to be more than just a marriage on paper.” He reached out and took her hand, slipping the ring onto her delicate finger.
Bridget put a hand to her chest, struggling to get any kind of words out. Everything was stuck in the back of her throat. She stared at the beautiful ring, opened her mouth and closed it again. Finally, she covered her mouth with her hand before throwing her arms around Jack and holding him close for a long moment. The tears in her eyes burned, but she managed to hold them back.
“Why are you doing this?” she finally whispered.
“Why not?” he said, cupping her cheek gently. “I want this to work, Bridget. I want it to be real. We got off to a real rough start, and I want to fix it.”
Bridget put her hand over his, nodding slowly. She wanted it too. She wasn’t ready to admit her feelings for him, but she wanted this too. She wanted a relationship with him. He looked down at her, leaning in closer, taking a deep breath.
“Are you willing to try to make this marriage work?”
Bridget didn’t answer with words. Instead, she closed the space between them, her arms wrapped around his neck as they toppled back into the pile of hay. His lips were softer than she ever thought possible and when they met lights exploded behind her eyes. Her heart swelled with excitement, and a grin lingered on her lips even as they kissed. When they parted, her eyes were half closed, and she leaned down to steal another brief, tender kiss.
“I’m a lot to handle. Are you up to it?”
Jack chuckled, his hands resting on her waist as their lips met again. “You are definitely a handful, but you’re worth it.”
That single phrase told Bridget everything she needed to know. Jack wasn’t a wealthy man in New York, but he was the man for her.
Chapter Eleven
After that night in the barn, life started getting better. Bridget was far more willing to accept the role she’d fallen into, and she was excelling at it. She enjoyed being a mother far more than she thought she would.
“Get your shoes on, Roan! You’re holding us up!” Bridget called up to the loft.
“I’m reading!”
She knew that Roan wasn’t reading. She was only six years old, after all! She recognized a few words here and there, but she was still learning, and Bridget was happy to encourage her education. When she’d first arrived in Billings, she’d noticed that many of the women struggled to read anything beyond basic signs. It horrified her, and the last thing she wanted was for Roan to be one of those women, standing around, lost as she tried to read signs for a town she wasn’t familiar with.
So, she waited patiently until she heard the sound of the book slamming closed and Roan scuttling across the loft.
“Done!”
She started down the ladder but missed one of the steps and yelped as she fell back. Bridget gasped and threw her arms out, catching the little girl, though her weight caught Bridget off guard and they both tumbled to the ground.
“Roan! Are you okay?” Bridget asked, clutching the girl to her chest.
“I’m fine!” she sang, throwing her arms around Bridget. “You caught me, Mommy!”
Bridget never expected her heart to flutter the way it did when Roan called her ‘mommy.' She’d felt guilty about it at first, knowing that she wasn’t Roan’s mother, but if it made Roan happy, Bridget wasn’t going to argue.
“You need to be more careful, child!” she scolded, standing up and setting Roan on her feet. “Now go get your shoes on, or we’ll miss the candy cart!”
Roan gasped and ran to the door, nearly falling over as she struggled to get her boots on. She wasn’t the most graceful child in the world, but grace would come with time unless she took after Bridget. Once Roan had her shoes on, Bridget took the girl’s hand in her own, and they started into town. It was her first time going into town alone since the incident with Willam. She was a bit nervous, but she wasn’t about to let it show. She was far too prideful for that.
“You stay close to me when we get to town, do you understand?”
“Are there bad guys?” she asked, giggling and wiggling her fingers playfully.
Bridget didn’t smile at the joke. Little Roan had been so well protected her entire life. Her father had kept her sheltered, and while Bridget understood, she also knew that evil people lurked around the most unsuspecting corners.
“There might be,” she murmured.
The seriousness of Bridget’s tone made Roan’s face fall. Her chubby little fingers wrapped around Bridget’s and she squeezed them. “I’ll stay close, Mommy.”
“Good girl.”
The walk into town wasn’t a very long one, and when they arrived, all heads turned towards them. People glowered, their eyes fixed on Bridget and Roan, but Bridget didn’t flinch. She just pulled Roan closer and went to a red and white striped cart. There were few comforts in this harsh land, but one of them was the candy man. He parked his cart right outside of the train station and was often the first and only comfort new mail order brides received.
Today was no different. The elderly man who ran the cart reached out and touched a young woman’s hand, patting it tenderly as he offered her a piece of taffy. Fat tears ran down the woman’s cheeks as she thanked the man for his kindness. Bridget looked on sadly as the woman wandered down the road, clutching a suitcase to her chest.
They stepped up to the cart, and Roan put a finger to her lip, talking to the old man who chuckled at her indecisiveness. “You want a hard candy, little lady?”
“Yes, Sir!”
“That’ll be two cents.”
Roan gripped Bridget’s skirt and yanked on it, pulling it hard “Mommy! Can I have two pennies?”
“Of course.” She reached into a small satchel and pulled out two pennies, handing them over to the child.
As they collected their things and started back down the road, Bridget spotted Willam. He was leaning against a wall, his eyes narrowed and dark. “Surprised you showed your face again so soon.”
“I am not the one who should be ashamed,” she replied, though she kept walking, squeezing Roan’s hand.
“You don’t belong here!” Willam snapped, starting after them.
Bridget picked up the pace, keeping distance between herself and the brute. “You won’t ever belo
ng here! You’re going to wilt and die like all the other precious little flowers that come through this town! You weren’t made for a place like this!” The words dripped with anger, and every syllable was spat as if they left a bad taste in his mouth.
Bridget felt her heart beating a little faster, but she just kept moving, keeping her chin up. She wasn’t going to let that man get under her skin. At least, that’s what she told herself.
They made it back to the house, and when Bridget closed the door, she slammed it a little too hard. The bolt on the door rattled, and Roan jumped, surprised by the noise. Bridget didn’t turn around for a long moment, trying to swallow the lump in her throat. Silence engulfed them, and the only thing that could be heard outside was the sweet song of birds chirping and the wind blowing through the prairie grass.
“Mommy?”
Bridget didn’t turn around. She kept her head down as doubt began to creep in her mind. “Yes, sweet Roan?’
“Are you going to die? Like the man said?”
Bridget looked over her shoulder, her own eyes wide. Tears glistened in the corner of Roan’s eyes, and she wiped her face with her hand, leaving little streaks of dirt behind. Bridget’s gaze softened as she kneeled down and lifted Roan into her arms. She carried her to the fireplace and sat her down on the chair that Jack usually occupied. She dipped a handkerchief into a pot of water she’d intended to use for cooking and wiped at the dirt.
“No. I’m not going to die.”
Roan took in a breath that rattled her entire body. “I don’t want you to die. My first mommy died, and I miss her…I don’t want to miss you too.”
Bridget closed her eyes. All this time she’d been under the assumption that Roan didn’t know her mother’s fate. Roan sniffled and wrapped her arms around Bridget. “Daddy thinks I don’t know. He told me she went away, but I know what he meant. I didn’t want to hurt daddy, so I didn’t say anything, but I know what dying is, mommy and I don’t want you to go away.”
For a long time, Bridget didn’t say anything. She finally wrapped her arms around Roan’s thin body and held her close. “I’m not going to go anywhere, sweet thing. I like being your mommy. Did you know that?” she asked, smiling sadly and pulling away. “I never wanted to be anyone’s mommy until I met you.”
