“You know, because he loves your bromance,” she continued awkwardly. Martin had long teased Gavin and Conor over the closeness of their friendship, and so Felicity thought referring to that would be an easy way to join the playful banter going on in front of her.
“Yes, that’s a great idea!” Sophie said. “I’ll frame it and everything. He’ll love it!”
Once again, Felicity was reminded of her friend’s generosity. She knew Sophie’s response was an effort to include her. It was both welcome and guilt-inducing. She wished she could take back the way she had snapped at her about Conor, but there was no opportunity for that now.
~
“Let’s not go home straight away,” Felicity told Conor as they reached for their helmets outside of Gavin’s house.
He had driven them on his motorcycle in confident and steady fashion. She should have known he’d be a competent motorbike driver. Things came naturally to him, and his ability to handle the machine with ease and control was just one more thing to add to his repertoire. Her dismay hadn’t even been that she was afraid to ride on one, but more the fact that he had made another choice that didn’t take her into account, the first being his visit to Sophie in the hospital.
“Where do you want to go?”
“Anywhere. Down to Killarney or as far as this thing will take us.”
He watched her for a moment. “Whatever it is,” he said, “it’ll be okay.”
She smiled, appreciating his attempt to lift her up. But she wasn’t in the mood to brush it all aside. Neither was she eager to talk about it. Riding on the back of his motorcycle, silently holding tight to him as they went, sounded like the better plan for the time being.
CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX
In trying to sort out how to convince Conor to let Danny Boy stay on tour, Shay recalled an accusation leveled at their group of friends. It had come in dramatic fashion from Colette, Conor’s then-fiancée. It was during Conor’s house-warming party where too much alcohol had been consumed and emotions were high anyway. She had memorably declared that their group of friends was “incestuous,” and that they never let anyone else in. He had assumed Conor’s relationship with her was already breaking down at that point and didn’t further examine the episode. But it came to mind now as he realized why he was drawn to the idea that Sophie was the only one who could convince Conor to give Danny Boy another chance.
Colette had been right. They were a tight group of friends who tended to box others out. It wasn’t conscious, but it was pervasive. They had always welcomed Celia, into the group but she wasn’t interested in being more than Martin’s wife, and that suited everyone. Jessica had the same receptive relationship within their crowd. But she was content to come and go at Shay’s side without needing any deeper investment. Colette had desperately wanted in. She wanted the perks that went with it, including the fame and adulation that went with being seen by others as part of the band. But more than anything, she wanted Conor’s full attention, and Shay could see that she never had it. He had given it to Sophie for years before finally letting go. Once he did that, it was Felicity who captured his heart and Colette never stood a chance.
Felicity having been a part of their group for years before leaving for college made for a different dynamic. She, as much as Sophie, was a core part of their group, and was wholeheartedly welcomed by everyone when she returned home to Dublin. That was why Shay had tried her first, asking her to speak on Danny Boy’s behalf. Whatever sway she held over Conor, however, wasn’t enough. And Shay was left thinking that the only one who might yet have influence on him was Sophie. Sophie, who would always be an indelible part of Conor. She was the one he had loved but could never really have. It seemed to Shay that presented one last opportunity for Danny Boy. He didn’t like that it meant sidestepping Felicity—or infringing on their relationship, really. But it was the only way he could think to keep his brother from slipping back into his drug escapism.
~
Having learned his lesson the last time he visited Gavin, Shay punched in the gate code and let himself into the property, driving up the path toward the house. He approached the front door with gifts in hand—whiskey for Gavin, flowers for Sophie, and a soft pink teddy bear for Daisy. It was early evening and he couldn’t hear any sound from within the house. He knocked lightly.
Sophie answered the door with a smile and beckoned him inside. She wore a towel around wet hair with a baggy top and leggings.
“Gavin and Daisy are taking a nap,” she said, her voice hushed.
He followed her through the entry and into the great room. The open floor plan combined the kitchen, breakfast nook, dining room, and living room with only a gas fireplace interrupting the flow. Gavin was sprawled onto the sofa, his shirt off so that baby Daisy had direct skin contact as she napped in the crook of his arm. The lamps were dimmed, and outside the lights along the Dalkey coastline were beginning to shine brightly. Their home always had a warm, inviting feel to it but this atmosphere felt even more special. The presence of a healthy baby that had made Gavin and Sophie—a couple once estranged—into loving parents had a lot to do with it.
“They’ve been out for almost an hour,” Sophie said. She took the gifts from him and set them on the breakfast nook table. “Thank you for all this. You didn’t have to. Do you want a drink?” She held up the whiskey.
“No, I’m fine.”
“Is it okay if we don’t wake them for a little longer?”
“Of course. It was you I wanted to talk with, anyway.”
“Oh, okay. Sit.”
They sat together at the nook and Shay watched Sophie examine the teddy bear. She smiled at it and kept it clutched to her belly as she waited for him to speak.
“You look great, by the way,” he started.
“That’s what a half hour nap and a shower will do for you,” she replied.
Of course it was more than that. She was an exceptional beauty, graced with high cheekbones, smooth skin, and hazel eyes that could turn a deep shade of mesmerizing green. But she also had humility, never letting her supermodel status change her innate decency. She and Shay had shared an unspoken bond since they day they met back in school. There was something she identified with in him, and, perhaps as a result, she was adept at reading him.
“Tell me,” she said simply.
And he did. He told her as plainly and honestly as he could how he much he believed Danny Boy needed to stay on tour. He told her he wouldn’t be able to live with the idea that he had pushed his brother out at this crucial moment, after all the hard work he had done to stay sober. And he asked her to speak to Conor on his behalf.
“I understand why you want this, I really do. But why me, Shay?”
Shay glanced at Gavin, saw that he and the baby were still sleeping. “You know why, Sophie.”
She shook her head. “He and I aren’t like that anymore.”
“You’ll always be like that. It’s not something that goes away.”
They sat in silence for a long moment as she thought this over.
“What about Felicity?” she finally asked. “It’s not fair for me to try to go around her.”
“Don’t, then. Speak to them both. Just as long as you get Conor’s attention on it.”
When she smiled on a sigh, he could see her fatigue show through. He felt the selfishness of what he had done, coming to her the day after she had given birth, asking her to help him. The apology was on the tip of his tongue but he couldn’t quite get it out. He needed Danny Boy’s reprieve more.
“Okay, I’ll try.”
“Ah, you’re a lifesaver, dear. Thanks millions.”
“Can I ask you something?”
“Of course, sure.”
“What happens after the tour? How does Danny Boy manage then?”
Shay had asked himself the same question and came up empty in response, both then and now. This effort was about buying time, he knew that. But it was something he had to do.
“And,” she continu
ed when she saw him at a loss and that her previous question would be rhetorical, “what about your life?”
“What do you mean?”
“When do you get to get what you want?”
“I’m fine.”
She watched him silently.
“Okay, then. You’re getting at Jessica, amn’t I right?” he asked and she nodded.
“Did she ever talk to you about things? Before she left, I mean? Did you get the sense she wasn’t happy?”
“I like Jessica a lot. But she kept to herself. We weren’t as close as I would have wanted.”
He nodded and looked down at his hands, trying to hide his disappointment.
“You should call her, Shay. It hasn’t gone away for you, either.”
That reversal was not lost on him and he laughed quietly. “Perhaps I will one of these days.”
“Don’t let too much time pass. You might lose her for good.” She paused and looked over at her husband and daughter. “Believe me, it’s worth fighting for.”
CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN
Sophie imploring Shay to fight for Jessica stuck in his mind as he drove home. Their breakup had happened so swiftly, he'd felt like he didn't have a choice in the matter. He'd felt blindsided by it, in fact. But, first Danny Boy, and now Sophie had awakened the realization that he had missed something significant when it came to his relationship with Jessica.
He and Jessica were similar in that they were naturally reserved, only becoming extroverted for their artistic passions—music for him and dance for her. She had been overwhelmed by his celebrity upon moving to Dublin the year before. In truth, it wasn’t his celebrity so much as the drama that came from his more outgoing band members.
In the months leading up to her move, Gavin had made a spectacle of himself in the tabloids as he spiraled out of control, using cocaine to medicate his depression when the scandal over his mother broke. Then he’d let his marriage fall apart, and Sophie and Conor turned to each other. That brief dalliance had threatened to end Rogue for a couple months. Jessica had witnessed the aftermath of all that chaos during the tense, tentative first weeks of the band coming together again.
A particularly striking experience happened when she joined Shay in attending a group dinner in a private room at a trendy Temple Bar restaurant. Though she had met all the band members before, this was her first initiation into the larger group that included everyone’s partners. Things started out bizarrely enough when Colette Deveaueax glommed onto her as if they were best friends. The supermodel was even more beautiful in person, and Shay saw that Jessica was intimidated. Colette’s personality was just as voluptuous as her figure, and she dominated conversation with stories about herself or other celebrities she knew. That kind of gossip wasn’t of interest to Jessica, but she couldn’t get a word in edgewise to steer Colette away from it, so she just listened quietly.
It was when Gavin arrived—thirty minutes late—that the atmosphere changed. Shay’s concern had gone from worrying Jessica’s evening was being dominated by Colette and she’d therefore be unable to enjoy herself, to Gavin’s discomfort at being in a social situation with Conor for the first time since their falling out. Shay didn’t register Jessica’s reaction when Gavin walked abruptly out of the room. When Gavin returned, he and Colette got into a heated exchange that left everyone at the table shocked, including Jessica. But once more, Shay was concerned with worrying for Gavin rather than checking in with Jessica.
It wasn’t until they were home that Jessica expressed her wonder at what she’d witnessed.
“Yeah, that was a bit wild,” Shay admitted.
They sat together in the living room, her legs draped over his lap as they lounged.
“The tension was so obvious as soon as Gavin got there. He radiates anger toward Conor.”
He sighed. “Yeah, it’s not going to be easy for those two to get past this. But they’re both trying.”
“It kind of felt like mom and dad were fighting,” she said with a laugh.
“I guess. My parents never fought.”
She took his hand and laced her fingers through his. “So, it looks like Gavin and Sophie aren’t getting back together?”
“I can’t believe they won’t find their way back, but Gavin’s dragging his feet.”
“It’s worse than that, isn’t it? He let her go through a miscarriage on her own. If ever there was a time to fight for your relationship it was then.”
“It’s complicated, love. He’d just found out about her and Conor.”
“You told him to go to her.”
He nodded. “I did.”
“It just seems pretty selfish and weak to give up on your wife like that. I always thought the way you talk about him that he’s stronger than that.”
“Jess, they have a long history. There’s a lot we can’t assume about how they handle things, you know?”
“You’d fight for me, wouldn’t you, babe? If something crazy happened, you wouldn’t give up so easily, right?”
He leaned toward her and kissed her gently. “Of course, I wouldn’t.”
But that was exactly what he had done. He’d given up on them without a fight, which must have stung her all the more after the conversation they’d had. With that realization, he gripped the steering wheel tighter and shook his head in frustration. The Porsche was designed for speed but he was stuck on crowded, narrow roads, unable to pursue what he really wanted. It felt like a metaphor for his life right now.
CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT
In the interest of not screwing up her marriage, Sophie told Gavin about Shay’s request. They had gotten to a place of unfettered honesty with each other and she didn’t want to risk that, not now. It had only taken Gavin a few seconds to understand why Shay had made this request of her. Once it sank in, he tried to shrug it off, but that nonchalance was quickly replaced by his insistence that he would just tell Conor he needed to go along with it. He suggested that she didn’t even need to have a conversation, that he would simply impose upon Conor, if need be, the idea that he was owed this favor.
“Baby,” Sophie said, “I don’t want to do that to your friendship with him. You guys are good. This would change all that.”
“It doesn’t have to.”
They were once again awake at three in the morning, having spent the past five hours trying to soothe Daisy’s cries. It was her second night of inexplicable discomfort and refusal to eat. The rocking technique hadn’t solved the problem this time. It was only from sheer exhaustion that Daisy finally started to settle down. Sophie took this opportunity of sudden calm to get the baby to nurse as she lay with her in bed. Gavin lay on his side facing them as they spoke in low voices.
“I know your instinct is to keep me from . . . trading on my history with him,” she said carefully. She didn’t want—and didn’t need—to remind him of how close she and Conor had been. That was already in his head and no matter the time that had passed and the ways in which they had repaired their relationship, he still couldn’t shake sporadic bouts of insecurity over it. She hated to inspire one of those now, but she also hated the idea that he would rather hurt his friendship with Conor than allow her to revisit the connection she had had with him. “I would be happy to stay out of it, but not at the expense of you pulling a power trip over him. It’s not necessary.”
He was quiet for a moment, then reached out to touch Daisy’s head. She had a soft layer of blond hair that was impossible not to toy with.
Sophie knew the residual feelings of jealousy, anger, and pain were something he still had a right to, but she didn’t want it to overwhelm him.
“Gavin,” she whispered and he looked at her. “Wild horses couldn’t drag me away.”
It was a reference to the song by the Rolling Stones. They had both gravitated toward it after reconciling, as the lyrics of hurt and betrayal resonated deeply with them. But the overriding sentiment of the chorus, that nothing could pull them apart, was what they clung to most.
He smiled and trailed his fingers over her cheek. “I know it, darlin’. I know it.”
~
The dream was so vivid that when Gavin woke from it he was disoriented to find himself in bed. Dawn was just breaking outside. Sophie lay on her side with her back to him, her arm draped across the bed so that her hand dangled into Daisy’s bassinette, resting on the sleeping baby’s leg.
Closing his eyes, Gavin tried to relax into sleep once more, but his dream returned to mind and he gave over to thinking about it instead.
The dream had transported him back almost ten years in time to his wedding.
Sophie had scoured venues all over the north and south of Ireland, looking for a place where they could get married and host the reception, as well as accommodate a good number of guests who would want to stay over. Gavin hadn’t made it easy for her when he’d pressed for them to get married before the band went on tour, but she’d found a perfect solution in County Down.
The private Victorian-era estate turned meticulously renovated premier event venue offered everything they needed, including room enough for an outdoor non-denominational ceremony in a walled garden, and separate dinner and after-party spaces for their one hundred and thirty guests. Located on one-hundred acres of manicured land, including a picturesque lake, the property was a spectacular countryside backdrop for the occasion.
The service had been simple by design. Sophie deferred to Gavin who had no interest in religious tradition, and so their vows focused solely on the commitment they were making to each other.
Gavin, neatly turned out in a bespoke navy blue suit, held Sophie’s hand as he promised his unending love.
“It won’t always be perfect, I’ll confess ahead of time,” he said and their audience laughed. “But it will never fade. It will never die.”
Sophie wore a classic Vera Wang Chantilly lace sheath dress. The simplicity suited her and elegantly showcased her stunning figure. Skipping a necklace, she instead chose an emerald and diamond broach pinned to the point where the deep sweetheart neckline met close to her breastbone. The jewel turned her eyes the deep shade of green that always made Gavin catch his breath. But it was he who was making her catch her breath now.
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