by Ao Jyumonji
“What is this...?” Haruhiro let his honest opinion slip out.
“It’s kinda...” Kuzaku narrowed his eyes. “...pastoral and idyllic, huh.”
“The chickens’re cute, huh,” Yume said, smiling—no, smirking.
Shihoru shivered. “...But, they’re a little scary.”
“Yeah,” Merry nodded. “They’re big, but still weirdly realistic.”
It was strange for her to say they were weirdly realistic, since they were living and breathing right there in front of them, and were, therefore, without a doubt, real. Still, Haruhiro sort of got what Merry wanted to say. If you took a fly or mosquito, blew it up to ten times its normal size, and you could see all the little details of it clearly, it’d be pretty grotesque. It didn’t feel any better seeing that done with chickens instead. Probably, that was what she was getting at.
“Well, that’s just how the Won-Ho is,” Ranta said, acting like an insufferable know-it-all. “It’s the sort of thing where it’s pretty easy up by the entrance, and it gradually gets more hardcore from there. Like that’s the design? We haven’t even gone inside yet, so this is about what you’d expect.”
“Fine, but what’s this ‘Won-Ho’ supposed to be...?” Haruhiro asked.
“Huhh?! Parupiro, you moron, it’s short for Wonder Hole, duh! You ought to be able to figure out that much. Use some common sense.”
“I’m not sure a guy as far from normal as you should be talking to me about common sense...”
“Are you an idiot?” Ranta shot back. “How many people in this world do you think have as much common sense as me? Not one, man, not one. I am the King of Common Sense.”
“Man, do you even know what common sense means?” Haruhiro asked.
“Yeah, I do,” Ranta said. “The opposite of nonsense, right?”
“Oh, I give up...”
“Yeah, I bet you do! Talking to you is a waste of time anyway! Okay, let’s do this!” Ranta put on his helmet, then raced forward.
Haruhiro blinked. “...Huh? What? Man, whaa—”
“...Uwah,” Kuzaku put on his close helm and lowered its visor. “Seriously?”
“Huh...?” Yume brought her index finger to her lips, tilting her head to the side in confusion.
“...Unbelievable,” Shihoru groaned, but she still got ready to fight.
Merry shouted after him, “Stop it, you idiot!”
She was too late.
“Hahhhhhhhhhh...! Leap Out!” Ranta bellowed.
Ranta charged fiercely towards one of the giant pseudo-chickens that was sitting on the ground.
The sharp blade of Ranta’s longsword caught the giant pseudo-chicken—or so he thought.
“Gyueh!” The pseudo-chicken leapt up at the last possible moment, flapping its wings.
“Bwah...?!” Ranta’s swing missed, and he looked up at the pseudo-chicken.
Yes. Looked up at it.
“—What, you can fly?!” he shouted.
“Wugyagyagyagyagyaaa!”
The pseudo-chicken was probably beating its wings in desperation. It was currently at an altitude of about three meters. But maybe that was the limit for it. The pseudo-chicken was moving backwards in midair as it descended.
“Gwahaha! You’re making this more fun than I thought it’d be!” Ranta bellowed.
Ranta closed in on the pseudo-chicken before it could land, taking a swing at it. The pseudo-chicken didn’t have arms, so it went after him with its legs instead.
A kick. It was a kick.
“Gyugyagyugyagyua!” the chicken called.
“Whoa! Whoops! There!” Ranta’s longsword hit the pseudo-chicken’s leg. They collided. Blood flew. However, he hadn’t cut it off. It looked like the pseudo-chicken had pretty tough legs.
“Not bad!” Ranta called.
“Gyueee!”
The pseudo-chicken jumped off the ground, launching another kick at Ranta. This was different from its last midair kick. This was a strong kick with real force behind it.
“Gwuh...?!” Ranta intercepted it with his longsword, but it was pushed back. He was sent flying.
“I’m kind of supposed to be the tank!” Kuzaku called, interposing himself between the pseudo-chicken and Ranta.
“Gyugyagyagyagyah! Gyagyagyagyagyah!”
The pseudo-chicken jumped into the air and kicked. It kicked with its right leg. It kicked with its left leg. It spun its legs around, kicking again and again in rapid succession.
“Oh! Ohh! Wow! Whoa!” Kuzaku was blocking it all with his shield somehow, but he was totally being forced to back away. The pseudo-chicken might force its way past his defense and knock him over at any moment.
“Okay, Kuzaku, you’re in charge of letting it whale on you!” Ranta shouted.
Ranta had let Kuzaku take his place. Now was he trying to circle around to the pseudo-chicken’s side, or its back, if he was lucky?
“Haru?!” Merry looked over to Haruhiro.
Yeah, I know, Haruhiro thought. Orders, right? You’re looking for orders. I have to give them. Dammit. Screw you, Ranta. This is because you had to go and start this. I mean, what do we get out of killing some giant pseudo-chicken? Sure, we could probably eat the meat, but butchering it would be a lot of work. No, no, now’s not the time to be thinking about that.
Haruhiro quickly scanned the area around them. The other pseudo-chickens were keeping their distance and watching.
They sure are cold, these pseudo-chickens, he thought. But for now, it looks like they won’t be swarming us. Not yet, at least. We’ve gotta stay on our toes.
“Kuzaku, you stay there and hold out!” he called. “Ranta, Yume and I will surround it! Merry, look after Shihoru! Conserve magic!”
Haruhiro drew his dagger and sap and rushed forward. Ranta was already trying to get behind the pseudo-chicken.
“—No matter what, I’m gonna be the one to decide this!” Ranta hollered. “O Darkness, O Lord of Vice! Dread Aura!”
Ranta activated his dark magic, and something like a blackish purple haze enveloped him. Dread Aura. It was a spell that gave the dread knight who used it a general power boost.
Use that from the beginning! Haruhiro shouted at him mentally.
“Urkh...” Kuzaku grunted with exertion.
Kuzaku’s hanging in there, Haruhiro thought. But it’s sloppy, the way he moves. Is he too tall, so it’s throwing off his balance? His shield and sword are both too far out from his body, and they’re not in sync; it’s a mess. He’s got too many gaps. Is he gonna be okay as tank like that?
Regardless, while he’d been managing to hold out somehow, Ranta had gotten right behind the pseudo-chicken and taken a swing at it. “Hatred!”
“Gyueeh!”
The giant pseudo-chicken took to the air once more, dodging Ranta’s slash. Once again, it was about three meters up, but that was high enough that Ranta’s swings just barely couldn’t reach it.
“Fwoosh!” Yume called, quickly loosing an arrow. Despite being a hunter, Yume wasn’t good at archery. But she hit. It struck the flying pseudo-chicken in the breast.
“Yay!” Yume cheered, but the pseudo-chicken didn’t even flinch. It looked like it was pretty meaty, so one or two arrows might not hurt it much.
“Hit it in the face, okay? The face!” Ranta bellowed, chasing after the descending pseudo-chicken, swinging his sword around as he did.
Kuzaku followed after him with heavy steps.
When the pseudo-chicken landed, this time it started running.
“Gyueeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh!”
“I-It’s running?!” Haruhiro was dumbfounded. At the same time, he thought, This isn’t going to work. We can’t catch it. I mean, it’s fast. That thing’s super fast.
“Hey, wait, you...!” Ranta hollered.
Ranta was trying to chase after it, but it was getting further and further away from him. Kuzaku just stood there, while Yume was nocking an arrow.
“Jess, yeen, sark, fram, dart...!”
Shihoru cast a spell. It was one she had newly learned. It wasn’t Darsh Magic. It was a Falz Magic spell, Lightning.
There was a flash of light. Then a roaring sound, like the sound of tearing paper, only magnified tens or hundreds of times.
It was lightning. Lightning came down. Right at the feet of the fleeing pseudo-chicken.
In other words, she missed.
“Meow...!” Without missing a beat, Yume let her arrow fly. It didn’t even graze it.
“Dammiiiiiiiiit, aaaaahhhhhh....!” Ranta yelled.
Ranta’s still running, Haruhiro thought. It’d be stupid to go to the trouble of stopping him.
“...I mean, when you get down to it, this was all his fault for suddenly starting a fight in the first place,” Haruhiro added aloud.
“Whoa...” Kuzaku looked down at the ground, shaking his head. “I broke into a cold sweat there. I’ve never fought anything like that before...”
“I don’t think that’s your only problem here...” Haruhiro muttered, despite himself.
Kuzaku raised his visor and looked in Haruhiro’s direction. “Huh?”
“Nah—” Haruhiro said.
I’ve got something to say to him. I feel like I really ought to say it. But, as infuriatingly stupid as it is, I can’t just leave Ranta alone.
“Hey! Ranta! Get back here already! Don’t waste your time!” Haruhiro shouted.
“You’re so annoying! Shut up, Parapillion!” Ranta hollered.
All he’d gotten in return was some verbal abuse, but it still seemed that even Ranta had realized how stupid he was being. Or maybe he was just tired. That seemed more likely. Either way, Ranta finally stopped.
“...I’m sorry,” Shihoru said, shrinking into herself. “...I couldn’t hit it with my spell. I know this is just making excuses, but I’m not used to Falz Magic yet...”
“Grr,” Yume said with a grimace. “That arrow hit, but it didn’t end up doin’ anything.”
Merry had an incredibly dark look on her face, as if the world had just ended for her. She was depressed and at a loss for what to do. “...I couldn’t cast it... Protection...”
Merry’s got a complex about Protection, Haruhiro thought. This’s bad.
“Nah, it’s not your fault, Merry—” he hastened to reassure her, but the source of all this trouble had turned around and was on his way back, cursing all the way.
“I almost had it, but someone went and stopped me! You just had to go and make a nuisance of yourself!” Ranta yelled.
“Man...” Haruhiro muttered.
The words “making a nuisance of yourself” are a better description of what you were doing, he thought indignantly. They were made to describe what you were doing. Your very existence is a nuisance. Give me a break. Quit screwing around all the time. Seriously, you do this every time. I wish you’d just die already. I wouldn’t mind—hell, I’d be thrilled.
Haruhiro wanted to unload all of those feelings on him, but Ranta probably wouldn’t change even if he did. If Haruhiro said anything, Ranta would argue back, it’d turn into a fight, and that would only be exhausting for him. Still, he had to warn him against one thing.
“No more messing with the pseudo-chickens,” Haruhiro ordered. “Actually, you’re banned from charging in without permission.”
“Don’t get cheeky with me,” Ranta said. “Who do you think you are, pal?”
“It’s banned.”
“I asked, who do you think you are? Answer me.”
“It’s banned.”
“Can you do anything other than repeat yourself?” Ranta demanded. “Are you a parrot? Are you a parrot, huh? Yeah, you’re a parrot. Fine then, from now on, your name is Parrot, got it? You’d better get used to it.”
Haruhiro did his best to ignore Ranta and resist the urge to punch him. Haruhiro’s ability to let things go must have gone up a level or two.
“...I’m amazed that you can put up with him,” Kuzaku said with clear dismay.
“It’s because he’s always like this...” Shihoru explained with a wry laugh.
Yume stuck out her bottom lip, making a pouty face. “Still, when he’s doin’ stuff to make you mad, he makes you real mad.”
“Um! Everyone, gather around.” Merry raised her hand. “I’ll cast Protection on us. This time, I have to make sure it doesn’t run out...”
Haruhiro and most of the others gathered around Merry at once, but Ranta was dragging his feet.
“Oh, fine, if I have to,” Ranta muttered. “Honestly. You’re absolutely hopeless. Seriously. Seriously.”
It really made Haruhiro want to shout Come on, just get over here already, but he thought better of it.
“Ah,” he added, realizing something.
“Hm?” Ranta turned around. “...Oh?”
There was a rumbling sound. It was incredibly intense. Something was running towards him. It was a giant pseudo-chicken. Since it had an arrow in its breast and a bloody leg, it must have been the one from before.
The pseudo-chicken leapt into the air. “Gyueeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh!”
“Ohhhhhh?!” Ranta yelled.
It let loose.
The giant pseudo-chicken landed a flying kick on Ranta’s chest.
“Gwah?!” Ranta yelped.
It was a clean hit. Ranta was bowled over.
Haruhiro couldn’t help but think, Serves you right.
“O Light, may Lumiaris’s divine protection be upon you... Protection!” When Merry cast the spell, a hexagram of light appeared on Haruhiro and the others’ left hands.
“Didn’t it run away?!” Haruhiro readied his dagger and sap. “We’ll have to do this! Kuzaku!”
“Yeah!” Kuzaku put his shield in front of him and charged at the pseudo-chicken.
Yume nocked an arrow. “Is Yume better off usin’ her machete?!”
He couldn’t shout, I don’t know! I don’t know anything about that! at her, like he really felt, so Haruhiro tried saying, “Your bow is fine!” But was it really? He didn’t know.
Shihoru launched another spell, but missed again. Ranta wasn’t getting up. He was just lifting his head and glancing over in Merry’s direction, as if to say, Heal me, please. Be nice to me. That ass.
Yume’s arrow didn’t hit it, either.
As for Kuzaku, it was all he could manage just to block the pseudo-chicken’s kicks with his shield.
The pseudo-chicken jumped, flew around, and they couldn’t catch it. This was going nowhere.
15. Bitter
—The task set before me is clear, Haruhiro thought.
First, something had to be done about Ranta running wild. Whenever that ass went and did whatever he felt like, without exception, it ended incredibly badly. As the party leader, Haruhiro had to do something about it. If he couldn’t, it would mean he was failing to accomplish his duty. He needed to put a collar on that mad dog Ranta, and train him to do as he was told. It was going to be an extremely difficult mission, but he would have to do it.
And then there was Kuzaku.
“Well, truth be told, I’ve never done the tank thing before,” Kuzaku had told Haruhiro. “In my last party, we had two warriors. They were kind of tank-y. I was more of a support role. You know, like, I’d stay back. I’m not used to being on the front line, you could say. Honestly, it’s pretty scary.”
Of course it was scary. There was no helping that. But if he didn’t stand there as an immovable tank, it would make it hard for those in back to do their jobs.
For the time being, Haruhiro had decided to have Kuzaku focus on one job. Paladins had a skill, Block, which was used to stop enemy attacks. Kuzaku was to focus on using that.
Block was for more than just receiving enemy blows with his shield. By pulling back or pushing forward at the right time, he could throw his opponent off balance, delay their next attack, or set up a counterattack combo.
According to Kuzaku, because he hadn’t been a tank in his last party, he hadn’t even carried a shiel
d. He’d only learned Block recently, so he didn’t have the composure to consciously make use of it in a real battle just yet. That was going to be a problem, so they’d need to beat the skill into him.
To Haruhiro’s mind, Block was the most basic of basics for a paladin, a skill that could become a central pillar of their strategy. For the moment, Kuzaku didn’t need to think about attacking at all. He wanted him to focus entirely on Block.
“Urkh...! Kuh! Muh...!” Kuzaku was desperately blocking the club with his shield. The one swinging the club was a squat, big-nosed, round-eyed human—no. A human-like creature.
They all seemed to have clubs, and they were all male, so Haruhiro decided to call them clubmen for now. Yes, clubmen. There was more than one clubman. In addition to Clubman A, the one Kuzaku was fighting, there were multiple others.
“Argh! Quit darting around!” Ranta hollered.
Ranta was trying to carve up Clubman B with his sword, but he couldn’t pull it off. The clubmen were tiny, and pretty darn fast, too.
“They’re strong, too!” Haruhiro called.
Haruhiro Swatted Clubman C’s club, Swatted it, and Swatted it again.
That club, is it made of wood? he wondered. Or is it some other material? It’s hard and heavy.
The clubmen were maybe 120 centimeters tall at most. Even with their bodies that size, they were swinging around clubs that had to be a meter long as if they were nothing, so they were really strong.
They wore nothing but these shabby outfits that were like short, one-piece dresses, tied shut at their waists. No shoes. They didn’t seem to have a human-level intellect, but they’d been crafty enough to catch the party by surprise.
After Haruhiro and the others had somehow managed to kill that pseudo-chicken, they’d headed inside the Wonder Hole. They’d progressed through a huge cave that was like a one-way tunnel for some time, and then, suddenly, these guys had leapt out of a side tunnel. They had waited for Haruhiro and the party to pass, then attacked from behind.
“Sorry! Usin’ the bow may not be an option! They’re too tiny!” Yume called, putting her bow away and trying to draw her machete.
“Get on with it, you moron!” Ranta shouted.
“Shut up, stupid Ranta!” she yelled back.
