Scott studied her, confusion and hurt warring for dominance on his expression. “Not quite the response I was hoping for.”
She tried to erase her reactions. It wasn't like he knew what she was thinking. She could just slide back into the moment and they could... What? Keep make-believing?
She rolled onto her back with a sigh. The cool cotton of the comforter caressed her skin. She stared at the ceiling, not sure what to say. “I don't think this is a good idea.”
His weight shook the mattress as he flopped back next to her. He intertwined his fingers with hers. “You're not having fun?”
Damn it, why was he doing this? And why couldn’t she just accept it for what it was? The ache in her chest grew, regret mixing with a longing for something she knew she couldn't have. “I just... I don't want to lose our friendship over this.”
His laugh filtered through clenched teeth. “Did you ever actually get over him? Or has he been the bar you’ve used to measure every guy since?”
She didn’t have to ask who he was talking about. Of course she had gotten over Zach. Eons ago. Or had she? Was she really that transparent? Still, she couldn’t bring herself to say it out loud. Admitting she felt something for him opened her to even more pain. He didn’t feel the same. “That’s not fair. We barely even talked for years.”
He exhaled loudly. “Long time for two people to hold a grudge who don’t care about each other.”
She winced at the edge to his words. “He’s not my type.” It was true. He was so far from her ideal guy it wasn’t funny. “You are. I want security and comfort, not a one night stand.” So why had she picked in the other direction?
“Pretty words.” There was an underlying edge to his voice. “Besides, you wouldn’t be a one night stand to him.”
“Oh?” She had to force the hope to stay out of her question.
“You’re interesting enough you’d probably last a week.”
His jab echoed every self-doubt she’d been trying to smother. She couldn’t ignore the ache in her chest. She forced herself to speak smoothly. “This isn’t about Zach, it’s about us. What if it doesn’t work out? You’re under a lot of stress right now. If we keep going and things fall apart… I don’t want to lose your friendship.”
“That’s the most eloquent version of that speech I’ve ever heard, and I’ve delivered it myself a couple of times so that’s saying something.” He wasn’t touching her anymore. The gap between them seemed to stretch with every word. “What if I told you I’d been thinking about this for a long time? That I just haven’t known how to bring it up. That this whole hostile takeover thing has made me realize just how temporary some things are and that you matter too much to me to let you go?”
Each phrase dug deeper, making her question her resolve, but it still didn’t feel right. “Have you really?”
He exhaled. The mattress shifted and he propped himself up on one elbow, leaning over her. “It sucked a lot when the two of you split. I know that’s selfish of me, but there it is. I was glad for the most part you just avoided each other and didn’t make me take sides. I got used to it. You’re supposed to be mine. I mean, not literally, but you’re the one thing I have he doesn’t.”
What did that mean? The statement sank in, leaving her cold and making her reluctant to ask for an explanation.
It was stressful for all three of them back then. The last thing she wanted was a repeat of that. Something to keep in mind and another reason to draw a line with Zach. She sat up, using her elbows to keep her shoulders off the bed, and kissed him on the cheek. “I will never have the kind of relationship with anyone else I have with you. Don’t take that away from us.”
He rolled out of the way, landing on his back again.
“I should go.” She scooted to the edge of the bed, legs dangling off as she grabbed her shirt and pulled it over her head. Damn it. They hadn't broken up. Why did it feel like it? She forced the resolve through her veins, trying to remember everything she'd just said. She jumped when his arms wrapped around her waist.
His chin rested on her shoulder, breath warm and voice soft when he spoke. “I'll be okay if you will. We'll get coffee tomorrow. Somewhere that's not your place or mine. All three of us. We’ll find the balance again. We’ll figure it out.”
All three of them. Worst. Idea. Ever. Still, she nodded, not sure what to say. What had she done? Zach was supposed to be a fling. She knew better than to lose herself to a man, especially him, and even after all these years he’d still sucked her back in.
Even worse, she was terrified she was about to destroy an amazing friendship over it all. She couldn’t surrender herself to Zach, and she couldn’t lose Scott. That made the decision simple. Even though she and Scott weren’t meant for each other, she knew which of them she sided with.
And the fact that the thought of pushing Zach away made her completely queasy was just more proof she needed to do it.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Nervous energy thrummed through Zach. He tapped his fingers on the steering wheel, and parked in front of the café. The white wrought iron and candles on the middle of every table screamed trendy. Every time he brought the buy-out offer up with Scott, the conversation deteriorated into hostility.
But Scott had extended the invite to lunch, so maybe they could reach common ground about why they needed to walk away from Cord now. That ought to take his mind off Rae. Since she stormed out a week ago, her memory had moved into and taken over portions of his imagination…
The thought vanished when his gaze landed on the woman seated at a table outside, head bent close to Scott’s, the two of them laughing about something.
Goddammit what was she doing there? He tried to pull his eyes off Rae. Her hair was in twin pigtails, leaving her neck exposed. Her opaque black T-shirt might have been a disappointment if it and her cutoffs didn’t hug her curves perfectly. Besides, stripping them off would solve the issue of what he could and couldn’t see.
He pushed the thought aside. At least he’d worn slacks, hopefully that would hide his reaction. Rae was done. In the past. That was the point. She was just another woman, and anything he was trying to convince himself of otherwise was his imagination. A bizarre reaction to the fact that he got — no, had — to see her on a regular basis.
He dropped into the empty seat at the table. “Funny running into you here.”
Her cheeks turned a shade pinker and she ducked her head.
That wasn’t attractive. Or alluring. Or completely compelling and intoxicating. He forced his hand to stay on his knee. He wouldn’t brush a thumb over her cheek,
“Not really.” At least Scott sounded normal again. “I invited her.”
Awesome. Fantastic. Why did he feel like he was being set up? Zach grinned, keeping his expression pleasant. “Epic. Anyone else coming?” The table wasn’t big enough for more people, and there were only three chairs — he should have noticed that up front — so probably not. But the entire situation had him off balance and he wasn’t sure if he could trust his instinct.
“Nah.” Scott waved a hand. “I figured since we were all such great just friends now, we should hang out.”
Rae winced, grabbed her water, and took a long swallow. Condensation dropped from the glass, landing on her chest and sliding down between her breasts until it collided with her V-neck collar.
Zach forced his attention to Scott, searching for a hint of where the not-so subtle dig had come from. “Just friends. Interesting qualifier.”
“Not as interesting as you might think.” Rae finally spoke, a light quaver running through her voice. “My next contract doesn’t start for a few days and apparently someone,” she glanced at Scott, “has too much time on his hands. You suffering from the same thing?”
Zach kept his eyes on hers. No need to let them drift elsewhere, his imagination was already doing enough of that. “No. I’m suffering from something entirely different.”
Her brows rose, and her head tilted
to the side, the corner of her mouth pulling up.
He wouldn’t lean in and kiss her light smile. He wasn’t enticed by it. The faint scent of strawberries wasn’t wreaking absolute havoc on his brain.
“I bet.” Scott’s tone was flat. “I’m surprised you haven’t already booked a flight to Europe. Early retirement and all that.”
Zach turned back to his friend. The hostility was creeping out more with each comment. He didn’t want to do this in front of anyone else, especially after the argument he’d had with Rae, but they needed to get over this. They’d lost, they needed to move on, and he wouldn’t let Scott wallow. “I was thinking I’d start with New Zealand. If it’s pretty, I might not come back. You made plans yet?”
Scott’s knuckles went white around his glass. Out of the corner of his eye, Zach saw Rae drop her face in her hand.
“I thought I might not throw in the towel so easily.” A sharp edge ran through Scott’s voice.
This was bullshit. Zach was tired of dancing around it. “What are you going to do? Out of the five-billion times we’ve had this conversation, what’s your brilliant plan this time that you didn’t have before?”
“I—” Scott faltered. “Something.”
Zach seized the opportunity to gain the upper hand in the conversation. “Brilliant. Not one of your better ideas, but they can’t all be best sellers.”
“That’s not fair.” All the hesitation was gone from Rae’s voice. The flush didn’t look shy anymore. Her eyes were hard. “Your only solution is running away, so you don’t have any room to talk.”
And there it was. The reason he didn’t want to do this here, in front of her. “And you’ve got a better plan?”
Shit, he shouldn’t have asked that. She’d set him up and he’d walked right into it.
The corner of her mouth pulled up, smile not reaching her eyes. “Yes.”
“Wait, what?” Scott sat up straight. “You have an idea.” He leaned in, anger evaporating in an instant.
“Wrong.” Zach cut him off. “Remember Kelly?” She was actually doing this. She was going to hash out her painfully risky idea in front of the one person who would cling to any hope he could find, regardless of how unrealistic it was.
“The entire internet remembers Kelly.” Rae’s cold smile ate at him.
“Why is she here?” Zach asked Scott.
Scott shrugged, the hard set of his jaw softening a hint. “She asked if I was busy today.”
“Because despite the protests the two of you aren’t a couple, you can’t bear to be apart?” He shouldn’t have said that. He was dragging this conversation into places he didn’t want it to go.
“We’re not dating.” Rae’s denial spilled out quickly, almost before Zach could finish talking.
“Because she dumped me.” Scott’s casual tone didn’t match the words.
Confusion slammed into Zach’s thoughts at full force, knocking his tentative grasp on the conversation into complete disarray. He’d been nailing his best friend’s girl? What the fuck was wrong with him? Why hadn’t they told him? She’d cheated on him? No, that didn’t make sense. Rae’s snarl cut through the torrent of thoughts.
“I didn’t dump you because we weren’t a couple.” Irritation dripped from her voice.
“We could have been.” Scott’s voice held a sharp edge and lacked the waver that might imply jealousy.
A vein pulsed in Zach’s eyelid as he watched the exchange. This was completely out of control. “What’s going on?”
Rae turned her attention to Scott, eyes narrowed. “Nothing.”
Scott fiddled with his straw, looking at Zach instead. “We’re listening to her idea.”
“No, we’re not.” Zach had his phone out. “I’m booking a one-way flight to another continent.”
Rae slouched in her seat, arms crossed and lips pursed. “Enjoy.”
The single word dug deep, and Zach pushed his reaction aside, covering it with apathy. He looked at Scott. “Come with me. Get over this pseudo-breakup of yours.”
Scott’s eyes narrowed. “What about Rae?”
Zach shrugged. He didn’t feel as casual and confident about the brushoff as he was trying to appear. “You don’t really bring your ex-girlfriend on vacation with you, especially when she was never actually your girlfriend.”
Rae slapped the table as she stood, gravel running under her words. “I’m done.” She looked at Scott. “This was a bad idea.”
Zach’s fingers twitched and he had to grab his own leg to keep from reaching for her. When Scott wrapped a hand around her wrist an unfamiliar surge of rage and jealousy seared through him.
“Wait, please?” Scott said. “Don’t listen to him. I want to hear what you have to say. Let him go whore around the Southern hemisphere if he wants.”
She pulled away, crossing her arms and accentuating every curve the T-shirt hugged. Creases lined her forehead. “Yeah, no.”
Zach forced his attention to stay on her face. Not her angry flush or bright kissable lips, but her irritated, piercing eyes. No, that wasn’t working either. “Either sit or leave. People are staring.”
She rolled her eyes but dropped back into her chair. “I’m not talking unless you’re both listening.”
Zach clenched his teeth, measuring his response. “Because your ego needs that kind of validation?”
Her narrowed eyes didn’t hide the shimmer of almost tears. Shit, he shouldn’t have gone there. He couldn’t believe he’d thrown a private conversation back in her face.
She breathed through her nose. “Because, and so help me I can’t believe I’m saying this, it doesn’t work without both of you.”
“What doesn’t?” The irritation was gone from Scott’s voice, hope creeping in to replace it.
She tilted her head back, staring at the sky before looking at him again. “Starting over.”
“Could we?” There was a lift to Scott’s question.
“No.” Zach laid out the word hard and fast. Was anyone hearing anything he said?
“Not if you’re not both interested.” Rae drummed her fingers on her arm, gaze locked on Zach’s, challenge in her eyes.
“Bad way to try and keep him in your life.” Scott’s voice had gone flat again.
What the…? Zach’s head swiveled toward his best friend, and out of the corner of his eye he saw Rae do the same.
“So neither of you wants to hear it.” She was on her feet again. “That’s fine. Honestly, I’m not sure there’s room for both your egos anyway.”
“Rae, wait.” Scott’s plea hit her back. She didn’t turn her head once on her journey from the table and her car, and seconds later she was peeling out of the parking lot.
“Nice. Glad she hasn’t gotten any less manipulative.” Zach pulled his smokes from his pocket, bouncing the pack on the table. The words hurt to say, but he needed to recognize the truth in them. He pushed aside the nagging thought that he just might have had something to do with irritating her. It was her fault for taking it so personally. Which was why he wasn’t going to track her down and apologize. As much as every single inch of him ached because he’d been the one to piss her off.
“You’re one to talk. You couldn’t even hear her out?” The venom was back in Scott’s voice. “You’re so fucking petty you have to let personal issues come between you and a second chance?”
Not with her and not with Cord.
Zach was tired of holding back. “There are no second chances.” Not with her and not with Cord. “You can’t do what we did and then try it again. Because we can’t afford it on our own, and the moment we let investors in the door, we set ourselves up for this to happen again. She doesn’t know that. She doesn’t see it. She’s too busy trying to make everyone happy.”
“No.” Scott shook his head. “Not everyone. Besides, you know this is what she does, right? How she earns her living? If she thinks we can do it, do you really think spite is a good reason to ignore her?”
Zach was
on his feet in an instant. He didn’t even know who he was pissed at anymore. “I think the fact it’s a bad idea is a good reason to ignore her. I’m cashing out. If you don’t want to do the same, don’t throw my future away with it.”
Scott stood, back stiff and shoulders back so his full height was obvious, and his hands clenched into fists. It was an imposing posture, except Zach had seen it too many times to back down. Neither of them spoke for a moment. Scott finally pulled a twenty from his wallet and tossed it on the table. “She’s right about one thing. There’s not room for both of us in anything new.”
And he was gone too. Tearing out of the parking lot seconds after dropping into his SUV.
Zach rubbed his face. He didn’t care. It was better this way. The words didn’t devour him — Scott’s or Rae’s. Whatever they were clinging to, it wasn’t healthy. Which was why he needed to completely ignore any urge to do the same.
CHAPTER TWELVE
Zach snubbed another smoke out in his ashtray. His car coasted to a stop on the freeway off-ramp. He leaned his head against the headrest, half paying attention to the red light and waiting for it to change. How had things gotten so messy? Obviously the stuff with DM and Kelly was the start, but it felt like it had all gone downhill since then.
About the time Rae showed up on his doorstep. Not that he could blame her for the insider trading or shitty DM management. He put the car into gear when the light changed and let his thoughts drift as he followed the road. But Scott’s stubbornness, that had to be all her. Even though he’d always been like that. She was trying to drive a wedge between them.
He changed lanes and turned at empty intersections, enjoying the path of least resistance option for going nowhere. She had even used Scott to back him into a confrontation in order to be heard.
Holding Her Close (Bits and Bytes, Book 0) (Bits & Bytes) Page 9
