by S. Nelson
“Tell me right now what’s wrong?” She stared at me, continued to cry, but didn’t say a damn word. “So help me God, woman,” I threatened. “If you don’t tell me why you’re so upset, I’m gonna. . . .” My words trailed off because I had no idea what the hell I was gonna do. I was stunned by her reaction, and as that feeling waned, I became angry.
Definitely not how I saw the scene playing out in my head.
“You’re only telling me you love me because you don’t think you’re comin’ back,” she finally confessed. “You know something bad is gonna happen and that’s . . . that’s why you said it.” More tears. More short and choppy breaths. More anguish shrouding her because I knew in my heart she loved me too.
But she was terrified that I wouldn’t make it back to her.
Braylen
My imagination ran wild with thoughts of Ryder lying on the ground. Dead. Shot. Stabbed. And nothing he could say would wipe the images from my brain. I didn’t want him to leave. I had a bad feeling, had it ever since we left California, but I tried to be strong. Brave.
But him telling me he loved me, and for the first time, was like a knife to my heart when it should have made me feel elated.
“Get off me.”
“No.”
“Ryder, please,” I begged. “I can’t breathe.”
“I’m not doing anything to you. The only thing I’m holding down is your hands.” His body was still connected with mine, and whenever I felt him twitch inside me, he stole my breath. I knew it didn’t make any sense, but I needed him to let me up. I needed distance to come to terms with what was gonna happen in a few short hours.
Ryder was gonna leave me, and there was a strong possibility he wouldn’t return.
“Please,” I repeated, closing my eyes briefly as my tears continued to fall. “Please.”
I heard him grunt before he fell from my body, his weight disappearing altogether as he moved off the bed and stood a few feet away. The heat from his stare bored into me, and I knew there was no way he was gonna leave until I divulged everything.
A month ago he would’ve walked away, but not now. Not after everything we’d been through. What he’d been through. He needed me just as much as I needed him, and that was why hearing those three precious words cut me so deeply.
As the seconds passed with my growing vulnerability, I covered myself with the bedsheet, an action which apparently infuriated Ryder.
“Don’t hide from me.” Whipping off the fabric, he grabbed my ankles and pulled me toward the edge of the bed.
“What are you doing?” I shouted, struggling to move back up the mattress before my ass hit the ground.
“Come on,” he urged, reaching out to grab me again. I avoided his touch.
“Just go.” The words surprised me, because I didn’t want him to leave. Not then. Not ever.
“You want me to go?” His voice rose a level, his face scrunching in anger. “I tell you I love you, you freak the fuck out, and now you’re telling me you want me to go?” I didn’t answer. “Well?” he roared. “Is that what’s happenin’ right now?”
“I don’t know.” I was scared, petrified even, but I couldn’t put any of my emotions into words that would make him understand my reaction.
Running his hands down his face to try and calm himself, he finally looked at me again. There was sadness behind his eyes I hadn’t seen earlier. “I do love you, Braylen. I should’ve told you before but I was too scared. You make me feel things I’ve never experienced before and that terrifies me, but I know I can’t live without you.” He took a step. “I’ll come back. I promise.”
“Don’t,” I said, holding up my hand to stop him from advancing. “Don’t make promises you might not be able to keep.”
“I’ll do everything in my power to come back to you. There, is that better?” His question was sarcastic but also serious.
“What happens to me if you don’t?” I cringed after the words left my mouth. I couldn’t imagine not having Ryder in my life, and the mere thought I’d never see him after that day ripped me apart inside. How did the other women deal with this? I could barely handle it one time, let alone time and time again.
“Just don’t go out with George. Promise me?” The corners of his lips curved up the slightest bit.
“You’re an ass.”
“I know. But I’m an ass who loves you.” He held out his hand, and I finally accepted, taking hold and allowing him to pull me up to stand in front of him.
I cupped his cheek, then slowly trailed my fingers over his neck and down his chest, coming to rest my hand over his heart. The man was it for me, and I’d regret never telling him in case something did happen.
“I love you too. I fought against it at first because I refused to fall for you when you were so guarded, but my heart won out in the end.” There was so much more I wanted to tell him, but I didn’t even know where to begin.
Instead of choosing to keep it serious, an uncharacteristic trait of Ryder’s that was slowly becoming more frequent, he tried to make light of my freak-out. “By the way, I knew you loved me.” A cocky look took hold before he continued. “I mean, come on, how could you not?”
As we all took time saying goodbye to our men, I couldn’t help the emotions which flowed freely once more. Only that time I wasn’t the only one.
Kena hugged Jagger extra tight, breaking away briefly to sign that she loved him, and that she’d kill him if he got hurt. She smiled through her anguish before he pulled her back toward him, kissing her over and over before whispering something in her ear.
Tripp and Reece huddled near one of the trucks, talking low amongst themselves before embracing for long moments. Tripp was turned toward me, and I could see how sad and worried he looked leaving his woman.
Stone and Adelaide, along with their daughter, Riley, were having a family moment when Marek, Sully, and Kaden joined them. Anyone looking at the small group could tell they were close, closer than anyone else in the club. Other than my sister and me, of course. Both children must have sensed the sadness of the moment, because they broke out in cries simultaneously. Adelaide and Sully rocked them, trying their best to soothe them while they themselves were distraught.
Right or wrong, I took comfort in not being the only one who was visibly upset.
Ryder wrapped his arm around my waist. “It’s gonna be okay, babe. You’ll see.” He leaned down and gave me a kiss, and just before he pulled away, I latched on to him for dear life. Lacing my fingers in his hair, I pulled him as close as I could and kissed him like I never have before. As we tasted each other, I poured every bit of love I could inside him, stealing his breath for my own to keep until he came back.
Only then could I breathe again.
Ryder
Two days had passed since we’d left, and every second away from Braylen was agonizing. Even though the rest of the guys were bothered by the departure, they seemed used to it. I didn’t think I’d ever become accustomed to leaving her behind, crying and worried out of her mind that she was never gonna see me again. Christ! Every tear she shed tore away a piece of me, and there wasn’t a damn thing I could do to comfort her, other than tell her how I felt and promise to come back.
Neither of which she initially took very well.
I talked to Braylen every time we stopped, and her voice gutted me. I knew she was going through it, but so was I. Something I had to remind her of. During our last call, she told me she loved me and not to worry about her. Truth be told, my jealous streak spiked with the thought that she was spending time with one of the guys at the club, taking her mind off her worry for me. When I voiced as much, she called me crazy, then reminded me that she didn’t want to be a distraction for whatever I had to do. She just wanted me back safe and sound, and in one piece.
As planned, Etch, Smiley, and Miles joined us, taking turns with the rest of us driving back to California. I learned that Smiley—who was constantly grinning, hence the name—was twenty-six, ha
d two baby mamas and a whole lot of drama. Minus the kids, he reminded me a lot of Hawke, or at least who Hawke was a year back. Personality-wise only. Physically, he was the exact opposite with his bright blond hair and heavy facial scruff. He seemed to be a good guy, telling us that he was honored to wear the KC cut.
Miles had a serious look plastered on his face at all times. He was older than Smiley, closer to my thirty-four years, although he seemed like he might even be older. Hard life. That was what I thought of when I looked at him, and in some ways, he kind of reminded me of myself. Before Braylen.
His light brown hair came to his shoulders, thick and wavy. I overheard Adelaide and Sully whispering about how lucky he was to have such hair, a conversation I definitely wouldn’t be mentioning to either Marek or Stone.
“You guys can set up in these rooms.” Marek showed our Texas brothers to some of the empty rooms at the club, since we wouldn’t be needing them during their visit. He’d contemplated setting them up at Zip’s house, where Reece had initially stayed before moving in with Tripp, because it was so close to the clubhouse, but decided against it at the last minute.
Zip was one of our fallen brothers. He was a good kid, loyal as hell. Unfortunately he’d been killed when some of the Reapers had run his vehicle off the road, snatching Adelaide and Kena per Psych’s request. We paid him homage by burying him on the compound since our club meant everything to him.
“Get situated, then meet us in Chambers,” Stone announced, checking to see if they needed anything before joining the rest of us.
Before long we were all gathered around the wooden table, our guests leaning against the wall much like we’d done when at their place.
“Okay,” Marek started, “the trackers are still live, and it looks like they’re are at the docks.”
“No doubt waiting on some sort of shipment,” Trigger offered. “We ambush them there. Quick and unexpected.”
The ol’ man was anxious to move on our enemy, just like the rest of us, but we had to be cautious. Like I’d mentioned before . . . it could be a trap.
“All of ’em?” Stone asked, frowning at how easy this all seemed.
“Enough of ’em.”
“You all know what I think,” I said, leaning back in my chair and crossing my arms over my chest. Everyone remained quiet, too busy processing all of the what-ifs, I was sure.
“What seems to be the problem?” Etch inquired after several moments passed without another word from any of us.
“The trackers were placed on some of the Reapers bikes a while ago. They shouldn’t still be active, but they are. It might be some sort of trap,” Marek gritted, obviously annoyed it was taking us so long to figure out what to do.
“Then why don’t we hunt them?” Smiley asked, grinning like he’d just asked the most obvious question.
“What?” Breck chimed in, seemingly annoyed that Smiley even put in his two cents.
Even though Breck looked pissed off, it didn’t stop Smiley from explaining. “Scope ’em out. Take a couple trips to where you think they are and watch ’em. See if they’re even there. If they are, probably not a trap. If there’s no sign of life, then figure something else out.” He nodded before adding, “Oh and by the way, I’ve used a tracker on one of my exes, and the fucker lasted for two months. Just sayin’.”
Funny how it took someone new to point out the obvious. The majority of us were dealing with our own personal issues, and because the Reapers had threatened us through our women, we weren’t seeing things the way we should’ve. Blinded with the need for revenge, we ignored what could’ve essentially been right in front of our faces.
If we indeed weren’t walking into a trap, we could’ve taken care of business much sooner. The thought alone angered me; the war with our enemy could’ve been over by now.
“Anyone opposed to what Smiley suggested, raise your hand,” Marek said. I looked around the room and not one man raised his arm. We were all on the same page in that we wanted to do something . . . anything. “Okay, then.” He slammed down the gavel before pushing away from the table.
I was one of the last to leave Chambers, too distracted thinking about Braylen to realize only Jagger remained.
“You okay, man?”
“I guess. It’s just . . . there are so many things that can go wrong. And now that I. . . .”
“Have something to lose?” he finished for me. He slid out a chair and took a seat next to me. “Listen, every time I step into that ring, there’s always a chance someone is gonna get the best of me.”
“I’m not talkin’ about losing a fuckin’ cage fight,” I seethed. “This is so much more than that.”
“Let me finish.” Jagger was only silent for a moment. “If you remember, I killed someone in that ring.” That fact had slipped my mind. “All I did was hit him in the wrong spot.”
“Wasn’t that guy a drug addict? Somethin’ was gonna get him sooner or later,” I mumbled, growing impatient with our conversation.
“That’s not the point.”
“Then what is?”
“That I take risks every time I fight. We, as a club, take risks every time we leave this compound, our reputation preceding us, angering our enemies. And we take risks when we fall in love with someone. All of a sudden nothing else matters but the woman holding our heart. It’s like the thought of something happening to Kena physically hurts, so I try not to let those images in, but sometimes I can’t help it.” Jagger took a deep breath, reclining in his seat to give me the time to digest his words.
“When did you get so damn philosophical?”
“I’m an old soul.” He laughed, slapping the table and rising to his feet. “Now let’s go find out when we’re leavin’.”
Braylen
Salzar has been extremely accommodating to all of us. He’s not much for words but has made sure we’re comfortable and have everything we need. Marek left strict instructions that we’re not allowed off the compound, even with some of the men accompanying us.
“It’s been four days,” Reece complained. “When are they coming back for us? I’m going out of my mind, thinking the worst.” She sat on the edge of the bed, biting her lower lip in nervousness, a sentiment all of us shared. Her long chestnut-colored hair flowed down her back, her blue-gray eyes rather stunning. She’d been a stripper at Indulge, but not for long, not after Tripp had met her. He’d saved her from being attacked by one of the customers, and the rest, as they say, was history. They seemed to be smitten with each other, and although I was still getting to know Reece, I knew Tripp even less. In fact, the only men of the club I really knew were Jagger and Ryder. I’d been around the rest of them at gatherings here and there, but they were still a bit of a mystery to me. Although they all seemed to have things in common, such as loyalty and being overbearing—“protective,” as Ryder would often correct.
“Someone will call soon, sweetie,” Adelaide promised. “They’re just not done yet.” She seemed so sure everything was going to work out, I couldn’t help but think she had some sort of inside information. Or maybe she just didn’t want all of us to freak out at the same time. Lord knew, she had her hands full with Riley and her unborn little one.
After putting her daughter in the playpen next to Kaden, Adelaide took a seat next to Reece. “Listen, you need to calm down and focus on your baby,” she instructed, gently rubbing Reece’s belly.
“I know. I just can’t help it.” Adelaide gave her a sympathetic look before turning her attention to me. “So, Braylen”—she smirked—“things seem to be going much better with Ryder. He finally wise up?”
“For the most part.” I smiled, thinking how far Ryder had come in such a short span of time. Don’t get me wrong, he fought the majority of the time to let me in, but thankfully he’d come to his senses. Thinking about him just then sent a shiver of unease through me. If I dwelled on it too long, I’d start to become even more depressed about our current situation than I already was. “Hey, why don’t
we go out to the bar and have a drink. We can pretend like it’s a girls’ night out and that we’re not really stuck inside this place.”
“Sounds good to me,” Reece agreed, swooping all of her hair to one side and adjusting her shirt once she stood. “Although I’m just having soda.”
“Same here.” Adelaide laughed. “Christ! I never thought I’d be pregnant and breastfeeding at the same time.”
Sully and Kena came into the room, laughing and signing to each other, completely engaged in their conversation. I was thrilled Kena had finally opened up after all these years. Before she met Jagger, I was the only one she hung out with, but since him, she’d really blossomed, coming into her own and not being such an introvert. Sully was the one who taught Jagger how to sign so he could communicate with my sister, so I figured I owed her one as well for Kena’s social successes.
“What you are two laughing at?” Reece asked, looking into the mirror to glance at her reflection. Tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, she turned to the two women who’d just joined us.
“I think Kena has an admirer,” Sully teased, bumping her shoulder into Kena’s.
My sister shook her head. Sully’s crazy. All he did was offer me some of his pizza.
“Oh yeah? Who?” I asked after translating for Reece and Adelaide, who knew some sign language but not enough to keep up with the flowing conversation.
Kena tried to playfully cover Sully’s mouth, but she sidestepped my sister and blurted, “Nash.”
I knew exactly who they were referring to because Salzar had briefly introduced us to everyone, Nash being the one who stuck out from the rest. He was certainly handsome with his long black hair and dark blue eyes. He was tall and broad shouldered, slender but muscular. The shirt he wore left little to the imagination, fitting him like a glove.
