by Tiana Laveen
“Hey. What’s up?” His brother sported a rascally smile. “I was in the area and ya know, thought I’d stop by.” He hitched his thumb towards the bike.
“You know I don’t like people just showing up at my house unannounced. That includes my drug peddling little brother,” he teased as he moved out of the way, allowing the man to come in.
“You need to get that stick outta your ass and relax, big bro.”
The bastard chortled. Hands on hips, he looked about. Vangelis closed and locked his front door, then looked at the back of the bastard’s head. Nico often behaved as if the world should be pleased he was in it.
“House still looks like a museum, I see…Jesus Christ, Van. Do you even live here? You could eat off the goddamn floor. This is scary, actually.”
“A clean home is frightening, huh? Versus your man cave at home that remains a pig sty? Yeah, I guess so then. Hey, you want something to drink?” he offered.
His brother followed him down the hall, to his kitchen.
“Yeah, I’m parched. A beer would be nice.”
Nico sat down on one of the white bar stools against the marble island.
“Just so you know, I have a black tie event tonight and need to start getting ready soon so don’t think I’m tryna brush you off,” he explained in advance as he reached for a chilled bottle of beer, removed the cap, and poured it into a tall glass. “I’m not. Just have plans is all.”
He set the glass before his brother and then leaned forward, resting his arms on the counter. He and Nico looked the most similar of all his brothers. At times, it felt like looking in the mirror. The only difference was that Nico had light brown eyes and was two inches shorter.
“Plans? Like what?” The guy took a big gulp, then set the glass down.
“Charity event for abused children, over at the U.S. Grant Hotel. Was invited by the lady I’ve been seeing.”
“Got yourself a new one, huh? Anyway, that sounds like something you’d be involved in. Good for you.”
Nico swallowed and stared down into his glass. They were both quiet for a spell.
“Is something on your mind?”
Nico’s smile faded into nothing, replaced by sadness—an expression Vangelis had rarely seen his sprightly brother sport. Nico was usually the life of the party—the loud, silly one. He was very intelligent, just like him, but he enjoyed a rip-roaring good time and lived by the seat of his pants. The man picked up the glass and took another swallow of beer, and then another.
“I lost my job.” Vangelis’ eyes widened. Nico had been a pharmacist for over ten years. He was knowledgeable and professional. This simply couldn’t be.
“Shit, Nico. What the hell happened?” Vangelis crossed his arms.
“Had an affair… I slept with my boss’ daughter.”
“What?! Jesus Christ, Nico! Does Amara know?!” Amara was Nico’s wife. She was a pretty and petite little Greek woman their parents adored. The two had been high school sweethearts.
“Not yet.” He sighed. “It only happened twice… but…” He shrugged as he sucked his teeth. “I guess that was enough. She’s that guy Peter’s daughter, the one I told you about, you know, the new guy that took over six months ago. Everyone fucking hates him. His daughter is real nice looking though and she kept flirting with me. I finally took her up on her offer… bad mistake.”
“Not that it even matters at this point, but how the hell did your boss find out about this?”
“Oh, here’s the best part. This bitch…” He chuckled dismally. “She got angry with me, right, because I called it off. She said she was in love with me, some bullshit like that! I barely know the woman! She went ’nd told him we had sex after I stopped calling her and refused to answer her text messages. I had decided to try and work my marriage out, so I chose to not do anything with her anymore. I mean, shit, she’s young! Twenty-two… It was just a fling, Van. Now she’s sayin’ she’s going to tell my wife too. I’m fucked!” Nico laughed dismally as he smacked the counter with an open palm. “Amara is gonna leave me and take the girls with her! I just know it.”
“Hold on, okay?”
Vangelis took a deep breath and spun around, wracking his brain, trying to figure out the best advice. Nico was the cool guy of the family… he was the one who made life look so damn easy. Things were far from easy right now, though.
“Look, maybe if you tell Amara before anyone else does, you can get this resolved, okay? I mean, you messed up… it happens. This is a big mess up, but you’re not the first guy to cheat on his wife.”
Nico! How could you be so fucking stupid?! And she’s only twenty-fucking-two and your boss’ kid! Damn, my brother is a bonehead sometimes! He’s always flirted with other women. I suspect he’s probably smacked some asses and landed some kisses, too, but to actually fuck someone else… what the hell is the matter with you?!
“What am I going to do, Van?!”
“Tell her the truth, that’s what you’re going to do. Exactly what you’re telling me right now. Tell her that you wanted it done and over with, that you made a mistake. Tell Amara that the woman got mad about that and this is why you lost your job, all right?”
“The truth? I can’t do that! Noooo, sir! It’s not going to work that way and you know it, Van! Amara is gonna cry and lose her fucking mind. Then, she’s gonna pack up and take the girls to her mother’s house. Then Mom is gonna wanna know why she hasn’t seen her granddaughters in a few days. Dad is gonna wanna know why I suddenly have all this free time. Then the truth is gonna come out and I’m gonna be screwed like a nail bit in a plank of wood! I have to get another job, man… Ten years down the fuckin’ drain all for some mediocre pussy! It wasn’t even tight and primo. Amara’s pussy is tighter than that, and she busted out two fuckin’ kids! This woman has no children and has been around the block. I found that out after the fact of course. Fuck!” He ran a trembling hand through his hair and shook his head. “She couldn’t even suck a dick a right, Van! What the fuck was I thinking?! I didn’t even get any of the brown star… She wouldn’t let me fuck ‘er in the ass; it was a total waste of time! Isn’t that why we should cheat?!” He outstretched his arms. “To get the shit we’re not getting at home?! Amara doesn’t suck my cock. Did you know that?”
“Of course I didn’t know that.” Vangelis rolled his eyes and shrugged. “The last part of this conversation has given me way more visuals of your dealings than I ever wanted to hear from you. I’m no prude, but Jesus! Why in the hell would I know about what you and your wife are doing or not doing in bed, Nico? What kinda question is that?!”
“Well, now you know! Please, ya gotta hear me out. It’s the reason for all of this, honestly. Amara’s sweet disposition is not some act, Van. The woman is practically a nun. She’s sucked my dick one fuckin’ time the whole time we’ve been together, Van.” He held up one finger. “And that was only after I begged ’er. She gagged and complained the entire two minutes it lasted. Never tried it again. Our sex life is a joke. I have to be on top all the time… no doggie style, no side shit, no standin’ up, no riding my cock, either. She won’t let me eat ’er pussy, says she’s self-conscious about stuff like that. I thought I could deal with it, but I just can’t. I’m still young, Vangelis. I fuckin’ hate this shit! I love my daughters but I want out, man, if something doesn’t change. I want passion! I want some good fucking, okay? I want long kisses and back scratching sex! I want the shit I had before I met her, all right?!”
It was obvious to Vangelis that years of pent-up sexual frustration were now pouring out of his little brother. Nico had kept it bottled in so well, pretending to be the happy husband, he was rather impressed.
Amara, you gotta suck your man’s dick…seriously. What the fuck?!
“I want the kind of shit I was getting from the girls that Mom and Dad weren’t pushin’ down my throat, the ones Mom said were sluts or not good enough for me. This is what happens when you marry a kid that’s a friend of the family. I shou
lda been like you, Van. I shoulda said no to Mom and Dad. I shoulda gone my own way! Fuck this shit! Yeah, I cheated, but it’s not all my fault!”
Things had gone from zero to one hundred in a matter of seconds.
“Fuck everybody! I let ’em ruin my life.”
Well, that escalated quickly…
“Nico, I had no damn idea you were so miserable with Amara. Why didn’t you say something before now or try to get marriage counseling?”
“Because she’s so fuckin’ sensitive, man. Who would wanna make her cry? She’s an angel. She cries at the drop of a dime, anyway. I can’t talk to her. You know she’s real religious ’nd shit. We have sex like twice a month if I’m lucky. I love her, I do, she’s a real nice woman, pretty, gave me two beautiful children but the sex… I can’t do it anymore, Vangelis. I can’t. I need more!” His brother’s eyes glossed over with unspent, angry tears. “See, I admire you so much, Van. You’re alone, and you seem so damn content. You choose to be alone, too. I see how women have looked at you, they love you. But you just walk on by – don’t even give a shit half of the time. All you care about is work, your money, your cars and keepin’ your house looking like a showroom. I wish I could be like you, Van. I wish I didn’t need anybody…”
Nico had no idea how cutting his words were. They hurt him to his core. Did he really appear as if he didn’t need anyone? Was he that aloof and detached? Perhaps he was, he’d been told similar things from various people more times than he could count, but coming from his brother actually jarred him, made him hit the brakes…
“Well.” Nico slowly got to his feet. “I know you said you have to go.” He pushed the chair in then polished off his beer until there was nothing left. “Have fun at your charity event. I’ll let you go.”
“Nico, wait.” His brother paused. “Look, I’m sorry about what’s going on, okay? I had no idea. I mean, I know that no marriage is perfect, but I didn’t realize you were this unhappy. I want you to be happy, man. My suggestion is that you two get counselling. Immediately. You have to be truthful with her though, Nico. Tell her what happened, and let her know that it was your choice to cheat. Take ownership of it, don’t blame her, but let her know her lack of drive in the bedroom is what helped convince you that this was the answer. She needs to know the truth, especially if you want things to change for the better. I know you love Amara, Nico… and she loves you, too.”
His brother lowered his gaze and nodded.
“And uh… I want to tell you something.”
Nico lifted his gaze to his once more.
“What?”
“I get lonely just like everyone else, okay? I may not need anybody, but I damn sure want somebody. I am choosy, picky, just like Mom says all the time and no, I didn’t want our parents choosing my girlfriends or future wife for me. You know how Mom is. She tries to be a match-maker, though she means well. She doesn’t know my type, I do and that is what I go for. I understood the pressure you were under though. Regardless of that, I want you to know that I’m not perfect.” He took a deep breath. This was more difficult than he imagined. “Sometimes I convince myself that I am though. That’s silly on my part. No, it’s not silly… it’s arrogant.” He hated the words coming out of his mouth, but they were true. Somehow Nico needed to hear this from him, of that, he was certain. “You used to always tell me how judgmental I was, but I didn’t mean to be. I was trying to help you, Nico. I believed in you, and I still do. It’s tough love, I guess you could say. Anyway, I could have learned a lot from you.”
“Like what?” Nico appeared truly surprised by his words.
“I was the one always busting my ass in school, killing myself, and for what? I could have still been a great doctor if I went to bed a couple hours earlier than I did each night. I used to talk trash about you not being serious about your studies, but you still made great grades. You just partied a lot, too. I think at times you were happier than me… and I resented you for it. Everything I do has to be impeccable. It gets draining sometimes being this way. I know intellectually that I should not do these things and think this way – but it’s just who I am.” He shrugged. “Instead of admiring me, you should be praying for me.” They both chuckled at that. “Anyway, I’ve made mistakes, Nico, all right? But at the end of the day, we all want love and to be appreciated. Yes, it’s true. I want love… you want love, Tassos wants love, Demetrius wants love. He’s married to a great lady, and his love for her is what is making their relationship work.”
“Demetrius and Kisa make the perfect couple though, Van. Despite what Mom says, that woman really gets him. He got lucky.”
“Yeah, he and Kisa are expecting a baby now on top of it all. Everyone’s happy… he married a woman who Mom didn’t exactly care for, just tolerated, but it worked out. But there’s no perfect couple, Nico. There’s just what we want and if our needs and most of our wants in a relationship are being met, then we’ve got a winner. If certain things you need to happen in your marriage aren’t transpiring, then you have to be honest and upfront about that. Don’t stay in a situation that just isn’t working, but don’t give up If you haven’t even tried.”
“I tried… but I guess I didn’t try hard enough. How do you do it, man? Van, I mean, how? I think we’re close, ya know? But there are parts of you I feel like I don’t even know. Like, this entire conversation is wowing me, man. You’ve never really been this transparent. I like this. Not to say that you keep shit from me, but you know what I mean. But it’s fine, because those parts you hide the most are about you and women… I’ve seen your girlfriends over the years. Gorgeous women… some of them you date for a long time, everyone thinks you’re gonna pop the question but then, they just disappear. You call it off and walk away. See, you’re smart. You know when to pull out before it’s too late.” The man chuckled.
“Oh, it’s not as nice and simple as it looks, Nico. Trust me on that. You don’t think I haven’t sat back and wondered, ‘What the hell am I doing?’ Just recently I thought, ‘Damn, my birthday just passed. I just turned thirty-six and I did so quietly. I didn’t want a party, no company, no dinner, nothing. I used that time to just sit back and reflect. I’m not married and I’m childless… and I’m cool with that most days. I really am. It’s a choice. I’m concerned about the fact that I’m cool with that though, Nico, because I question if I really am fine with it! Is it something I’m just telling myself? Probably. Sometimes when things don’t go right for me, I say that it was supposed to be that way… but maybe it wasn’t. Maybe I’ve been my whole problem all along. I just don’t know anymore.” He shrugged.
“That’s deep. See? This is why I like comin’ over here sometimes and talking. You and I have some of the best conversations.” Vangelis nodded his head in agreement. “Let me ask you something, big bro, like, what’s up with you and the whole settling down thing? I always thought you of all people would get married and be a family man. Not to put you on the spot or anything, but I mean, are you even fuckin’ anybody?! Mom probably drove you so crazy you wanted no parts of marriage or nothing!”
“Nah, it wasn’t mom, actually. Since we’re being open and honest and having these TMI conversations, I will admit that it seems either I am hyper sexual or go through long periods of abstinence. There’s like no middle ground with me. I love sex, don’t get me wrong, but if it’s not with the right person, I get very turned off by it, Nico. I am not one of those guys that can just freely fuck. Sure, I’ve had a couple one night stands but that isn’t something I usually do. I mean, shit, sex is important to me, okay? You’re sharing your soul with someone as far as I am concerned. Anyway, back to the whole marriage and kids’ thing. I question myself about it all the time. In fact, I’ve never even gotten a woman pregnant… at least, not that I’m aware of.” He frowned. “I’ve never come close to getting married.
“Not because I’m against marriage… not in the least, you know that. It’s because I’m afraid something will be taken away from me, that I’l
l lose myself in someone else—hand over my identity. But that’s the whole point of truly being in love. That vulnerability. I don’t like it… so what do I do? I convince myself and obviously others, even my damn brother, that I am okay living like this, being alone. Sometimes I am okay with it, just like I said but sometimes I’m not. I’ve been contradicting myself this entire conversation probably… I’m still tryna work it all out.”
“No, you make sense. I get it.”
“The point is, me not doing it is due to fear of someone having control over me. It’s an irrational fear more than likely and I am starting to realize that. There’s nothing admirable about being afraid to take a chance for what you desire, Nico.” They were quiet for a spell. “I don’t want to fall in love, Nico. I want to rise in love. I want it to be uplifting and just… just positive all the way around. I want to be with a woman who is my best friend. Who understands me and can take me as I am… Anyway, I want to mention something else before I forget. I don’t like how you said you don’t think you know me, well, as far as women are concerned.”
“Sorry.”
“No, don’t be. That’s my fault. Maybe if I had been more open with you, you would have known that you can come and talk to me about things…you could have come to me years ago and let me know that you and Amara were having problems. Maybe I could have helped you, way before things got this out of control. You used to come to me for advice all the time, but I guess things changed. You can come to me, man. I’m serious.” He tapped his brother’s shoulder and brought him in for a hug. “So, I want you to know that and understand it. I want to change that dynamic of our relationship and I can start today by answering your question more directly regarding am I sleeping with anyone.”
