Paul couldn’t decide if he was more sad or angry about the boy’s reaction. Would a little girl have allowed his good-bye kisses each morning? An unexpected question spilled out. “If I were your mother, would you let me kiss you good-bye?”
Danny’s jaw dropped and he stared at Paul. “I…I…”
Suzy’s advice whispered through his mind. “Danny, it’s hard for me sometimes not having a wife.” Or my daughter. “So I know it’s hard for you not to have a mom. If you’re sad or even mad about your mom being gone, you can tell me, all right?”
Danny didn’t say anything.
Paul sought a means of offering comfort and settled on a tactic he’d been using when the desire to reach out and claim Anna-Grace overwhelmed him. “When you start feeling sad, think about the people who are important and available in your life. There’s me. There’s your neighbor, Mrs. Lapp. And your teacher, Mr. Brungardt.”
“He’s not the same as Miss Kroeker.” Danny almost spat the comment. Paul nodded slowly, understanding dawning. Apparently Danny missed the womanly influence a female teacher had provided. In a similar way, no matter how much he loved his son, Danny could never take the place of Anna-Grace. He sent up a quick, silent prayer for guidance before forming a calm reply. “No, Danny, he isn’t the same as Miss Kroeker, but he does care about you. And even though my kissing you isn’t the same as a mom giving you a kiss, I still want to kiss you good-bye. You’ll never be too big for me to give you hugs and kisses. Because I love you.”
Love—for his son, for his daughter—roared up with such intensity it nearly strangled him. He reached to tug Danny close, the way he had when Danny was little and frightened by a bad dream or had scuffed his knee or was disappointed or upset or sad. The way he’d never been able to embrace his daughter. Paul needed to hold his child.
Danny flung the door open. “I gotta go in. Bye, Dad.” He slammed the door and trotted off without a backward glance.
Paul watched until Danny joined a group of other youngsters and the entire throng disappeared behind the schoolhouse door. Then he sat a little longer, pondering. Should he retrieve Danny’s lunchbox from the shelf in the school’s front entry and take out the note he’d placed between the peanut-butter sandwiches and the foil-wrapped chunk of chocolate cake Suzy had baked? When he’d tucked it in the box, it seemed like a good idea—something he remembered his mom doing when he was a boy. But now he wasn’t sure how Danny would respond.
It was weird to be so disconnected from his child. He’d often wondered how he’d feel when Danny grew up and left home. But he hadn’t expected to experience loneliness while the boy still resided beneath his roof. The school bell rang. Two last stragglers—one boy, one girl—raced across the brown grass and darted into the building. Paul sat for a few more minutes, debating with himself about getting that note. He repeated the words in his mind: Baseballs are white, ball mitts are brown, a smile is always better than a frown. Childish. Stupid. A big mistake. And yet…
He remembered finding little notes in his lunchbox, jamming them into his pocket, acting embarrassed but inwardly smiling and puffing up with importance because his mom had done something extra for him the other kids’ moms hadn’t. He put his truck in Drive and pulled away. He’d risk leaving it there. It sure couldn’t make things worse. And maybe it would open the door to talking more about the hole Karina’s death had left in the middle of their lives. But of course, he wouldn’t talk about Anna-Grace. Not to Danny.
Indianapolis
Alexa
How could a week be so busy and yet so unproductive? Every day since her arrival in Indianapolis, she—with either Tom or Linda, depending on who wanted to make the drive—had gone to the library to scan newspaper articles from around the time of her birth for possible clues to her parentage. Despite hours of searching, they found nothing helpful. The ad Linda put in the Indianapolis paper resulted in a spattering of letters, and Alexa followed up on each one, but none led her to her mother or father. Linda’s Facebook post asking for information showed that more than ten thousand people had seen it thanks to multiple shares, but instead of leads she received encouragement to keep searching or good-luck wishes. Alexa’s frustration level rose with every day. With all the social media and instant access, shouldn’t it be easier to find someone?
Monday at breakfast Linda peered at Alexa over the rim of her coffee cup and raised one thick eyebrow. “All right, what are you wantin’ to do today? We still haven’t drove the neighborhood where you were left to see if anybody knew of a girl who was pregnant but never showed up carrying a baby in her arms.”
The door-to-door search had been Tom’s idea. He perked up. “Why, sure, we could do that. I still think it seems likely your birth mama lived close to the home in Indianapolis. Might be somebody saw something that didn’t mean much at the time but could be helpful to us.”
Alexa sighed. “Would you think I was awful if I said I didn’t want to do any searching today?”
Neither showed a hint of disappointment or surprise. Linda squeezed Alexa’s hand. “Of course not, girlie. You’ve been going at it like a house afire since you got here. I wanted you just to sit around and regroup yesterday, as you recall.”
Alexa grimaced at the hint of scolding. Linda hadn’t been happy about her spending Sunday afternoon at the library. But she’d gone anyway. Alexa sighed. “I know.”
“Taking a day off to let things simmer just might be the best idea yet.”
Alexa planned how to word her next request. Linda might not be any happier about it than she’d been about Sunday’s library excursion. She shifted to face Tom. “Instead of just sitting around, though, I’d like to run a special errand.”
Tom picked up another Alexa-baked apple-walnut muffin from the plate in the middle of the table and peeled back the wrapper. “Where to?”
“Indianapolis. The home.”
He nodded. “You wanna go see Melissa.”
“Uh-huh. But it means I’d need to borrow your car.” Although she’d thought about and prayed for the young woman every day since encountering her in the alley a week ago, she hadn’t visited her. “I could take her the rest of the muffins and maybe a box of candy. Or some flowers if I can find a bouquet. Something to cheer her up.”
Linda frowned as Tom reached for yet another muffin. “How many of those things are you gonna eat? If you don’t quit, Alexa won’t have any to take to that girl.”
Alexa hid a smile. Linda had just given her approval for the day’s plan.
Tom laughed and put the muffin back on the plate. “All right. I guess Melissa is eating for two. She needs it more than me.”
Linda aimed a knowing look at Tom’s middle. “Mm-hm.”
They all laughed, Tom the most boisterously.
Alexa retrieved a paper plate and transferred the remaining muffins. “It seems funny not to take her any baby things, you know? That’s what you usually take to somebody who’s expecting. But since she isn’t planning to keep her baby, it wouldn’t be appropriate.”
Linda’s expression turned thoughtful. “Maybe you could get a nice nightgown and robe for her to wear after the baby is born. Something to make her feel pretty.”
“Oh, and fun socks!”
Both Tom and Linda drew back.
Alexa couldn’t help laughing at their expressions. “C’mon, you have to admit, it makes you feel happy all over to wear a pair of bright purple-and-orange socks.” She held up her leg to show off her colorful kneesocks.
Tom screwed his face into a grimace. “I don’t know, Alexa. Seems to me wearing socks like that is a good way to get a man kicked out of the bowling league.”
She grinned. “Well, I like them, and I bet Melissa would, too. So when I shop, I’ll see if I can find some funky socks.” She turned to Linda. “And a nice sleep set. I think that’s a great idea.”
“Just don’t get too carried away on your spending spree.” Linda brushed crumbs from the table into her hand. “Remember
you don’t have an endless income right now. Gotta exercise some caution.”
Alexa nodded. She’d brought a prepaid debit card with her, but she’d already dipped into it to buy Band Blast tickets, a few groceries so she could bake some of her special pastries, and gas for Tom’s car. She’d go through at least half a tank today running errands. “I’ll be careful.”
“I know you will, honey. Your mama raised you to be frugal.”
Alexa started to clear the table, but Linda shooed her away. “You’ve got shopping to do before you head to Indianapolis. You’ll want plenty of visiting time with that girl at the home, so go on now. I can clean this up.”
Alexa paused midtask. So far the Dennings had only allowed her to wash her own bedding and clothes and do a little baking. She wasn’t accustomed to someone else cleaning up behind her, and she didn’t want to get used to it. “I have time to do both.”
Linda scowled, but her eyes twinkled. “Are you gonna argue with me? You won’t win. Just ask Tom.”
He gave an exaggerated nod. “She’s right. You might as well just scoot.”
Alexa backed away from the table, holding up her hands in surrender. “All right, all right, the cleanup is yours.” She darted over and hugged first Linda and then Tom. “Thank you.”
Tom patted her back and set her aside. “You’re welcome. Just plan your morning so you aren’t in rush-hour traffic, all right? No sense in getting yourself all stressed out.”
She offered a mock salute. “No stress today. I promise.”
Indianapolis
Alexa
As Alexa browsed the sleepwear department in one of Indianapolis’s many discount supercenters, she found the week’s tension slowly melting. Doing something for somebody besides herself felt good. Really good. And after-Christmas sales meant she could stay within budget—another plus. She examined the contents of every rack, determined to find the perfect pajamas that would bring a smile to Melissa’s sad, seeking face.
She liked a flannel pants-and-top set in bright lime green with little flamingos printed all over. Who could possibly be sad wearing something so bright and cheerful? But uncertainty about size sent her to the gowns, which would be a bit more forgiving than something with an elastic waist or buttons. After a bit of contemplation, she decided on a sunshine-colored long T-shirt with a rainbow embroidered across the bodice. Not as flashy as the flamingos but still a happy pattern. And it was one-size-fits-most—no worries about it not fitting. Then she located a fleecy robe in rainbow stripes and, on a whim, tossed a pair of fuzzy yellow scuffs into the cart.
From the sleepwear area she headed toward the displays of socks. She passed a discount bin and paused to peek inside. She and Mom had never been able to ignore bargain bins. Not that they always bought, but browsing was fun. Sock multipacks filled the bin. She hissed happily, “Yessss!” and dug through the display. She scored a six-pack of bright-colored animal-print socks for only two dollars and fifty cents. She smiled as she plopped the socks onto the bulky robe. She wanted some for herself, but she exercised self-control and pushed the cart onward.
She’d intended to buy candy or flowers, but she decided the cart was full enough. She did stop in the card aisle, however, and picked up a “thinking of you” card along with a large sky-blue gift bag and tissue paper with little rainbows printed all over so she could wrap the gift nicely. After checking out she hustled across the cold parking lot to Tom’s car and pulled up the GPS on her phone. No sense getting lost in the unfamiliar neighborhoods.
Less than twenty minutes later she parked in front of the home for unwed mothers and turned off the car’s engine. Her phone’s time readout showed ten forty-five—creeping up on noon. Based on what little Melissa had said about the home’s strict policies, she assumed they would enforce a set lunchtime, and in all likelihood she wouldn’t be welcome to stay. She’d do whatever the director said—no sense in getting Melissa in trouble. Worry struck. Were unscheduled guests allowed? If not, she’d just leave the package and go. But she sure hoped she’d get to visit with Melissa for a little while at least.
She hooked the bag’s handles over her wrist and balanced the plate of muffins on her palm and then stepped carefully across the cracked sidewalk beneath a canopy of drooping, leafless tree branches. The cloud cover made it seem more like early evening than midday, and Alexa shivered. She stepped onto the porch, giving a furtive glance left and right. All the overgrowth on the many trellises—why didn’t they trim those vines back for the winter?—gave the shadowy porch an almost sinister feel. The cluster of covered porch chairs pushed into the corner became slumbering beasts waiting to awaken and pounce. Childishly imaginative? Yes, but she couldn’t deny a fierce desire to escape the surroundings. She pushed the doorbell with one emphatic jab.
Within moments the inside door opened, giving her a view of a wood-paneled entry bathed in soft light from an antique tin chandelier hanging on a long chain. A middle-aged woman peered through the storm door’s screen at Alexa. “May I help you?” Not unfriendly, but not welcoming, either.
Alexa remained in place although she really wanted to leap over the threshold from the cold, dark porch into the warm, lighted entry. “Yes, ma’am. I’m here to visit Melissa. May I come in?”
“Your name?”
“Alexa Zimmerman.”
The woman’s brows descended slightly, and she looked Alexa up and down, seeming to take stock of her. “Are you family?”
Couldn’t they have this cross-examination inside? Alexa forced a polite tone. “No, ma’am. Just a friend.” She held up her bag. “I brought her a gift. May I bring it in?”
After a moment’s pause the woman unlatched the screen door, and Alexa eagerly stepped past her. Another shiver convulsed her as the warmth of the small entry room touched her. She smiled—a genuine smile. But her smile wavered when the woman turned a suspicious frown on her.
“I’ll need to examine the contents of the bag.”
Alexa subconsciously drew back. She’d gone to great care fluffing the tissue just so. If they took everything out and put it back again, the tissue would get rumpled. She wanted the gift to be pretty for Melissa. “It’s just a nightgown, robe, and socks. A little something…cheery.”
Now that she was inside, she realized how stark and cheerless the interior was despite the bright chandelier. No pictures on the walls, no rugs on the wood floor, nothing to make the space feel like a home. No wonder Melissa had seemed so sad. Alexa didn’t want this unsmiling woman to ruin the appearance of the gift.
“If you’d like, you can watch Melissa open it. Then you’ll see what’s inside.” Alexa held her breath, hoping the woman would accept the compromise.
“Our policy is to examine every item that comes in from the outside.” The woman spoke briskly but not unkindly. “Some of our girls come to us battling habits that aren’t healthy for them or the babies they carry. The policy isn’t meant to be intrusive but protective.”
Alexa’s breath eased out. “It’s just…” Would the woman understand? “The bag is so pretty right now, and if we rummage through it, the tissue will get ruined. I promise you can examine everything that comes out of it. But can Melissa be the one to open the gift?” She paused, then added, “Please?”
Finally the first hint of a smile creased the woman’s face. “All right. Follow me.”
Alexa trailed her from the entry, past what had probably been a grand parlor in the house’s heyday but now was a sad-looking room with faded wallpaper and outdated, mismatched furniture, to a small room tucked beneath the winding staircase. Despite the room’s lack of windows, the beautifully ornate chandelier hanging from the middle of the recessed ceiling fully illuminated the walls lined with overflowing bookshelves and highlighted a large wood table surrounded by slat-backed chairs. Melissa and two other young women sat at the table, open books in front of them. All three looked up. The unfamiliar pair just stared, but Melissa’s face lit with surprise.
Alexa w
aved, smiling. “Hi again.”
Melissa rose awkwardly and took two steps toward Alexa. “Hello! You came to see me?”
The genuine astonishment in her voice made tears prick in Alexa’s eyes. She bounced her hand holding the bag and plate. “Yes. And I brought presents.” The other two eyed the items with interest. Thank goodness she’d brought the muffins. “A little treat for you to share, and then something just for you, Melissa.” She hoped the other two wouldn’t be offended. Why hadn’t the woman called Melissa out of the room instead of parading Alexa in front of all the residents?
Melissa reached eagerly for the muffins and turned toward the others. “Don’t they look good?” Then shyness seemed to attack her. She held the plate hesitantly toward the woman. “Is it all right if we have some, Ms. Reed?”
The director plucked the plate from Melissa’s hands. “After the cook examines them for foreign substances. If they’re safe, we’ll put them on the lunch table.”
Alexa couldn’t decide if she wanted to slink away in embarrassment or rise up in indignation. Did the director really believe she’d put something dangerous in the muffins? “They’re apple-walnut with oats and lots of cinnamon and nutmeg and a touch of clove. I hope you’ll like them.”
The director set the plate on a little stand next to the door and pointed to the bag hanging from Alexa’s wrist. “Go ahead and open that, Melissa.”
Melissa released a nervous giggle, but she sat and placed the bag on the floor between her widespread feet. Ms. Reed stood watch, arms folded over her chest, while Melissa carefully removed the fluffed bursts of tissue and placed them on the table in a neat pile. She peeked into the bag and let out a gasp. “Rainbows! I love rainbows!”
The other two girls exchanged glances and snickered. Melissa’s excitement faltered.
Alexa stepped closer, trying to block the pair from Melissa’s line of vision. She pulled the folded robe from the bag and shook it out. “I’m glad you like the colors. I love rainbows, too. They’re so cheerful. God hung the first rainbow in the sky as a promise to Noah never to flood the entire earth again. So every time I see a rainbow, I see it as a promise of better things to come.”
When Love Returns Page 15
