‘Well, at least you won’t have to go this weekend.’ He turned and briefly looked at her. ‘Given that you’ve already been. Which is good because I’ve got a dinner to go to on Saturday and—’
‘Today was a bonus visit,’ Lizzie interrupted, with an edge to her voice. ‘Of course I’m still going this weekend, it’s Mum’s birthday.’
‘You are allowed to have a life, Lizzie.’
‘I do have a life,’ Lizzie snapped back. ‘And this is it.’
It wasn’t a row, it was an almost row.
Both confirmed it when, for the first time, that night they didn’t make love.
Or have sex.
Or whatever Leo told himself it was.
He lay on his back as she slept beside him, going over all that her mother had said about Lizzie wanting a husband and babies.
Lizzie, Leo decided as he finally drifted off to sleep, really had terrible taste in men, because if it was a husband and babies she wanted, what on earth was she doing here with him?
Lizzie woke to the sound of Leo’s phone buzzing and listened as he took a call from Ethan.
‘I can see them when I get into work …’ Leo yawned, his hand moving to Lizzie and stroking her bottom, their almost row forgotten, his mouth working the back of her shoulder as Ethan spoke on. ‘I don’t care if it’s the end of the working day in the Solomon Islands …’ He put his hand over her mouth to stifle Lizzie’s giggle. ‘Okay,’ Leo snapped. ‘I’ll take a look now.’ He let out a long sigh as he ended the call. ‘Ethan wants me to go over some details on a patient he thinks the clinic might be able to help.’
‘Is he coming over?’
‘I’m afraid so. My brother with a cause is like a …’
‘A what?’
‘I don’t know.’ Leo yawned. ‘I haven’t had a coffee yet.’
‘I’ll get us one.’ Lizzie would far prefer he got back to kissing her, but she could use a coffee too.
‘Actually …’ Leo’s voice was rarely tentative. ‘He’ll be here soon.’
‘Getting kicked out without so much as a coffee!’ Lizzie kept her voice light but there was an edge to it she couldn’t hide as she climbed out of bed.
‘You’ve said many times that you don’t want anyone at work knowing.’
‘I know.’
She didn’t want anyone at working knowing.
What was the point?
It would be over soon. It was bad enough trying to get over a guy like Leo, without the world watching, guessing your reaction, asking how you felt.
They were in this strange arena.
Caught somewhere between a fling and a relationship.
Only relationships Leo didn’t really do, except it was starting to feel a lot like one. Lizzie was staying at his place most nights and when they decided otherwise, when Lizzie had gone out with friends and come home to her apartment, Leo had caved at one a.m. and called her and ended up coming over to hers.
And as for a fling, yes, it might feel like that way to Leo, but her heart was saying otherwise.
Stupidly Lizzie was close to tears as she took her toothbrush from his cupboard and her deodorant and, after the quickest wash, pulled her dress on.
‘Lizzie …’
He was at the bathroom door, two coffees in hand as she pulled her hair back into a ponytail and fiddled with it for something to do. She was wearing a tight black dress with a high neck. Last night she’d had a smoky grey top over it, but now he could see her bare arms and the slight shake of her hand as she pulled a couple of strands of hair out and tried to make herself look, to commuters’ eyes, as if she was going to work, rather than going home after a night not spent in her own bed.
‘I found this.’ He handed her a missing earring.
Yes, they were at the precipice and it had come far more rapidly than either had thought it might.
All or nothing and neither wanted to make that choice.
She put in her earring and then fiddled with her hair as he stood behind her in the mirror, his trousers on, his chest bare, though she did everything she could not to look. She would give anything rather than have him see her with tears in her eyes over them.
‘Have your coffee.’ He put a mug down beside the sink.
‘It’s fine,’ Lizzie said. ‘I’ll grab one on the way.’
‘Lizzie.’
Her teeth gritted but to prove she wasn’t upset she took a drink.
‘Would it be so terrible if Ethan found out?’ Leo asked.
‘I don’t think terrible is the word,’ Lizzie said. ‘More …’ she thought for a moment, ‘… awkward.’
‘I’m sure he’s not going to go shouting it to all the staff …’
Which was the whole damn point, Lizzie thought, and she turned to him. ‘Would it be so terrible if he did?’
‘No,’ Leo said carefully. ‘As you said, it might just make things a bit awkward.’
‘Why?’ Lizzie frowned. ‘Is it awkward when Abbie and Rafael are there?’
‘Of course not,’ Leo said. ‘They’re a team, they’re married …’ He closed his eyes, not sure where this row had come from, not sure he deserved the label of bad guy here. ‘I’m just thinking of you,’ Leo said. ‘You’re the head nurse and—’
‘It might not look so good that I’m shagging the boss?’
‘Lizzie.’
‘You’re right.’ Lizzie turned around. ‘It is better that I go before Ethan gets here—it would make things terribly awkward if he found out, so thanks for the coffee but, no, thanks.’ She brushed past him and sat on the sofa and pulled on her boots and then added the grey top and coat and scarf. ‘We should have done this in summer.’
‘Sorry?’
‘It’s not very easy to make a rapid exit in the middle of winter. I’ll be climbing down the fire escape at this rate,’ she said, picking up her bag.
‘I don’t know what’s going on here, Lizzie.’ As always, he got to the point. ‘I’ve said stay, I’ve said let Ethan know …’
‘I know.’ She breathed out loudly. This anger in her stomach just had to be released, she just wanted to get away from him.
‘Come over tonight,’ Leo said, and he did something he never had before. ‘I’m operating this afternoon.’ He took a key from the dresser in the hall. ‘Just …’ Those stupid tears were back as she watched him close her fingers around the metal. ‘Let yourself in.’
She wanted to argue, wanted to tell him she didn’t want his key, that it was killing her to get closer, that there was more and more she’d have to give back—the key, the suit he’d left at her flat, the cufflinks, the tie, and there were her favourite shoes under his bed. She couldn’t end it and leave them here. And there were a couple of movies she’d brought over …
‘See you.’ She almost turned her head as he went to give her a kiss but he captured her cheeks and kissed her properly, nicely, deeply, and then, before he asked her a question, he wisely held her wrists.
‘Are you getting your period?’
She almost went to lift her hand but his grip tightened and she gave a wry smile at his foresight. She was in a dangerous mood, an unpredictable mood.
‘Are you worried that I might be pregnant?’
‘No,’ Leo said. ‘I’m just trying to account for your mood.’
‘It’s not very twenty-first century to ask a woman—’
‘I don’t care.’
‘Yes, Leo,’ Lizzie duly said. ‘I have raging PMS, of course that’s what’s wrong.’ She pulled her hands away and opened the door. ‘I’ll see you at work.’ She heard the lift and guessing it could well be Ethan she headed for the stairs, but Leo halted her.
‘You’re not, are you?’
And she looked at him, a man who, no doubt, could not think of anything worse.
‘No, Leo. I’m not pregnant. Your carefree days aren’t over.’
She loathed the breath he let out and the relief in his eyes at her answer and ran down the stairs as if som
eone was chasing her.
Something was.
Lizzie stepped onto the street and the tears she’d been holding back tumbled out there and then. So much for dressing for the commuters. There was a mad woman sobbing as she walked, because, of all the stupid things to go and do, she was head over heels in love with him.
Real love.
A few weeks in and despite her best efforts not to she was thinking stupid things—like a life with Leo, and babies and having that heart to herself. And it was stupid, it was mad, and she’d waited this long because she wanted Mr Right.
She’d just never known Mr Right would also be Mr Completely Wrong and Never Want to be Tied Down.
It wasn’t his fault.
Leo was who he was.
She just happened to love him.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
IT WAS A bad day at the office.
Leo and Ethan were bunkered down in Leo’s office for most of the day but the tension from behind the door seemed to seep out and attach itself to everyone.
Rafael looked almost grey as he dashed back between theatre cases to check on a child who had a post-operative fever. Lizzie was trying to calm the mother down more than the baby when a grim-faced Rafael pulled her aside.
‘I asked you to tell her to take the baby over to the Lighthouse for me to examine him.’
‘I know that,’ Lizzie said, ‘but she thought I said we would see him here and then, if needed, transfer him to hospital. It was a simple miscommunication.’
Lizzie could see he was holding onto his temper—a simple miscommunication, with Rafael’s heavy operating list, was something he simply did not need. On top of that he had a wife in America and a very sick baby of his own to worry about.
‘Will you give him his first dose of antibiotic and arrange for him to be admitted?’ Rafael asked.
‘Of course,’ Lizzie said. ‘Rafael …’ She wanted to ask how things were but Leo had said not to and she saw too the warning in Rafael’s eyes for Lizzie not to go there so she changed what she was about to say. ‘I am sorry for the mix-up.’
His anger dimmed then and he gave a small nod of thanks for her about turn and gave a wry smile and Lizzie saw a glimpse of the real Rafael—gorgeous, passionate, and terribly Italian. He apologised for his non-outburst with his smile and his eyes. ‘That’s not a problem—it was a simple miscommunication.’
It was more of the same all day. Ethan left looking boot-faced and then Leo headed over to Kate’s, where he had surgery scheduled into the evening, but he did stop by her office to say goodbye.
‘I don’t know what happened this morning.’
Lizzie looked up at him.
‘I think …’ He just looked at her and she looked back at him—a man who didn’t hang around waiting for the rows to start, a man who saved work for work, not relationships.
‘Maybe it’s better not to think sometimes,’ Lizzie said.
Leo nodded.
He didn’t want to think about that morning’s row, he didn’t want to acknowledge they’d lain in his bed together but apart last night, bristling with rancour—like some miserable married couple who saved sex for birthdays and anniversaries.
It was just one night, he reasoned.
Couples rowed sometimes.
He just didn’t want to be half of that couple that rowed sometimes.
‘That function I have to attend on Saturday,’ Leo said. ‘Lexi’s pushing for a response …’
‘I told you.’ Lizzie looked up at him. ‘I’m seeing my parents this weekend.’
Leo just looked at her. ‘These things are bad enough at the best of times,’ he attempted, ‘without having to go alone.’ He was trying to keep his voice even, what the hell was the point of having a plus one if she couldn’t even attend? What the hell was the point in committing to a relationship if she was never around?
And Lizzie looked at him. Why should she drop her visit to her parents for a man who was going to drop her any time soon?
It was unsustainable.
The both knew it.
‘Come over tonight,’ Leo said, but she shook her head. ‘Come over,’ Leo repeated. ‘You know that we need to talk.’
‘Talk, then.’
‘We can’t here.’
She blew out a breath and nodded. They had to work together after all so they had to end it, and neatly.
Nicely.
Lizzie did consider just heading home, maybe they should write today off as a bad one, yet she knew it was more than that.
Cracks were appearing and Leo wasn’t one for papering over them, whereas she had the sudden image of her rushing around with a trowel in a frantic attempt to repair them before everything was broken.
It had to be over, Lizzie knew that.
How, though?
How did you end something so wonderful just because you knew it couldn’t last?
Wait till it’s horrible, wait till the rows start?
They were almost there.
Lizzie took the lift up to his flat and as she stepped out she blinked as she saw a huge bunch of roses and chocolates there and was reminded just how very nice Leo could be—that in the middle of a very long day he had taken the time to think of her.
Of them.
Lizzie wasn’t really one for red roses but she read the card.
‘Seeing as you can’t make it for Valentine’s I thought we could have our own tonight. Lx’
They couldn’t make it.
Both of them knew.
Oh, God.
They were over, and both knew it.
Tonight was their goodbye, their Valentine’s. Before they took to fighting, before things turned bitter, they would end it nicely.
She wasn’t overthinking things—in the little time they’d been together they had come to know each other well.
Too well perhaps, Leo thought as he finished operating and headed to the changing rooms.
Rafael was there, getting changed to head over to the Lighthouse, he told Leo.
‘How are Abbie and Ella?’ Leo asked, but Rafael was in no mood to talk. He just gave some vague answer and then said he was in a rush.
Leo wished Rafael would speak with him but really he couldn’t blame him for not doing so. After all, the last thing Leo wanted to do was discuss his feelings for Lizzie with anyone.
Maybe Ethan?
Yeah, that would go down well.
He and Lizzie were too close for comfort, Leo thought as he drove home.
The traffic was bad, he’d have been quicker walking or at least taking the Tube, but he was actually glad of the pause before he got home to Lizzie.
Home to Lizzie.
He was growing far too used to that and Leo wasn’t used to relying on anyone.
How, in just a few weeks, had she come to be such a part of his life? Leo didn’t like it, loathed the thought that he might ever need another person.
As he pulled up his phone rang and, seeing it was Lexi, Leo took the call.
‘I need a response for Saturday,’ Lexi said. ‘I’ve been putting it off.’
So had Leo.
‘Yes, I’ll be attending.’
‘Who’s your guest?’ Lexi asked. ‘They need it for the table plan.’
He sat and stared out of the window. The wipers were still going and he watched the light bouncing off the black roads and he paused for a long moment before answering.
‘I’m not sure yet. I’ll let you know in the morning.’
Lexi didn’t turn a hair. It was a regular response from Leo. He always left things like this till the last minute—his low attention span with women ensured that names could not be given weeks in advance.
He’d asked Lizzie, but she’d said no.
You could always go alone, a voice that sounded like his own told him.
‘Why?’ Leo said to the silence. ‘Why should I?’
Because that’s what relationships are about, that small voice told him.
Compromise.
It wasn’t something he did well.
As the door opened Lizzie’s back was towards him. He saw her putting roses in the vase, he could see her slender arms and the curve of her bottom in the fitted skirt, and he just wanted to go over, turn her around and just bury himself in her, yet he held back.
‘They’re for you.’
‘I know,’ Lizzie said, ‘but for all the time I’m at home …’ She halted, saw the brief look in his eyes and simply didn’t want go there just yet. Neither did Leo. ‘Let’s just enjoy them tonight.’
She walked towards him, smiling, and he pulled her into his arms, inhaled the fragrance of her hair, held the woman he had come home to and hated it that he wasn’t capable of making their relationship last but he just did not believe in forever.
He was hurting her. Every day that they were together would simply make the parting harder, and so instead of diving into a kiss he headed over to the dresser and, rarely for Leo, poured a drink. ‘Do you want one?’ he offered.
‘Not if I’m driving.’
He hesitated but poured two.
‘It’s not working, is it?’ Lizzie was the one who broached the subject. ‘It hasn’t been since you visited the nursing home.’
‘It’s not that.’
Lizzie didn’t believe him. ‘Leo, what my mum said about a husband and babies was a ten-year-old Lizzie she was remembering.’
‘So you don’t want that?’ Leo glanced over.
‘I do.’ Lizzie was honest enough to admit it. ‘But I know that’s not for you—I know what she said freaked you out.’
He held his breath. It had freaked him out but not in the way Lizzie was thinking—it was more that she deserved someone who could give her all that she wanted when he honestly didn’t think he could. ‘Why would it freak me out?’ he asked. ‘I already told you it’s not for me.’
They stood there and the usual response would have been, So where are we going, then? Except Lizzie had always known the answer.
Nowhere.
‘I don’t want to fight,’ Leo said. He loathed arguments more than anything, loathed the sound of raised voices as people hurtled out of control.
Leo was always in control—always a step ahead, always making sure that it never came to that.
It had possibly saved Ethan’s life.
Surgeon in a Tux Page 12
