Chapter 10
I was fast becoming sick of restless nights. Admittedly I had never really needed a massive amount of sleep, six hours a night at most had always been plenty. That had been the case before the end of the world of course.
Spending the night in far too close proximity with a group of people was in no way my idea of a fun time. Add to that the below freezing temperature of the small room, the howling wind and blizzard outside with countless undead horrors walking the streets and a stranger in the room and you have a recipe for sleeplessness.
Lily had agreed that we needed to keep a watch on both the world outside our little refuge and the stranger within. Despite my insistence on having the watch kept, I was grateful that Pat offered to go first.
At some point during the early hours of the morning I awoke cold and aching from trying to sleep on the hard floor that the scattered clothes did little to cushion. I soon realised that I would be unable to go back to sleep and so carefully climbed to my feet and crossed to the window.
“Hey.” Gregg said. “Couldn’t sleep?”
“It would seem so.” I said testily and he fell silent.
The snow had stopped and the sky had cleared to bathe the snow clad town in the luminescence of the stars and moon. It gave everything a surreal and yet peaceful quality.
“I haven’t seen anything moving for a while now.” Gregg said.
“Anything suspicious from Dale?” I asked, and he looked over at the still form that lay apart from the others before shaking his head, a movement barely discernible in the darkness.
“Nah, just been sleeping.”
“Well, I’m awake and I doubt I’ll be able to sleep so I’ll stand watch if you want to get some rest.” I offered in the hopes that it would give me some alone time.
“Yeah, I’ll do that. Thanks mate.” Gregg said, with a companionable pat on my arm as he passed.
The urge to strike out at him for touching me was not as strong as it would have usually been and I was left with just mild discomfort. I was forced to acknowledge once again the changes that had been occurring in me.
I spent the time until dawn alternately watching out of the window and our guest while turning over the same questions again and again. I knew the changes had occurred and I just had to decide whether they were for the better or not.
For the first time in my life I had gained friends and was starting to care about others, something that everyone else around me had always managed to do so easily. I had often wondered over the years whether I was missing something by not having those feelings and now I knew that I was. I was missing out on the pain that came when someone I cared for was killed.
My thoughts drifted to Emma, the little girl who had died such a short time ago. I had saved her life and she had wormed her way into mine. Her death had awakened a whole host of conflicting emotions that I just wasn’t equipped to deal with. Instead I had done the one thing I knew how to do. I had slaughtered the ones responsible.
If I stayed with the group, with Lily, the attachment I was feeling for them may well grow and I could find some measure of peace with my existence. That was offset by the danger we faced in this new world. How would I react if one of my companions were killed or even Lily?
It was bad enough that I had found myself referring to the group as ‘we’ rather than ‘them.’ It showed that I considered myself part of a group, no longer alone and that could only be a problem for me.
I had only ever had to rely on myself before and while the circumstances had changed and the need for other people had grown quite important, I had still been using the others for my own ends. They had served a purpose and if necessary I would have removed any one of them to suit my needs. Now, I couldn’t see myself doing that.
It was a quandary and I could see no real way to deal with it. To survive I needed other people but they could well be the cause of my death. The whole ‘saving others’ thing was just part of it.
Just a few months ago I would have happily let Dale die on the street but instead I had alerted the others and as a direct result our meagre resources were going to be stretched even further than they already were. That put my life and survival at risk.
“Penny for your thoughts,” Lily said softly by my ear and I jerked back to the present, embarrassed to have been caught so lost in thought when I was supposed to be watching for trouble.
Her laughter was kept low to avoid waking the others and contained no mockery just genuine amusement as I stammered a reply.
“You looked to be far away then, anything I can help you with?” She asked and I shook my head.
“I’m afraid not.”
“You know you can talk to me don’t you?” she asked as she stepped close and took my hand in hers.
“I do, though I often wonder how much of my thoughts you would want to hear.”
“Somehow I doubt that anything you tell me will be worse than the things I already know and accept about you,” she said with a smile and a gentle squeeze on my hand.
“Perhaps.” I said before adding, “It will be light soon, we need to decide whether or not we’re leaving.”
“I think we need to find Dale’s family and friends.” Lily said with a small smile that told me she knew why I was trying to change the topic of conversation. “We find them and hopefully somewhere that has a stash of food as well and then we can try and get back to the boat.”
“As long as it doesn’t snow again we should be fine.” I said and she nodded and stepped close, her body pressed against mine as we fell silent and watched out of the window in companionable silence.
A low growl came from Lily’s stomach and she laughed in mild embarrassment.
“Guess that’s my body’s way of saying we need to get some food.” She said.
“I could go out and have a look for something.” I suggested but she shook her head.
“No, we stick together.” Lily insisted.
“Well perhaps now would be a good time to wake the others.”
With a last smile for me alone, she crossed the room and began to wake the others. I watched her move amongst my friends, a friendly word here and a pat on the shoulder there. Ensuring everyone was at their ease and ready for the day ahead.
She glanced over and caught me watching her which brought a shy smile to her face that almost erased the tiredness and hunger. She was losing weight and she had lost some of the vibrancy I recalled from so many months ago when we first met.
I determined that the first course of action would be to find some food and ideally some vitamins, we could all use some of those since we were missing out on so much considering the poor diet we had had recently.
In a surprisingly short amount of time Lily had chivvied everyone up and about and the group seemed to be as ready as they would ever be. Pat was standing as stoic as ever besides Cass who was rubbing at her eyes and yawning.
Gregg was trying to clear his nose and from the glassy look of his eyes and the paler than usual complexion, I guessed he was starting with a cold. Understandable considering the weather and living conditions but problematic none the less.
Dale was still favouring his right arm while his left was held close to his body. I realised I had tuned out of the conversation before hearing what was up with it, but as long as it didn’t slow us down it wasn’t necessary to know. If he couldn’t defend himself then he would die and one of my problems would be solved.
“All set?” Lily asked brightly and a chorus of assent came from the group. “Then let’s go.”
She led the way down the stairs and I took one last look out of the window before following. I wasn’t particularly looking forward to wandering through the cold snow but it would be interesting to see what effect it would be having on the undead.
Chapter 11
We followed the directions provided by Dale to find the place where his family were hidden, walking slowly through the snow. We were wary a
nd determined to be careful. The first zombie we saw was crouched down beneath a snow covered tree set into the paved stones in front of a pub.
It had a thin layer of snow covering it and didn’t seem to be moving in any way. My companions were sharing confused looks as I ploughed forward through the thick layer of snow that covered the road.
As I approached the zombie it reacted to the sound of my movements and turned its head towards me before letting out a mewling sound that was so different to the usual moans we heard from the undead that I stopped in shock.
That was almost my downfall as it surged into motion and leapt towards me. I was forced to dive to the side to land in the snow as the creature clipped me when it passed. I swore as my knife flew from my hand and landed in the snow several feet from where I lay.
The zombie recovered quickly and turned towards me once more, seemingly unaware of my companions. It strode through the snow with no real difficulty and I rolled away as it fell towards me, close enough for me to get a whiff of its rancid breath.
I crawled towards the spot I had last seen my knife and felt a hand wrap its ice cold fingers around my ankle. I kicked out and heard a satisfying thud as I connected with the creature. A second solid crunch came as Pat crushed its skull with his lump hammer.
“You ok?” he asked and I nodded gratefully as I finally found my knife.
“That was one of the fast ones wasn’t it?” Cass asked.
“Agile enough that the snow posed no real problems for it.” I muttered once more embarrassed by my performance.
Something was off with me, I had never before struggled so much to perform a simple kill. It was at once both frustrating and enormously humiliating for me. I was a killer who couldn’t seem to kill.
I gathered the fragile scraps of my tattered pride and brushed the snow off of my clothes that were depressingly damp and I suppressed a shiver. I would need to get used to being cold and damp because I couldn’t see that changing anytime soon.
We continued on, sticking to the back streets as much as possible. Twice we were forced to wait, huddled together in the snow while we waited for a group of the undead to pass by. The slower ones seemed to have trouble maintaining their balance on the ice but had no real trouble ploughing through the snow which posed no real bother to their cold, dead flesh.
The abandoned cars and general wreckage that was prevalent through the town provided ample hiding places when we needed it. The numbers we encountered were just too large to fight without significant risk to ourselves.
As we went down one street and then another, we would check the shops and pubs we passed. No more than a cursory glance at times as that was enough to tell us that the places were stripped bare.
Dale was eager to point out the places he had already searched and the mood of our group soured as the hunger grew.
The house he directed us to was on a corner that overlooked three roads. It was built of the same rough gray stone that the country walls were made of. What seemed to be a garage was directly opposite, its heavy wooden doors closed tight and several houses lined the opposite streets.
A dozen zombies were on the road in front of the house and the once pure snow was stained crimson. Dale let out a moan of his own as he spied a female zombie that was sporting fresh wounds and Pat quickly covered his mouth to avoid alerting the undead to our presence.
Lily looked at me with eyes showing a depth of sorrow and compassion for the recently dead family and friends of Dale and we slowly backed away, back the way we had come. I stayed to the rear to keep an eye on the undead and we were fortunate not to be seen.
We turned a corner and the zombies were gone from sight. Pat was half carrying a silently weeping Dale and Lily was looking for somewhere we could duck into. Gregg pulled on a doorway to a coffee shop and when it opened he stuck his head through before gesturing us forward.
The coffee shop was a mess with overturned chairs and spilled drinks amongst the rotted remnants of food. Pat deposited Dale in a chair and left with Gregg to check the back rooms while Lily and Cass offered what comfort they could. I kept a close watch through the dirty glass that filled the front wall.
“We can’t stay here.” I said quietly to Lily. “We’re too visible.”
“I know, we need a minute though,” she said as she rubbed at Dale’s back as he wept.
“Was that all of your group?” I asked him and received a glare from both Cass and Lily. “What? We need to know.” I muttered before turning back to the window.
“All clear here.” Gregg announced as he walked back into the room with armfuls of snack foods. “Found these back there.”
He handed me a chocolate bar and a bag of salted crisps before depositing the rest on the table next to the women. I ate quickly, it was hardly nutritious but it was at least something.
“Some more zombies coming this way.” I said as I watched a handful making their way through the snow along the road that passed the coffee shop.
“How many?” Lily asked.
“Just three.” Gregg replied before I could.
“Take care of them then, we need a minute.” She said before adding, “But be careful.”
“Not a problem.” Gregg said with a grin of confidence as Pat joined us by the door.
We left the shop and the irritating sound of weeping that was already getting on my nerves. I let Pat lead the way, considering my recent inability to perform a kill I thought it best.
The zombies saw us and let out a moan before trying to speed up towards us. A male that was missing an arm as well as most of its clothing slipped on a patch of ice and landed on the hard surface of the road with a thump. Gregg leapt forward and thrust his steel bar down onto and through its skull.
Pat easily pushed aside the flailing arms of a female who looked almost intact before he crumpled the back of her head with his hammer on his first swing. Not wanting to be outdone I stalked towards the third zombie with my knife held ready before me.
Barely more than a teen it was missing a finger and some of the muscle from its left arm where teeth had torn away the flesh. It wore a stained apron and hat of a Dehli worker and it was determined to bite me.
A slash against its arm before I swayed to the side and swiped the blade across its ribs as I side stepped around it. The wounds wouldn’t hurt it but may distract it enough for me to swing around and strike at the base of its skull. The knife blade was off centre and bounced back from the bone and I swore as Pat ended its un-life with one swing of his heavy hammer.
“What’s up with you lately?” He asked. “I’ve not yet seen you miss a target you were aiming for with a knife in your hand.”
“I really don’t know.” I muttered as I felt the flush warming my cheeks.
“Performance anxiety.” Gregg snickered and my grip tightened on the handle of my knife before I realised he was right.
For the first time I was with a group of people who knew exactly what I was and whenever I went for a kill it was there in the back of my mind, that I would be seen and judged by their knowledge of what I was.
It was off putting. I had spent so many years working in secret and even when the end of the world had arrived, I had been able to kill the undead without anyone expecting anything from me, without their eyes on me, wondering if I killed the living in the same way.
I followed them back into the coffee shop with the thoughts heavy in my mind as I worked with the realisation that the opinions of these people mattered to me. Yet another weakness brought on by becoming a part of a group, by having friends.
Dale was still shaking and weeping and I was tempted to ask how much longer he would continue to do so but I knew enough by now to realise that it wouldn’t go down well. Instead I sat on one of the plastic chairs with my feet on a table and slowly chewed on a chocolate bar as I considered how to get over my current problem.
“Are we heading back to the boat?” I asked impatiently when the weeping
showed no sign of stopping.
“We could still do with having something to take back with us.” Lily said.
“Well we have plenty of coffee and tea bags.” Gregg said. He was busily piling up all of the items he wanted to take with him on the counter.
“We’ll need something to carry it.” Lily agreed as she eyed the growing pile.
“I wish we knew the area better. We’d at least have an idea of where we might find some food.”
“How about a couple of us take a look around while you finish up here.” I suggested with a meaningful look at the distraught man.
“That could be too dangerous.” Lily said, “We need to stay together.”
“Then you need to decide on whether he’s staying here or coming with us.” I said.
“He comes.” Lily’s voice was firm and brooked no argument.
“We need to go now then and we need him to calm down.”
“He’s just lost his wife.” Cass snapped and I glared at her.
“Everyone has lost someone but we don’t have the luxury of wallowing in self pity.”
“Bastard.” She shot back at me and I grinned.
“Aye, you should remember that.”
“Enough.” Lily said eyeing us both. “We’ve enough problems without arguing amongst ourselves. We’ll leave in five minutes, ok?”
“Whatever you say.” I said, and held back the smirk that I knew would just antagonise Cass and upset Lily.
True to her word, five minutes later we were leaving the coffee shop with as much of the looted goods that we could carry. Dale was quiet and seemed more dazed than anything but was at least no longer crying.
He would be little use in a fight or for anything else, so Cass kept a hold on his arm and guided him along while Pat took the lead with his heavy lump hammer held in one meaty hand.
We stayed to the side of the roads and avoided the cars, some of which still held their occupants. Undead and unable to remove their seatbelts or open the doors. It would be worth noting for the next time we returned since they undoubtedly held a number of items that would be useful to us.
Killing the Dead (Books 4-6) Page 21
