by Kit Pearson
Again, Maud walked so fast that Polly had to scurry to keep up with her. They went along the same lakeside trail as before.
Finally, Maud stopped. She looked up and down the beach, then led Polly to the shade under one of the pines. It wasn’t nearly lunchtime, but Maud tore into the basket. “Oh, good—meat loaf!” She ate a sandwich so fast she almost choked. “Don’t you want one?” she asked. “These are scrumptious!”
“I’m not hungry yet,” said Polly. She drank some lemonade, instead, and watched a goose family swim by. The silence between her and Maud became so frustrating that she got up, took off her shoes and socks, and waded into the cool water.
When she returned, Maud was leaning against the tree with her eyes closed. Polly lay down on her back, put her hat over her face, and closed her own eyes. The sun was so warm, and the sand so soft … she wanted to doze peacefully, but her promise to Noni and Daddy was like an annoying fly buzzing around her. She had to find out what was wrong with Maud!
Polly forced herself to get up and sit beside Maud against the tree trunk. She would start with the easier of her two questions. “What do you think of Esther?” she asked.
“She’s fine,” murmured Maud, her eyes still closed. “She’s good for Daddy, and I’m glad to see him so happy.”
She said the words as if reciting something she had memorized. “Do you like her?” persisted Polly.
“Sure I like her. Poll, quit asking me so many questions—I’m trying to sleep.”
Polly seethed. “Why are you so distracted, Maud? You act as if you’re not really here! I just wanted to know. So did Daddy.”
Maud opened her eyes. “Sorry, Poll, I didn’t mean to snap at you. I really do like Esther, and you can tell Daddy that.”
“Do you think they’ll get married? Will Esther be our mother then?”
“They plan to,” said Maud. “Then Esther will be our stepmother.”
Polly giggled. “They act like they’re already married! Daddy’s always hugging her, and last night I saw them kiss!”
Maud smiled. “I’ve seen them kiss lots of times. It reminds me of when Daddy and Mother used to.”
Polly began to relax. This was just like old times, when she and Maud talked about everything. “How did your play go?” she asked.
“I dropped out of it,” said Maud.
“You did? But you were so excited that you had a role!”
Maud didn’t answer. She leaned back against the tree and the awkward silence returned. A boat chugged by, and a dog barked from the road.
Maud opened her eyes again. She looked as if she were trying to think of something to say. “How’s school?” she asked in a weary tone.
“Oh, Maud, school is awful!” Polly couldn’t help spilling out the truth. In a rush, she told Maud how much she hated the rules and the bells and the food and the dreary routine. “And I can’t seem to do anything right!”
she finished. “I’m always getting into trouble, and I never mean to—it just happens!”
The old Maud—the one who had been head girl—would have frowned and told her to try harder. This new, strange Maud just sighed. “I’m sorry you don’t like it, Poll. You just have to keep remembering what a good education you’re getting, especially in art. Think of all you’ll learn in the next few years.”
“Oh, but I’m not going back!”
“What do you mean?”
“Miss Guppy and I have a bargain. She asked me to try St. Winnie’s for a year, but she said if I didn’t like it, I wouldn’t have to go back. And I don’t, so I won’t! Noni will be upset, but the Guppy promised she’d take my side. Noni will have to get me a governess, or I’ll share Biddy and Vivien and Dorothy’s.”
Maud the head girl returned. She sat up straight and faced Polly, fully present and bristling. “That is absolutely ridiculous! Listen to me, Polly Brown! If you don’t go back to St. Winifred’s, you’ll regret it all your life! You want to be an artist, don’t you? How can you do that if you don’t keep taking art? And you’re learning lots of other things you’d never be able to learn with a governess.”
“I can do art on my own,” mumbled Polly. “I don’t need to take classes.” She knew how unconvincing that sounded.
“Perhaps you can, but you’ll never learn as much as you would with Miss Falconer. The way you talk about her, she sounds like a terrific teacher. Doodle, you just have to believe me. Not going back would be a huge mistake!” Then Maud looked smug. “But you’ll have to. Noni would never let you stay home, no matter what the Guppy says.”
“Shut up, Maud! I don’t want to talk about it anymore!”
Polly turned her back, picked up a stick, and drew a leaf in the sand. She wished she’d remembered her sketchbook.
Drawing calmed her. There was no point in worrying about school when it seemed so far away. She glanced at Maud again, wondering if she was still angry.
Maud’s face was shiny with tears, and her shoulders heaved.
“Oh, Maud.” Polly moved closer and put her arm around her. “What’s wrong with you? I know there’s something—you have to say!”
Maud’s tears came faster. She put her head on Polly’s shoulder and shook with sobs.
Then she told her.
CHAPTER TWELVE
MAUD’S SECRET
“YOU’RE WHAT?”
“I’m going to have a baby,” repeated Maud. She pulled out her handkerchief and mopped up her face. “Oh, Polly, what a huge relief it is to tell you! I wasn’t going to, but I just can’t help it. No one else knows but Ann … and the doctor, of course.”
“But—how—”
Maud took her hand. “Dear Doodle … do you know how babies are made?”
“I just found out,” said Polly. “One of my friends at school told us.” She flushed. “So … did you do that with Robert?”
“Yes.”
Polly remembered Rhoda’s mother’s words. “Was it … beautiful?”
“It was at the time, but that’s because I loved him. We should have waited until we were married—then I would have known he loved me.”
“But Maud, I thought babies didn’t happen until after you were married!”
“Your body doesn’t know if you’re married or not,” said Maud bluntly. “If a woman has relations with a man, she may become pregnant. I knew that. I just didn’t think it would happen to me. How stupid I was!” She took a bite out of another sandwich and offered one to Polly.
Polly shook her head. She was too full of questions to eat. “When did you know you were having a baby? Is that why you didn’t come home? Does Robert know? When is the baby going to be born?”
“Hold off!” Maud laughed. She picked up the sandwich again. “Here, Doodle, you have to eat something. I get such cravings for meat I might devour the whole lunch! Just listen, and I’ll tell you everything.”
Polly nibbled on a sandwich while Maud related the whole story.
Maud had first discovered she was pregnant at the end of January. “Remember how I didn’t feel well at New Year’s? I went on like that, not really sick. But then it got worse. I was throwing up every morning, and I felt so tired and headachy all the time. So I finally went to the doctor, and he said I was three months pregnant. I was so shocked! I should have guessed, because I’d stopped having my monthlies, but I just put that down to having the flu or something.”
The doctor had been very disapproving. “He treated me like a naughty child … he still does.”
Maud had stopped feeling sick, but then she’d begun to gain weight. “Everyone at varsity thinks it’s because I eat so much,” she said. “I do!” She patted her tummy. “I wear loose clothes and two girdles. I worried that Daddy and Esther might notice, but Daddy just teases me about my good appetite. Esther’s never met me, so she thinks my size is normal. I thought Noni or Aunt Jean might suspect, though. And I worried I’d break down and tell them. That’s why I couldn’t let them see me.”
The first person Maud
had told was Robert. “I assumed he’d want us to get married right away. We had talked about marriage, but not until we graduated. We’d talked about having children, too, but we were going to wait until we were both settled in our careers. Having a baby this early would be tricky, but we loved each other—at least, I thought we did—so I was sure it would work out.”
Robert, however, had been furious. “He acted as if it were all my fault!” Maud said, her eyes filling once more. “He said his family would be horrified, and I had to give the baby away, and then we could go on as we had before. I told him if that was his attitude, I never wanted to see him again. I haven’t spoken to him since.”
“Give the baby away?” whispered Polly. “You won’t do that, will you?”
Maud swiped at her tears. “I’d keep it if Robert had agreed to marry me. People would have gossiped about us having a child so early, and our families would have disapproved, but I wouldn’t have cared if Robert had wanted it—if he loved me. But he doesn’t. So I have to give up the baby, Poll—don’t you see? How can I have a child on my own? How could I take care of it and still go to university? And can you imagine how upset Daddy and Noni would be? I’d be a disgrace to the family!”
Maud grimaced. “After Robert told me he didn’t want it, I tried to get rid of it. I had hot baths, and jumped up and down, and drank castor oil. That made me throw up, but I was still pregnant.”
Polly gasped. “You mean you tried to kill the baby?”
“It didn’t seem like a real baby then,” said Maud. “And why should I have to go through this when it’s not my fault? But now I’m too far along to get rid of it. After I give birth, though, I’m definitely going to give it away.”
“But—who would you give it to?” Polly croaked.
“It will be adopted, Doodle. There are lots of couples who can’t have children and would give it a good home. The doctor told me about a place in Vancouver that takes in girls who are in trouble. I’ll go there in May after classes end. The baby is due at the end of July. After he’s born, someone will adopt him and I’ll carry on as if nothing has happened.”
“He?”
Maud smiled. “I’m sure it’s a boy. Ann did this test she heard about, with a ring on a thread. She held it over my belly and it swung back and forth. That means it’s a boy.”
A boy! Like the little brother Polly had always wanted. But this would be her nephew, not her brother.
“Oh, Maud,” she cried, “Don’t give him away! You can’t!” She thought wildly. “Maybe Noni could take care of him! I’ll be back on the island next year—I could help her.”
“Don’t be silly, Polly. Noni would probably disown me if she knew I was pregnant.”
“How about Daddy and Esther, then?”
“Of course not! No one wants to take in an illegitimate child.”
“What does that mean?”
“A child who is born out of wedlock … a child who would always live with that disgrace. No, Poll, this is the only solution. I just have to wait it out until August, and then it will be over. I’m going to tell Noni I’m spending the summer with Ann in Portland, that I’m taking a course there. Ann has been an absolute brick about all this—I don’t know how I could have survived without her. I’ll give Noni her address, and Ann will forward me her letters. I’ll send mine back to Ann, and she’ll send them on to Noni. She won’t like me being away for so long, but I’ll come home in August and everything will be normal again.”
Now Maud was in control, putting things tidily into boxes the way she always did. Polly couldn’t speak. She lay down and put her head in Maud’s ample lap. Maud stroked her hair while they listened to the waves break on the shore. How could they sound so ordinary, as if nothing in the past hour had been said?
Polly felt a twinge under her head. She sat up. “Maud, I felt something! Was that—”
Maud smiled. “That’s the baby kicking. He’s been doing it a lot lately.” She put Polly’s hand on her stomach. “Can you feel it?”
There was a small movement, like a minnow swimming under Maud’s skin. Polly’s eyes stung. Something alive … a little person inside Maud! “If you—if you did keep him, what would you name him?” she whispered.
“‘Danny,’” said Maud at once. “After Daddy, of course.”
“He’d be a grandfather!” said Polly. “Oh, Maud, you have to tell him.” Maybe Daddy could persuade Maud not to give Danny away.
Maud looked wooden. “I’m never telling him. And you mustn’t, either, Polly. You mustn’t tell anyone—do you promise?”
Polly reluctantly promised. They sat under the tree for a while longer. Then they trudged back to the house.
The whole world had changed. Polly felt like a different person as she went through the motions of the rest of the day.
A baby! A baby inside Maud! Polly wondered how big he was, whether he had fingers and toes and hair. Her own nephew! Danny. But he’d never know her. He’d never call her “Aunt Polly” and she would never wheel him in his carriage or bounce him on her lap.
Daddy would never carry him on his shoulders the way he had done with Polly. Noni would never read him poetry. Worst of all, Maud would never feed him or sing him to sleep or watch him grow.
Polly couldn’t bear it. “Oh, Maud,” she said that night. “You can’t give away your baby! You have to keep him.” She began to sob.
Maud didn’t comfort her. She sat up and looked stern. “Polly, stop it! I have to do what’s best for me, not you. I shouldn’t have told you—you’re much too young to know. I’m giving up the baby and that’s that, do you understand?”
“Yes, Maud,” gulped Polly. “But will you let me know how you are?”
“Of course I will,” said Maud more gently. “I’ll write to you regularly and I’ll telephone you when the baby is born. I promise. But you have to promise not to keep asking me to keep him, all right?”
“I promise,” said Polly, because she had no choice.
“Good girl. Now, let’s just carry on as normally as possible,” said Maud briskly. “We’re both used to keeping secrets. This is just another one, that’s all.” She smiled ruefully. “Shall we prick our fingers and swear not to tell, the way we did the last time?”
Polly couldn’t return her smile. The last secret—the one about Daddy being alive—had been almost impossible to keep. This one seemed even more stupendous. How could Polly bear such a heavy burden?
Every night Polly lay awake for hours, trying to think of how Maud could keep Danny. But there was no solution. Her head ached with worrying about it, and she almost wished Maud hadn’t revealed her secret.
But then she thought of how much worse it must be for Maud. It was so unfair. It wasn’t Danny’s fault that he’d been created.
Maybe we can find out who adopts him, and go and visit him, Polly thought. She decided she’d ask Rhoda if she’d ever met her real parents.
Telling Polly her secret seemed to have cheered up Maud. She came out of her room and took part in the outings Daddy had planned for the last few days: a visit to an orchard and a movie at the Empress Theatre.
“When can you come back?” Esther asked them the night before they left.
“In July, I hope,” said Daddy.
“I can’t come in July,” said Maud carefully.
Polly tried not to look at her.
“I’m staying in Portland with my friend Ann. We’re taking a course there.”
“What sort of course?” Daddy asked.
“Cooking,” said Maud quickly.
Polly knew she’d just thought of it.
“That sounds grand! I’ve always wanted to take a cooking course. Maybe you could teach me what you learned when you come back,” said Esther.
“I’ll be the official taster,” said Daddy. “But Maud, university only goes until the end of April, right? Could you come for a visit sometime during May or June?”
“It’s a long course,” said Maud.
P
olly marvelled at how confident she sounded.
“It runs from the beginning of May until the end of July. And then I should spend some time on the island. So let’s say I’ll come here for the last two weeks of August. Will that be all right?”
Polly winced at how disappointed Daddy was.
“The end of August! That’s so far away.” He sighed. “Very well, Maud. I know you’re a busy young lady. I can’t expect to see you all the time.” He turned to Polly. “How about you, Doodle?”
Polly thought fast. She wanted to be at home, not here, for the news of Danny’s birth. “How about if I visit for a week right after school ends? I’m sure Noni won’t mind. I could come back again in August with Maud.”
“That would be wonderful!” Daddy kissed the top of her head. He beamed at them, and picked up Esther’s hand. “One reason I was asking when you could come was that we want you to be with us for a very special event. You tell them, honey.”
Esther flushed. “Your father and I are getting married,” she said shyly. Then she chuckled. “Since this is a leap year, I asked him … and he said yes!”
“Oh!” said Polly.
“When?” said Maud.
“Well … how about the end of August?” said Daddy. “Then you could both be here. I’ll write to your grandmother and inform her. It will be a very quiet wedding—just a civil ceremony, and then we’ll all go out for a bang-up meal. Aren’t you going to congratulate us?”
“Of course! Congratulations!” said Maud, hugging them both.
Polly did the same, but her arms moved automatically, as if they belonged to someone else. Even though she had known that Daddy and Esther had planned to get married, this news was too much to absorb after Maud’s.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
THE SUMMER TERM
BEING BACK AT SCHOOL SEEMED UNREAL, BUT THE TEDIOUS routine was also soothing; it gave Polly space to absorb Maud’s news.
I’m going to be an aunt—I’m going to be an aunt! she kept telling herself, as if that fact was a pinch to wake herself up. I’m going to have a nephew named Danny. Then sorrow replaced her excitement as she reminded herself that Maud was going to give Danny away.
