“No.”
“Then tell me what changed from an hour ago?”
“Nothing changed. That’s our problem, Hunter. We need to stay away from each other, so we can grow and heal.”
“Jesus, Jayme. You sound like the therapists.”
“Well, maybe we should listen to them. All of them. No one thinks this is healthy.” I motioned between us.
“What do you think?” Hunter’s voice went deep, almost like a challenge.
“They’re probably right. We obviously can’t see it.”
“No,” he growled. “What do you think?”
I picked up my chin. “Seeing you kiss that girl was exactly what I needed to open my eyes.” His clenched his teeth, not responding. I turned back for the front door.
“Jayme, wait.” He lunged, grabbing my wrist.
I glanced down at his hand, pulling from his grasp. “No. I’m done.”
“I’m sorry.”
“There is nothing to be sorry for.”
“Dammit, Jaymerson,” Hunter growled.
“What?” I yelled.
He rubbed his face, which was still streaked with dirt.
“Goodbye, Hunter.” I sighed and reached for the door handle.
“Do you know why I kissed her?” he shouted. I stopped. “Because I didn’t kiss you.”
“What?” I whirled around. “What the hell does that mean? Makes no sense.”
“The first time we could chalk it up to our mutual sorrow getting the best of us. You wanted me to be Colton.” His words came out angry and sharp. “Even last night, after being in his room, you were searching to not feel lonely anymore. For a moment the pain stops. But tonight…in front of everyone. This time would have been us…”
It was not Colton I wanted the night in the physical therapy room or him I was thinking about when I crawled into Hunter’s bed. It had been Hunter. Completely.
“I kissed her because I knew, for once, you weren’t thinking of Colton. You saw me. Finally.”
“So…you kissed another girl?”
“Yes,” he bellowed. In the distance I could hear dogs barking in response to our commotion. The whole neighborhood probably heard us. I was glad my parents were gone. Grandma Penny was too hard of hearing to wake up. “Because with her it was simple. Easy. You, shit…there is nothing simple or easy about us.” He tipped his head back. “And when you learn the truth…”
“What truth?”
He glanced away, his dimple twitching. His muteness continued, the crickets, yapping dogs, and distant car noises emphasized our silence.
I grabbed the door handle. It clicked in my hand.
Hunter let out a frustrated growl and uncertainly said, “It was me.”
I stopped, more out of confusion than anything. “What?” I turned to look at him. “Is this supposed to be some great confession?”
“No.” He shrugged. “Yes.”
“Which is it?” His silence twisted frustration deep in my heart. This time I knew when I walked through the door it would be for good. I turned to the door.
He limped forward. “Stop.”
“Then talk.”
Another noise came his throat. “You know the night at the lake? Your anniversary. The ‘moment’ you said when you knew you loved Colton?”
“Yes.”
He took another step; the tips of his shoes brushed mine. “It was me.”
“What?” I stepped back. “What are you talking about?”
“I was with you the night at the lake. Not Colton.”
“No. No.” My head wiggled back and forth in protest, a sinking ship plummeting in my stomach. “Why are you saying this?”
“Because it’s true.”
“Shut. Up.” The words hurled out of my mouth. “How can you say these things? Your brother’s dead. Are you that much of an asshole? So jealous of him you have to taint my memories of him?”
Hunter’s hand reached for my arm.
“Don’t touch me.” I slapped his hand, but he dodged my flaying hands and clutched both of my biceps. “Let me go!”
“I am not lying to you.” He strained against my struggles trying to keep me in place. “I loved him. More than anything. He was my brother. But he was not what everyone thought.”
“Shut up!” Tears pricked under my lids, filling my eyes.
“Listen to me.” He shook me. “Do you want to know why it was me instead of him?” Hunter leaned in closer to my face. “Do you want to know what your perfect boyfriend was doing that night?”
“No,” I seethed, pulling against his hold.
“Colton liked you. A lot. You were perfect to have as a girlfriend, on his arm at school and games, but you were naïve and innocent. Perfect to date, but behind your back? He loved the attention of other girls far too much. And he got a lot of it. He wasn’t faithful to you. You know that, right? He cheated on you all the time.”
“Stop it! Stop lying to me!” My voice rang in my ears, echoing down the block.
“I shouldn’t have done it. I know it was wrong. I’m sorry, Jaymerson.”
I slapped his face. “Screw you.”
“You tried, remember?”
I shoved him, his balance faltering a little before he grabbed my hands, holding them away from striking him again.
“I stopped it. I’ve done a lot of messed-up things, but I would never have crossed that line.”
“Aren’t you my hero?” Hot tears pricked at my eyes.
“Far from.”
“And what about the night on the floor of physical therapy? When you were pulling down my underwear. You weren’t such a good guy then.”
A nerve twitched along his jaw, his expression filling with fury. “Don’t you dare act like you didn’t want it to happen. That’s bullshit. I was not taking advantage or deceiving you.” He ground down on his jaw. “It was the most completely honest you’ve ever been with yourself. You just couldn’t admit it to yourself.”
“You twisted asshole. Do you get off on this? Telling lies?” I ripped my hand from his, shoving my palms against his chest. Anger fired every muscle in my body. No…this can’t be true. Betrayal, humiliation, and rage thundered through me.
“You can pretend you don’t know the truth, but you do, Jaymerson.” He pulled me into him, lining our bodies. “You always have. Don’t tell me deep down you didn’t sense the difference that night. You knew it wasn’t Colton touching you.” Hunter’s fingers clasped the sides of my face, his breath trailing over my lips as he leaned in. His voice going low and grave. “Kissing you. Making you go crazy.”
My body was betraying me, desiring his closeness. But fury and pain overrode everything. “No.” I jerked away, stepping from his grasp. “It was Colton. Of course you look alike, but even I’m not that stupid.” Yet I heard the doubt in my voice. I remember how different he was that night. How I felt he truly saw through me, deep in my soul. The undeniable chemistry, I had never experienced before then, suddenly flared between us. Our connection was stronger than it ever had been before or after. Like the magnet had finally flipped.
“Come on, Jayme.” He tossed out his arms. “I dressed in his clothes, drove his car, shaved and cut my hair. It was easy since it was summer. I made sure we barely ever saw each other during the three months, and it grew back by school.”
“You made sure?” I snarled. “So your sick, perverse plan could never be found out?”
“No.” He shook his head. “Because I couldn’t handle seeing you.”
Confusion, hurt, and fury boiled through my veins, burning. I turned for the door.
“Jay—”
“Stay away from me.” I held up my hand, walking backward. “Don’t ever come near me again.” I ran inside, slamming the door behind me.
I needed to barricade myself away from what I knew deep down to be true.
I had fallen in love that night. Only not with Colton.
Sleep did not come. My brain could not stop revolving back to the e
vening by the lake, looking for clues I missed, telling me definitely one way or the other. Then it would remember tiny things like Colton wearing a long-sleeved shirt in June and as soon I went to take it off, he stopped me. Was it because Hunter didn’t want me to see the distinctive tattoos on his body? I tried to think of another reason. Maybe it was a coincidence.
No. This can’t be true. But I knew Hunter wouldn’t lie about something like this. It was beyond twisted. And I could easily ask him a question only the person there would know.
I kept trying to find the holes I had missed with Colton. How many times had he received a call from a girl and pinned it on Hunter? How many times did he leave me after a date and go sleep with another girl? Did he sleep with Savannah? Was it why she always pined over him?
I flopped angrily to my side, my bed more like a torture device. My body was too restless to get comfortable. I threw off my covers and sat up, my feet brushing the rug. The bed creaked as I stood and walked over to my dresser and opened the drawer. The frameless picture of Colton and I lay inside. After clearing off my chest of clutter the other night, nothing breakable had survived and now it lay bare of ornamentation.
My finger skated lightly over Colton’s face. He was becoming a stranger to me. Did we know each other at all? Colton wasn’t big on “serious” talk. He never asked me about my dreams or fears. It was always pretty superficial stuff, except the night by the lake. I couldn’t deny it was strange it was the only night Colton had suddenly turned quiet and introspective.
All the things I told him about my secret hopes of getting out of this town and traveling the world. He had said he wanted the same thing. I had found it odd because Colton never talked about wanting to venture past a football stadium.
“What else makes you happy, Jaymerson Holloway?”
“What makes me happy...? Um…wow…that’s sad, isn’t it?”
“Cheerleading? School?”
“Yeah, of course cheerleading. I can’t say school does, but I like getting good grades. Makes my parents happy. I guess friends, family, a great boyfriend. The usual. I’m a simple girl.”
“I think you’re wrong there. You are anything but simple, and I think none of those things actually makes you happy. You say it because it’s what you’re supposed to say.”
How could I have been so stupid? So blind? Could I really not have been able to tell the difference between them?
“Don’t confuse me for my brother, Jaymerson. I am not the nice twin.”
“Believe me, Hunter, I could never confuse you two.”
“Really?”
“Definitely.”
My hand curled around the photo, and I had to force myself not to crumble it into a ball. I shoved it back in the drawer and slammed it shut. Reaching over, I plucked my mobile off the desk, typing frantically. I didn’t care if it was three thirty in the morning.
Answer me this. What did you ask me at the lake? And what did I say I secretly wanted to do?
Unless he was actually there, he couldn’t know this. I placed my phone down, figuring I probably wouldn’t hear anything till a more reasonable hour, but my phone buzzed instantly. He wasn’t sleeping either.
My fingers timidly picked it back up, nerves in my shoulders coiling like snakes. I pressed the button to open the message from Hunter.
I asked you what makes you happy.
Another text came in.
You want to study art abroad. Travel the world. And I said I did too. I may have pretended to be Colton, but everything I said was true.
A cry lodged in my throat, and I dropped my phone like it stung me, sitting back on my bed. My gut knew the truth as my heart held the last bit of hope, grasping for the rope before it fell. I scooted back into my headboard, letting the facts cascade down on me. I waited to flip out or become so ragingly mad the hulk would be frightened, but nothing happened.
Deep down, I had sensed it the whole time; the connection with Hunter was unlike any other. An instant spark that ignited my blood. I hadn’t wanted to see something had ultimately been lacking between Colton and me.
My cell hummed again. Meet me. Tomorrow night. No time or place, but I wasn’t going to ask. Besides, I never wanted to see him again.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
The moon was so large and bright you could see deep into the shadows. I drove my jeep off the designated parking lot, taking it across the grass and closer to the water. The spot I was headed for was already occupied.
I gulped; the trickle of recognition rushed through me. A familiar navy-blue truck sat in the exact spot where Colton/Hunter and I came for our anniversary. The lake was now deserted, cold, and quiet, but I could see that night play before me like it was a movie.
My boots stomped on the brake, my fingers primed on the steering wheel, ready to turn around and fly out of here. But my hands didn’t crank the wheel, nor did my foot push the gas. The same draw, the magnetic pull I felt every time I saw Hunter kept me from fleeing. Deep down, it’s why you came here, Jaymerson. You knew he’d be here. You are tired of pretending. You want to know the truth. The full truth, the nibbling voice inside me said.
“Dammit.” I hit the steering wheel, decision made. I took my foot off the pedal, letting it coast closer to his truck. I put it in park and slid from the car, shutting the door.
The moon sprinkled beams down on the trees and lake, the water reflecting the light. I saw his form sitting on the edge of the open tailgate.
He glanced over his shoulder but quickly went back to watching the water. I strolled over to him, coming around the back of the truck to face him. I stuffed my hands in my pockets, staring at my boots, the icy temperatures nipping at my nose and ears.
Neither one of us spoke. Tension sprouted under us like grass.
“You came,” he finally said, keeping his gaze out on the lake.
“Yes.” I kicked at an imbedded rock in the dirt. “Only because I have questions.”
He nodded. “Go ahead, ask me.”
There were many things I wanted to know, but one popped out of my mouth first. “Why did you do it?”
He toed at his boot. “Ask me an easier one.”
My hand fisted in my pocket. “Fine, we’ll start with Colton. How many others were there?”
“It’s not important.”
I nodded, pinching my mouth together. “That many, huh?”
Hunter stayed silent.
“Anyone I know?”
“A few, but mostly college girls.”
“Any of the girls in our group? Like Savannah?”
“No.” Hunter shook his head. “He wasn’t stupid. He kept it out of the circle. And he didn’t like any of them in that way. He actually wouldn’t go after a friend’s girl.”
Unlike us.
I could now recall how much Colton’s phone would buzz, all times of night and day. He told me it was friends, Coach, Hunter. What a fool I had been.
“What else?” I asked. Hunter looked down at his boots, immediately telling me there was more. “Tell me. I think I deserve to know.”
“Even in death there is still an oath to my brother.”
“Tell me.” I moved to him. “Hunter, I need to know the truth. All of it. I don’t want to be the fool anymore.”
He nodded, his gaze still not connecting with mine. “He has a kid.”
I froze. “Wha-what?”
“My winnings from motocross went to a couple of girls to ‘take care’ of things. He didn’t want to ask our parents for money.” Hunter spoke low, his arms and legs crossed in a defensive pose. “But one of them came to him, told him she was pregnant and was keeping it.”
“He has a kid?” My head shook in disbelief. My brain couldn’t wrap around how blind I had been. How little I saw of the real Colton. I assumed it was Hunter who always needed Colton when in reality it was the other way around.
“Cute guy. Looks just like him.”
“And you.” I rubbed my face, not sure how to soak in the
news.
“The night of the accident I came to get him because the baby got really sick. The mother was freaking out and called me. She kept screaming for me to get Colton.” His breath coiled in the air. “But now, I keep thinking, what if I had gone there myself? Left Colton out of it like I normally did? Not forced him to go…” He paused. “Or if I demanded I drive. He’d still be alive.”
I eavesdropped that night, and I remember them fighting about something. I thought it was about Hunter. Seeing it through different eyes, it sickened me how Colton put all the blame on Hunter, letting me believe he was the one helping Hunter out. Jason McKee’s party was more important to him than his own child.
“I wish I’d stood up and not let him drive. Believe me, every day I regret not stopping him,” I responded. “But the baby was Colton’s responsibility. He should have been there. Not you. Do your parents know?”
“They believe it’s mine.” Hunter lifted his head, peering at me. “I claimed him.”
Now I understood why Hunter was rumored to have the kid.
“Why would you do this?”
“Ever since we were babies, Colton had this power over me. I always gave him the better toys, the bigger scoop of ice cream. I was only older by minutes, but I felt this protectiveness over him.” Hunter shrugged. “My parents would expect an illegitimate child from me. Colton had a clear path, which would be ruined: his football scholarships, top-tier college, reputation. You.”
More of Hunter’s character came clear to me. “Are you serious? You took responsibility for Colton’s baby because you were the alleged fuck-up, so why not?”
“Pretty much.”
“That’s crazy, Hunter.” I threw out my arms. “No wonder Colton wouldn’t be held accountable, or be serious, or care…you did it for him. We all did. We coddled him. He could get away with anything because of my ignorance, your willingness, and your parents’ delusions.”
He pushed himself off the back of the tailgate. “Don’t judge me. I did it because I loved him.”
“You let him walk all over you. Our difference is I didn’t know he was walking all over me.”
“And if you did?” His eyebrow lifted. “You would have laid down, taken it, and asked for more.”
Shattered Love (Blinded Love Series Book 1) Page 26
