So, no, he wouldn’t be sneaking around and hiding. He took Jessica by the hand and got out of the idling car. There was no one waiting for them outside, but once they entered the main lobby, they were assaulted by flashbulbs. A pap had been waiting, his camera wedged under his jacket for just this moment.
Jessica turned her face into Shay’s shoulder and he wrapped his arm around her. In a move reminiscent of Conor’s ever present cool, he acknowledged the photographer with a quick salute and a knowing smirk on his face as they kept walking.
By the time they were in the elevator, the pap was being escorted away by security and the hotel manager was calling after them with apologies and entreaties to return for a brief discussion.
“Do you think that will be the last of it?” Jessica asked as the door closed.
Shay turned to her but paparazzi was no longer on his mind. Except for that kiss in the restaurant they had been chaste all day. He was done with that as of right now. Hitting the stop button and the doors open button at the same time halted the elevator car between floors without setting off the alarm.
She looked at him, confused. But that only lasted a second before she realized his intentions.
“Really?” she asked, her cheeks burning red even as she couldn’t stop from smiling.
He nodded slowly, eyeing her hungrily as he started to close the short distance between them. She met him halfway, grabbing a fistful of his shirt and pulling him to her before he had a chance to try to back her against the wall. She had always been an enthusiastic lover, but he had almost always been the aggressor with her when it came to initiating their love making, so this was an intriguing reversal. They kissed each other with unrestrained passion, each trying to devour the other, fighting for control.
“If I had only known elevators were your thing,” he said in between kisses.
“You’re my thing,” she replied and sank to her knees, effectively winning the battle they’d been waging with their kisses.
Watching as she pulled his belt and jeans open, he grew harder in anticipation of her having all the control. She soon had him in her mouth, alternately teasingly trailing her tongue over him with deliberately taking him in deep. The elevator was paneled with mirrors and he enjoyed the profile view of her as she ran her tongue along his shaft and sucked the swollen tip. The warm, wet sensation combined with the suction and friction she created with those perfect lips as she concentrated on a deep, rhythmic pace quickly got him to the edge. When she looked up at him at the same time, he could have come right then. But she knew it and took her mouth away and used both hands on him instead, prolonging his pleasure. His face must have contorted to show how good she was making him feel because she gave him a sexy pout, clearly both aware of and enjoying the power she wielded.
“Jesus,” he moaned. “Fair warning, love. As soon as you put those lips around me again, I’m done for.”
He saw a smile at the corner of her mouth before she used it on him again. Just as he warned, he didn’t last much longer. As soon as the wave of his orgasm subsided, he pulled himself together and then pressed Jessica into the corner. Kissing her cheek and neck, he pushed his hand down her jeans and felt her wet.
“Is that for me?” he asked but she couldn’t answer with her head thrown back and her breath coming unevenly from the way he was touching her. He slid a finger inside her, then another as his thumb pressed against her clit. “You’re so fucking beautiful, Jess.”
Her moan turned high-pitched and he felt her body pulse against his fingers as she came. She put her arms around his neck limply and rested her forehead against the side of his neck. When she sighed it was with complete contentment, and he realized this episode had happened because of a new comfort level she had with him. Having revealed everything about her past had brought them closer than they’d ever been. He cupped her cheek and kissed her tenderly, reverently. He had found his one.
CHAPTER FIFTY-NINE
Flushed, and with subdued smiles fixed to their faces, Shay and Jessica entered his suite to find people in it. Shay had automatically reached for the wall switch to turn the lights on when he opened the door, only to realize all at once that the lights were not only already on but that there were two people chatting casually in the living area.
He pulled Jessica behind him and gestured for her to stay put while he moved through the entryway and into the suite.
“At last. And it’s about fucking time,” Conor said.
Shay was slow to comprehend what Conor Quinn was doing here. And Felicity was with him. They were lounging on the sofa together as if it was the most natural and comfortable spot in the world.
“What the fuck?” Shay said.
“Jessica is with you, isn’t she?” Felicity asked. She sat up and craned her neck to see behind Shay.
“Em, yes. It’s okay, Jess.”
Jessica stepped into view, tangling her fingers with Shay’s.
“Good to see you, Jessica,” Felicity said with a warm smile. “Are you all right?”
“Yes, I’m fine. Um, surprised to see you both, though.”
“We got in from Spain an hour ago,” Conor said. “We need to talk about all this, Shay.”
That sounded ominous and raised Shay’s defenses. “Why would you not call?”
“Oh, we did call. Everyone called. You both seemed to have turned off your phones,” Conor said. “And at a certain point, when your band’s drummer is being called a woman abuser, and he won’t answer his phone, you have to get on a plane to do something about it.”
“Jesus, isn’t that a little dramatic?”
“Shay, she’s bruised up. And her boyfriend is out there talking to the press about wanting her ‘safe return’ as if you kidnapped her or some such nonsense.”
“Are you out of your bleedin’ mind? Kidnapped?”
“Incredible, right?” Conor shook his head, befuddled. “Never in all my life did I think I’d be sitting here needing to talk to you about the damage being done to the band with this kind of shit.”
“Okay, back the fuck up right there,” Shay said. “I won’t have you coming into my room and blaming me for this bullshit. You remember who has done real damage to this band before you start throwing blame my way.”
“Blame?” Conor looked at Felicity in confusion.
“Ay, whatever bad publicity you’re worried about, it’s got nothing to do with the truth. Not like the very real shit you and Gavin have done with your screw ups. You two never once had to account for how you damaged the band, have you?”
“Fuck me.” Conor smiled. “Our Shay’s got a fucking pair of balls on him. Though I’d say they could do with a washing right about now.”
“CQ,” Felicity warned with a slap to his arm.
“Well, it is obvious they just had a good shag, isn’t it?” Conor asked her, amused with himself.
“I swear to god, Con—” Shay started.
“Relax, Shay,” Conor said mildly. “Listen to me for a minute. Felicity and I came all this way to help you. We want to be a part of getting rid of this bullshit story about you as soon as possible. I never for a second thought it was true. And I’m here to let paparazzi and this Anton bastard know that when you fuck with one of us, you fuck with the whole band. I won’t have anyone trying to paint you as some woman abuser.”
Shay had been raring to fight this battle against Conor and now felt deflated. They not only weren’t on opposing sides, but there had never been any doubt on Conor’s part.
“Oh, I, em,” Shay mumbled, trying to process the reversal of all that he thought was happening.
Conor sat up straighter, examining him. “You didn’t think I was after kicking you out of your band, did you?”
“Well, I—I didn’t know what’d you do after Danny Boy.”
“Shay, really. How can you not know there’s nothing you could do that would have me trying to get you out of what we all started together? I mean, for fuck’s sake, I wouldn’t want to be in a
band without you.”
Shay felt Jessica squeeze his hand, and it was the reminder he needed to breathe again. Conor’s assurances had caught him on an inhale that he hadn’t been able to let out as he held onto the surprise and relief.
“Thanks for that,” Shay said with a nod.
Conor stood up and embraced him with a rough clap on the back. “Don’t think twice about it.”
As Shay was starting to pull away, Conor held him in place and lowered his mouth to his ear. “Glad you had fun, but wash your fucking hands.”
Shay pushed him away with a grin. “What are you two even doing in my room?”
“Hotel is making another suite available for us. Told them we’d be happy to wait here.”
“Grand. Well, just give us a minute to settle in,” Shay said.
He led Jessica to the bedroom and closed the door. “This is wild, yeah?” he said as he headed to the bathroom.
“I don’t even know what to say,” she replied. She joined him in the bathroom, watching as he washed his good hand and the fingers of his left hand. “I mean, did you really think Conor wanted you out? Because of this stuff with me?”
Shay turned off the sink water and grabbed a hand towel. “The thought had crossed my mind.”
“That’s what you’ve been living with all day? Why didn’t you say so?”
“There was nothing that could be done about it, Jess. I didn’t need to burden you with that.”
She washed her hands and then pulled his toothbrush from his dopp kit. He watched as she brushed her teeth, enjoying their renewed easy domesticity. But she wasn’t exactly in the same frame of mind.
“The thing is,” she said when she was done, “aren’t we supposed to be sharing this stuff? Isn’t that part of what got us into trouble before? That we didn’t ‘burden’ each other?”
“You didn’t tell me everything. But I’m not sure what burden I had to share.”
“No?”
She was looking at him in disbelief but he didn’t understand why.
“Jess, you know all there is to know about me,” he said. “You know about Danny Boy. You know how I grew up. You know about it all.”
“I’ve never even met your parents, babe.”
“You don’t want to meet them,” he replied quickly.
“But I do. At least once. At least to know you’ve told them about me.”
“It’s not because I’m ashamed of you, for fuck’s sake. I’m ashamed of them. I don’t want you anywhere near them,” he said, his voice rising before he could catch himself.
There was a knock on the bedroom door and they both went quiet.
“Shay, we got the call about our room,” Conor said. “Breakfast in the morning so we can strategize?”
“Yes, let’s,” Shay called back.
When he turned back to Jessica, she was undressing.
“I’m going to take a bath,” she said. She stopped, waiting for him to leave. Clearly, she was not in the mood to have him join her.
He walked out of the bathroom and she shut the door behind him.
What a fucking day of revelations. Here was yet another thing he hadn’t known bothered her. He had always prided himself on being a keen observer, but he apparently couldn’t apply that skill to his own girlfriend.
Maybe it was because he had disregarded his parents for so long that it honestly hadn’t occurred to him to introduce Jessica to them. He saw them twice a year, checking in on them mainly to be sure they were managing to take care of themselves.
He sat down heavily on the bed before falling back and closing his eyes. Why was she so intent on getting him to “unburden” himself? Yawning, he realized it was at least partly because she had spent hours over dinner confessing a lot of hard truths about herself. She probably wanted—needed—him to reciprocate. If he did that, she wouldn’t have to regret having shared all that she had spent years guarding.
Fuck. The last thing he wanted to do was talk about his parents. He didn’t even speak of them to Danny Boy, as he had just recently pointed out. He just didn’t any reason to. All talking about them did was stir up the anxiety and loneliness of his childhood. But if Jessica really wanted to know more, then he supposed she deserved that.
CHAPTER SIXTY
Though he hadn’t meant to, Shay fell asleep while Jessica was in the bath. It was past midnight and he was running on weeks of too little sleep, but when she climbed into bed, he woke with a start. He smelled the hotel soap on her skin and saw that she was wearing another of his shirts.
“Maybe I should go home,” she said. “It’s not that far and I really need clothes.”
“No. Absolutely no,” he replied, fighting off another yawn. He kicked off his boots and pulled stripped down to his boxer briefs.
She lifted the sheets and comforter for him and he joined her, pulling her into his arms.
“Ready for a fucking depressing bedtime story?” he asked with a laugh.
“Um, sure?”
“Let me tell you about how I grew up, yeah?”
She watched him with wide eyes for a moment before nodding. And so he told her more than he had ever told anyone. He started with his earliest memory.
“When I was three, almost four years old, I almost got taken into care.”
“What does that mean? Taken into care?”
“It would be the same as social services here taking a kid away from his parents.”
“What happened?”
“Danny Boy had told one of his teachers he couldn’t stay after school—he was supposed to stay as punishment for acting out—but said he had to get home to take care of his little brother. When the teacher suggested that wasn’t a valid excuse because didn’t our parents have that covered, he admitted that they kept me locked in our room until Danny Boy came home. That was when he would fix me something to eat and look after me.”
The look of sadness and horror on her face made him look away. He settled onto his back, looking up at the ceiling. She stayed on her side, watching him.
“Wasn’t there any other family member who could step in?” she asked.
“No immediate family. And any others weren’t inclined to involve themselves.”
“Any neighbors that could see the abuse you were suffering?”
He bristled at the word “abuse.” In his mind, that meant physical harm and his parents had never hit him. He told her as much.
“But you can see that withholding care is a kind of abuse, can’t you? And just locking a toddler into a room for hours has to be called abuse.”
He thought about that for a long moment. But he couldn’t reconcile the idea that he had been a victim. His parents were derelict in their duties but that didn’t necessarily equate to them being monsters.
“Anyway,” he said, brushing past her pained inquiry, “Danny Boy quickly realized his mistake in telling his teacher what he did—”
“Mistake? Isn’t that what you needed? To have someone intervene?”
“No, love, that would mean he and I would likely be separated. I was desperately attached to him. I would have been devastated to lose him.”
“Oh, babe,” she said softly.
“By the time there was a visit to the house to inspect things, Danny Boy had figured out how to clean the place, get enough healthy food stocked, and coached our parents on what they should say. It worked. We didn’t get taken away and were never visited again. Danny Boy was eight years old at the time.”
He went on to tell her how emotionally unattached their parents were, that in fact they were both functional alcoholics. There were no boundaries in their house. The boys were never instructed to do their homework, brush their teeth, get to bed at a decent time, or even what time they should come home. There were no hugs, no bedtime stories, no visits to the doctor or dentist—just indifference and disregard. But Danny Boy was there and he took responsibility for everything he could. He was a charmer, and his engaging personality was put to good use through th
e years as he won over most of the mothers on their block, securing dinner invitations for both of them at least a few times a week. This gave them not only a hot, home-cooked meal, but an example of what a real family looked like.
Danny Boy had given him everything—until he couldn’t take it anymore and got hooked on heroin. It broke Shay’s heart, yet a part of him understood Danny Boy’s need for escape. While he was busy giving Shay some semblance of security, care, and love, he had no one to do that for him. Of course, Shay showed him love and devotion but it wasn’t the same as being cared for. Danny Boy had been an only child for five years before Shay was born, so he knew the feelings of rejection and loneliness life with their parents provided.
“I think I told you before that Gavin was the one who literally saved me from going the way Danny Boy did. And when my brother left home, Gavin sort of took over in looking after me. He made sure I didn’t get mixed up in the wrong things and included me with his friends. We connected with that and with music. And cars,” he said with a laugh. “God, we had fun knicking cars for a joy ride. Mind, we always gave them back.”
“Did he know all you went through? Everything you told me?”
“Nah, not the details, love. It’s not something I sit around and talk about with people. But he got the gist of it, and I know I could’ve told him. He’s the closest friend I’ve got.”
“And that’s why you were so depressed when he started with drugs” she said. “It was like déjà vu, wasn’t it? Seeing Gavin disappear into self-destruction like Danny Boy did.”
“Yeah. And he knew that. That’s why he steered clear of me as much as he could. He didn’t want me to see all that.” He realized he hadn’t really talked to Jessica at the time about all of Gavin’s troubles. She had known, of course, that Gavin was in a bad way. But Shay hadn’t shared the depths of his distress over it. His childhood had taught him to keep most things to himself. No one cared what he thought—that’s what he learned from his parents.
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