by R. J. Sable
Daz placed his arm behind me on the back of the bench as he leant in to talk to me.
“Weren't you at the fight a couple of weeks ago?” He asked, his lips brushing against my ear.
I nodded at him. I felt his eyes drift down to my legs and I fidgeted, trying to pull the hem of my skirt lower down.
“What did you think?” He asked.
I could smell the beer on his breath.
“It was awesome,” I said, forcing a smile.
“Don't hog the hottie, dickwad,” Tony cut in, leaning forwards onto the table so he could see us both.
I blushed, feeling trapped between the two of them.
“She's outta your league, mate,” Daz jeered at his friend, his eyes alight with humour.
“We'll see about that,” Tony laughed, winking at me.
Oh God, what was I thinking? I panicked. I shouldn't have come. I was relieved from my panicked state as Grayson returned with a glass of water for me and Jess handed Michael a beer. I sipped at the ice-cold liquid, grateful for the distraction.
“What were you doing at the cage?” Daz asked. “You an aspiring cage bunny?” He grinned.
“Hardly,” I frowned at him with disgust. I'd heard my brothers talking about the ridiculous girls that threw themselves at the fighters. Craig had brought more than a few home over the years. They were always dressed like something from a top shelf magazine.
“I was there to watch Grayson,” I said nodding towards him at the end of the table.
“Didn't I see you with Simon though?” He asked.
I nodded. I glanced up and saw Grayson trying to get my attention. I leant forward over the table towards him.
“Reed just text me, he's on his way,” he shouted over to me.
I nodded and felt myself relax a little. If Jason was coming, maybe this wouldn't be a nightmare after all. I leant back and drank the rest of my water.
“So how come you were with Simon? You one of his?” Daz asked, removing his hand from behind me. What on earth does he mean by that?
“What? No. He's friends with my brother,” I explained, relieved that he'd put a bit of distance between us.
He nodded his understanding and reached over for his beer. Daz started talking about the fight he'd won that night, going through every move in explicit detail.
“I need to go to the loo,” I told Daz, eager to escape his monologue “Can you move, please?” I asked, tapping Tony on the shoulder. “I need to get out.”
“Nah, I don't think so,” he grinned. “I'm pretty comfortable here.”
“Please,” I pleaded. “I need the loo.”
I wasn't exactly desperate to relieve myself, but I was desperate to put some distance between myself and Daz' soliloquy.
“There's enough room, you can climb over,” he said, his dark eyes flicked down to my legs and up to my face again.
“Come on, please,” I begged him again, smiling sweetly.
He shook his head at me and grinned as he took another sip of his beer. I sighed and decided to get it over and done with as quickly as possible. I kneeled up on the bench and moved to stretch one leg over him. With lightning quick reactions, he pulled me down so that I was straddling him, my face almost against his.
“Hey, get off!” I protested, trying to push myself away from him.
“See I knew I'd get you on top of me by the end of the night,” he grinned, his eyes burning with some unknown emotion.
“Get off!” I said louder, balling my hands into a fist and pushing against his solid chest.
He tightened his grip around my hips. I felt the heat rush to my cheeks as I struggled to get off of him. I was angry, frustrated and scared. Most of all, I felt vulnerable. Just as I felt tears forming in my eyes, a pair of strong arms lifted me to my feet.
“You okay, little squirrel?” The voice whispered into my ear.
I felt my body relax as I released the breath I didn't realise I'd been holding. Jason looked down at me, a concerned expression on his face but anger danced in his eyes.
“I am now,” I said, turning to give him a hug.
“What are you playing at, Tony?” Jason snarled, exuding a carefully controlled aura of anger.
“I was just messing, mate,” he laughed, his eyes scanning Jason cautiously.
Jason took a step towards the bench, his shoulders squared. He put his arm on the seat behind Tony, leaning down to his level, and said something that I didn't catch. As he stood up the expression on Tony's face changed from amusement to concern.
“Shit, Reed, I didn't know,” he said to Jason. “Sorry, Jamie, I was just kidding around,” he apologised, turning to look at me.
I wonder what Jason said to him. Jason turned back to me and put his arm around my shoulders. I stood up on my tiptoes and told him I was going to the bathroom. He came with me, his hand never leaving my shoulder and offering me a comfortable semblance of safety as he guided me around the side of the dance floor.
“Thanks,” I smiled up at him after I came out the ladies room. “I'm glad you came.”
“Me too,” he smiled back, but he looked conflicted. “Sorry about Tony, he was out of line.”
I shrugged it off, it didn't seem so bad now that Jason was here. Maybe I overreacted a bit. It occurred to me that feeling vulnerable was a relatively new experience for me. I'd always had someone close by to keep an eye out for me. If there'd been any trouble at school, Craig or Jake had been there. Even after they had both finished school, Matt was there to keep an eye on me. For the first time in my life, my brothers weren't here to keep me safe and it was making me jumpy. I smiled as I realised just how much of their care I had taken for granted, and how much I loved them all.
“Let's go get a drink,” Jason said, leading me out towards the bar.
“Hey, what did you say to Tony?” I asked curiously as we waited to get service.
“I told him you were Craig Carter's sister,” Jason winced at me. He looked pleased with himself but a little guilty. “Do you mind?”
I sighed. Did I mind? I didn't want to become known as 'Craig Carter's kid sister'. I was here to grow as a person and make my own way. However, the fact that Craig's name was protecting me even though he wasn't here was nice, even though I hated to admit it.
“No, I don't mind,” I said, shaking my head.
We took our drinks back to the table. Tony stood up and allowed me and Jason to slide into the bench. Jason kept his arm around my shoulder and I relaxed and listened to the chatter around me. There was a lot of martial arts discussion. Jess looked vaguely bored but she was attentive to Michael regardless.
“You going to your brother's fight next weekend?” Tony asked me.
“He hasn't mentioned it,” I shrugged. Craig fought most weekends, it was nothing unusual. If he wasn't competing at a scheduled fight then he was usually training.
“Really? But he's fighting Brock Hemler!” Tony exclaimed, wide-eyed.
I could tell that I was supposed to know who that was, but the name meant nothing to me.
“Brock's good,” Jason nodded at me. “He's on a winning streak at the minute.”
“I'm sure Craig can handle it,” I shrugged.
“I dunno, it'll be close,” Tony frowned.
“Where's the fight?” I asked.
“In Derby,” Tony grunted.
“Craig doesn't usually want me at his fights,” I shrugged. At least I'd be in Derby while he fought so I'd find out quickly how it'd gone.
As the night continued, the group got a little more rowdy. They insisted we move to the dance floor and I watched as the guys made their way to a group of scantily clad blonde girls who were giving it their all. Jason pulled my hand towards them but stopped when he felt me resisting.
“Come on, Jamie,” he insisted. “It'll be fun.”
“I really don't dance,” I protested pathetically, but he just winked and pulled me to the dance floor.
He put his hands on my hips and guided my mo
vements in time with the steady beat vibrating all around us. He was behind me, my back to his front. I closed my eyes and allowed him to control my movements as I lost myself in the steady throbbing of the music. What's happening to me? I don't dance! I couldn't deny that I was enjoying myself.
The dance floor was pretty crowded, people boxed us in on all sides. I turned around to face Jason, a thin layer of perspiration coating my skin from the heat and the dancing. We were pushed against each other, his body grinding rhythmically to the music, mine following his in a sensual dance. Every inch of my skin was hypersensitive. I could feel every detail of his body against my own, every ridge of every muscle, every ripple as he moved against me.
I allowed my eyes to travel up from his tight t-shirt, over his Adam’s apple to his strong jaw. He had a small amount of stubble, I longed to rub my fingers over it and feel it's roughness against my hand. Has somebody slipped something into my drink? This is not like me.
I felt completely out of touch with my usual sense of composure. This was the effect Jason had on me. My eyes travelled further up, taking in his full lips. They look soft. I caught his eye, he was staring down at me, his eyes shining with something I didn't quite understand. He pulled me closer towards him, our lips just millimetres away from each other. I could feel his breath against mine, feel the heat of his body as we pressed up against each other. He shut his eyes as his lips grazed mine. I pushed up onto my tiptoes, my body responding to his touch with a will of its own.
Just as I thought he was going to kiss me, he pushed me away shaking his head and holding me at arms length. He opened his eyes and looked down at me, his expression angry. He turned around and stormed off the dance floor, leaving me alone with the sweaty masses. What just happened? I'd thought he was going to kiss me. I wanted him to kiss me, I realised, unable to deny the burning desire pulsing through my body. But he'd rejected me, he didn't want me.
“Are you okay, Jamie?” Jess asked me, shouting loudly over the music as she placed her hand on my shoulder. “You don't look so good.”
I tried to tell her I was fine, but she couldn't hear me over the music. She took me by the hand and led me away from the dance floor and to a quieter area.
“I'm okay honestly, I'm just tired,” I said.
“We were going to head home soon, you want to share a taxi with us?” she asked.
I nodded gratefully, unable to get my head around what that had just happened. Grayson and Michael found us by the entrance.
“You okay, Jamie?” Grayson asked me, looking worried.
“I'm fine,” I said, forcing a smile. “Thanks so much for inviting me.” I wrapped my arms around him and gave him a quick hug.
“Thanks for coming.”
Chapter 14
Sunday, 7th October 2012
Adam placed the plate of scotch pancakes in front of me with a flourish.
“Et voilà!” he grinned, looking pretty proud of himself.
“Wow, where'd you learn to cook?” I smirked at him.
“Google,” he said with a wink.
I giggled as I tucked into my breakfast. It was good.
“Thanks, Adam.” I smiled warmly, extremely appreciative of his culinary generosity. “This is just the brunch I needed after last night.”
“You and Jason are ridiculous,” he sighed as he served himself the last few pancakes from the pan. “You walk around holding hands like you're together but you won't let him get close to you. Then he freaks out when he almost kisses you.” He shook his head with exasperation.
“We're just friends,” I said half-heartedly.
“You don't even believe what you're saying, you expect your brothers to believe it?” He asked incredulously.
I almost choked on my pancakes. “What do you mean?”
“I mean, you say you're not together. It's not really a lie, because you haven't done anything more than hold hands. But when you say it, it's written all over your face that you're not saying everything,” he paused and reached over the table to squeeze my hand. “My point is, your brothers are going to think there's something going on anyway. Isn't it better that you at least get something out of this?”
I groaned and rested my head between my hands. He was right. I knew that I liked Jason more than I was willing to admit. What am I going to do? I almost cried as I realised this would cause problems if my brothers ever met Jason.
“Hey, come on, it's not that bad,” Adam reassured me. “I'm sure you'll figure it out.”
“He's made it pretty clear he's not interested,” I sighed.
“You almost kissed!” Adam cried with exasperation.
“The key word there being almost. He didn't want to kiss me.”
Adam went to answer but was broken off by the doorbell ringing. We heard somebody answer the door and moments later we saw a contrite Jason opening the kitchen door carrying two take out mugs.
“Hi,” he said sheepishly as he hovered on the threshold.
“Hi,” I replied quietly, my eyes on his shoes.
“I'd best get back to that essay,” Adam said, excusing himself from the room and winking at me as he left.
“Can we talk?” Jason asked cautiously as he made his way towards me. “I understand if you don't want to.”
Why wouldn't I want to talk to him? I was mortally embarrassed from his rejection but I would gladly brave that to be in his warming presence. I nodded at him, looking up into to his green-blue eyes. He looked a little rough, as though he hadn't slept.
“Soy latte,” he mumbled. He passed the takeaway cup to me, our fingers brushing as I reached for it and shooting the all too familiar tingles through my body.
“Thanks,” I smiled at him meekly. “You want to talk in my room?”
“Lead the way,” he nodded.
We sat on the tiny single bed. I sat cross-legged at the far end, watching him. His usual confident demeanour was markedly absent. His shoulders sagged and his brow was furrowed.
“Are you mad at me?” I asked quietly after a few more minutes of silence.
His head whipped round to face me and he raised his eyebrows. “Why would I be mad at you?”
“The way I acted last night,” I said quietly as I shrugged my shoulders. My cheeks started to burn.
“Of course not,” he shook his head and shifted his weight so that he was facing me. “I just wanted to... you know...” he drifted off and ran both his hands through his tousled locks.
I waited patiently for him to finish.
He sighed and took a deep breath before continuing. “I shouldn't have acted that way. I know you told me you just wanted my friendship, but I just can't seem to keep my head straight when I'm around you.”
I froze entirely. I had absolutely no idea how to respond to that. What is he saying? He wants more than friendship? My heart skipped a beat.
“I understand your relationship with your brothers, or rather- I don't, but I'm trying to,” he said when I didn't respond. “I don't want to cause problems for you with them, and I don't want to lose your friendship,” he continued.
I could see the desperation in his eyes as I tried to make sense of what he was telling me.
“What are you saying?” I asked, my voice barely more than a whisper.
“I need to know if there can be more between us. The way I feel when I'm around you, I can't explain it. I've never felt it before. I don't want to lose you as a friend but I need to know if you feel it to.”
My heart fluttered in my chest. Am I dreaming? I couldn't believe I was hearing this.
“I do feel it,” I said honestly as I looked directly into his eyes, dazzled by the intensity that met me.
“You do?” He asked, the tension around his eyes relieving somewhat,
I nodded up at him. “What does it mean though? For us,” I asked hesitantly.
“I've been up all night thinking about it. I want to be around you all the time. I'll never get tired of looking into your beautiful blue eyes. I want
to respect your boundaries, but now that I know you feel the same I won't be able to keep myself away from you,” he explained, his hand on my knee.
“My brothers will kill you,” I mumbled, unable to keep the fear from my voice.
“I can handle myself, Jamie. It's not me I'm worried about.” His lips formed a small smile as he covered my hand with his own.
“You don't understand, they will actually murder you,” I stressed, trying to impress the seriousness of the situation on him.
He cocked his head to the side, as if considering my words. “Take your brothers out of the equation for a second. If it weren't for them, would you want to give these feelings a chance? See if there is something between us?”
“Of course,” I said honestly. I want nothing more.
“How about this then,” he started, moving closer to me on the bed so he could hold my hands in his. “We give us a trial run, see how we work together. If things don't work out, we stay friends and forget the whole thing.”
I nodded, my heart sinking at the prospect of things not working between us.
“But,” he continued, running his fingers over the palm of my hand. “If things between us are as good as I think they will be, we tackle the issue.”
“Tackle it how?” I asked, my heart beating rapidly in my chest.
“If we decide to take things further, I'll come with you and we'll talk to your brothers face-to-face, together. I'll make them understand how serious I am, how much I care for you.”
“They'll hurt you,” I said sadly, shaking my head. “I don't want you to get hurt for me.”
“Jamie, even if that were true, I'd more than happily take a beating for you if that's what it took for them to believe how much you mean to me. You're more than worth it,” he said as he moved some loose hair behind my ear, his thumb brushing my cheek.
I considered all that he'd said. What he was asking wasn't a lot, and I couldn't deny that I wanted it too. But my brothers...
“Give me a month,” he said firmly.
“A month?” I asked, confused.
“Yes, give me a month to show you how amazing things could be between us,” he explained, his thumb trailing down my jawbone to my neck, before his hand rested on my shoulder. He looked straight at me, I felt like his eyes were looking directly into my soul as he pleaded with me.
