by Ao Jyumonji
“I’m still breathing. Pretty sure I’m alive.”
“Whoa there,” Ranta said. “You’re acting pretty uppity for one of my juniors. You wanna go? I’ll take you one-on-one.”
“Nah. I’ll pass. No reason for it,” Kuzaku said.
“Ho ho,” Ranta laughed. “So that’s how you’re gonna be. That’s how you’re gonna be, huh. You may be a liiiittle taller than me, but you’d better not look down on me, got it?”
“A little, huh,” Kuzaku said.
“It’s more like a lot,” Yume said, comparing Ranta and Kuzaku’s heights. “He’s got twenty centimeters on you, don’t you think?”
“You idiot, it can’t be that much!” Ranta blustered. “Where’re you even looking, you moron?!”
“I think I’m probably 191 or 192 centimeters,” Kuzaku said.
Shihoru snickered. “Ranta-kun can’t be as tall as 171 centimeters. Maybe you’ve got more than 20 centimeters on him...”
“I am, too!” Ranta shouted. “I’m easily over 170 centimeters! Of course I am! I’m over 180! And what’s this big oaf doing here, anyway?!”
“No, before we get to that—” Haruhiro looked to Ranta, Shihoru and Yume in turn. They all seemed unwilling to look him in the eye, as if they felt guilty about something. That was how it felt to him. “Why... Why are you so late? Didn’t we agree to meet up by the north gate at eight o’clock? I don’t expect Ranta to respect that, but you two...”
“Yeah, about that,” Ranta nonchalantly revealed something Haruhiro couldn’t believe he was hearing. “Thing is, I’ve got an invite from Renji. He was asking if I’d join Team Renji.”
“Oh...” Haruhiro nearly fell over. “Huh...?”
“Yume and Shihoru got one, too, y’know,” said Yume.
“Too...?”
“They were sayin’ we could join the Wild Angels. Kajiko-chan tried to recruit us.”
“—Ka...”
Oh, crap. Oh, crap. Oh, crap. Haruhiro felt weak in the knees and ankles. I’m gonna fall over. Seriously. No, not over. Down. Into the depths of hell.
“H-Haru...!” Merry moved in to support him, so he managed to stay on his feet, but he felt like he might not be able to go on like this. No, not might—he couldn’t.
What was it for? he wondered. What have all our struggles up until now been for? What have we worked so hard for? Don’t they care? Does all our hard work mean nothing? No matter how hard we strive, we can’t make something work if it’s not going to work, is that it? I mean, we were a group of rejects, after all.
No—someone had decided they needed Ranta, Shihoru and Yume. Ranta. That Ranta. And it was Renji, of all people. This meant Haruhiro was worse than Ranta. It meant that Haruhiro was the real reject.
Merry, too. But Merry was a priest. If she just kept her mouth shut, someone would call her to join them. There was an overwhelming difference in the level of demand for a thief and for a priest.
Haruhiro’s future looked bleak. There was nothing but utter darkness. He was in the darkness.
“Whoa...” Kuzaku looked at them, furrowing his brow. “Looks like you’ve got other problems before deciding whether to let me in.”
He’s right, Haruhiro thought. He’s so damn right. I don’t have time for him.
“...Sorry. Thanks, Merry.” Haruhiro moved away from Merry, taking a deep, deep breath.
Now, then, he thought. What am I going to do? From here on out. I need to think about what I’m going to do with myself. I know. I was never volunteer soldier material to begin with, so maybe I’ll take up a trade. Find someone willing to take me on as an apprentice. It sounds like hard work, and I doubt I can handle doing business. But, if I work at it diligently, maybe it’ll work out. It’s not like I’ll die if I mess up, so it’s easier. Easier than this.
“Huh? You want to join up?” Ranta looked Kuzaku up and down, from the top of his head to the tips of his toes. “A paladin, huh. I see.”
“Ohh.” For some reason, Yume slapped Kuzaku on the arms and shoulders, as if testing how hard they were. “What’s a pallydin do?”
“...Well, fight with a sword, and stuff?” Kuzaku was taken aback. “Also, we can use light magic, so we can do some healing. We can’t heal ourselves, though. Other than that, we can defend with a shield.”
“They can do all sortsa stuff, huh,” Yume said.
“Sortsa...? Well... I dunno about that,” said Kuzaku. “I don’t think so.”
“...Basically, you’re a tank... right?” Shihoru asked hesitantly.
Kuzaku gave a vague nod. “Yeah, something like that.”
“You’re not very clear on that!” Ranta said, scoffing. “If you wanna join our party, you need to be clear on this stuff. How else are we supposed to decide?”
“Huh...?” Merry blinked repeatedly, her eyes darting around from person to person.
Haruhiro’s head was still all fuzzy, so he thought something was strange, but he wasn’t really sure what.
“Hm?” Ranta cast a suspicious glance over towards Haruhiro. “What? You’re acting way too weird. You’re creeping me out, man.”
“...No, I dunno what it is, but... I don’t want you, of all people, calling me creepy,” said Haruhiro.
“I’m only saying you’re acting creepy because you are,” said Ranta. “If you don’t want to be called creepy, then don’t be creepy.”
“What’s creepy is all a matter of perspective. That’s just your—No, that’s not it!” Haruhiro burst out.
“What?” Ranta asked.
“Huh?! No, I mean, Renji... he invited you to join him, right? And Kajiko did the same with Shihoru and Yume. If you were all late because of that, that must mean...”
“Sorry ’bout that,” Yume said.
I knew it, Haruhiro couldn’t help but think. What else was there to think? See.
See. Look at that. That’s how it is, in the end. I was ready for it, so I’m fine, though. Only there’s no way I was ready for it, and I’m totally not fine!
“Yume, to tell you the truth, when Kajiko-chan invited her, she really didn’t know what to do,” Yume said.
“I’ll bet,” Haruhiro said with a forced smile. “I mean, it’s Kajiko. She’s famous.”
“...She was being very kind,” Shihoru said, shrinking into herself. “...She was considerate, and she told us about all sorts of things. The conditions were good, too...”
“For me, Renji told me I was gonna be useful, you know? He didn’t even call me Curly, he called me by name! ‘Ranta’...” Ranta said, lowering his voice. He may have been trying to imitate Renji, but it just looked like he was making a funny face. “‘You’re going to become useful,’ he said! Gahahahahahahahah! People who get it, really get it! My shining talent, that is!”
“I’ll bet,” Haruhiro narrowed his eyes. “I’ll bet. Yep. I never could use you properly. Yeah. I’ll bet that’s it...”
“Yeah,” Ranta agreed. “Renji was saying that, too. He said you wouldn’t be able to use me right.”
“...I see.” Haruhiro ground his teeth. If Renji, the guy who had quickly rounded up people he could use, formed Team Renji, and run straight down the path to stardom, was the one saying it, Haruhiro couldn’t argue back. Haruhiro had no aptitude for leadership. He knew that so badly that it hurt. It was obvious.
“So, that being the case, I had to really wrack my brains over what I was gonna do, y’know,” Ranta said, poking Haruhiro lightly, no, really hard, in the shoulder. “You better be grateful, Parupiroooo!”
“Ow—wait, huh? Grateful? For what?”
“Huhhh? For me! Ranta-sama! I decided to stay with the party, man!” Ranta shouted. “You ought to be so damn grateful that you cry, like, three liters’ worth of tears!”
“—Huh?” Haruhiro said, stunned.
“Yume and Shihoru, too,” Yume said, rubbing her cheeks. “We thought reeeeal hard about it, y’know. Talkin’ it over together. Yume, honestly, she wasn’t so confident about goin’ on like
this. She was worried she might end up causin’ trouble for everyone else. Yume was scared. Until this mornin’, she wasn’t sure what she was gonna do.”
“As for me, I couldn’t decide anything by myself...” Shihoru pulled her mage’s hat down. “I thought that was pathetic of me. There might be no place for me... people might be better off without me... That’s what I started to think. I asked myself if I could support everyone... If I was going to carry on with this party, I knew I had to be prepared to do at least that much... And if I joined a stronger group, life might be easier...”
“It might be, yeah, but Yume and Shihoru made a decision,” Yume said, clenching her hands into fists. “To stay in this party where Manato was, where Moguzo was, and where Haru-kun and everyone else still are. Yume and Shihoru wanted to run away. It’s been painful, y’know. But, if Yume ran away, she knew she’d regret it later, and, really—Yume doesn’t want to leave everyone else.”
“Wh-What’s with you?” Ranta was blushing slightly. “Despite how you normally act, you feel that strongly, huh? About me...”
“Of course, Ranta, you’re just somethin’ extra that comes with all that,” Yume added.
“Who’re you calling an extra, you dolt?! I’ll grab your ass and squeeze it, you moron!”
“You perv!” Yume shot back. “You’re worth less than an unwanted extra! You’re worse than garbage!”
Yume and Ranta were back to their usual bantering.
Haruhiro looked to Merry. Merry still looked dazed, as if she couldn’t believe it. Haruhiro probably looked the same.
“Um...” Shihoru bowed her head vigorously, leaning so far forward that it looked like she was hunched over, and her hat fell to the ground. Shihoru quickly picked it up and put it back on, then bowed again. “...Sorry. For being indecisive. But... I didn’t want to lie. If I hadn’t been clear about things, some day it would definitely have created a rift, you could say... or something bad would have come of it, I thought. If I hadn’t come out and tell you about everything... including my weakness, I didn’t think I could move forward...”
“Hmph.” Ranta snorted and crossed his arms, looking away from her. “If you’ve got a chance to take the next step up dangling in front of you, it’s only natural to want to take it. What’re you apologizing for?”
Haruhiro cocked his head to the side. “...Well, then why did you pass up that chance? If you’d felt like it, you could have gotten into Renji’s party.”
“I did it to take the next step up. Isn’t that obvious?”
“I don’t really get it...” Haruhiro said.
“What, you don’t? That’s why you’re a moron,” Ranta said. “Now, listen. If someone offers to pull me up, and I go along with them because they order me to, it’s meaningless. For me, that’s not making progress or anything close to it. Crawling up towards the top using my own strength, that’s what makes things interesting. That’s what I call taking a step up. It’s the one true way to do it. You get it?”
“...Vaguely?” Haruhiro said.
“Don’t just understand it vaguely, understand it completely! Besides, I don’t care if it’s Renji, or Kenji, or Gejigeji, but it’s presumptuous as hell for him to think he can lift me up. If anyone’d be doing the lifting, it’d be me. So, basically, I’m saying I’ll lift you people up a level or two! Try not to do anything that’d embarrass me while I’m at it! That’s your duty! Let’s hear your response! Yes or yes?!”
“Yes or yes...?” Yume asked, puffing up her cheeks and pouting. “If you say it like that, they’re both the same, aren’t they?”
“Yeah, that’s kinda the point!”
“...Erm,” Kuzaku pointed to himself. “What about me?”
“Who cares!” Ranta made a gesture like he was flipping over a garbage pail. “I don’t give a damn about what happens to a big oaf like you!”
“A pallydin, huh,” Yume knitted her eyebrows. “Hrm...”
“...It’s kind of sudden...” Shihoru said, trying not to look at Kuzaku.
Ranta may have been holding a misplaced grudge against him over the height difference thing. Yume and Shihoru didn’t know how to react when it had been brought up so suddenly. Merry didn’t seem that keen on the idea because of something that had happened between them, and Haruhiro didn’t want to complicate matters when they had just managed to sort things out.
“Kuzaku,” Haruhiro said. “I’m sorry, but I really can’t—”
“Please.” Kuzaku bowed very, very deeply. When he put his hands on his knees, leaning forward more than 90 degrees, it carried great intensity.
“—Please. I’m not asking this with half-hearted feelings. I’m serious. In my own way.”
“Well, yeah, I’ll bet you are,” Ranta snorted. “We’ve all got to make a living somehow. But you can’t do it alone. We’re missing a tank right now, and we’re the lowest of the low. If anyone’s going to take you, it’d be us, is that it?”
“...That’s not it,” Kuzaku said.
“Yeah, then what is it?” Ranta demanded.
“I want to join you people,” Kuzaku raised just his face, looking at Haruhiro with upturned eyes. “I was watching you all at Deadhead. Honestly, I didn’t think you were strong at all. If anything, you seemed unreliable. And yet, you helped us, and by the end, you were fighting on the front lines. Me, I almost died, so my memories are hazy, but I could hear things. Your voices, for one. I thought you were amazing. It would’ve been easier to understand if you looked strong, but even though you didn’t, you were still able to put up a good fight. I thought that was cool. I thought I was going to die there. So, I was thinking, I wish I could’ve been like you. Why was I so irresponsible and halfhearted? I wish I’d taken things more seriously. That was what I was thinking. All while I was listening to your voices. I should have died. But when I came to, I was alive. All my comrades were dead, but I was the only one still alive.”
Haruhiro couldn’t look away from him.
Damn it, he thought. This guy’s serious.
He was laying his honest feelings out for Haruhiro and the others. Haruhiro couldn’t just brush that off. If he was going to reject him, he would need a suitable, justified reason that he felt strongly about.
Did he have one? A reason that was good enough to send Kuzaku away.
If he said he just didn’t like him, or that it was too soon after they’d lost Moguzo, would Kuzaku be satisfied with that? Could Haruhiro convince himself that it was okay to have done that?
“I’m cool, huh?” Ranta brushed a hand through his curly hair, then grinned. He didn’t mind the praise—or rather, he seemed to be feeling pretty good about it. “Kinda, I guess? Though, being told the plain truth like that doesn’t make me feel all that happy, you know? But, if you can recognize my coolness, you’ve got some serious potential.”
“No. I didn’t mean just you, I meant everyone,” said Kuzaku.
“Don’t contradict me there! You’re supposed to agree! It’s blatantly obvious that’s better for both of us!”
“A proper tank,” Shihoru spoke hesitantly, “is something we need, I think.”
“Yeah.” Yume crossed her arms and nodded repeatedly. “If Ranta’s the tank, it’ll be a real mess. Gotta do somethin’ about that.”
Haruhiro looked to Merry to gauge her reaction. “...Merry?”
Merry furrowed her brow and bit the corner of her mouth a little. “—If the party needs it. I don’t really care.”
“Buuuut!” Ranta leveled a finger at Kuzaku. “It’s only temporary for now! Temporary! During the probationary period, if you’re not up to our level, or you can’t keep up with the rest of us, or you can’t understand my sophisticated gags, or you don’t worship me, or you don’t pay me tribute, or if any problem comes up that can’t be resolved, you’re fired! Fired! Got it?”
“Don’t just decide things on your own...” Haruhiro muttered.
“Shove off, Haruhiro!” Ranta shouted. “I’m making the decision becaus
e you don’t have it together enough to! You need to be decisive from here on, or I’m not going to be shy about taking command! You’d better get ready for that!”
“That’s no good!” Yume clung to Haruhiro. “Haru-kun, get your act together! If Ranta gets to do whatever he wants, it’ll be totally awful! Yume, she won’t be able to stand that!”
Shihoru raised her hand. “...Same here.”
Merry was nodding, too.
“What’s wrong with all of you?!” Ranta shouted, spittle flying everywhere. “I’m doing this to get this indecisive, wishy-washy, good-for-nothing to step up to the plate!”
“I know,” Haruhiro said, stroking his chin. “I get that, man.”
“...Y-You do?” Ranta stammered. “If you get it, well then—”
“There are way too many problems with the way you’re saying it, though,” Haruhiro said. “Though, in your case, you’ve got a difficult personality to begin with, so I guess there’s no point in complaining.”
“Oh, shut up!” Ranta shouted. “Just be quiet! Seriously! Seriously!”
“Kuzaku,” Haruhiro said.
When Haruhiro ignored the far-too-noisy Ranta and called his name, Kuzaku was still bent over and looking up at him.
Maybe he’s a surprisingly decent guy, Haruhiro thought. I can’t say anything for sure. Though I guess it only makes sense that I wouldn’t know. I can find out from here on. If we’re working together, I’m sure I’ll start to see that with time. —That goes for whatever happened with Merry, too. No, I don’t care about that. I need to think about work and their private lives separately.
“I’m not going to put you on probation like Ranta said, but I don’t expect you to really fit in at first,” said Haruhiro. “You’re a paladin, and we’ll be making you act as the tank, so you’ll be carrying a lot of the burden. It’s going to be hard, I’m sure. You may find you’re not up to it. Are you still okay with that?”
“Yeah, that’s fine,” said Kuzaku. “It’s good enough.”
