Beth pushed her worries aside. She needed to workout. That helped her focus her thoughts and remind her that she worried about too many things. She dug into her bag and slipped her sweatpants and t-shirt on. The sweatshirt wasn't happening, not as warm as she'd been a few moments ago. She felt fine now, but didn't want to run the risk of overheating again.
Beth shoved her bag into the locker and spun the lock on it. She laced up her shoes and grabbed her water bottle and iPhone. She wasn't thirsty but she knew she would be. Heck, she should be, after sweating so much already. She stopped by a fountain and filled the bottle and took a drink out of habit. The water was lukewarm and not very satisfying. She snorted and walked into the gym, looking for a bike or a treadmill to warm up on.
She ended up on a treadmill facing a TV with muted men and women going through a canned exercise routine. Beth put her headphones in and started up her music before starting out an easy jog. Her eyes fell on the TV and she watched the tight and toned bodies on the screen go through their exercises and stretches.
Beth wanted a body like that. Fat free and tight. Her and every other woman. She'd been too caught up in living for somebody else in high school to live for herself. Now it was time to focus on herself and what she wanted.
The clock on the treadmill read ten minutes. Her warm up was over. She felt good, her body loose and ready for a work out. She cast a last glance at the TV and promised herself that she'd look like that one day. Unlike her friend Crystal, it would take her a lot of hard work. Sure, Crystal had risked dying a few times and turned into a werewolf, but she'd gone from being one of the prettier plus size girls she'd ever seen to looking lean and gorgeous.
But Crystal wouldn't let her risk it. She'd come right out and asked once, just to see. Crystal said no. It was too dangerous. She didn't want to risk losing her. Beth had no idea what gave Crystal the right to decide what risks Beth should and shouldn't take but it was bullshit. That had been the final straw for her. Her confirmation that leaving was the best thing.
Beth walked from the cardio room to the open weight room. She was ahead of the lunch rush, giving her a choice of what to do first. Monday was the worst day of the week. Legs and core. That meant squats and back extensions and deadlifts and crunches. She sucked in a breath and headed for an open squat rack, wondering how many squats she'd have to do before she had an ass like Penny did.
"As many as it takes," she vowed and began her workout.
Between sets she would glance around, looking at the other people exercising without making it obvious. It was mostly men in the weight room, but that was typical. Nobody big and beefy, nor were they any super fit women. No pressure from anybody, but no inspiration either. Beth bit her lip and closed her eyes. An image of Penny popped into her mind and made her curse under her breath. She'd hoped the trip to Paradise Lost would get her fixation out of her system, not make it worse.
Beth shook the thoughts away and tried to focus on the rest of her workout. Monday workouts sucked on a good day. Her lack of focus meant today's was going to set a new record for bad times.
Chapter 5
Beth looked over Vanessa's shoulder and froze. "Oh shit," she mumbled.
Vanessa and Mandy turned to see what made her sit up straight in the booth.
"Hey, that's the guy you went on the date with, right?" Carla asked. "I thought it went good?"
Beth groaned. He was talking to the hostess and hadn't looked her way yet. "I guess it was okay."
"So why are you avoiding him? That three day wait bullshit is so old!" Vanessa said. "Besides, that was four or five days ago, right?"
"That's not it," Beth said. "I've just had a rough week. And yeah, it's been long enough he probably thinks I don't like him."
"Has he tried to call you?" Mandy asked and reached for a french fry on her plate.
"Yeah, a couple of times."
"What?" Carla blurted. "You didn't tell me that?"
Beth shrugged. "I've been busy."
"You've been a zombie," Carla argued. "Between not sleeping and barely making it to class, what's going on?"
Vanessa pushed her glass of water out of the way and leaned forward. In a hushed voice she asked, "Did something bad happen? He didn't force you, did he?"
"What? No," Beth shook her head. "I mean, um, I—"
"You sucked him off," Carla said when Beth stammered too long.
Beth groaned and Mandy laughed. Vanessa's face remained serious. "Beth, did he rape you?"
Beth shuddered. "No."
"Are you sure?" Vanessa pushed. "Because no means no and a lot of these guys don't get it."
"Neither did he," Beth said.
Vanessa's eyes widened.
"No!" Beth snapped, seeing how she'd been misunderstood. "I meant he didn't get it. You know, it— sex?"
"Oh!" Vanessa straightened and laughed. "Okay, good. I mean, that he didn't force you."
Beth shook her head. "No, I know what that's like."
Vanessa's lips parted to let her gasp. "No! You do? Oh shit, I'm sorry!"
"No, it's cool."
"No, it's not!" Vanessa insisted.
Beth winced as her suitemate's voice rose. "I know rape's not cool. I meant you don't need to feel bad. I'm okay. It was… it was a weird time. It kind of helped me though. Helped me get my shit together, at least."
"That's terrible," she said. "I mean, I'm glad you're okay and all, I just wish it hadn't happened to you. I had a friend who—"
"Beth!" Colin called as he followed to an open table. He motioned to his friends and said, "Hey, I'll catch up."
Vanessa frowned but stopped talking as Colin stepped up to their table and grinned down at Beth. He glanced at the others and then looked back at her again. "Hey, I called you. How've you been?"
Beth forced a smile on her face while she studied him. Were his eyebrows longer? Did his teeth always look like that?
"Beth?"
She shook her head. "Oh my god! I'm sorry, I've had a rough week. Lots of homework and I haven't been feeling well."
"You look kind of tired," Colin said. "So, uh, are you doing anything Friday?"
"Friday?" Beth frowned. She wasn't. Heck, she never did anything. Her roommates had to practically dragged her out of the dorm to get her to come to dinner with them. She wasn't hungry and had barely picked at her food. "Um, call me later and we can talk. Maybe? I'm not sure, I need to check and see."
Colin frowned. "Are you going to answer this time?"
"Oh snap!" Mandy hissed.
Even Beth had to smirk when her suitemates laughed at her expense. "Yes, I'll answer. If I'm not asleep. Or in class. Or working out."
"Or doing her hair," Mandy added.
Vanessa joined in on the fun, "Filing her nails?"
"Shaving her bikini line," Carla offered.
"Stop it!" Beth groaned. She looked up at Colin and saw he was either amused or couldn't believe what was happening. "Yes, I'll answer. I promise."
"Cool," he said. "I'll get back to my friends. Thanks, um, everyone."
He hurried away from the table and left the girls laughing and Beth blushing. "You guys suck," she muttered.
"After last Friday, so do you," Carla reminded her and sent the rest of the table into another round of laughter.
Beth groaned and pushed her bowl back. "Anyhow, have we tortured me enough yet? I'm tired and I've got some studying to do."
"Depends, are you going to go out with him again?" Carla asked.
"He's cute," Mandy said.
"Looks big too, is he on the football team?"
"No, wrestler," Beth said.
Mandy squealed. "Ooh, I bet he could put you in some fun positions!"
"Oh my god," Beth moaned. She turned and waved for the waitress while her friends broke down laughing again.
The teasing stopped when the waitress showed up with their bills. They paid and made their way out, but not before Beth waved to Colin. He grinned and waved back, nearly losing his fork
in the process.
"Boys," Mandy muttered. "So easy!"
"Yeah, but so are you," Vanessa teased.
Mandy gasped, "What?"
"I think she called you a slut," Carla tried to help.
Mandy spun on her roommate. "Oh, hell no!"
Vanessa grinned.
"Well, I'm not the one sucking off the wrestler," Mandy said.
Beth shook her head and followed them out. They walked back to the dorm, trudging through the chunky snow and chatting along the way. Beth walked slower than the others, lost in her thoughts about what she'd tell Colin. How could she let him down without making him upset?
It wasn't that he did anything wrong. Not really. She just wasn't into him. Okay, she was kind of freaked out about her dreams, but that couldn't be it. Those were just dreams, not anything real.
She'd dreamed about Penny too. She kept dreaming about her, in fact. Sometimes she was a waitress and sometimes she was a dancer. Other times she just showed up out of nowhere. She'd turned into a wolf in a few dreams and had red eyes in another.
"Beth! What's wrong?" Carla called back to her.
Beth looked up and frowned. She'd fallen back and was walking by herself. It was a little after seven and the streets of Ann Arbor were always busy, but she still felt silly. She jogged ahead to catch up to the others. "Sorry, lost in thought."
"Colin?" Carla asked.
"Yeah."
"Aren't you cold?" Mandy asked.
Beth glanced down and frowned. She was cold, but she hadn't thought much about it. She zipped her jacket up and glanced up. "Oops."
"So what's wrong with Colin?" Carla pressed.
"Nothing," she said. "Nothing at all. But I'm just not into him, you know?"
"Then tell him," Vanessa said. "Don’t lead him on."
Beth gasped. "Lead him— I'm not!"
"Okay, just be careful. That's how bad things happen sometimes. Guys get confused and mixed signals can—"
"Nessa, chill," Beth stopped her. "Step off the feminism soapbox, okay? I'll deal with it."
Vanessa's mouth dropped as though she'd been slapped. "Feminist? I'm not—"
"Woah, don't make me toss you both in a snow bank," Mandy threatened. She turned on Vanessa and said, "You are kind of pushy, but we know you're trying to keep us safe and we love you for it."
"No, you're right," Beth added. "I'm just tired and bitchy. It's good though. I'll take care of things."
Vanessa nodded and turned on Mandy. "Pushy? I'll push you into the snow bank!"
Mandy grinned and had to run to get away from Vanessa as she lunged after her. Carla and Beth both laughed as the two raced back to the dorm. Carla turned to Beth and said, "Hey, I need your help Friday."
"What?"
"That's what you tell him," she said. "Give yourself some more time."
"More time for what?" Beth wondered.
"To figure yourself out."
"What?"
"You know, figure out what you want. If it's him or not. Or if there's somebody else."
"What if there's nobody?" Beth asked. Or worse, she added silently, what if I really do like girls?
"Then there's nobody," Carla said. She grinned. "We'll get you a kitten and hide it from that RA, you can train to be a cat lady when you graduate."
"Oh my god!"
Carla laughed. "After the past few days I think you could stand to rub a pussy a little bit."
"Carlotta!" Beth shouted, using her roommate's full name to drive home her point. Her hand flew to her mouth but she'd already yelled at her roommate. She wondered, did Carla somehow know about Crystal? Did she know about the strip club?
Carla laughed harder. "Oh relax, it's okay. I was just teasing. Besides, anytime you need some privacy to, uh, work things out, you just shut the door. Nessa and Mandy don't need to know."
Beth's face felt hot but she nodded. "I'm good. But, um, thanks."
Carla smiled. "So what should we do? Are you helping me study or is there something else?"
"What?"
"On Friday, dingbat!"
"Oh!" Beth frowned. They had to come up with something believable and something that wouldn't get them busted. "I'm not sure."
"Well, we'll figure it out," Carla said. "Now come on, before they pick another god awful werewolf or vampire movie to watch!"
Beth winced but her roommate didn't see her, she was already moving ahead towards their dorm. She hurried after her but she didn't care what they watched. She was tired and wanted nothing more than to lay down and maybe, for once, get a decent night's sleep.
Chapter 6
Beth shut the door to her room and stripped off her coat. She tossed it on her desk and collapsed on her bed. Her body ached from being tired and run ragged. She lay on the bed, breathing deep and trying to melt into the thin mattress.
Colin was there, in her head, asking her out again. She groaned and rolled over. She grabbed her pillow and crushed it against her face. She groaned again, listening to herself now that she was muffled. She sounded kind of funny. Was that what she'd sounded like when she'd given Colin the blowjob?
"Oh my god," she groaned. Why had she done that? She'd known she didn't want to be with him before that. Was Vanessa right, was she leading him on? Was she just making it worse?
"I'm so stupid," she mumbled and sat up. It was almost eight o clock. It felt later, thanks to how dark it got in Michigan in the winter. By five o clock the sun was down or almost there. Why anyone lived here was beyond her.
"Maybe they're running from something to?" Beth heard herself say.
She shook her head. Talking to herself wasn't going to help. She'd fallen into the habit when she tried to recover from the attack. Counseling had helped her stop and saved her from medication and a diagnosis that would have ended her up in a hospital.
She glanced at the door to make sure it was shut. The others were out watching some horrible reality TV. She wasn't sure if that was better than the cheesy movies Vanessa liked or not. Confident she had time to herself, she pulled her sweatshirt off and slipped her arms out of her bra. She spun it around and unclasped it before reaching for her night shirt. It was early, but she had to try to get some sleep.
Seeing Colin earlier hopefully wouldn't bring him back into her dreams. He'd faded out of them, leaving only Penny in all her sexy and terrifying forms. Why the waitress wouldn't go away she wasn't sure. She'd seen her for a little over an hour half a week ago. That was it. But she couldn't get her out of her twisted head.
Beth sighed through her nose and stood up long enough to drop her pants to the floor. She scootched her socks off on the floor and scooped her clothes up to toss them into her laundry basket. She pulled her sheets back and crawled into bed.
The bed felt right and the room wasn't too hot or too cold, but she couldn't get comfortable. She twisted on one side and then the other. She tried rolling onto her belly but the way her back arched reminded her that she still weighed too much. For a while her stomach pushed her back and made her bend. She'd lost enough weight that now her boobs were too big, making her back arch. They were going down too, but not fast enough. She was still a beached whale in a bathing suit, as far as she was concerned.
Colin must have been blind. That or he was hoping if he treated her nice she'd be an easy lay. Except she wasn't. She hadn't slept with him. But he still wanted to go out with her. She smirked. "What's that say about him?" she asked herself.
She sure as hell wasn't sexy, but he seemed to think so. At least a little. Maybe it was because of the blowjob. She'd gotten into it at the end, really working and focusing on making it good for him. He'd enjoyed it. Enjoyed it so much she'd made him cum before he was ready. He'd been right, it hadn't taken long at all!
So she could give good head. That's what she learned in college, how to suck cock. Beth sighed and rolled onto her back again. It was going to be another one of those nights where her brain wouldn't stop.
She glanced at the door. Her room
mate had said she just had to shut it and Carla would know she needed some private time. Was that what she needed? She hadn't touched herself since the attack. Before the attack she never went more than a few days without it. Things had been different back then. She'd been in love and felt secure. She wasn't in shape or anything, but she hadn't been enormous either. Probably about like she was now, or maybe a little heavier.
Was that what she needed? A good orgasm to let her relax? She bit her lip and let her hand slide across her chest. She felt the bump under her shirt of her nipples. A simple touch and they responded, puckering and tenting her night shirt higher. It seemed that her body remembered when her mind didn't.
Beth sucked her lip between her teeth and slid her shirt up under the covers so she could touch herself. The feel of her skin against her sensitive breasts made her breath hiss through her nose. She sucked harder on her lip to keep from moaning. It really had been a long time!
Her other hand went to her untouched breast and her fingers rubbed and twisted her turgid nipples. She pinched and pulled on them, using her fingernails to elicit a gasp that made her release her lip from her mouth. She heard herself moan and clamped her lips together. She froze and listened, but could barely hear the TV through the wall or door.
Beth slid her right hand down and rubbed it across her belly. She felt the soft cotton of her underwear and dipped beneath it, until she touched the soft hairs. Before her attack she'd shaved herself daily. She liked it smooth, it was more sensitive and felt so much cleaner. After the attack—
Beth pinched nipple and had to stifle a moan. This wasn't the time to think about that. She slid her fingers into the folds of her vagina and explored with a soft touch. It was just like she remembered. Her fingers knew what to do and touched her in ways and places that should have made her pant and groan.
Instead Beth felt how dry she was. Her fingers stuck to her skin. This wasn't what it was supposed to be like. She pushed her hand lower and teased her entrance, working a finger inside and searching for the wetness that had always been there before.
First Kiss Page 3
