Zach opened the front door, wide eyes morphing into a soft smile. “Hey.”
She pushed her emotion deep down, making sure her expression gave away nothing. “Good morning. I hope this is a good time.”
He stepped aside. “Sure. I was just going over some paperwork.” It looked like he wanted to say more. She was glad he didn't. “Have a seat?” He nodded toward the living room.
“Thank you, but no. I won't be here long.” She winced inwardly at her own formal tone, but it was better this way. She just had to keep telling herself that.
“You look good,” Zach said.
That hadn't been her intention. The below-the-knee skirt and suit jacket were supposed to say all-business, not earn her compliments. She pulled an envelope from the pocket of her briefcase. “I thought I'd make this official.”
Zach grabbed it and started to tear it in half.
The gesture dug deep, gnawing at raw wounds. She smiled and shook her head. “That won't change anything.”
“You can't.” The pleading was reflected in his steel eyes. “We can't do it without you.”
“Yeah.” She ignored the ache throbbing behind her ribcage. “You can. You just can't do it without each other. Besides, I'm leaving.”
Zach’s brow furrowed. “Just like that?”
Rae ignored the conflict tearing through her. “Chloe will be subletting my place.” She wanted to add something about “as long as she could afford it”, but that would open the conversation to talks about what he and Scott had decided to with the new venture and whether or not her sister would have another job. That wasn't information she wanted. It wasn't her business anymore.
“Where are you going?” he asked.
“Out of state. I have a good offer. Not as good as the last one, but enough to make it worth my time.” She winced, wishing she hadn't let that slip. She hadn't meant to mention the job with them. Not beyond her resignation.
It meant something else, too. She hadn't officially broken it off with him, but the entire conversation implied it.
“What about us?” The emotion had vanished from his voice, and the question was flat.
She knew the answer. She just had to tell him. It was the thought that had haunted her more than any other. She’d done the one thing she had sworn to herself she wouldn’t – lost herself in him. Started to define who she was by who she was dating. That made staying with him more dangerous than anything.
Falling for him, sleeping with him, believing she wasn’t complete without him. All she had to do was say so, but the words wouldn’t form. “What do you think?”
He lifted her chin, forcing her to look him in the eye. “You have to say it.”
Why couldn't she put it into words? “There's no us.”
“So you're going to do it again.” He dropped his hand, disdain echoing in his statement.
She knew in an instant what he meant. It hurt, but she deserved it. “Not quite. No screaming this time. No telling anyone it was your fault.” She forced out the last two words. “No regrets.”
She stepped back. She needed to leave soon because her composure wouldn't hold much longer. “The two of you need each other. Not in the you’re-an-adorable-couple kind of way your developers joke about, but you work too well together. I can't be what comes between you. And honestly, I can't take being the verbal punching bag for your testosterone fueled arguments anymore. Goodbye. Good luck.”
Zach stepped up next to her and rested his hand on the back of her neck.
A moan pulsed in her raw throat and she swallowed it. Her expression never shifted.
He kissed her softly, lips probing hers.
Desire screamed through her and she beat it back. It took the last of her self-control not to return the gesture. She kept her mouth still and eyes open, staring at him blankly until he pulled away.
He frowned.
She turned away before the tears started leaking from her eyes and walked out the front door.
“Rae.” Zach’s voice froze her feet to the ground.
She couldn’t turn around. Facing him again would hurt too much, and her grip on her composure was almost gone. “What?”
“You’re really doing this.” His tone was flat.
She shrugged, breathed deep, and tried to keep her response steady. “I have to.”
“You don’t.” The two words were heavy. “Scott will get over whatever his issue is. If you really think it’s best, you don’t have to work for us. Don’t go.”
Why couldn’t he just let her leave? Her resolve weakened every moment she stood there. She spun to face him. “It’s not just about Scott. Or who is or isn’t working with you.” Each word was more painful than the last.
His steel eyes were clouded with hurt. “Then explain it to me.”
She threw up her hands, as frustrated with her lack of words as his persistence. “It’s everything. I’m already a part of it, and if I stay that won’t change. I’ll get sucked in again, because that’s what happens.”
She breathed deep, not able to stop the words now they were flowing. “And then we’ll break up. It’ll suck. It’ll devour at least one of us. And even though stuff like that happens all the time, it usually doesn’t involve multi-million dollar companies.
“You don’t want another Kelly, and even though I don’t plan on screwing anyone over, we’re already proving none of us is mature enough to keep the two separate.”
His brow knit together. “What makes you so sure you and I are doomed?”
“Really?” She couldn’t keep the disbelief from her voice. “We couldn’t even tell people we were dating. You still keep yourself closed off. We can be screwing and you’ll just randomly hold something back. That doesn’t bode well for our future together.”
He stared back, lips drawn in a tight line, not moving or speaking. The seconds ticked away.
Did he expect her to say something? She’d pretty much spewed it all. She wasn’t going to babble just to fill the air.
Finally he shook his head. “Got it. Have a nice life.” He turned away, marched back to the house, and yanked open the front door.
It slammed shut behind him, glass rattling in the frame. She sobbed, forcing herself to make it to her car and pull out of the driveway. When she was out of view of the house, she pulled over and let the tears have their way. Her entire frame shook as the grief and regret pounded over her.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
One Year Later
“Your next appointment is waiting for you.”
Rae smiled at her assistant, Alice. Odd that they weren't in the waiting room. Maybe whoever it was had wanted some privacy for a phone call or something. “Thanks. Who am I seeing?”
Alice checked her computer. “Rinslet Enterprises. They're looking for distribution channels.”
The name tickled something in the back of her mind, but she couldn't grasp it. The appointment was status quo. “Do we have lunch reservations anywhere?”
Alice blushed. “I'll get you something.”
That was an odd reaction. “Thanks.”
Rae pushed into her office, letting the door swing shut behind her when she saw her guest. Her feet were stuck to the floor. It couldn't be.
Zach stood and straightened his suit coat, looking very much the part of a business man. He offered his hand.
She shook it, pasting a cool smile into place. Her heart hammered so hard in her chest she thought it might escape. What was he doing there? “Mister Johnston.”
His mouth twisted but he sat when she took her place across the desk from him. He couldn't be there. It wasn't fair. How had he even found her? She was going to kill Chloe if her sister had given up the information. It had taken her months to convince herself leaving was the right thing to do, and countless one night stands — or one failed one —to remember she didn't like that lifestyle. She had finally started to move on. “What can I do for you?”
“Rae.” His tone didn’t give anything away.
/> Hearing her say her name dug deep. She wouldn’t let it hurt. It didn’t matter. She didn’t miss him so much it haunted her every day. “Lorraine.” She corrected him. “Ms. Nielson if you'd prefer.”
“First names are fine.” his cool tone matched hers. “As I'm sure Alice told you, my company is looking for a business partner.”
Something leapt in Rae's chest and she bit it back. That meant they really did need distribution channels. Did that mean they were doing well? She felt a spark of joy, but didn't dwell on it. “Let me tell you what we can do for you.” She pulled open a drawer and grabbed a marketing packet.
“I’m familiar with the company, thank you.” He leaned forward, resting his forearms on her desk. “I have a proposal, if you've got time.”
There was something there she couldn't pin down. Something in the way he phrased his statements was intentionally misleading. Might as well find out sooner rather than later. She could land the account, assign it to someone to manage, and start to try and forget his existence again. “You're on my calendar. I have time.”
“Perfect.” He smiled, a hint of something less formal leaking into it. He reached across her desk and hit a speed dial button on her phone.
Her curiosity and discomfort grew.
“Yeah?” Alice's voice filled the room.
“Alice, hon.” His tone was smooth. “Are we set?”
“Yes, sir. They're expecting you in twenty minutes.”
“Thanks. You're a doll.”
She giggled and the line went dead.
At least he’d chosen to remind her early on why she couldn’t ever lose herself in him again. She glared at him. “You flirted with my assistant?”
He smirked. “Someone had to tell me where your favorite place was around here. Chloe sure as hell won't talk about you.”
“And you were arrogant enough to assume I'd hear you out.” She desperately wanted to be furious, but something about the situation was both flattering and amusing. She should throw him out right then. Kick his ass to the curb and pretend he’d never been there. “Do you even actually want to talk about distribution?”
Zach nodded. “I told you I had a proposal. Didn't have to make any of that up.”
It didn't escape her he technically didn't answer the question. Her curiosity was gnawing at her now. She grabbed her purse. “I guess we should get going, then.”
He stood when she did. The strange mixture of a standard business meeting combined with the familiarity of the way he spoke and held himself added to her uneasy tension. He fell into step beside her as they made their way to the elevator, arm inches from hers, but never making contact.
She wasn't going to lose it in the middle of the office. She wasn't going to demand he explain himself in front of everyone she worked with. The two phrases repeated in her head.
She kept her teeth clenched as they got in the elevator, not sure if she was relieved or disappointed it was empty.
“So, how have you been?” He asked.
“Fantastic.” She cringed when she realized there was too much enthusiasm in her reply. Might as well roll with it. “Never better. You?”
“Same.” His posture was relaxed except for his fingers drumming on his leg.
Damn it, he was being infuriating. The corners of his mouth still pulled up, laughter dancing in his steel eyes.
They stepped into the parking garage and she clicked the locks and alarm off on her car.
Zach grabbed her keys. “I'll drive. You navigate.”
“But...” She couldn't even form a rational protest.
He held the front passenger door open for her. “Nice ride.”
“Thanks.” She slid into the seat. “It came with the job.” It was all too well orchestrated and she hated it. Even more, she hated the part of her enjoying the mystery and attention.
****
Rae drummed her fingernails on the menu, telling herself for the millionth time she couldn't order wine in the middle of the work day. Or anything stronger. The entire ride, every time she'd tried to find out what was going on, Zach had changed the subject. He kept up a smattering of the most random small talk she'd ever heard, asking her about her apartment, her job, where her favorite coffee place was.
And she’d fallen into all of it, momentarily losing herself in the easy banter rather than thinking about the big picture. Her behavior was as infuriating as his.
After the waiter had their orders, Zach held up a manila folder. “It's driving you nuts, isn't it?”
She resisted the urge to snatch it out of his hands. “You're not endearing yourself to me, if that's what you're asking.”
The corners of his eyes pulled up, and for a moment his smile looked genuine. He handed her the folder.
She took it and gave him a suspicious glare before setting it on the table in front of her. She opened it cautiously, almost expecting something to jump out at her. Instead, a simple letterhead sat inside. A single sheet of paper with a logo stenciled in silver across the top.
“Rinslet Enterprises,” she said aloud. That was why the name sounded familiar. It was an old memory, but back in high school when Scott had first started talking about starting his own software company, it was the name she had suggested he use. The memory added to the dull ache inside.
Her stomach churned and she wondered if she was going to be able to eat. She turned her attention back to the letter with her name at the top, scanning it. Her eyes grew wide and she read it again. It was too familiar. She'd seen it before. Except a year ago, the job offer hadn't had the new logo on it, and there had been a salary attached to it. This time it just said 'to be negotiated.'
“Well?” Zach asked.
She looked at him. “You're joking.”
He stared back. “Kind of a costly way to get a laugh at your expense, don't you think? I told you I had a proposal.”
No. Her mind refused to accept it. It beat back the screaming part of her that wanted to say yes. “This isn't a proposal. It's a job offer.”
“Now you're just trying to tie me up on a technicality.” His mask slipped for a moment, worry creasing his brow. It was gone again as soon as it had appeared.
The flash of uncertainty was all she needed. If he could be an aggravating bastard, she could return the favor. She smiled. “So, tell me how things are going with the company. Where it's at, what you've been up to. What your plans are for the future?”
“Chloe hasn't told you any of that?”
She smiled at him. “Chloe and I don't talk about work.”
Lunch came and went and she continued to ask as many random questions as she could think of. They had taken her advice to hire a lawyer. He'd helped them find the loopholes they needed to continue development until the intellectual property legal battle was over. Now that it was out of the way, they were getting ready to announce their upcoming title at E3.
The check came and Zach grabbed it away before she could. The waiter returned his card a few minutes later and he signed. He looked at her when he was done. “So, that's my spiel. What do you think?”
She hated the part of herself objecting to what she was about to say, but it needed to be done. The fact he still had this impact on her — that her guard was dropping even as she tried to keep him at a distance — was proof she couldn’t let him back in her life. She wasn’t flattered he’d gone out of his way to find her. She wouldn’t define herself by someone else. “It sounds like you're doing fantastically. I'm flattered, really, but I'm going to have to say no.”
His smug smile slipped away, eyes softening and a pleading edge leaking into his voice. “You’re the only person who knows how to do this. Things are falling apart without you. We need your mind and ideas.”
Rae didn’t know if she was flattered or wounded. He didn’t want her back in his life because of what they had been. That was only fair, right? She hadn’t been any nicer to him. It hurt, no matter how she tried to spin it in her head. “There are a lot of other people wh
o can do what I do. Some of them probably even live closer than three states away.”
His face hardened again. He stood and shook her hand. “I understand. Thank you for your time.”
“Of course.” She ignored the sparks flowing between them, letting go as soon as was polite. “Do you need a ride back to your hotel, or the airport?”
“No, thank you. I’ll call a cab.”
“Pleasure meeting with you then.” Rae swallowed the bile rising in her throat. This was the right thing. It was. It was. It was. Wasn't it? She pushed away from the table, and focused on keeping her gait steady as she strode toward the front door. Damn it, why wouldn’t the hollow ache in her chest go away?
CHAPTER NINETEEN
Rae pulled a pint of ice cream from the freezer. She stared at it for a moment before deciding brownie chunks and chocolate chip cookie dough would only make her more ill, and put it away again. How long would it take to get over him this time? To convince herself she had made the decision because it was practical and not out of spite or something else?
The doorbell rang and she jumped in surprise. Who the hell was visiting her? She hadn’t exactly been social or picked up any friends over the past year.
Her stomach flopped when she saw Zach on the other side. Despite the voice screaming in her head to let him sit out there and rot, she opened the door.
He looked her over, one eyebrow raised. “Did I wake you?”
She glanced down, flushing when she remembered she was already in pajama bottoms and a T-shirt. “No. This is just around the house stuff. If Alice gave you my home address, she's fired.”
His confident smile was gone, replaced with something more genuine. There was an upturn to his eyes and his cheeks didn't look frozen in place. “No. I kind of, um, Chloe gave it to me.”
“Glad to know she can be trusted with my private information.” She wanted to be furious with her sister, but a spreading warmth inside wouldn’t let her. She turned away, not closing the door or inviting him in. Let him decide what he was doing.
“I talked to Scott after lunch.” His casual tone wavered. “He said to tell you he’s sorry for anything ever, and he misses you terribly.”
Holding Her Close (Bits and Bytes, Book 0) (Bits & Bytes) Page 14
