'What thoughts are going on behind those big brown eyes of yours?' he questioned and, as always when he paid her a compliment she was thrown into confusion. Confusion, this time, made her blurt out exactly what she had been thinking.
'I don't feel venomous towards Rosemary,' he said after a short pause. 'In a way I'm sorry for her.'
'Sorry?'
His smile was bitter. 'I could have made her so happy, and she missed it all!'
Jealousy stabbed Laura like a knife. Despite Rosemary's heartless rejection of him after his accident and her blatant return when she had learned that his days were numbered—Carl still hankered for the happiness he believed he could have had with her. Didn't he know that one-way love could never bring genuine fulfilment? The urge to tell him this trembled on her lips, but as she went to speak he moved restlessly and the blankets shifted on his legs. Seeing their inert outline she was filled with such compassion that all jealousy died. Poor Carl! Let him continue with his dreams; they were all he had.
'Sorry to disturb you, Mr Anderson.' A nurse came in and stood starched and efficient at the end of the bed. 'Mr Edwards is on his way up and I would like to prepare you.'
'I'll wait outside,' Laura murmured.
'It will be a long examination,' the nurse informed her.
'Then I'll go and do some window-shopping and come back later.'
Hiding the fear that the nurse's words had aroused, Laura debated whether to wait and see the surgeon, then decided to hear what Carl had to tell her first. She could always telephone Mr Edwards later that evening.
Forcing her mind into a state of limbo, she spent the next hour looking at the shops in the Burlington Arcade. She bought herself a sweater she did not want, because she knew it would please Carl when she showed it to him, and returned to the hospital as the tea trays were being taken down the corridor.
'You must have smelled the scones,' a nurse said cheerfully to her. 'I've just served your husband his tea, but I'll bring you another cup.'
Smiling her thanks, Laura went into his room. Carl's face was flushed and the fear she had been trying to control flooded out. Dropping the parcel and her bag to the floor, she ran across to his bed.
'What did Mr Edwards say? How much worse is it? Tell me the truth, Carl, I want to know!'
His hand gripped her shoulder painfully. 'I'm not going to die yet, Laura, and when I do, it will more than likely be from natural causes.'
Her breath caught in her throat and she stared at him wordlessly.
'The earlier findings were wrong,' he continued. 'Either that, or a miracle has happened. And since I don't believe in miracles, I can only assume that somebody doing those tests made one hell of a mistake!'
Laura went on staring at him. There were many things she wanted to ask, but her tongue refused to move. All she could do was absorb the wonderful, unbelievable fact that he was not going to die in two years or less. Unfortunately this did not mean he would be able to walk again, but at least he would live a normal span of life.
'It's come as a shock to you,' he said gently, and moved his fingers in a tentative gesture along the side of her neck. She longed to catch hold of his hand and cradle it against her breast, and held herself so rigid—in case she gave way to this desire—that he immediately felt her tension and took his hand away.
'It's been a shock to me too,' he added. 'You face the unbelievable fact that you're going to die soon—you almost come to terms with it—and then you find you aren't going to be snuffed out like a candle but will live for years as a helpless log!'
'You aren't helpless.' She found her voice at last. 'And you mustn't be sorry about it! It's the most wonderful news in the world.'
'What's wonderful about being a hulk in a wheelchair?'
'You aren't a hulk. You've made yourself so mobile that half the time people forget you can't walk.'
'I don't forget.'
His voice was almost inaudible and he leaned back against the pillows. His skin was still flushed and it robbed him of his years and made him look like a boy. How pale and silver his eyes were beneath their dark lashes, and what desolation lurked in their depths.
'You know what this means, don't you, Laura?'
Not sure she did, Laura shook her head.
'It means you won't be free of me in two years,' he said.
'Oh, Carl!' She longed to jump for joy at the prospect of being with him for a lifetime, but no reaction showed on her face as she moved away from the bed and sat in a chair.
'I can think of worse fates than being tied to you,' she said calmly.
'I can't. You're young and you should be married to a man who can make you happy. You and Duncan are right for each other…' He banged his hand on the counterpane. 'Why did this have to happen?'
'How can you say that?' Anger brought her to her feet. 'You've been given back your life! You should go down on your knees and thank God for it—not moan because you're married to me!'
'I'm not thinking about my being tied. It's you!'
'Forget me and think about yourself. You must start your physiotherapy again and increase your exercises. You've got to concentrate on walking again—even if it will be with crutches.'
'Spare me false hopes,' he said bitterly. 'It's still your most naive characteristic'
Laura swallowed hard. Carl was overwrought and did not mean to hurt her. She was still struggling for composure when a nurse came into the room.
'I just want to plug in your telephone, Mr Anderson.' At his uncomprehending look, she added: 'We always unplug it when a specialist is expected. Particularly with someone like yourself, who's always getting calls.' She lifted the receiver. 'There's one on the line for you now.'
He looked in two minds whether or not to take it, then did so. 'Anderson here.' As he spoke his expression changed, the eyebrows coming together and then moving apart, the hand that was not holding the telephone clenching and unclenching. 'Rosemary!' he exclaimed, and then listened in silence for a long moment. 'Of course you may see me,' he said finally. 'In an hour, then.' He replaced the receiver and gave Laura a narrow glance. 'That was Rosemary. She flew in from New York yesterday and somebody told her I was in hospital.'
Laura was glad she had gone to stand by the window while Carl was speaking, for she could stare out at the chimney tops and not have to look into his face. 'I didn't think you would want to see her again after the way she behaved.'
'It isn't mature to go on bearing a grudge,' he said sardonically. 'Besides, I find it restful to be with women I know—and I can truthfully say that you and Rosemary are two that I know like an open book.'
'Rosemary possibly,' she said coldly, 'but not me.' Blindly she turned to the chair where her handbag lay. 'You won't mind if I don't stay to welcome her? I'm not in the mood for her tears of joy when she discovers you're going to live.'
'You think there'll be tears of joy?' he asked. 'How do you think Rosemary would have felt if she had been married to me instead of you?'
Temper brought Laura swinging round to glare at him. 'Why conjecture about the might-have-been when you can think of what has been! Or don't you want to remember that the last time you were in hospital she ran away because she couldn't face life tied to a husband in a wheelchair!'
'You don't need to remind me of that,' he retorted.
'Then how about remembering that she was prepared to come back and do a two-year stretch—so long as it wasn't going to be for longer! If you can forget that, you can forget anything!'
Choking with emotion, she stumbled from the room and banged the door behind her.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
LAURA did not know what transpired between Rosemary and Carl, for he returned home the following day and made no reference to her visit.
Because of this, it came as a shock to learn that the girl was remaining in London. Laura knew it could only be at Carl's behest, and she was furious with him for being so weak. Or was it that his love for her was too
strong for him to fight? How would she herself feel about Carl if she learned he had done something that filled her with disgust? Even if she knew him to be a scoundrel she was convinced it would not affect her love for him. As Rosemary's behaviour had not affected his love for her.
Only to Duncan did she confide her dismay at Carl's behaviour.
'You've already met Rosemary,' she said. 'Were you taken in by her?'
'You know I wasn't. But then she isn't my type and I didn't fall in love with her.'
'Are you saying that love is blind?'
'Sometimes.'
'But Carl knows what she is—that she ran away and left him.'
'Then he loves her despite her faults. Maybe he's the kind of man who wants nothing more from a woman than sexual satisfaction.'
'What a sickening thing to say!'
Duncan shrugged and helped himself to a roll. They had been to a concert and were having a snack in a West End hotel. 'You know, Laura, for an intelligent woman, you're surprisingly naive.'
'That's what Carl says. But I'm not ashamed of it. If sex can make a man lose his reason, then I still say it's sickening. How can a man want to make love to a woman when his brain tells him she's contemptible?'
'When a man wants to make love to a woman, he isn't concerned with his brain I' Duncan said drily. 'Face facts. Men are notoriously stupid where women are concerned.'
Since Carl had been exceptionally so with herself, Laura was forced to agree.
'Has he said anything to you about wanting a divorce?' she asked.
'You know I can't answer that. If Carl talks to me, it's in a client-lawyer capacity.'
'I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked.'
'But that doesn't stop me talking to you about your plans,' he went on.
'I haven't any plans.'
'Then you should start making some. You can't remain tied to Carl for the rest of your life. That wasn't the basis on which you married him.'
'He hasn't asked me to leave yet.'
'But he made a two-year bargain with you.'
She shook her head. 'I was to be his wife in order to prevent him from making a fool of himself over Rosemary.'
'You're being highly successful at that!' he said sarcastically. 'For heaven's sake, Laura, I love you and I want to marry you. I was prepared to wait until Carl had… But I can't wait a lifetime—and neither can you.'
'I don't love you, Duncan.' She was blunt because she knew she had to be. 'I never told you I do.'
'But you don't love anyone else, and once you're free, you'll feel differently about me. I'm sure of it.'
She lowered her eyes. Short of telling him how she felt about Carl, she could not stop him from planning his future around her. But if he learned the truth, he might tell Carl, who was altruistic enough to have her remain his wife for as long as she wished; seeing this as his only way of repaying her for her willingness to marry him when he had begged her to do so.
'You haven't answered my question,' Duncan said. 'Are you and Carl going to get your marriage annulled?'
'Annulled?' The word caught in her mind, like a fly in a web.
'The marriage wasn't real,' he said patiently, 'so you wouldn't need to go through the indignity of a divorce.'
'Carl might think it more of an indignity to have an annulment.'
'How you end your marriage is unimportant. My one concern is that you do.'
'I haven't said I would marry you,' she reminded him, and marvelled again at his inability to recognise the truth. But then, having seen how blind Carl was over Rosemary, she could not blame Duncan for being blind over herself. But sooner or later she must do as he said and clarify her position with Carl. If he wanted her to remain his wife she would joyfully agree, but if he wished to have his freedom… Well, she would have to agree to that too.
When they reached Holly Grove she saw that the lights were still on in the library. Instinctively she knew Rosemary was there and wondered if she should ask Duncan to come in. But this was the coward's way out. Sooner or later she must meet Rosemary, and when she did, she would rather not have Duncan's watchful brown eyes on her.
'I'll call you tomorrow,' he said, and kissed her on the brow.
It was his regular way of leaving her, but tonight he also put his arms around her and let his lips travel from her forehead to her mouth. She made a pretence of responding to him, hoping that if she pretended hard enough, she might actually feel something. But though she did not fool herself that she had, she seemed to fool him, for with a sigh of satisfaction, he lifted his face from hers and stared into her eyes.
'You see, you aren't as indifferent to me as you pretend. Once you accept the fact that you no longer owe Carl any loyalty, you'll realise you must ask him for your freedom.'
Without replying Laura went into the hall and closed the door. It took her a moment to regain her composure, then she dropped her coat on to a chair and peered at her reflection in a mirror. Nerves had given her a high colour and made her eyes sparkle. It made her look more spirited and less docile—which, she thought wryly, was just as well.
Resisting the impulse to knock on the library door and warn the occupants that she was coming in, she turned the handle and stepped inside.
Carl was sitting on the settee, a rug across his legs. In the evening Max usually placed him there and wheeled away the chair, only returning with it when Carl wanted to go to bed. Laura wondered if he preferred the settee because it was more comfortable or because it made him forget he could not walk. At this precise moment it had the advantage of enabling Rosemary to nestle against him, which she was now blatantly doing.
'I hope I'm not disturbing you?' Laura made her voice light and amused.
'Rosemary is just leaving,' Carl said.
'Am I?' Rosemary pouted.
'I'm afraid so, my dear. I don't like going to bed too late. It means keeping Max up till all hours.'
He gave Rosemary a gentle push and, as his head turned, Laura saw a lipstick mark on the side of his mouth. She knew Rosemary had seen it too, for the china blue eyes looked at her with triumph.
'Did you have a lovely evening with Duncan?' she asked in a little-girl voice.
'The concert was excellent,' Laura said.
Rosemary stood up. She had slipped off her shoes and she wandered round the room looking for them. Her movements were graceful and with her long blonde hair and flowing green silk dress, she looked as artless as a water nymph.
'Here they are!' she cried, and dangled two silver sandals in her hand before dropping them to the ground and stepping into them. 'Will you call me in the morning, Carl?'
'I'll be busy in the morning.'
'Then I'll expect to hear from you in the afternoon.' She blew him a kiss from the door and then looked at Laura. 'Do you think you could get me a radio cab?'
Laura longed to say she was no longer Carl's secretary, but knew that to show anger would be playing into Rosemary's hands. Silently she did as she was asked, aware of Carl watching her.
'A taxi will be here in a couple of minutes,' she said, replacing the receiver.
'Do show me out,' Rosemary smiled.
'That will be a pleasure.' Laura moved to the door and caught the twinkle in Carl's eyes. How dared he be so amused? Did he enjoy pitting one woman against the other like a couple of fighting cocks? Despite her anger, the humorous picture this evoked made her lips twitch and she clamped them firmly together. 'I can hear the taxi,' she said, and walked across the hall.
Rosemary slipped her arms into a silver grey mink coat. 'Do you like it, Laura? I bought it because it's the same colour as Carl's eyes.'
'You should have chosen a green one—to remind you of his money!'
The blue eyes glittered, but the voice remained husky. 'I know you hate me for leaving him after the accident, but I have a phobia about sick people.'
'Then why did you come back?' Laura demanded.
'Because I realised how wrong I was. I hoped Carl would forg
ive me and take me back.'
'After the way you behaved?'
'He would have taken me back if it hadn't been for you!' Rosemary cried. 'But you incited him against me.'
'I did nothing of the sort.'
'You did! You loved him and you saw your chance of getting him. From the minute I came into his office and saw the way you looked at him, I knew you'd do anything you could to take him away from me.'
'I didn't need to do anything,' Laura said fiercely. 'It was your callousness that made you lose him.'
'And how quickly you stepped into the breach!' Rosemary's voice rose. 'I would have got him back if you hadn't been hanging around like a leech. But you won't keep him for long. He loves me, me!'
Laura wrenched open the front door and, as Rosemary stepped over the threshold, she slammed it shut. Shakily she sped across the hall to the stairs, but with her hand on the banister, she stopped. Carl was sitting on the couch, too far away from the bell to ring for Max. Furious though she was with him, she did not have the heart to leave him there, waiting to be picked up like a parcel. Bracing herself to face him, she returned to the library.
At her entrance he tilted his head enquiringly.
'Shall I call Max for you?' she asked.
'Not for the moment.' He folded his arms across his chest. 'Why didn't Duncan come in with you?'
'I didn't ask him.'
Laura moved to warm her hands by the fire and again saw the lipstick mark on the side of his mouth. Reaching for her handbag, she took out a tissue and handed it to him.
'Rosemary has branded you,' she said tonelessly.
Obediently he wiped at his cheek. 'Has it gone?'
She nodded without speaking and he crumpled the tissue into a ball and threw it into the fire.
'Stop looking like the wrath of the gods, Laura,' he said lightly.
His humorous tone made her temper rise and overflow. 'Do you expect me to dance for joy because you're letting Rosemary make a fool of you again?'
She swung round to leave him and, not looking where she was going, stumbled over the edge of the rug that was covering his legs. He put out his hand to steady her and she clutched at it, but when she went to draw away he pulled her down until she was on the settee beside him.
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