“Upwards of ten thousand,” I tell her. “Probably way upwards if you include the alcohol bill.”
“You know what we could do with that kind of money here?”
“I do.” I open up another canvas bag full of carrots. “I heard the children’s after-school program might be getting cut.”
Her big brown eyes pool with sadness. “It’s a damn shame. That program keeps so many kids off the streets and helps them keep their grades up with tutoring. Instead of giving ‘em a safe place to have a snack and do their homework, we’re gonna have to turn ‘em out.”
“It’s not right.”
“No.” She sighs heavily. “So you aren’t going out tomorrow night, either?”
I shake my head. “I’ll be exhausted by then. I’ll probably go to bed about an hour after I get home.”
“I don’t feel so bad about skipping it, too, then.”
“It’s nice of Gloria to try to put something together.”
Angelia smiles wryly. “I’ve never been a girls night out kinda girl.”
“I used to, but I’m over it.”
My old life in California involved many a girls night out with my over-privileged friends. We dressed up, drank and took way too many selfies. That life feels shallow to me now. I was wasting time and money with “friends” like Mandy. I’m happier having just one true friend in Angelia than all my old friends put together made me.
“Want me to try to braid your hair again Sunday?” I ask Angelia.
She laughs so loudly there’s a snort at the end, shaking her head emphatically. “Hell no, Reese. You made me look like a damn fool last time.”
“I’m still learning.” I furrow my brow.
“You’re just too white, that’s all. But I love you for wanting to try.”
She’s right—I did a terrible job when I tried to recreate the all-over braids she had in her hair when we first met. But that evening was so much fun. We drank cheap wine and laughed until we had tears running down our faces.
“Hey Reese,” someone calls into the kitchen from the doorway.
I turn to see Tina, who works at the shelter’s front desk.
“What’s up?” I ask her.
“There’s a man here to see you.”
The chatter between the dozen or so women working in the kitchen gets quiet. We don’t get many male visitors here, and that’s by design. And if a deliveryman needs to come, he doesn’t get past the front office, so none of our residents will ever see him.
The Mission wouldn’t feel safe to some of the women here if there were strange men in sight. Some of the wounds here run deep, and many are far more than just physical.
“Is it a delivery from a supplier?” I ask Tina. “If it is, you can just sign for it and I’ll come pick it up in the office later.”
“Nope, just some dark, hairy guy asking to see you.”
A couple women laugh, and I can’t help but smile. Tina has a way with words. “Hmm. I don’t know why a dark, hairy guy would want to see me, but I’ll be right there.”
I wash my hands, drying them on a towel and head out to the front office. The air outside the kitchen is about ten degrees cooler, and I realize how hot and sweaty I am.
Did I put deodorant on this morning? Ugh, I hope so.
When I make it to the front office and look at the row of folding chairs set up for visitors, I see the back of a tall man with dark hair, broad shoulders and a nice build. He turns, and my heart does a wild somersault.
“Knox!”
He smiles and approaches, openings his arms and coming in for a hug. I wonder again about the deodorant.
“It’s great to see you, Reese. I hope it’s okay that I’m here. I wasn’t sure how else to see you.”
Just the feel of his back under my hands as we hug brings back a surge of memories from Kauai. I can remember running my fingertips over every ridge of his well-defined back as we lay together, blissfully unaware of anything else.
“I…of course, it’s fine, but how did you know I’d be here?”
“I ate at Magnolia last night and saw the article about you on the wall. A server told me I could find you here today.”
“It’s really good to see you,” I say softly, my gaze wandering over his face.
His short beard looks the same, but there’s a little more curl in the top of his hair, and there are a couple new lines in the corners of his eyes. They actually make him look even handsomer than before.
“You too,” he says, his eyes seeming to take me in the same way I’m doing to him.
The attraction is still there. It feels as strong as it did in Kauai. But things are different now. Being with Knox in Hawaii was magical, a dream. It was never meant to last, but when I woke up from the dream and returned to reality, I had memories to last me forever.
Seeing him standing in the lobby of the Mission, part of my everyday life, is…strange.
“Can we get together for dinner?” he asks me.
I glance over at Tina, knowing that even though she’s pretending to read something on her computer screen, she’s actually listening to every word we say.
“Um…I’ll probably be here until at least ten tonight. I have food pantry donations to sort after dinner, and a class to teach, so…”
“Another night, then.”
I open my mouth to respond, but then close it, realizing I don’t know what to say. Knox arches a brow, looking amused.
“Just to catch up,” he says.
“Well, I guess…if it’s just to catch up…”
He gives me a puzzled look. “Are you okay? You’re not acting like yourself.”
I take a breath and dive in to what I need to say, but am not sure how to say.
“Dinner would be great. Catching up would be great. But if you remember that in Kauai, we…” I glance over at Tina and then back at him, “had a lot of dessert on that last day. And I’m not at a point in my life when I want dessert. I’m busy, and…happy. I’m happy.”
The corners of his lips tilt up in a smile. “I’m not trying to get you to have…dessert, Reese. Just wanted to catch up and see what you’ve been up to the past year.”
My voice of reason is telling me to put him off. Make an excuse. Leave our perfect time in Kauai as all there ever is between us.
But I don’t have many friends here. And Knox is a good guy. I picked up on that right away. It can’t hurt to have a friend here in Chicago who’s a good guy. Not to mention that he smells amazing.
“I probably smell like chicken stock,” I blurt out. “I spilled some on myself earlier.”
“You don’t, and even if you did, I wouldn’t mind.” Knox takes out his phone. “Can I get your number?”
I pause just a second before giving in and reciting the digits to him.
“So dinner,” he says, his brown eyes warm as they meet mine. “Soon.”
I nod, my heart doing drunken cartwheels as I wonder whether this is a good idea or not. It feels good, but that’s true of everything concerning Knox.
“No dessert,” he says softly. “Promise.”
“Good. Because I’m very anti-dessert these days.”
Tina laughs sarcastically from her desk. “No, you’re not. You ate a huge piece of that cheesecake you made last week.”
I close my eyes, my cheeks warming with embarrassment.
“See you soon, Reese,” Knox says, smirking as he turns for the door.
“Okay. I mean, hopefully. I’m pretty busy.”
“We’ll make it work.”
He leaves then, and I glare at Tina, who just shrugs.
On my walk back to the kitchen, my overworked heart collapses into a tired heap. It’s not used to cartwheels, not having done a single one since Kauai.
It’s just dinner. One dinner, to catch up and wish each other well.
And no dessert. Dessert only leads to feelings and feelings lead to heartbreak. So even though Knox was the best dessert I’ve ever had, I have to resist.
The life I’ve built here in Chicago means too much to me. I won’t risk upsetting it over a man. Even that man.
Chapter Nine
Knox
I can’t take my eyes off Reese as she approaches the table where I’ve been waiting for her, rather anxiously if I’m being honest with myself. The maître d’ laughs heartily over something she said as he escorts her over here. Though I know it’s irrational that I’m jealous over the glow on his face as he looks at her, I’m not gonna deny it—I want him to fuck off.
I haven’t seen Reese in more than a year. I never thought I’d see her again, and that was a huge disappointment after feeling such a powerful connection with her. I think I deserve to have her to myself for a long time. That’s kind of a sobering thought, but she’s a woman you settle down with, and I think I might actually be ready for that.
“Hey,” she says, smiling at me as she sets her bag on an adjacent chair.
“Hi, you look great,” I say as I stand to pull out her chair for her.
“Thanks.”
Once she sits down, I sit back down, too. Our eyes lock across the table and I’m transported back to Kauai.
We’re both a little older—I’ve gotten a few gray hairs growing in at my temples since then and Reese’s hair is a few inches shorter. Neither of us are as bronzed from the sun as we were back then, but the feelings are the same.
If anything, I’m even more attracted to her now, because I know how it feels to lose her. It fucking sucks, and I don’t want to go through it again.
“I wish you would’ve found me,” I say. “If I’d known that you lived here, I would’ve wanted to see you immediately.”
Reese sips from her water goblet, the ice in her glass clinking together. When she sets it down, she gives me a soft smile.
“I thought about it. But I knew I’d just want to jump right back in bed with you.”
I can’t help glaring at her. “And that would have been a bad thing?”
Her smile fades. “For me…yeah. I’m so happy with my life the way it is now. I haven’t been on a single date since we last saw each other, and I have no interest in going on one.”
I grunt in response, unable to hide my disappointment. I guess the magic is only still there for me. But I recover quickly.
“I guess you knew no other man could compare to me,” I quip, winking.
“It’s your modesty that sets you apart, I think.”
I shrug, unable to tear my gaze away from her face. I remember exactly how her lips look when she’s coming, wide open even though she tries to stay as quiet as possible. My cock stiffens in my pants as I think about making her come so hard she cries out my name in ecstasy.
“Knox?” she prods, and I shake myself out of my daze.
“Hmm?”
“I asked what you’ve been up to for the past year.”
I don’t want to bring her down by telling her about my dad, and it’s not something I like to talk about anyway, so I stick to a safer subject.
“Oh. Uh, hockey mostly. We made it to the postseason last year, but didn’t win the cup.”
She smiles. “I saw one of your games on TV one night when I was packing my stuff to move.”
“To Paris?”
“I didn’t end up going to Paris, actually. I got an amazing opportunity to work with a chocolatier in Switzerland for six months, so I did that. And then I found out a chef I went to school with was a partner in Magnolia, and he was looking for a pastry chef, and that’s how I ended up here.”
She pronounces the word “chocolatier” with a perfect French accent, which somehow makes her even sexier.
“Switzerland? That must’ve been exciting.”
Reese’s eyes light with happiness. “It was the most incredible experience I’ve had in any of my baking and cooking schooling. It changed the way I temper my chocolate and make my chocolate fillings. We made huge structures and models out of chocolate. And the truffles…” She sighs happily. “I brought an extra five pounds back to the states on my hips from sampling all that chocolate, but I regret nothing.”
As I soak in her enthusiasm, it occurs to me for the first time that I’m on dangerous ground with this woman. Not only am I more attracted to her than I’ve ever been to a woman in my life, I also admire her. Reese has a passion for her work. She didn’t just move on after having her heart broken by her shitty ex, she moved on and up—becoming an even better version of herself, from what I can see.
“So you must be responsible for those chocolate baskets I’ve heard so much about,” I say.
She grins. “You’ve heard about my baskets?”
“Yeah, one of my teammates’ wives loves them.”
“Wow, that…that’s really gratifying for me, thanks for telling me that.”
I wish I could put into words how I’m feeling. I want to tell Reese that I’m proud of her, and wowed by all the things about her that have nothing to do with her looks, but I know anything I say will come out sounding wrong. I decide to stick with letting her do all the talking.
“How long have you been volunteering at the shelter?” I ask.
“About three months.”
The server comes by our table and we place our orders—steak for me and chicken for her. As soon as he leaves, Reese dives right back into talking about the shelter.
“Magnolia has been donating food to the Women’s Mission since it opened. I dropped off the delivery one day and saw a flyer on their message board about needing volunteers to teach classes. I teach a cooking class and a baking class there once a week, and on Thursdays I help make dinner.”
“I can tell from your voice that you love it.”
“I do. If money was no object, I’d be there every day.” She laughs. “Well, maybe I’d volunteer a day or two a week at Magnolia; I do enjoy creating new desserts.”
The server drops off a breadbasket, and I like that Reese reaches for a piece immediately, generously buttering it.
“You haven’t had anything to do with your douchebag ex or your former friends, have you?” I ask.
She shakes her head. “No, no contact at all. I pretty much went off the grid in Switzerland. Only my dad and brother knew where I was and how to reach me. I deleted all my social media accounts, too.”
My smile is wry. “That explains why I couldn’t find you when I tried.”
Reese arches her brows with surprise. “You tried to find me?”
I shrug. “Yeah, a couple months after Kauai. I just wanted to see how you were doing.”
“That’s really nice of you, Knox.” Our eyes meet across the table and I swear I see a flicker of something in hers.
“So, have you been back to Kauai?” she asks.
“Yeah, I did my usual trip there with my teammates in June. It was a little crazier than usual because Luca and Abby have a baby son now. They’re the ones who own the house.”
“Oh.” Her eyes soften. “What’s his name?”
“Alexander. He keeps them on their toes.”
“I bet.”
Before I have a chance to think twice about it, I ask, “Do you want kids someday?”
She seems to mull it over for a bit. “I always did, before…you know. And now, I’d love to have kids, but I don’t think I ever want to get married.”
“Maybe it just hasn’t been long enough since you left your bag-of-dicks ex.”
“I don’t know…I always thought before that finding a life partner gave you this complete feeling. You know what they say about having a better half. But I feel completely complete right now, other than wanting a child at some point. I’m not a half—I’m whole.”
I chuckle and say, “Damn, it’s like I’m looking at the female version of myself.”
“You don’t want to get married, either?”
Looking away, I shrug. “I don’t know. I’d only want to get married if I found one woman who I wanted to be with every day for the rest of my life.”
Reese scrunches her face i
n doubt, cynicism shining through her eyes. “But no one can know what they’ll want in twenty years, can they? I think marriage is, at best, a blind leap of faith. And I never want to be blind again.”
“Not every man is a shitbag like your ex, you know.”
She lifts a shoulder in a half-shrug. “I just don’t feel like sorting through the rocks to find a diamond.”
Deciding to change the subject, I ask, “How do you like Chicago?”
“Overall, it’s good. The food scene is amazing. But I seriously thought I might freeze to death last winter.”
“Yeah, it gets damned cold here.”
“There were nights I came home from work, took a hot shower and got in bed with like eight blankets.”
“I guess you can take the girl out of California, but you can’t take California out of the girl.”
She laughs. “It’s true. But after walking a mile in the city during a blizzard, I slept better that night than I ever have.”
“You shouldn’t be out walking in that.”
“You know this city, sometimes it takes a lot less time to just walk.”
I can’t help myself from staring at her. I never thought I’d see her cute little nose or her bright smile again. It’s probably not a bad thing when our food arrives and we turn our attention toward our meals.
“So what are you doing a week from Saturday?” I ask her.
“Probably just working.”
“Do you get days off?”
She hesitates before saying, “I set my own hours.”
“My teammate Victor and his wife are hosting a big cookout at their new place that afternoon. Why don’t you come with me?”
Reese gives me a polite smile. “I appreciate the invite, but—”
“Don’t blow me off,” I say. “I know there was something between us in Kauai.”
“There was, but…I don’t want to date anyone.”
I give her an amused look. “Who asked you out on a date? Just come hang out with me and my team and eat some good food.”
Her expression is knowing. “And then fuck like rabbits after?”
Our server clears his throat from beside Reese, and she flushes a deep shade of pink.
Knox: A Chicago Blaze Hockey Romance Page 6
