by Joan Kilby
“It slipped past me.” To his relief, Billy began to cry, derailing the conversation. He was ashamed of not being a father to his son, even though Emma had wanted to raise the child on her own. He’d been glad she’d pushed him out of the baby’s life. But no way did he feel comfortable confessing that to Sienna.
Billy continued to cry. What was wrong with this kid? He’d been fed and changed. Darcy jiggled Billy on his knee, hoping to distract him from whatever was bugging him. The baby only cried harder. Great, now what? Jiggling was his only strategy. He glanced at Sienna who was discreetly looking at her watch, probably thinking about getting to the clinic. In a minute she would go, leaving him all alone with a crying baby.
Darcy got to his feet and began to pace. “Do you have any idea what’s wrong with him?”
“He probably needs to burp.”
“Ah, of course.” Darcy eyed her desperately. “And what do I do for that?”
“Put him against your shoulder and pat his back. Or lay him across your knee—” She broke off at his awkward movements. “You haven’t cared for him much, have you?”
Darcy fumbled the howling baby into place against his shoulder. “I—I’m busy with the pub.”
“If you’re that busy, then I strongly recommend Emma go into the hospital where she’ll get total rest and proper care.”
“What about Billy?”
“He would go in with her. The nurses would look after him.”
Here was his out if he wanted it, with no shame involved. Darcy walked the floor, patting Billy lightly on the back while he cried. He knew and trusted Emma’s nursing friends, but he didn’t like the idea of his son being in the hands of strangers with Emma not able to keep an eye on him. “Which nurses?”
Sienna shrugged. “Whoever’s on duty. All are more than capable. You don’t need to worry.”
Billy continued to fuss. No doubt any one of those nurses was more capable than he was. “Would Emma recover if she stays here or does she require hospitalization?”
“The hospital isn’t essential. I only suggested it to make it easier to care for Billy. Providing Emma’s comfortable and is allowed to rest, she’ll be fine.”
Darcy paced some more while the baby cried in his ear. No one would blame him if he followed the doctor’s recommendation and let Emma and the baby get professional care. Or, he could send Emma to the hospital and keep Billy. However, he knew she wanted to nurse the baby. She couldn’t do that as effectively if they were miles apart—even if Darcy was prepared to ferry pumped milk back and forth several times a day. And even if Emma couldn’t care for Billy, she would want to stay close to him.
“Emma and Billy will stay here with me.” He spoke loudly to be heard over the sound of Billy’s crying.
“Are you sure?” Sienna said. “The antibiotics appear to have kicked in, but Emma’s not going to be much help for a few days.”
No, he wasn’t sure. In fact, he was terrified at the thought of being in sole charge of Billy. And running a pub. And organizing renovations. What if he ended up like Emma, sick in bed?
She would nurse him back to health. He knew that as surely as he knew his own name. She would do it for him.
“I can manage. Piece of cake.” Just then Billy gave a loud burp and abruptly stopped crying. Darcy felt the tension drain from his shoulders. “Thanks for the vote of confidence, mate. I hope I’m worthy.”
CHAPTER TEN
“ALANA’S HERE,” Darcy said from the bedroom doorway later that same afternoon. “Are you well enough for visitors?”
Emma blinked awake from a light doze. Then stared. It looked as if Darcy had Billy strapped to his chest in a baby carrier. First feeding him, now carrying him around. Was she hallucinating?
“I’m not a visitor. I’m family.” Alana, all five feet of her, ducked beneath Darcy’s arm.
Before Emma could decide if she was in her right mind, Darcy left the room.
“Hey, sweetie, how are you?” Alana waved a hand in front of her face. “Are you with me?”
Emma struggled to sit up. “Better. Still a bit weak. Was Darcy carrying Billy in a sling?”
“Yeah, wild, eh? Who would have thought he knew how.” Alana sat on the bed wearing her gym gear, a cropped sports top and Lycra three-quarter-length pants. Her feet, shod in new trainers, dangled off the side of the bed. “I would have been around before this, but your gatekeeper barred all visitors till now.”
“Darcy?”
“Who else? I can’t stay long. I’ve got to teach a pump class in twenty minutes.”
“How’s the job working out?”
“Fantastic. Janet’s back so I’m off managerial duty but I’ve graduated to teaching five classes a week. Brett’s talking about a possible sixth.”
A U2 ring tone sounded. “That’s mine.” Emma glanced around. “Where is it?”
Alana fished the phone out from behind a box of tissues on the side table, glancing at caller ID. “It’s Dave. He rang me a few minutes ago but I was driving and couldn’t take it. Why would he be calling you?”
Emma took the phone. “Hey, Dave.”
“Is Alana with you?” Dave’s normally mild-mannered voice held an edge. “I just called the gym. Tessa’s there but she’s not. And she’s not answering her phone.”
“She’s—” Emma began.
Alana frantically waved her hands in Emma’s face, mouthing, “No.”
“She’s up to something behind my back, isn’t she?” Dave said.
“I think you should talk to her—”
“I would but she’s never home. She said she wanted to go to the gym to get her figure back. I thought, great, she’ll feel better and be healthier for when she gets pregnant again. So I didn’t mind that she was spending all her time there. Now she looks amazing but she never wants to have sex. Why is that?”
“Uh, Dave, I’m not comfortable with this conversation.” Emma glared at Alana, who was pacing the floor and chewing on her thumbnail.
“She’s having an affair, isn’t she?” Dave was building up a head of steam. “She’s stashing Tessa at the gym’s child care center while she has her fling.”
“No, Dave, she’s not having an affair.”
Alana stopped pacing, eyes wide. She looked sick.
“Then where is she?” Dave roared.
“Right here.” Emma handed Alana the phone. “Talk to him.” She sank into the pillow.
“Hey, baby,” Alana said sweetly. “I just stopped in to see Emma before I went to the gym.” She paused to listen. When she spoke again, her voice hardened. “I’m not making excuses. I didn’t bring Tessa here because I didn’t want her to be exposed to Emma’s germs. No, I’m not having an affair—”
Dave’s angry tone, if not his precise words, came through the phone loud and clear. Emma shut her eyes, wishing she wasn’t privy to her sister’s marital spat.
“If you must know, I’m working at the gym,” Alana snapped. “That’s right. As a fitness instructor. I don’t care if that means I won’t get pregnant. I don’t want another baby. So there.” She hung up.
“That answers my question of whether you’d told him or not,” Emma said. “Why’d you leave it so long? You’ve made things worse.”
“I didn’t want to say anything until my probation period was up and I’m hired on permanently.”
“That’s what, three months? Oh, Alana.” She shook her head. “At least now it’s out in the open. You two can start talking about the issues.”
“There’s nothing to talk about.” Alana resumed her pacing, her ponytail swinging. “He’s adamant he wants more kids. I’m equally adamant I don’t.”
“Tell him you need more time. Find a compromise. You could work for six months and then try for a baby.”
“Time won’t make any difference. This has been going on for over a year. Maybe we should just call it quits.”
“You’re risking your marriage for a job? I can’t believe that. You can work for the rest of your life, but
you’re getting close to an age when you won’t be able to have more children.”
Alana stopped pacing and sat on the end of the bed. “You don’t understand, either. I love Tessa with all my heart and soul, but frankly, I’ve had enough of being at home with a small child. The career thing has a clock on it, too. I’m a fitness instructor. I can’t stay out of the workforce too long or I’ll be so old that no one will hire me. And if I can’t get a toehold in a gym then there’s no hope of moving up the ladder to a management job like the one I was doing to cover for Janet.”
“You always wanted three children, just like me.” She’d been counting on Billy having a little cousin playmate. Not quite twin cousins, but close enough.
“I’ve changed my mind.” Alana fidgeted as though gathering her thoughts. “Tessa’s finally getting to an easier stage. She’s toilet trained and she’ll be going to kindergarten next year. I’m starting to have a life again. To start over with the whole infant thing—the diapers, being up all night and tired all day... Seeing what you’re going through with Billy confirmed everything I was thinking.”
“I’ve had a tough time with Billy, but the newborn stage passes. And Dave helps out a lot, way more than Darcy.” Although to give Darcy credit he was doing it all now.
“Dave helps when he’s around, but he works long hours. Most days he comes home and Tessa’s been fed, bathed and is ready for bed. His dinner is made, the house is clean and I’m starved for adult company but he’s ready to veg in front of the TV. Reading a child a story before bed isn’t the same as being with the kid 24/7.”
“You could work part-time.”
“Why do you think I lied to him about the job? He doesn’t even want me to do that. Child care eats up most of my salary so to his way of thinking, there’s no point. Plus when I’m exercising hard my body weight is so lean I have trouble conceiving.”
“Doesn’t he understand that you need another outlet besides children?” Darcy had always been proud of her nursing career.
“The truth is, he doesn’t see fitness instructor as a real job so he doesn’t get why I want to go back to it. I could retrain but why should I when I like what I’m doing?” Alana traced the pattern on the quilt cover. “I know it’s selfish, but I simply don’t want to have another child when I’m virtually the sole caregiver.”
“It’s not selfish. Selfish would be having a child and then neglecting it.” Selfish would be wanting Alana to have another baby only so Billy would have a playmate. “It sounds like your problems go deeper than work issues to how he sees you as a person.”
Alana’s eyes filled. “These past few years all I feel like is a mother to his children. We’ve lost the passion.”
Emma was silent. She and Darcy had the passion but not the family life. Was it wrong to want it all? Or merely unrealistic?
Alana glanced at her watch. “I have to go or I’ll be late for my class.” She squeezed Emma’s foot. “That’s instead of kissing you and getting your germs. I’ll let myself out. Call me later, okay?”
After she’d left, Darcy poked his head in the room. “Billy’s asleep. Do you want dinner? It’s soup.”
“What, no peacocks’ tongues and caviar?”
“That’s for tomorrow. I can bring it in here, but if you’re well enough to get up, it’s probably easier to eat at the table.”
“I’ll get up. Three days in bed is long enough.”
She was still weak, though, and grateful for Darcy’s arm as he helped her out to the round wooden table in the corner of the kitchen. A sliding glass door let onto the rooftop balcony. Outside, the setting sun had turned the sky pink through the trees.
Darcy started to ladle out a bowl of chicken noodle soup for her when Billy started crying. Automatically, Emma began to rise.
“Stay and eat. I’ll get him.” Darcy set the steaming bowl before her and left the room. He returned a few minutes later with Billy in the baby carrier.
Darcy moved around the kitchen with Billy, getting himself a bowl of soup, cutting bread. There was something really attractive about a man with a baby. Was it because the baby made the man seem even bigger and stronger? Or was it more emotional, the security of knowing that the father of your child was taking care of both mother and child?
She wasn’t under any illusion, though, that just because Darcy had cared for Billy for the past few days that he wanted to be in her son’s life permanently. He’d stepped up because that’s the kind of guy he was, but it wouldn’t last. He was also the kind of guy who slipped away when he wasn’t needed. Home and hearth weren’t exciting enough for him.
Nor did him taking her in when she was sick mean he wanted to return to them having a relationship. Or that he was ever going to be the family man Emma wanted and needed. Alana didn’t realize how good she had it.
“This soup is delicious. Did you make it?” After seeing Darcy with Billy she was ready to believe anything.
“I bought it from the deli. Cooking isn’t high on my list of domestic skills. I miss your cooking.” Darcy passed her the bread. “When you’re feeling better do you think you could teach me to make your chicken curry?”
“I’ll email you the recipe.” He met that with silence and she mentally kicked herself. That wasn’t what he asked. He didn’t follow recipes well, learning better by doing. “Or I could show you.”
Darcy smiled. “Showing me would be great.”
She was surprised to find she already looked forward to being in the kitchen with him. The ties that bound them had long, long threads. She and Darcy were woven together in ways she’d taken for granted when they were married. How long would it take to sever every strand? And how bereft would she feel when that happened?
“You’ve surprised me, carrying Billy around in the sling,” Emma said.
However, he had him facing out, the wrong way around for a baby of Billy’s age. His neck wasn’t strong enough. She bit her tongue, not wanting her first comment on his parenting to be a criticism.
“It’s the only way to get him to stop crying. Isn’t that right, mate?” He brushed Billy’s head lightly, almost absently, ruffling his fluffy baby hair.
For days she’d been so sick she was barely aware of what was going on. Now that she was awake and feeling a bit better, she burned to ask if Billy had been fed on schedule, if Darcy used zinc ointment when he changed diapers and a million other questions.
It didn’t seem right to start grilling him when he was clearly trying hard and when he’d done her a huge, huge favor. Darcy would take even well-meaning comments as criticism. He didn’t understand she only wanted to impart helpful advice so that Billy was looked after properly. She had the knowledge and the experience from Holly’s babyhood. Didn’t it make sense for her to pass that on instead of Darcy having to reinvent the wheel, so to speak? Even so, she bit her tongue.
Darcy seemed to have bonded with Billy, if his affectionate asides to the baby were any indication. She was glad. That’s what she’d wanted. But how had Darcy accomplished it so effortlessly when she, the mother, had struggled and failed?
She’d hoped Darcy would one day get to know Billy, but she’d envisaged him picking his son up on a Sunday afternoon and taking him fishing or to his parents’ house so he could meet the other side of his family. Staying at his apartment, sharing cozy, intimate meals, while she was grateful, reminded her too sharply of the good times when they were married. And of all she’d lost.
“I appreciate you taking us in,” she said as Darcy set a bowl on the table for himself and sat to eat. “It’s a lot of extra work and you’re not used to looking after— What are you doing?”
“Eating my soup?” Darcy carried a spoonful of hot soup from his bowl, directly over Billy’s head to his mouth. “What’s the matter?”
“You almost scalded the baby!” And then there were the bad times. So much for biting her tongue.
“I didn’t spill a drop.” He scooped up another spoonful.
Emma put
her hand over her eyes. “I can’t look.” She was barely out of the sickbed and he was already driving her crazy. “Do you do this on purpose?”
“Do what?” There was the faintest edge to his voice.
“And while we’re on the subject, he’s too little to be carried that way. His neck can’t support his head.”
“He’s fine. Look.” Darcy moved his torso slowly from right to left. Billy’s head swayed a little but didn’t flop. He was holding it up all by himself.
“Well, I’ll be damned.” Emma put her spoon down. “When did that happen?”
“Two days ago. I was downstairs, tending bar. I had him facing me but he kept swiveling his head at noises, wanting to look around. I was worried he would hurt himself so I turned him around in the carrier. Once he could see what was going on he was much happier.”
“You had him in the pub with you?” She pictured Darcy stooping below the bar for stuff, reaching high for mugs, carrying trays laden with glasses. A million possibilities for a baby to bang his head, have something fall in his eyes... She shuddered.
Holly’s death had made her paranoid, but she didn’t apologize for that. Her job in life was to keep this child safe. The more trouble she had connecting with him, the more determined she became.
“He loves the pub,” Darcy said, totally not hearing the concern in her voice. “He must have been very close with his neck strength. I think being forced to hold it up himself has actually helped.”
So now he was an expert, after caring for a baby for only a couple of days. “Still, it’s not an appropriate atmosphere for a baby.”
“He loves music, too. Watch what he can do.” Darcy got up and moved away from the table.
Humming the tune of the Macarena and moving his hips and feet, he held Billy’s hands and gently guided him in the movements of the dance. Emma clapped a hand over her mouth, sure that this would be too much for her tiny baby. But Billy went from looking bemused to smiling and kicking his dangling feet. He was clearly having fun, and Darcy was careful not to move his head too much. Darcy’s smooth voice, perfect rhythm and sexy hips made him a pleasure to watch. Emma laughed, entranced and delighted. Darcy was a natural with Billy.
