We both take a breath, and I realize he’s still hurting badly. This loss is still very fresh for him. When my mom died, I felt like I was in a fog of grief for weeks afterward.
“Come on in and sit down,” I say. “Can I get you a drink?”
“A shot of whiskey would be nice,” he replies quietly.
“I’m fresh out,” I say with a slight smile. “Want some water?”
“Yeah, that’d be good.”
I walk into my kitchen and get a bottle of water out of the fridge, checking my hair in the reflection of the microwave door. I’ve been nervous about this conversation since we set it up yesterday. Knox and I have never had tension between us until now, and I don’t like it.
“So—” I start as I walk back into the living room, but Knox cuts me off.
“Can we talk about anything but my dad? It’s not that I don’t want to tell you things, I’m just…”
“Raw. I get it.” I pass him the water.
“Thanks.” He unscrews the cap and takes a sip as he sits down on the couch. “How was New York?”
I sit down in a chair across from the couch. “Do you want the glossed over version or the whole truth?”
“The whole truth.”
“Well, I toured Gabe’s existing restaurant. He’s the friend from culinary school who offered me the job. It’s pretty amazing. A farm to table place. And then we had a meeting with the other two partners on the project. It’s fully funded and they’ve already broken ground. My job would be to oversee the baking side of the restaurant, which will be staffed by shelter residents.”
“And you loved it.” He sounds disappointed. “I can tell you did.”
“It’s a dream job. The shelter is being built with the strictest green guidelines—solar power, natural lighting, energy-efficient. The goal is to be as close to zero-waste as they can. I don’t know, it’s just…the more I heard, the more I liked it.”
Knox nods. “I appreciate you telling me the truth.”
His crestfallen expression melts me. “I’ve always been honest with you, and I always will. I haven’t made my decision yet.”
He exhales hard, looking down at his hands.
“There’s something else,” I say.
He looks up, brows arched in question. “What?”
“It was obvious to me that Gabe wants to be more than just business partners with me. He used to have a thing for me in culinary school, but I never encouraged it. But I was engaged then.”
“Fucking douchebag,” Knox mutters.
“He didn’t just offer me the job because he’s interested in me, though,” I say, more defensively than I intended. “I’m qualified.”
“Of course you are. They’d be damn lucky to have you. I just hate the thought that even if we tried long-distance, there’d be some sleazebag hitting on you at work every day.”
“We’d work in separate areas.”
“Trust me, he’ll find a way.”
I walk over and sit next to Knox on the couch. “I’m not interested in him, and nothing’s going to change that. Would you really consider us doing a long-distance thing if I go?”
He shrugs, looking helpless. “It’s better than not seeing you. And I could be there during my offseason.”
“Wow.” My heart swells with hope. “It means a lot that you’d support my career like that.”
“It’s not what I want. We already don’t get enough time together. But if you’re going…” He looks away, shaking his head. “We’ll have to make the best of it. It just feels like I’m losing everyone all at once.”
I feel his words like a slap to the face. When I told him about the New York offer, I didn’t realize his dad was dying, but now that I know, I can see how hard it must be to experience both these things at the same time.
“If this happens, it won’t be right away,” I say. “It’ll take months for the building construction to be complete.”
“You said you hadn’t decided yet, but I think you have,” he says flatly. “It feels like you’re saying yes.”
“I’m leaning in that direction,” I admit.
“Do you wish we’d never started seeing each other?”
“Knox, no. No. I love you. I want to have you and this job. And maybe I can. I’ll come here when I can and you’ll come to me when you can.”
“You’re not a casual thing for me.” He takes my hand. “If you were staying here, it wouldn’t have been long until I asked you if we could move in together.”
“No way,” I say, the words coming out before I realize I’m saying them.
“No?” He looks hurt and I immediately feel bad.
“It’s not because of you. I lived with Eric for years before we got married. The fact that he was drinking the milk without buying the cow became a running joke for him and his family.”
“They sound charming.”
“Yeah.” I squeeze his hand. “It’s nothing against you, honestly. I just decided after Eric that I’d never live with a man before marriage again. I felt like Eric was still trying me on for size, and I’m not doing that ever again.”
Knox puts an arm around me, pulls me close and says, “Okay. No living together. And you might be moving to New York, where some dickhead chef plans to come on to you. Is there any more bad news?”
“I think that’s it.”
He leans back, tips my chin up and kisses me. It’s a soft, slow kiss that I feel everywhere. A shiver dances down my spine and my heart swells with warmth.
“Do you still love me?” Knox asks, his lips just an inch from mine.
“I do.”
“I love you, too. And I’m not giving up what we have just because it won’t be easy. Lord knows it’s never been easy with you.”
I lean back, narrowing my eyes. “Says who?”
“I had to swim into the ocean in my running clothes just to meet you.”
I smile. “You didn’t have to. You could’ve kept walking.”
“No way.”
I snuggle against him. “You don’t think…you’ll be tempted by other women? When you’re on the road and we haven’t seen each other for a while?”
“No. I keep my word.”
“Okay. I just ask one thing.”
“What’s that?”
I look up at him. “If you do meet someone else, and you think you might want to…you know, will you just tell me? I can handle being broken up with, but being cheated on…please don’t do that to me.”
“Reese.” Knox cups my cheek in his hand. “I. Keep. My. Word. It’s why I haven’t had many relationships. When I say I want you and only you, I mean it.”
Somehow, I feel the truth in his words. And as hard as it is for me to trust a man again, it’s not fair to punish him for what Eric did.
“Okay,” I say. “I believe you.”
“I ask one thing, too,” he says.
“What’s that?”
“If that guy Gabe makes a move on you, when he knows you’re taken, I’m gonna introduce myself to him, okay?”
“Oh boy.”
“He’s got it coming, babe.”
“He’s about half your size.”
“Makes no difference to me.”
I give him a puzzled look. “I keep my word, too. Why confront him if you trust me?”
“It’s a guy thing, I guess. I’m not letting some asshole paw you and hit on you at work. Fuck that. If he won’t take no for an answer from you, he’ll hear it from me.”
“Okay.”
“And you’ll tell me if he’s coming on to you? Promise?”
“Promise.”
Knox finishes his water and asks if I have to go back to work.
“No, I’ve got a good sous chef working today. Do you want to do something?”
“I feel like ordering in and watching Netflix.”
“Oh!” I sit up, suddenly excited. “There’s a new baking show I’ve been dying to watch but I never have time.”
“Let do it
. As long as we can watch SportsCenter later.”
I pass him my remote. “No problem. There’s a hot hockey player I’ve got a crush on. Maybe I’ll get to see him.”
Knox smiles. “Play your cards right and you will.”
Chapter Twenty-Three
Knox
Olivier Durand rises from his seat at a table at Salon, one of the hot new restaurants in Chicago.
“Knox, good to see you,” he says, offering me his hand.
I shake it and sit down, not sure if the heads turned toward our table are for me or for him. Durand is making quite a name for himself in Chicago, and since he’s our team owner, I’m relieved all the headlines are good.
“I’m very sorry about your dad,” he says as the server pours me a glass of water. “He was one of the greats as a player, and from what I’ve heard, as a husband and father as well.”
“Thank you. I appreciate the time away to be with my family.”
Durand waves a hand. “Family should come before work. I’m glad you made it to him in time.” He sits back in his chair. “I assume you didn’t want to meet up just for my company, though. What’s on your mind?”
I clear my throat and begin my rehearsed speech. “There’s nothing I don’t like about my team. The players, the coaching, even—” I gesture toward him, “the ownership is top notch. But I’d like to open a dialogue with you about…” I look from side to side to make sure no one is close enough to overhear, lowering my voice just to be safe, “a trade to New York.”
“What?”
Durand looks like I just smacked him. Clearly I caught him off-guard.
“I know it’s out of nowhere,” I admit. “And I still have another two years on my contract.”
“But why? You’re the best enforcer in the league. Our standing is good, we’re likely to make the playoffs. You’re in your prime, why would you want to go?”
Before I can even answer, his expression darkens and he says, “Don’t say I’m not paying you enough. I researched salaries before I bought the team and you’re being paid very well.”
Damn, Durand is more shook up about this than I was expecting.
“It’s not about money,” I assure him. “It’s not about anything related to hockey, actually. It’s about my girlfriend.”
“Oh, good Lord.” He rolls his eyes and then puts a finger in the air to summon our server.
“Sir?” the server says, coming over immediately.
“Can I get a glass of your best whiskey on the rocks?”
“Yes, sir.”
The server looks at me and I say, “I’ll take an unsweetened iced tea, please.”
“Yes, sir.”
Durand takes a breath and I can tell he’s trying to compose himself.
“Listen, you’ve been through a lot recently,” he says. “You need to take some time to think this over. I won’t say a word about it to anyone. And if you come back to me and want to pretend this conversation never happened, we can do that.”
“I know what it must seem like,” I concede. “But I won’t change my mind. Reese has a job offer in New York, and she’s leaning toward taking it. If she does, I want to go with her.”
Poor Durand looks like his head’s about to explode.
“Isn’t she a chef?” His eyes are wide with disbelief. “There are chef job openings everywhere. Hell, I’ll find her a job if you want me to. You’re in the NHL, Knox. You can’t follow her to New York over a chef’s job.”
“It’s her dream job, though.”
He pinches the bridge of his nose. “I just can’t reconcile losing the best enforcer in the league over this.”
“I’m not the best anymore. Have you seen that new kid, Austin Randall?”
“He’s very good, but he doesn’t have your instincts. No one does.”
“I appreciate you wanting me to stay. It really means a lot. But I don’t think Reese and I will make it if we’re not together. I want to be with her.”
“If it’s what you want, I won’t fight you on it.” Durand looks resigned now. “I don’t want anyone on my team who doesn’t want to be there.”
“Thanks. But nothing’s for sure yet. She hasn’t accepted the job.”
Durand shakes his head. “I can’t believe my team’s changes at the playoffs may hinge on a woman’s decision about a chef’s job in New York.”
“Hey,” I say firmly. “She may not be a billionaire like you are, but Reese is very good at what she does. And she works hard. She wants to go there to help homeless people. Stop acting like her job’s not every bit as good as mine.”
Durand furrows his brow, confused. “How can she help homeless people as a chef?”
I tell him about the plan for the shelter and restaurant operating together on one property, even the plans for the buildings to be environmentally friendly. When I finish, Durand surprises me by laughing.
“Why didn’t you open with that?” he asks, sipping from the glass of whiskey the server dropped off.
I laugh nervously and say, “I don’t know, it just…didn’t seem relevant?”
Durand looks completely relaxed now.
“Your girlfriend can start a restaurant like that here. In Chicago. I’ll back it.”
My mouth drops open in shock.
“Yes, I’m serious,” he says. “I’m sure I can get some tax benefits from it, and I like giving back. The team can volunteer there and we’ll get great PR.”
I’m still just staring at him, not sure what to say.
“What do you think?” he asks. “Doesn’t that sound better than moving to New York? I’ve never liked it there. It has a smell.”
“I…yeah. I mean, it’s gonna be expensive. And it may not ever be completely self-sustaining. I don’t want you to buy in and then be disappointed later.”
He waves a hand. “I’m not worried about it. Like I said, we’ll get good PR out of it. I can get some friends to kick in money, too.”
“Wow. I don’t even know what to say other than thank you. I never expected to find a way for Reese and I to get everything we want.”
Plus, now Reese won’t have to be around that douchebag Gabe. Bonus.
“Next time, just come to me and we’ll get things worked out without any talk of trades, okay?” Durand says.
“I will.”
“How long do you plan to play hockey, Knox? Have you thought about it?”
I shrug. “When I was in my 20s, I didn’t give it any thought. But now that I’m 30, it’s starting to set in that I can’t play forever. I’d like to make it to 40, but it’ll depend how my body holds up, I guess.”
“Hockey is pretty hard on a body.”
“Tell me about it. My shoulder is still sore from hitting the boards several days ago.”
Durand’s face lights up. “That hit against Cameron? That was magic to watch.”
“It didn’t feel so magical. The trainers iced my shoulder off and on after the game and I had to eat a cold burrito for dinner.”
“My father used to say hockey is only a fraction as glamorous as is looks when you watch a game.”
“Did he play?”
“He did, through college. And I played, but only through high school. We both had the heart but not enough talent.”
“Looks like it worked out well for you, though.”
Durand smiles and takes the last sip of his drink. “Well enough. I still play on weekends sometimes, just for fun.” He sets his glass down, turning serious. “Can I ask how you think Anton’s doing?”
I lower my brows. “Kicking ass and taking names. He scored two goals in our last game.”
“No, not in terms of hockey. He’s seemed…almost morose in some of his interviews lately.”
“I’m not sure what morose means, but if you’re saying he’s been a moody bastard, that’s just who he is.”
Durand’s lips quirk up in a smile. “He seems moodier than usual lately. If he’s not happy and there’s something I can do about it
, I will. I don’t want to lose him.”
I shake my head. “It’s not that. If I had to guess, I’d say it’s all the shit going down with his brother.”
“Alexei?”
“Yeah. Anton and Alexei are Russian. Their parents sent them to live with a hockey coach and his family in America when they were little so they could have a better life. So in terms of blood family, Anton and Alexei only have each other. No one can piss Anton off like Alexei.”
“I see. And Alexei’s been making headlines lately—none of them good.”
“Right. Anton feels like Alexei is pissing away his career and his life.”
Durand nods. “It helps to know that, thanks for telling me. And I won’t share it with anyone else.”
Our server delivers bread and takes our order. The mood is lighter now. I need to finish this lunch with Durand, but I’m also dying to go tell Reese about his offer to back a shelter and restaurant in Chicago.
“Knox,” Durand says, “I do have one request for this shelter we’re going to build.”
It’s we, even though he’s the one funding it. Durand really must be as nice and generous as he seems.
“What’s that?”
“I’d like my mother to be there in some way.” He looks wistful. “She’s been gone for many years now, but her memory is dear to me. I’d like the shelter to be named after her, or for a photo of her to hang in the lobby. Just…something to make her a part of it. She came from nothing and she’d approve of it.”
“I think that’s a great idea. What was her name?”
“Madeleine.”
“I know Reese will want her included.”
Durand gives me a wry smile. “This woman seems to have broken through the walls of Fort Knox.”
“She most definitely has.”
“Well, I hope my offer will solve your problem.”
“I have a feeling it will,” I say. “Well, one of the problems, at least.”
The other one, I’m hoping to solve on my own, and soon.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Reese
Knox: A Chicago Blaze Hockey Romance Page 14
