by Penny Jordan
‘And how did your dinner date go?’ Mrs Downs asked Amber, plainly unaware of any tension in the atmosphere. ‘Enjoy it, did you?’
‘Very much, apparently,’ Joel replied for her. ‘Would you like a lift, Mrs Downs, or…’
The hint was taken, and Mrs Downs left in something of a flurry, her kind face worried. As though he sensed the direction of her thoughts, Joel moved towards Amber with a volte-face that caught her off guard, pulling her gently against him, kissing her temple, and out of the corner of her eye Amber saw Mrs Downs’ frown lift and could almost see her thinking that she had been mistaken in her earlier impression that Joel was bitterly furious.
‘I’ll go up,’ Amber said shakily when the sound of Mrs Downs’ car had finally faded. ‘You must be tired…’
‘Tired? Hell, yes, I’m tired,’ Joel grated. ‘Tired to death of women like you, Amber—women who take and go on taking, women who don’t give a damn about anything apart from their own selfish desire. Well, other people have desires; and other people can be selfish, as it’s perhaps time you found out.’
He swept her up as firmly and easily as he had done the first night of their marriage, but this time his heart thudded unevenly under her cheek; the male musky scent of his body filling her sensitised nostrils as he walked determinedly and lithely up the stairs to their room.
Once there he dropped her on the bed, keeping her pinned there with one hand, while his cold eyes surveyed her flushed cheeks and the slim contours of her body in the new dress she had worn to go out to dinner.
Amber held her breath as she felt those same grey eyes probing the soft curves of her breasts beneath the low neckline of her dress.
‘What’s the matter?’ he asked softly. ‘Wasn’t that why you wore it? So that a man would look at you exactly like that?’
‘No!’
‘Liar! And I want to do more than merely look, Amber, I want to find out if you feel as enticingly soft to touch as you look.’
‘No!’ she protested thicky. ‘No, Joel, I…’
His mouth curled sardonically. ‘Still the coward, but you don’t escape so easily, Amber.’
As he spoke he bent his head, imprisoning her with his weight, his mouth draining all will to resist from hers as he forced apart the closed softness of her lips, tasting the hidden inner sweetness, making her delirious with mingled pleasure and pain, her whole body on fire with the potency of his touch. His hands moved over her body, pushing aside the thin straps of her dress, lifting her despite her struggled protests, to deftly unzip her dress and lay bare her pale flesh to his burning gaze.
She shuddered then, knowing that he would not relent, shivering as his gaze became absorbed in the curve of her breast, his fingers touching her flesh lightly and exploratively, before suddenly hardening with the desire she could feel beating up within his body, lending a cruel curve to his mouth and a predatory gleam to the eyes surveying the vulnerability of her near-naked body.
Her flimsy bra was removed as deftly as her dress, followed by Joel’s suit jacket and shirt, his skin damp with perspiration, the dark springy hair vitally alive beneath the hands she lifted to push him away.
‘So shy and virginal,’ Joel mocked. ‘Falsely so, as we both know. Are you as cold as Teri at heart, Amber? Women like you who enjoy teasing and running are, aren’t they? You drive men mad with your teasing games, but that’s all it is, isn’t it? You don’t have the guts to be real live women!’
‘Joel, please!’ Amber begged him through stiff lips. ‘Please don’t…’
She gasped as his questioning lips explored the tender skin of her throat, nibbling sensuously at her flesh, sending heady spirals of pleasure shuddering through her; her will power distorted by the effect of his proximity and the touch of his hands and mouth on her body. The clean male scent of him enveloped her; all rational thought rapidly became suspended, the probing insistence of his mouth against her throat drawing a low moan from her lips.
All at once an overpowering desire to touch him broke down the barriers of her resistance, and her hands moved tentatively over his skin, his sudden indrawn breath and slight shudder invoking an instant response from her own body.
‘I’ve already told you, Amber,’ he warned her roughly as her hands clung feverishly to his shoulders, ‘I don’t like teases, so don’t play games with me.’
She moved her head, intending to tell him that if anything he was the one playing games, but he moved too, and her lips were pressed against the warm column of his throat. His fingers tightened into her arms, the brief unintentional caress sweeping aside all his restraint. He muttered hoarsely under his breath, something Amber couldn’t interpret, and then the full weight of his aroused body was against hers, his lips seeking the parted sweetness of her mouth in a kiss that left behind the child she had been for ever, as her senses rioted into response against the dictates of her mind.
She wasn’t aware of reaching up to dig her fingers into the smooth muscles of Joel’s back, her body arching urgently beneath him, welcoming the heated pressure of his thighs burning through the thin fabric of his pants. When his fingers stroked lingeringly across her breast, she shuddered in mind-destroying pleasure, her soft moan inciting him to bend his head and hungrily explore the firmly rounded flesh with lips that seemed to burn against her skin.
Vaguely Amber was aware of Joel removing the remainder of their clothing; of him caressing the tender curves of her thighs and the soft trembling swell of her stomach, each caress driving her into paroxysms of feverish longing for an even closer communion with the hard masculinity of his body.
An ache began deep in the pit of her stomach and built up to explosion point, her soft frantic moans soothed by the jagged harshness of Brett’s breathing and the increasing urgency with which his hands moved over her body.
And then when she felt she could stand it no more she felt his full weight slide urgently between her thighs, his mouth on hers as he took her through the barriers of innocence to a place where pleasure mingled with pain, and her heart ached because although he desired her, it was not love, and his possession of her body was merely the appeasement of desire coupled with a bitter wish to punish.
She heard his hoarse exclamation of surprise from a distance; his eyes darkened as he withdrew from her, leaving her without even the comfort of his arms around her.
‘My God,’ she heard him mutter distantly, ‘what have I done?’
CHAPTER SIX
AMBER didn’t know where Joel had spent the night. He had left her after saying abruptly that they would talk in the morning, and she had lain awake long after he had gone, filled with shame and humiliation. What must he have thought of her? She shuddered as she relived her wanton behaviour, her complete abandonment to Joel and the ecstasy of his lovemaking. Had he guessed how she felt about him?
That fear preyed on her mind as she showered and dressed in a blue skirt with a matching voile blouse. In front of the mirror she brushed her hair automatically, unaware of the attractive picture she made in her new clothes, her hair curling softly on to her shoulders. Her lips were still swollen from Joel’s kisses, her skin a little paler than usual.
She glanced at her watch, dismayed to see that she had overslept. Who had got Paul up?
She went to his room before going downstairs, but it was empty, and yet the house seemed strangely quiet. For one moment she thought Joel must have gone out with Paul, leaving her alone, but as she hurried downstairs the study door opened and Joel walked out and glanced up at her, his face grim.
Was it her imagination, or did he too look a little paler than usual this morning?
‘I made us some coffee, it’s in the study. Would you like something to eat?’
Food was the last thing she wanted, and Amber shook her head as she negotiated the last of the stairs, momentarily on the same level as Joel and able to look straight into inscrutable grey eyes, before her downward path brought her once more only to his shoulder.
He push
ed open the study door and stepped back to allow her to precede him, his thin cotton shirt sleeves rolled up to his elbows, the muscles in his forearms flexing as he moved. Amber swallowed, suddenly intensely aware of him, and the total maleness of the lean body beneath the thin shirt and close-fitting jeans; a body which had last night taught her own to respond to it with careless disregard for the consequences
‘Milk?’
The sound of Joel’s voice made her jump. she hadn’t realised that he was pouring her coffee, and she blushed as guiltily as a teenager caught out in rapt contemplation of a poster of her idol, as he glanced up interrogatively. She had been too busy studying the lean planes of his face, and the thick darkness of his hair, to notice the deft movements of his hands, and she found herself swallowing again as he indicated a comfortable wing chair, and suggested that she sit down.
Spring sunshine streamed in through the window, highlighting the intricate pattern on the exquisite Persian rug, dancing on the leather-topped desk before touching golden fingers to Joel’s skin, revealing its masculine texture to her avid eyes.
‘Where’s Paul?’ she asked him, suddenly remembering the little boy.
‘I asked Mrs Downs to take him shopping with her. I wanted to talk to you alone, and having talked to Paul I gather I owe you more than one apology—not that in these circumstances a mere apology would seem to suffice. I won’t ask why you didn’t tell me that you… that you’d never known a man intimately,’ he continued smoothly. ‘To do so would perhaps be naïve—I can recognise fear, even if I can’t recognise innocence,’ he told her grimly. ‘I suppose you thought I’d come to my senses in time. Perhaps I would have done, if you hadn’t…’
Amber’s heart thudded painfully. What was he going to say? If she hadn’t fallen in love with him? She tried to speak, but the words refused to come, and Joel, who was far more in control of the situation than she could ever hope to be, concluded, ‘The trouble is, you’ve got such a damnably sexy body; so perfectly attuned to mine that…’ he broke off and touched her pale cheek gently. ‘It happens like that sometimes. One moment I was as angry as hell with you, telling myself you were Teri all over again; the next I couldn’t keep my hands off you, and by the time I realised how innocent you were, I was way, way beyond any hope of stopping.’
Ridiculously the wry admission made her heart sing, although she fought hard to quell her rising tide of pleasure. After all, Joel must be no stranger to desire; hers couldn’t be the first female form he had described as ‘sexy’.
‘What I have to know is, why?’ he pressed softly, coming to stand beside her chair, suddenly dropping down beside her, taking her small hands in his and turning them palm upwards. ‘What I’m trying to ask you is, were you waiting for a very special reason—which means a very special man—or was that just the way it was through circumstances?’
The truth was a mixture of both, Amber admitted. Rob ought to have been her very special man, but somehow it had never happened between them, and now she was fiercely glad. For a moment she was tempted to tell Joel that she had found her very special man in him, but to do so would be to burden him with a love he could scarcely want, and so, trying to be as composed as he was, she said slowly,
‘It just happened that way. There was someone before my accident—a doctor, as it happens. We were going to get engaged, but when he saw how badly scarred I was he…’
‘Left you flat?’ Joel demanded with savage disbelief. ‘My God, when I think of all the accusations I’ve made against you! That’s why you were so bitter—because he let you down?’
Amber dropped her head, her husky ‘Yes’ almost lost as he leaned forward, pulling her head against his chest, his arms warm and comforting as he rocked her gently for a few minutes before releasing her.
‘Poor Amber! My sex hasn’t given you much reason to trust or respect it, has it? Do you still love him?’
She wanted to say ‘No’, but an inner caution warned her that to do so might be dangerous. He was no fool, far from it, and if she admitted that she did not care two hoots about Rob any more, he might realise why.
‘What I don’t understand is why you suddenly decided to accept my offer of a job when I mentioned the money,’ Joel continued. ‘From what I know about you now that seems totally out of character.’
Amber shrugged, trying to appear lighthearted. ‘A girl has to think of her old age,’ she quipped. ‘I was out of a job; the school had just turned me down, and your offer seemed almost like a gift from the gods, and then once I’d met Paul…’
‘Ah yes, Paul,’ Joel murmured. ‘I must admit when I realised that you’d suffered injuries similar to his I thought it really was my lucky day—one moment there I was, wondering how on earth I was going to prevent Teri from trying to take him from me, the next—voilà, a readymade wife, who was bound to appeal to Paul. Which reminds me. He and I had a long talk this morning and it seems I owe you yet another apology. He’s told me all about Tom, and how he and Mrs Downs persuaded you to have dinner with him.’
‘It’s all right,’ Amber assured him. ‘I can understand how it must have seemed arriving like that and finding…’
‘You wrapped in his arms.’ He rubbed the back of his neck tiredly, suddenly vulnerable, and Amber realised how much Teri’s infidelity must have hurt him. ‘Yes, I leapt to the wrong conclusion—Paul told me you didn’t even want to go out to dinner with him.’
‘Not really, but he’d been so good to Paul, and I didn’t want to hurt him. That’s why I let him kiss me.’ Her voice faltered, and Joel said savagely,
‘Well, now you know just how dangerous compassion can be in a man-to-woman situation. God, it was bad enough when I thought you were simply too terrified to stop me; now I have to endure the fact that you were sorry for me as well.’
Amber longed to tell him that it hadn’t been like that; that the way she felt about him bore no comparison to the weak pity she had felt for Tom, but he was too angry to listen, and anyway she dared not tell him. He didn’t love her, and for the sake of her own pride it would be wiser to let him believe his earlier accusations were true.
‘I couldn’t have been more wrong about you, could I?’ he demanded. ‘You couldn’t be more different from Teri.’ He got up and went to stand in front of the window. The sun struck right through his thin shirt, outlining the taut masculinity of his body, and Amber felt her heart lurch anew. Dear God, how she wanted him! The longing to go to him and touch him was almost a physical pain. From being a girl of almost cool emotional tenor, she had suddenly discovered fires burning within herself that threatened a conflagration fierce enough to destroy her completely unless she discovered a means of keeping them in check.
‘I can’t tell you how sorry I am about last night,’ Amber heard Joel say. ‘Anger is a powerful aphrodisiac; especially when it’s harnessed to desire and abstinence.’
The words which he meant as explanations fell like blows on Amber’s aching heart. Of course he didn’t love her! Ridiculous to think that he might; and not knowing of her love for him it was obvious that he would be appalled by what had happened.
‘I don’t know which is the worst,’ he added, ‘breaking my word, or discovering that I’m not as capable of controlling my more base urges as I thought, but one thing I will promise you, Amber. It won’t happen again. Now that I know the truth, I’ll make sure of that—God help me, I’ll have to,’ Amber thought she heard him mutter hoarsely as he turned back to the window, but the words were too indistinct for her to be sure.
‘It does take two,’ she reminded him bravely, knowing that there had been a moment when she could have stopped him, with the truth.
‘Does it?’ He regarded her sardonically. ‘I don’t remember much participation on your part. Did I hurt you?’
A wave of colour suffused her face. ‘No… that is… Not… much…’ she stammered at last. ‘I suppose it had to be a little painful… and it would have happened some time…’
‘But wi
th a man you loved, whom you had chosen to give the gift of your innocence, trusting him to teach you the pleasure which would obliterate the pain.’
‘It’s over,’ Amber reminded him. ‘And I would much rather we forgot all about it.’
‘How very deflating you can be at times, for all that you’re little more than a child,’ Joel drawled, appraising her flushed cheeks and steady eyes. ‘Has no one ever told you that no man enjoys the suggestion that his lovemaking is “forgotten"?’
‘But we weren’t “making love”,’ Amber reminded him, proud of the steadiness. ‘As you said, you were angry with me; you wanted to punish me, and things got out of hand.’
For a moment he seemed to be looking at her with peculiar intensity and seemed about to speak, but then they heard Mrs Downs and Paul returning and the moment was lost.
‘It won’t happen again, I promise you that,’ Joel said tersely. ‘But I need your help too much to do the decent thing and suggest that we end our “arrangement” here and now. I’m not letting Teri have Paul. She’s come close to destroying him once, she isn’t going to get a second opportunity.’
It was dangerous to feel so glad, especially when she knew that there was no future for them. Today Joel had seemed more human and approachable that at any other time during their acquaintance; and yet, conversely, never had he seemed more distant. He had taken her in anger and desire, fuelled more by Teri than her, Amber suspected, and she couldn’t help wondering just what it would be like to be possessed by him in love. That was something she was never likely to discover, she reminded herself, as the door burst open and Paul came rushing in, cheeks flushed, hair tousled, his limp markedly less noticeable than it had been when she first saw him.
‘I’ve bought you a present,’ he told Amber, flinging himself into her arms. ‘Look!’
Her present was a rather squashed bar of chocolate Amber recalled having agreed that she quite liked when it was advertised on television, and she thanked Paul gravely, suggesting that they shared it after lunch.
