by Kit Pearson
“Daddy said you haven’t decided what you’re going to do yet.”
“I’ve decided everything,” said Maud firmly. “I just haven’t told them yet. I know Daddy and Esther want to adopt Una. I can’t bear the idea of that, though. She’s mine! So we’ll pretend they adopted her. At least then she’ll grow up with two parents, even though they aren’t her real ones. People will suspect, of course, especially if they saw me when I was pregnant. And of course the boarders know the truth. But if they gossip about it, so what? I’ll keep it a secret at university, and of course I won’t tell anyone on the island.” She sighed. “I can’t bear the idea of leaving Una. I’m supposed to start bottle-feeding her soon, but I want her to at least get this first milk. The nurse who came to see me yesterday said it’s not real milk yet—it’s something called ‘colostrum.’ It’s really good for her.”
That evening, after the boarders had been fed, Polly and Esther and Daddy brought trays into Maud’s room and ate supper with her.
“Tomorrow I’m going to get up and sit in a chair,” said Maud.
“Now, Maud, you’re supposed to stay in bed,” said Esther.
“I feel perfectly fine. If I can’t move around, I’m going to go nuts!”
She certainly seemed fine. Her face glowed with vigour and her eyes were clear and determined. “All right, Boss,” sighed Daddy. “You probably know best.”
“Of course I do.” Maud put down her fork. “I want to tell you what I’ve decided about Una.”
Daddy and Esther listened quietly. When Maud finished, they agreed that they wouldn’t officially adopt Una but would be happy to act as her parents.
“I can’t thank you enough,” said Maud. Now she was close to tears. “If it wasn’t for you, I’d never be able to keep her.”
“She’s part of our family,” said Daddy. “Of course we’ll take care of her.”
Esther looked nervous. “I’d better start learning how to change diapers!”
Maud smiled. “Don’t worry—I’ll teach you,” she said.
As the three of them talked excitedly about Una, Polly wondered how they would manage. Daddy and Esther both had to work hard all day. When would they have time to take care of a baby?
Then she remembered … she would be here, too! They didn’t know yet that she had run away from Noni, but she would tell them soon.
I can look after Una, thought Polly. She’d have to go to school, but as soon as she got home, she could take over from Esther.
Una was so tiny and delicate, however. Polly felt terrified at such a huge responsibility.
The next morning Mrs. Janders, the nurse, arrived to check on Maud and Una. She was a brisk older woman with a broad English accent.
First she dressed Una’s belly button, then she weighed her on a scale as if she were a small roast. “Seven and a half pounds,” she pronounced. “Any trouble feeding?”
Maud shook her head. “She sucks really well,” she said proudly.
“Your real milk should be coming down any moment. If you’re not going to breastfeed her, you should start her on a bottle tomorrow.”
Maud sighed. “I hate to do that so soon. What if I wait until I go back to university?”
“But I thought you said you were leaving Baby on August 9.”
“I am,” said Maud. “I have to visit my grandmother.”
“Why can’t you take Baby with you?”
“Because my grandmother doesn’t know about her,” muttered Maud. “She doesn’t approve of my—my husband, so I never told her we got married.”
Mrs. Janders looked suspicious. Did she guess that Maud was lying? “Well, Missy, you’ve got yourself into a right pickle, haven’t you? It seems to me it would be far better to tell the truth—but that’s your business, not mine. If you’re going to leave Baby, you’re going to have to start her on evaporated milk. I’ll come back tomorrow and show you how to mix it. In the meantime you can lay in supplies.” She turned to Polly. “You can make yourself useful and get them for your sister. Baby bottles, extra teats, evaporated milk, and corn syrup. Can you remember all that?”
Polly gulped and nodded.
“But is canned milk good for Una?” asked Maud.
“Not as good as breast milk. That’s nature’s perfect food. I don’t hold with this modern trend of bottle feeding, but don’t worry—plenty of babies have thrived on it. Goodbye, Maud. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Mrs. Janders breezed out.
“Oh, Poll,” said Maud tearfully. “I don’t want to stop breastfeeding Una. I want the best for her!” She bent over Una protectively, then raised her head. “Doodle, it’s just not possible for me to come back with you. I know we planned that, but I didn’t know I was going to keep Una. You’re going to have to tell Noni I can’t come. Say I’m sick or something—say anything!”
This would be the perfect moment for Polly to tell Maud that she wasn’t going back, either … and that Noni didn’t want Maud. But she couldn’t bear to hurt her. “All right,” she murmured.
Polly tried not to think about Noni, or about how she would tell Daddy and Esther that she was going to live with them. She existed in a bubble of time, a bubble that contained only Una.
She was an easy baby, either sleeping or eating, and simply giving a few squeals when she was hungry. If there were an exam in looking after babies, the way there was in history or geography, Polly would have received an A. She knew the three best ways to hold her: in the crook of her arm, against her shoulder, or on her knees with a careful hand behind her neck. She could always get a burp out of Una. She changed her diapers and she even helped Maud bathe her in the sink lined with a towel. Best of all was gazing at her perfect features while she rocked her to sleep.
One day I could have a baby! thought Polly. She didn’t want to do it the way Maud had; she wanted a husband to share the baby with. It would be named Danny … or Clara. Oh, Noni, Noni … would she have forgiven Maud by then?
Polly told Maud about Sadie.
“I’m so happy for them,” said Maud. Then she looked sad. “I guess I can never tell Sadie about Una. This isn’t going to be easy, Poll. How can I keep such a big secret? I want to tell everyone in the whole world!”
Maud was holding Una against her shoulder while Polly tied her flannel nightie at the back. Then Polly carefully swaddled her in a blanket, the way Maud had taught her. “I don’t understand why it’s such a disgrace,” said Polly. “It’s so unfair—Una is just a baby!”
“She’s an illegitimate baby,” said Maud bitterly. “She’ll bear that stigma all her life if people know. It’s not her fault, but it’s just the way it is.”
Polly made several sketches of Una sleeping in her basket. They were the best she had ever done. If only she could show them to Miss Falconer! But she would never see Miss Falconer again.
“Why, Doodle, you’re getting so good!” marvelled Daddy. “I’m thrilled you’re receiving such excellent instruction.”
Not anymore, thought Polly. When am I going to tell them that? When Maud praised Polly for her decision to go back to school, Polly couldn’t look at her.
Sometimes Polly took a break from the baby and wandered through town. She had bought herself a few clothes and snuck them into the house before Maud could notice that she didn’t have any from the island with her. She also bought Una the largest teddy bear she could find. “She’s bigger than Una!” laughed Maud.
Each time Polly walked back to the boarding house, she passed the local high school. She gazed at its brick exterior and shuddered. What would it be like to go there? She would have to make new friends all over again.
Four days passed—enough time for a letter from Noni to reach Kelowna. Polly woke up on the fifth day with a sinking heart. Noni must be sticking to what she had said. She must not be able to bring herself to forgive Maud. That meant Polly had to stick to what she had said. She couldn’t go back to Noni, and she couldn’t go back to St. Winifred’s. So she had to stay here.
&nbs
p; She soothed herself by imagining how much she could help with Una after Maud had gone to Vancouver. But she’d never be able to take care of her as well as Maud did. It would be wonderful to have Daddy in her life again, and she was growing fonder of Esther every day. But how could she bear to be away from the island or from her friends at school? And what would she do about art?
Worst of all, how could she carry on without Noni?
“Are you all right, Poll?” asked Maud after breakfast. “You look as if you’re drowning in your thoughts.”
“I’m all right,” lied Polly.
She had to tell them everything. That she wasn’t going back to St. Winifred’s or the island, that Noni had disowned Maud. She would do it tomorrow evening.
Polly tossed in bed that night, rehearsing what she would say. Daddy would be thrilled she was going to live with them, but Maud would be upset that she was leaving school. She would be even more hurt about what Noni had said. Polly would have to soften her grandmother’s words as much as she could.
“Aren’t you feeling well, Polly?” Esther asked when Polly barely touched her porridge. Rain and wind were raging outside, but the weather wasn’t as agitated as the storm inside her.
Daddy didn’t have a bricklaying job that day. He stayed home and spent all morning fixing a broken stair. Polly helped him in between helping with Una, glad of so much to occupy her mind. In mid-morning they all gathered in the kitchen for cocoa and cookies. Maud now insisted on spending much of the day out of bed. She sat at the table drinking beer instead of cocoa; Mrs. Janders had told her it would increase her milk flow.
Then there was a knock at the kitchen door. “Who could that be in such weather?” said Esther.
Daddy got up to open the door. A thin, angular woman stood outside, dripping with rain.
“I’ve come to see Una,” said Noni.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
NOTHING BUT THE TRUTH
UNA WAS ASLEEP IN HER BASKET IN THE LIVING ROOM. When Noni bent over and picked her up, her dark-blue eyes opened and stared into her great-grandmother’s grey ones. Noni murmured, “Una. I have my Una back.” Then the baby closed her eyes again as Noni collapsed in a chair and rocked her.
No one knew what to say or do. Maud watched Noni with shocked eyes, and Daddy looked defiant. But none of that mattered. All that mattered was an old woman gazing with love at a newborn baby; such strong, true love that it radiated like a fire.
Eventually, they moved. Daddy took Noni’s wet coat. Maud draped a blanket around her, pulled off her soaking shoes, removed her stockings, and dried her feet. Esther made tea.
Noni ignored them. She only looked at the baby, crooning and murmuring to her.
Polly sat at the side of the room, holding back Tarka, who longed to rush over and greet Noni. “Leave her alone,” Polly whispered to him. “She’s busy.” She got him a bone from the kitchen to keep him quiet.
Finally, Noni lifted her head from Una. She handed her to Maud, and reached for the cup of tea Esther had placed beside her. Her eyes were brimming as they searched the room.
They found Polly. Noni put down her cup. “Oh, hen,” she said.
Polly flew across the room and into Noni’s arms. “I’m deeply sorry,” said Noni, hugging her so hard that Polly gasped. “Can you forgive me for what I said? I don’t know what possessed me. After I found your note, I woke up and came to my senses. Then I did a lot of thinking, and then I knew I had to come here.”
Maud was next. “Can you give your foolish grandmother a kiss, Maud?” she asked.
Maud approached her slowly, Una in her arms. She’s frightened! Polly realized.
“How did you know about the baby?” Maud whispered.
“I overheard Polly telling Tarka she was an aunt.”
When he heard his name, Tarka jumped into Noni’s lap. “Get off, you rascal!” she laughed. Polly pulled him away, then curled on the carpet at Noni’s feet, stroking them.
“Are you angry with me?” asked Maud.
“I was,” said Noni, “but I’m not anymore. I’m just sorry you had to go through this for so long by yourself. You can tell me all about it later. I’m so glad you’re all right, and that you have such a beautiful child.”
Maud leaned down and kissed her. Noni kissed her and the baby back.
“Are you hungry, Mrs. Whitfield?” asked Esther shyly. She seemed totally in awe of Noni.
“I ate breakfast on the train, thank you,” said Noni. She was looking at Daddy. “Daniel, I want to apologize to you, as well.”
“There’s nothing to apologize for, Clara,” said Daddy stiffly. He was standing by the door with his arms folded.
“Yes, there is,” said Noni. “I’ve had a lot of time for remorse in the last few days. I’m so very sorry for all the pain I caused you and Una.”
“That’s all over with now,” said Daddy, “but I greatly appreciate your saying it.” He smiled at her for the first time.
“Polly has told me that you and Esther might take care of the baby,” said Noni. “Is this right?”
“Yes,” said Esther. “We got married last month. Maud doesn’t want us to officially adopt Una, but we’ll pretend we have. If anyone wonders about it, that’s their concern, not ours.”
To Polly’s relief, Noni smiled warmly at Esther. “That’s very generous of you,” she said. “Babies are a lot of work, and I’m sure you already have a lot to do. I do hope you will let me contribute to Una’s upbringing.”
Daddy said simply, “Thank you, Clara.”
“What will Maud do?” asked Noni.
“She’ll go back to U.B.C. in September,” answered Daddy. “During the holidays she’ll live with us and be with her child.”
“That’s the right thing for you to do, Maud,” said Noni. “You are welcome on the island anytime, but of course you belong with Una when you’re not at university.”
Maud put Una in her basket and cleared her throat. “Listen, everyone. I have something to tell you. I’m not going back.”
“You’re not? But Maud, what about your education?” said Daddy.
“I’ll go back in a few years,” said Maud, “but I can’t leave Una yet. She needs me right now. She needs my milk and she needs her real mother.” She smiled at Esther. “It’s not that you wouldn’t have taken good care of her. But I would miss her too much!”
They absorbed this news in silence. “I think that’s a wise decision, Maud,” said Noni finally. “Those first few years are so important. I hope you’ll return to university later, though.”
“I will,” said Maud firmly. “I still want to be a lawyer.”
Noni smiled at her. “How I’ll miss you, hen. I hope you’ll allow me to visit you and Una often. And perhaps you can tear yourself away from her sometimes to come to the island.”
“I’ll come a lot,” said Maud. “Una will, too,” she added calmly.
“Oh, but …” Noni hesitated. “What will we tell people?”
Maud lifted up Una again. She nuzzled her fondly and said, “We’ll tell them the truth! I’m not keeping her a secret. Una is my child. That’s all there is to it.”
“Maud, does that mean you’re going to be open about her here, as well?” asked Daddy. “You don’t want us to pretend she’s ours?”
Maud had never been so Maudish. “No, I don’t. I’m so tired of all the secrets in this family! I’m not going to tell any more lies, only the truth,” she repeated.
Daddy gulped. “All right, Boss. If that’s your decision, we’ll support you—right, Esther?”
Esther nodded, but Noni looked worried. “Maud, I understand why you want to do that, but you simply can’t! Especially on the island. You know what it’s like. As soon as they see you with the baby, every person there will hear of it. People will shun you. And when Una gets older, they’ll shun her, as well.”
“I don’t care how they treat me,” said Maud. “It will be hard for Una … very hard. But I’ll help her not to care, either
. It won’t be easy, but no one’s life is easy. Una will have me to protect her. We’ll have each other—that’s the most important thing. Anyway, they won’t shun us if you don’t, Noni. Everyone on the island respects you. If you accept Una, then eventually they will, too.” She smiled at Daddy and Esther. “And the two of you already accept her, so we can all stick together, no matter what people here say.”
Noni shook her head. “Maud, you simply cannot do this! You don’t know how nasty people can be. It’s best to pretend your father and Esther are Una’s parents. When you visit the island, you’ll have to come without her.”
“I’m sorry, Noni,” said Maud. “But you either get both of us or neither of us. If you can’t accept that, I don’t even want you visiting us here.”
They stared at each other. Then Noni took the baby and held her close. She gave a long sigh. “All right, Maud. You win. I can’t not see Una, so you leave me no choice. We’ll tell everyone the truth, and let the chips fall where they may.” She gave a faltering smile at Daddy. “What a strong-minded daughter you have!”
Daddy grinned. “I wonder who she takes after …”
Noni reached down and stroked Polly’s hair. “And what about you, my bonny wee Polly? Do you still want to live here? Or are you going to come back to the island?”
“Polly, were you thinking of living here?” Daddy said. His face was so lit up that Polly had to avert her eyes. “We would adore that, wouldn’t we, Esther?”
“Of course we would!” said Esther, smiling warmly at Polly. “You already feel like a daughter to me.”
“We would have suggested it before, but it wouldn’t have been suitable when we weren’t married,” said Daddy. “But now we are. Oh, Doodle, would you stay with us when you’re not at school?”
“I would accept it if you wanted to do that, Polly,” said Noni. “I understand that you would want to be back with your father after all this time away from him. And of course you’d want to be with your sister and the baby. I hope you would visit me occasionally. But I haven’t turned out to be a very good grandmother. Perhaps you’ve had enough of me.”
