by S. Nelson
“There. That should hold for a bit. Just try not to use it too much.” His eyes found mine. “I’m really sorry.”
“Stop apologizing. I told you I’m okay.”
“I thought you said you were fine.”
“I’m that too.” I smiled. I reached for his hand, lacing the fingers of my good hand with his before scooting closer. Our thighs touched and, although we were fully clothed—him more than me—an electric current coursed through my body. Without realizing, a moan escaped from me as I leaned into him, his mouth mere inches from my own when he interrupted the moment.
“I don’t think we should.”
“Why?” I hadn’t meant to come across as insensitive, knowing he was still dealing with a lot.
“Because my head is still all fucked up. I’m gonna go crazy if I don’t start remembering something soon.” He held my hand a bit tighter before hanging his head, inhaling deeply while a hush surrounded us.
I wanted to offer him some sort of escape by offering myself to him, but clearly he needed something else.
To remember.
And I’d do my best to help him.
Lifting his head, he slowly brought his eyes to mine, his stare locking me firmly in place. The fear behind his browns gutted me. “Did I say anything to you, ya know, before. . . .” He glanced down at my wrapped wrist.
“You were mumbling a lot of things. Something about how you couldn’t do it, and that someone stole everything from you.” I wasn’t making any sense, but then initially neither had he. Suddenly, I remembered something else. “You mentioned your mom.”
He frowned and I could see the wheels turning in his head, urgently trying to connect the dots. Before I knew it, it appeared as if a lightbulb went off. He pulled his hand from mine and shot off the bed, rushing halfway across the room before stopping.
“I remember standing over an old man. He was bleeding and pleading with me not to kill him.”
I couldn’t help it. I gasped, holding my hand in front of my mouth, which only added to Ryder’s anxiousness. I knew something bad had happened, and I knew there was a possibility he’d hurt someone, but I think I refused to believe he could’ve killed someone. Denial and ignorance worked in most cases, but apparently not when that shit slapped you in the face. But I couldn’t focus on that. I had to be there for him so he could try and remember and hopefully move past it. If at all possible. I’d worry about how I felt afterward.
Thankfully he ignored my reaction, raking his fingers through his hair, shaking his head before saying, “I told him to choose. I’d either kill him or his daughter.” Ryder still looked like he was piecing together a scattered puzzle. “He begged me not to touch her. He told me to kill him.” His expression froze, as if he’d finally remembered. “It was Richard. He was the man I went to see.”
“Richard? The man who . . . ?” I couldn’t even finish my question.
“Yeah, the man who killed my mother,” he finished, sadness and anger twirling together to create a whole other kind of emotion.
“Did you . . . ?” Again, I was at a loss for completion.
He was silent for a few moments, locking eyes with me but looking right through me. I knew he needed to work up to telling me the truth, probably running through all the different reactions I’d surely have if his response was what I thought it might be. Finally, he whispered his answer.
“No.”
My lungs deflated as a rush of relieved air pushed from my lips. I believed I would’ve understood if his answer had been yes, but I was thankful it wasn’t. Without allowing one more second to pass, I deleted the small space between us and wrapped my arms around his waist, resting my head on his chest.
“No,” he repeated, holding on to me as if he feared I’d disappear. “I couldn’t do it. I hate myself for allowing him to live, but I just couldn’t do it.” Ryder was in pure confession mode, and I allowed him to unburden his soul by continuing to remain silent. “He said he was sorry, that he was a different man back then. That he hadn’t been in his right mind. I didn’t believe him, not until he chose his daughter over himself.”
His arms fell from me and he retreated until his back hit the wall with a small thud. Shoving his hands in his pockets, he looked down at the floor.
“Ryder.”
No response.
“Ryder,” I called out again, that time with more force in my voice. “Look at me.” I drew near while still giving him the space he needed. “Please.”
“Don’t,” he finally responded. “I should’ve snatched his life without a second thought. I should’ve made him pay for what he did.” He shrugged in defeat. “But I didn’t. I’m pathetic. I’m weak,” he muttered.
“No, you’re not. You made a choice. The right one.” When we stood toe-to-toe, my bare feet touching the tips of his boots, I placed my hand on his chest. I could feel his heart ramming against his ribcage. “I think you recognized a difference between the man he was and the man he’d become. He chose his daughter, Ryder. He chose her life over his. He was clearly willing to die to protect someone he loved.”
I couldn’t even begin to understand what he’d gone through, coming face-to-face with the person who stole his mother’s life, and right in front of him when he was just seven years of age. But I was with him now, and I wanted to help him. To do whatever I could to make him see that he wasn’t weak and pathetic. That he was the exact opposite.
He was strong.
He was brave.
He was complicated.
He was unlike any man I’d ever met.
Ryder
Everything came rushing back to me as soon as Braylen told me that I’d mentioned my mother while in the midst of my delirium. Images of holding Richard’s address in my hand for hours as I drove to Oregon. Memories of pushing past his front door before beating him flooded my brain, only to end with the recollection that I’d left him cowering in his house as I walked away, my gun resting in the waistband of my jeans, never having been fired.
I heard her words, but I still couldn’t shake the feeling that I’d been weak in my decision to allow that bastard to live.
Who am I turning into? What is happening to me?
In my heart I knew what Braylen had said was true, and I believed the reason I didn’t shoot Richard in the head was because he’d chosen his daughter over himself, but it didn’t take away the remorse that I hadn’t been able to exact revenge for my mother.
“I need to forget,” I said, tugging Braylen closer. “Help me do it.”
Without warning, I captured her lips, breathing in her warmth like it was the only thing that kept me grounded. Kept me sane. I lifted her up my body, and she wrapped her legs around me, kissing me back with such need that I knew she was exactly who I needed to lose myself in.
“Are you sure?” she asked, pulling back long enough to look deep into my eyes. “I’m here for you, no matter what, but if you’re not up to this, we can just lie together.”
“And what? Cuddle?”
“Whatever you need.”
“I just need you. Naked and spread for me.”
Her hands interlocked behind my neck, but when she tightened her hold, she winced.
“Watch your hand,” I instructed. “I feel bad enough, I don’t want you to make it any worse.”
“I’ll be—”
“Fine?”
“Smartass.” She laughed before giving me a quick kiss. “Now put me down and do with me what you will.” She unhooked her legs from around my waist and slid down my body, every bit of her rubbing against me until she found her footing.
Braylen was wearing a pair of white cotton panties, half of her left ass cheek exposed because I’d had my hands all over her just moments before. A matching cami rode halfway up her belly, exposing her delectable skin. My eyes feasted on her, my hunger increasing the more she looked like she wanted me to devour her.
Jerking my head toward the mattress, she shuffled backward until the backs of her leg
s hit the edge. Without breaking eye contact, she shimmied her top up and off, tossing the material to the floor. Then she proceeded to lower her panties, the expanse of her creamy flesh driving me insane with the need to claim her. Only when she was completely naked did she lower herself onto the bed, reaching out to pull me close.
Removing my clothes faster than I ever had before, even with all my injuries, I finally covered her body with mine. The heat from our skin mashing together created a fire I prayed would never burn out.
“I need you so much right now,” I proclaimed, nipping her throat while spreading her legs with my hand. “I don’t know if I’ll ever get over what happened, but for now, I wanna forget.” My desperation was apparent, but instead of pushing Braylen away, it only drew her closer. The look in her eyes wasn’t one of pity but of love.
We hadn’t told each other how we felt, and I didn’t think I was ready to do it right then, but this woman meant everything to me.
“Then use me however you want. However you need.” She squirmed beneath me, her hands coming up to tangle in the thick of my hair.
“Raise your arms above your head and don’t move them.” Not only did I want to dominate Braylen, I wanted to make sure she wasn’t putting any strain on her wrist. Every time I glanced at the bandage, which was every other second, a pang of guilt ate at me. I knew it wasn’t a serious injury, but it cut me just the same.
“So bossy,” she teased, licking her lips in anticipation of what I would do. A flush spread from her neck to her cheeks, making her look so goddamn sexy. She wanted me, and I wasn’t gonna keep either of us waiting much longer.
“You have no idea.” Completely pushing aside any thoughts other than the woman lying beneath me, I claimed her mouth while my fingers trailed over her skin. First over her collarbone, then down to her nipple, pinching the erect bud and making her moan. When I moved over her ribcage to her hipbone, her back arched off the bed, knowing where my fingers were headed next.
I lightly tapped her pussy, the air in her lungs catching midbreath before I stroked between her folds. She was drenched, her body trembling when my thumb finally circled her clit. Her moans drove me crazy, the way her body went limp seconds before tensing again, then relaxing once more. Back and forth I played with her, teasing and tormenting her just how I knew she loved.
Inserting two fingers inside her while continuing to play with her clit, I slowly pumped them in and out, the rhythm bringing her closer to release. Before she tipped over, though, I removed my hand.
“What are you doing?” she groaned, annoyed that I’d stolen her pleasure.
“I wanna taste you.” Bringing my fingers to my mouth, I deliberately sucked on each one, making sure to keep my eyes on her to see her reaction. “You always taste so sweet.” Her eyes widened and her lips parted, but she said nothing. Instead, her breaths came out short and choppy, the flush painting her skin deepening. “Do you want me to lick your pussy now?”
“Please,” she begged, keeping her arms above her head while thrusting her hips toward me. I wanted to take my time, draw out her pleasure, but I was anxious to bury myself inside her. The quicker she came on my tongue, the sooner I could fuck her, so I spread her legs farther apart and trailed my finger down the inside of her thigh. Goose bumps covered her skin the closer my mouth moved toward her pussy. Kissing beneath her navel, I moved lower still, blowing over her wetness before licking her juices. “So fuckin’ wet,” I murmured.
“Please,” she repeated, her body rocking against my mouth as I lapped up her sweetness like a starving man.
“I think I’m addicted to you,” I confessed, pressing on her clit with my thumb while I fucked her with my tongue.
“Don’t stop. Oh . . . I’m so close already,” she whimpered. “Oh my God, yeah, keep doin’ that.”
Within moments, Braylen found her rhythm, crying out as she hovered on the verge. I’d come to know her body almost as well as I knew my own, knew just what she needed to finally come undone.
Flattening my tongue, I licked the length of her, pinching her clit before wrapping my lips around the overly sensitive bud. I pumped two fingers inside her, hitting her sweet spot until she cried out my name over and over again.
With my face still buried between her legs, I waited until her breathing evened out. Giving her one final kiss on the inside of each of her thighs, I moved up the bed and almost lost it when I came face-to-face with the woman who was slowly changing me.
As cliché as it sounded, she made me wanna be a better man. She called me out on my shit, showing me boundaries when I’d never paid attention to such things before. Even though I continued to struggle with my decision not to end Richard, Braylen made me feel somewhat okay with it—as okay as any man could feel with not killing his mother’s murderer, anyway. The entire situation was fucked up beyond belief, but at least I had someone by my side to help me through it. I knew I wasn’t an easy man to love, but I truly believed she was destined to be mine.
She better learn to love my ornery ways, or else I’ll strap her to my bed until she changes her mind.
The thought of restraining Braylen made my dick twitch. I fisted myself and rubbed back and forth between her velvet lips. “Is this what you want?”
A simple nod from her was all it took for me to bury myself to the hilt.
It was like coming home.
I ravaged her for hours, my stamina even impressing me. I’d flipped her into various positions, always careful of her wrist. I thought for sure after round three I would’ve slowed down, but I needed to lose myself for as long as possible. And she wasn’t complaining.
When we were finally sated—or I should say when I had finally exhausted myself—I fell onto my back beside her. She snuggled close, resting her head on my chest. Careful of the bruises coating parts of my torso, she drew countless circles on my skin. The action was so soothing I’d almost drifted off to sleep, but I knew she wanted to ask me something.
“Ask me what you want,” I blurted, waiting for her to deny that she had anything to inquire about. Instead, she surprised me by apologizing, for what I wasn’t sure.
“Sorry.”
“No need to apologize. Trust me, I’ve done it enough for the both of us. Just ask me what you want.” My breathing remained even, hopefully letting her know I was becoming more comfortable with opening up.
“What was in the needle they shoved in your arm?”
“A mild sedative.”
“They just happen to have that stuff lying around?”
“Yeah, for various reasons.”
“Like what?”
I should’ve known she’d push for more.
“Like for whatever reasons they need it for.” My last response was a hint for her to move on. I wasn’t about to divulge any club business, no matter how much she pestered me. Some topics were just off-limits.
I’d been resting my arm across my chest, a slight welt marking my skin, along with two small tears where the metal had cut into me, no doubt struggling against the cuffs as soon as they’d restrained me.
Braylen gently ran her fingers over my wrist. “Did they really cuff you to your bed?”
“Sure did,” I said, almost proudly. “And they had every right to.”
“Does it hurt?”
“Not anymore. But don’t worry, when I use the handcuffs on you, I’ll make sure they’re the fur ones.”
And just like that, I turned the tables on her, making her squirm with thoughts of more sex.
Braylen
I heard shouting coming from the living room, and although I was extremely tired and wanted nothing more than to fall asleep, I had to find out what was causing Ryder to argue so loudly.
For the past several weeks, his mood would switch on a dime. Stress from the club or thoughts of Richard would do it easily enough. Oh, and I couldn’t forget jealousy whenever he stopped by the salon to see me and witnessed me working on some of my male clients—George being his least favorite, of
course.
“Yeah? Well I’m tellin’ you. . . .” Silence “No, I’m not signing off on that. I don’t care. Absolutely not.”
I shuffled my bare feet along the hardwood floor until I came to the entrance of the living room. Clenching the sheet tightly around my naked body, I leaned against the wall and waited for him to see me. Some would say I was eavesdropping, but I chose to think I was giving him time to finish his conversation before having to deal with my intrusion.
“I don’t care how many assurances you give me, Rose. Zoe’s my daughter too, and I’m not comfortable with it.” Turning around, he finally spotted me standing there. “I’ll call you back. No, I’ll call you back,” he said through clenched teeth. Ending the call, he threw his phone on the couch. “Ask me again if I get along with Rose?” He snagged his half-full bottle of beer off the counter and chugged down the rest of the contents.
“What happened? Why are you so upset?” I trudged forward and sat on the arm of the sofa. “Do you mind me asking?”
“No, I don’t mind.” He grabbed another beer from the fridge and drank half of it before answering. “She wants to let Zoe go to Ireland with a group of kids from her school.”
“Like a field trip or something?”
“Yeah, somethin’ like that.”
“And why don’t you want her to go?” I knew I was treading a fine line, but I was curious why he was so upset.
“Why?” he shouted, furrowing his brows at me like I was some kind of alien. “Because it’s a foreign fuckin’ country and neither of her parents will be with her.” Okay, that kinda made some sense. “She’s a beautiful girl. Someone’s gonna snatch her up and sell her. The sex trade is alive and booming all over the world.” He paced, trying to regain some semblance of control.
I didn’t know what to say. I’d watched enough shows and read enough books to understand where he was coming from.
“Did you tell Rose those things?”
“She wouldn’t let me get a word in edgewise. Ramblin’ and arguin’,” he mumbled.
